Today has been peaceful. I am reminded of the song On a Clear Day. I have actually got most of my laundry caught up. Groceries are bought. My husband is napping. My head is thinking clearly because of several things.
- Friends came to visit, stayed at a airbnb and worked on the farm, organized and cleaned out my garage and offered love, hugs and fellowship we needed.
- My husband and I are finding our way after the stroke.
- Fall has arrived and the oppressive heat and humidity are allowing us to be outside more.
- We are loving our therapist at out patient therapy.
- God has been so faithful to bring us hope and peace about the future.
There are still many days of frustration. I am taking care of a husband who had a stroke. There are many things we deal with that are similar to early dementia. I have to carefully explain things that he could have picked up on easily in the past. His time perception is off a little. I have to bite my tongue and not argue. He needs to know I am close by. In the past I could reply to a request with “just a minute, I am busy right now”, This reply was usually not needed. He simply looked or listening and knew I was busy. Actually he was fiercely independent and seldom asked for help.
I could wallow in self pity about how drastically my life has changed. I have chosen to focus on becoming a stronger person. Yesterday, I was outside running the weedeater to trouble shoot an electric line running to the fence. I determined the popping was not from the above ground line but in a buried ground line. Now I an call on a friend to dig the line and bury a new one. I am learning new things every day.
I have had to learn to navigate our small business and retirement financing. Cooking healthy meals means cooking from scratch almost all of the time. Buying comfortable clothing for my hubby has been a real challenge. His left side is feeling tingly all the time. Jeans feel like sandpaper to him. Most shoes set off spasms.
Despite the rough patches, we are surviving. I really miss my support group. The ones I have led, now call to check on me. I could find someone to stay with my hubby, but until I am strong enough to truly give them my best I will allow someone else to be there for them.
I am learning to relish quiet moments. I am learning to leave the room when tears start flowing. I am learning the true meaning of our wedding vows we spoke to each other so many years ago. We meant them then and are living them out now. There is no place I desire to be than by my husband’s side. Our love helps us find the clear days with God’s hope in our hearts.
As I reflected on our wedding day I was reminded of the scripture our wonderful pastor used.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. I Corinthians 13: 4-7
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. I Corinthians 13:13
Hand in hand we are walking by faith, standing in hope and surrounded by love. When I am exhausted, I sometimes have to fight to keep a good attitude. When I am pushing my 240 pound husband up a ramp or loading the heavy wheelchair in the car I often tell myself that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Other verses come to mind as well
“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength… they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” — Isaiah 40:31
“He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.” — Isaiah 40:29
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” — 2 Corinthians 12:9
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28
Caregiving causes us to lean into love in ways we didn’t know was possible. I love God and my husband immensely. That love drives me to be the best I can be as a caregiver for my husband. I have also learned to allow others to shower love on us. It has been almost four months since the stroke and I have not written thank you notes to the many family members, friends and neighbors who poured love into us. I have been so overwhelmed with gratitude that I know tears are going to flow as I write. It has been very humbling to accept the things they have given us and done for us.
Farm animals were taken care of. Gift cards for meals arrived. Grass was mowed. A nice recliner was delivered. Help arrived to help me remove rugs and rearrange furniture. Meals were delivered. Someone helped clean my house. Cards, calls, texts, prayers and visits have brightened our days and encouraged us.
I know tomorrow may not seem like a clear day. Clouds always tend to come unexpectedly. I pray for grace to meet each day and it’s challenges. Join me as we continue to take step after step with faith, hope and love.
Word for Today
For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
So thankful for our loving neighbors! Don’t think anything you do for others is too small.
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
I am so grateful for all you have carried us through. We are trusting you for joy in the morning and the whole day through. Let our joy be in you and not our circumstances. Give us peace in the trials. Comfort us on sle
Amen
