When Life Hits Hard

Nine days ago I became a caregiver again. My amazing husband who I call superman because of his physical and spiritual strength was on the platform with his guitar and ready to lead worship for an evening service at our church when he had a stroke. I rushed to his side. I followed the medics to the ambulance. Within moments they decided he had to be flown to a hospital in another city. I drove to the pickup site to see him loaded into the helicopter. I was shaking so hard a friend drove me to the hospital.

The doctor met me as soon as I got there. I vaguely heard the words stroke, blood clot, and I am going in to remove it now. God had kept him alive. I sat and waited to hear the results. Friends and family had rushed to my side. About 1 in the morning I sent everyone home and sat by his side. Due to a lack of intensive care units, we were there until late afternoon before entering the icu unit.

My husband’s mind was strong. He could talk. His right side was not effected. His left side was effected and some vision is off. We were in icu for several days before transitioning to a regular room. Now we have transitioned to an acute rehab facility.

I have slept in a chair by his side in the emergency room. A recliner in icu and a bench with cushions in his hospital room. All night long the walls vibrated and helicopter fumes were happening. We were directly below the launch site. I exhaustedly roamed around the hospital finding a bite to eat or drink and a place to shower.

My mind raced with questions as I turned to God for peace. I tried to be calm and self assured when with my husband. Amazing staff truly showed compassion. I fell asleep in the icu unit and missed the time I was supposed to leave. A nurse walked in and woke me. I apologized and reached for my purse and shoes to leave. Then I heard my husband ask for her to please let me stay. She turned to me and I am surprised at what I asked. “Have you never seen the movie The Notebook?

Her heart softened and this sweet nurse was the charge nurse. She found me a recliner and a blanket. She came in as shifts changed and whispered “I will be here for the next three days. You can stay each evening but don’t tell the others in icu waiting. God’s favor was so with us that I am crying as I write.

My husband and I prayed for physicians, nurses and anyone who helped care for him. When I ventured out I prayed for families with adult children on life support. God had complete strangers approach me and ask to pray for me.

I share all of this with you because it has been my story for years now. When you walk through the toughest and darkest times, God is your strength. I do not know if my husband will recover. I am looking at my vehicle and home thinking about changes and adjustments. I want to be able to hold his left hand and have him feel it. I may now be caring for a man who has always been strong and independent.

If this doesn’t make a lot of sense, I am really tired. Two nights ago, I settled enough to sleep. Nine hours later, I woke up rested.

The caregivers I lead a support group for have called and even visited since he moved into rehab. That about ripped my heart strings because I know they carry a heavy load themselves.

Now that I am in the current situation, I was forced to allow people to help. My farm animals had to be cared for. Friends have mowed the lawn, fed the animals, collected the mail and brought meals to me. When caring for my parents, I did not ask for help when I really could have used it. Now this 5 foot tall woman will need help caring for my 6 foot tall husband.

Allow people to help you when you need it.

Stay tuned as God writes our story. My husband was able to use a harness and attempt to take steps yesterday. He is very determined to recover as well as he can. Our prayer is for total healing, but we accept God’s plan for our lives.

Word for Today

Romans 8:37-39

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

We praise you for walking each day with us giving us hope and comfort. You show up in the dark silent moments when we can’t even find the words to pray. You see our hearts and meet us where we are. Bring strength to us when we are weak.

Amen

Caring For Those Who Served

Today is Memorial Day. I have been pondering the men and women who paid a great price for my freedoms. Some of these very people are now living with Alzheimer’s disease. It is a wonderful if they have lost the horrible memories some of them have carried. They may relive some of those memories if they have regressed to the point of actually thinking they are still in the trenches and battles. Triggers such as seeing war on the television or hearing fireworks can be very frightening and stressful to them.

I was teaching a church group one day that visits assisted living and skilled care nursing homes. I had taught them to always approach a person with dementia from the front. They were told to address the person by name and to tell them their own name. After a few more basic instructions, we started role playing.

I informed a man that he was a retired military man. He was only to anwser to Sarge, He actually was a retired military officer; however, I did not have that information. His performance was so brilliant that I figured it out very quickly.

His visitors had been told to address him by name. When they approached him, he kept his head down and ignored them. They repeated their greeting by calling his name and telling him theirs. He kept ignoring them. I leaned in and whispered “call him Sarge”. When addressed as Sarge, he saluted and replied “Yes Sir”. They talked for a few minutes and I urged them that the fire alarm was sounding. He immediately dropped to his knees, covered his head and shouted “incoming…incoming” and began to shake.

The supposed visitors were genuinely surprised and ended the role playing.

The whole group asked if I had coached him to respond that way. I assured them that I had not but his history lead him to demonstrate how a military person with dementia might respond. It was a very eye opening experience for all of us.

If you are a caregiver for someone who has served as a fireman, police officer, military personnel or first responder you should watch for triggers and be prepared. Sirens of any kind could cause anxiety. Gunfire can be another trigger. Be careful when allowing to watch the news. Lock firearms in a safe they cannot open.

You paid a price once when you were holding the family together while your loved ones were serving. Now you are paying a price again as you care for your family member with dementia. If I could give you an award I would. God sees and He can give you an award. Continue being strong and have courage.

Word for Today

2 Corinthians 3:17

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

We are so thnkful for your comfort in this troubled world. Help us to keep our focus on you knowing that you alone are the answer to our prayers when things look bad. Give us courage to face our battles knowing you are on our side.

Amen

The Seeds You Plant Produce Beauty

Living on a farm means so much work in the spring. We have been prepping the ground, planting seeds and building new flower and herb beds. There are more eggs to gather and baby lambs are bouncing around. I have to keep reminding myself that the fruit of our labor will be beautiful and amazing. We will love having fresh food and flowers soon. The lambs are already double their birth weight.

When you are in the early stages of caregiving it may seem like you will never adjust to meet the new demands. In a way, you are prepping for the future. You are planting seeds of love and compassion. The season of laying the groundwork to be a successful caregiver may not be giving you images of beauty. You have to trust me they will come.

Others will watch you labor and be moved by the diligence and grace that they see in your life. God is transforming you during the process. He is giving you a greater capacity to love. He is giving you grace to make mistakes and learn from them.

God placed Adam and Eve in a gaarden where they did not have to pull weeds. We as humans now live in a fallen world. Diseases such as Alzheimer’s and Lewy Body are weeds that have invaded our garden. Some people can be like weeds with their opinions of you as a caregiver. The enemy planted them just like a parable from the bible.

Jesus told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.

“The owner’s servants came to him and said, ‘Sir, didn’t you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?’

‘An enemy did this,’ he replied. Matthew 13

God did not send these diseases because of something we did wrong. You are not a bad caregiver. Others are not walking in your shoes so they have no true understanding of how difficult it is. We cannot just pluck any of these weeds from our life. We have to show mercy.

Keep praying. Keep showing compassion. Keep believing that God has equipped you to meet the challenges of caregiving. You will become a person of beauty that others notice. When they ask how you do what you do, share your true story. It may be what they need to hear to become a better person and caregiver.

Not everyone will respond well to your story. They may be angry and bitter as a caregiver. They may sting. Just be ready in case that happens.

I didn’t mention that we also keep bees on our farm. The honey is amazing. We wear protective gear and still get stung sometimes. When we remain calm, the bees calm down most of the time. Remain calm when an angry person stings.

Word for Today

James 1:2-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I truly want to be a beautiful caregiver that learns from mistakes, trust you for wisdom and allows you to trans form me into a peron that shines for your glory. Send people into my life that I can lean on when I need to.

Amen