What if This Happens To Me?

I think every person who has a parent with Alzheimer’s has a nagging question that pops into our thoughts from time to time. The time it seems to hit me the most is when I can’t remember a person’s name. My mind then keeps dwelling on remembering that name. It does come to mind later and I feel relief. No, I am not getting Alzheimer’s disease. Go away negative thoughts. I am doing alright.

Let us face the question together. What if this happens to me? It is not something to be ashamed of. I know that is true; however, I like to be in control of my thoughts and behaviors. Should I lose that ability, I know it will be frustrating and scary. I have always been a little independent. None of us want to have someone else bathing us, toileting us and feeding us.

I have talked with my husband about this. He wants to believe that this would never happen to either of us. We have seen enough to know it could. We have agreed to be open and honest with each other if we ever see signs of cognitive decline. We want to plan together and live as normal of a life as we can for as long as we can. We pray that God guides us through His plan for our life.

I have pondered getting tested before I even notice issues. I have listened to stories about the new medical infusions that can delay the progress of Alzheimer’s if caught early enough. Personally, I am coming to a point of thinking that I know it could happen and should be prepared, but I don’t want to find out it is coming and drag that ball and chain around for years before it arrives.

I intend to watch the results of the new medications, Leqembi and Kisunla. They are so new that I need to know how the person is effected. That would be a hard choice for me to make at this point. It is not a cure. It simply can delay the progress of the disease.

My grandmother developed Alzheimer’s later in life. My mom was diagnosed in her late 60’s. This does not mean I will or will not get Alzheimer’s. Neither of my relatives had early-onset Alzheimer’s. I am sharing some information from Mayo Clinic to explain.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

What is young-onset Alzheimer’s?

Young-onset Alzheimer’s disease is an uncommon form of dementia that affects people younger than age 65. The condition also is called early-onset Alzheimer’s disease. Most people with Alzheimer’s are age 65 and older. About 1 in 9 people age 65 and older in the United States has Alzheimer’s disease. About 110 of every 100,000 adults between ages 30 and 64 have young-onset Alzheimer’s.

Family history of disease

For most people with young-onset Alzheimer’s, the cause is not related to any single gene. Researchers don’t fully know why some people get the disease at a younger age than others do.

Risk factors for young-onset Alzheimer’s disease include a family history of the condition. Having a parent or grandparent with young-onset Alzheimer’s increases the risk of developing the disease. But a family history of the disease doesn’t mean you will necessarily develop the disease.

Genes that cause young-onset Alzheimer’s

Less commonly, young-onset Alzheimer’s is caused by a specific error in a gene, called a genetic mutation. Genetic mutations can be passed from parent to child.

Three different genes may have a mutation that causes young-onset Alzheimer’s disease. These genes are APP, PSEN1 or PSEN2. A person who inherits at least one copy of a mutated gene will likely develop Alzheimer’s disease before age 65.

About 11% of people with young-onset Alzheimer’s carry a genetic mutation that causes disease. But among all people with Alzheimer’s disease, fewer than 1% carry one of these causal genes.

Genetic testing for these mutations is available. If you have a family history of young-onset Alzheimer’s, you may want to do genetic testing.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

All of this information will not make the nagging question that invades our thoughts go away. The more information we have will help us make wiser decisions.

While you continue to provide care to others, focus on doing just that and not worying about your future. It is a hard thing to do. Almost every event I speak at or support group discussion I lead has someone who asks, “Does this mean I will get Alzheimer’s too?”. It is a difficult question.

For today, I choose to hope and pray that my mind will remain strong. If you notice my writing is poor, please comment. I may have just stayed up too late writing or had too much coffee.

You are not alone as a caregiver. You are not the only one asking themselves (THAT) question. There are huge numbers of people on this same journey. I encourage you to find other blogs, listen to podcasts and read. Snipplets of information gathered along the way add to your knowledge and toolkit for caregiving.

Have a blessed day and stop worrying.

Word for Today

Matthew 6:25-34

Do Not Worry

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Only you know my future and I trust you with that. When I allow tormenting questions to flood my mind, help me to continue to trust.

Amen

Thrive With Beauty and Grace

“In the grand tapestry of life, caregivers are the unsung heroes, often weaving the threads of compassion, dedication, and resilience to support our loved ones”. (unknown source).

The time and energy to do this weaving is exhausting. From the back side of the tapestry you may just see frayed and tattered ends. “No beauty can be made by this mess”, “ this is near impossible” and other thoughts fill your mind. Despair can rob you of hope if you dwell on these thoughts.

I want caregivers to be like a thriving plant. To thrive you have to pick the weeds out of the flowerbed. Weeds can be those negative thoughts. Weeds can creep in through judgment and criticism from family members who are not actually in your day to day life. These family members remind me of stinging nettle.

Stinging nettle is a nutrient-rich herb with a wide range of medicinal and health benefits, including anti-inflammatory, antioxidant, and antihistamine properties. You family members and friends have their good qualities just like this plant has its good side. There is a bad side when dealing with this plant. Stinging nettle is known for its stinging hairs that can cause temporary burning, itching and redness upon contact with the skin.

I know stinging nettle it is not a weed so I can leave it in the flowerbed, but I have to handle it with gloves on my hands. When people are difficult we can’t simply pluck them up and toss them aside. We cannot become angry and bitter when they show up. God’s grace teaches us how to navigate their presence.

Hope can only fill our hearts from a trust in God. Encouragement from friends can make the task look less difficult. Music can sooth our hearts and usher in peace. Prayer can allow you to unload your load at the feet of Jesus.

You did not ask to be a caregiver. I did make a promise in my wedding vows that I would be with my husband in sickness and health, for better or for worse until one of us passes away. I also took God’s word to heart and honored my mother and father. When God tapped me on the shoulder to take care of my parents, I guess he was reminding me that I owed that to them. That was His ask and I said yes.

God equipped me because He was weaving a tapestry of beauty. He was providing compassion, dedication, and resilienece to me and enabling me to complete the task. Others around me were watching the whole process. They often saw the ugly mess on the backside. Then one day God turned it around and allowed them to see the beauty of the finished product.

You can trust God to teach you to thrive during the process of becoming beautiful. My caregivers in the local support group are some of the most beautiful people I know. Their stories are heartbreaking. They come from many backgrounds and enter caregiving with fears and doubts. They feel ill-equipped. As they continue to adapt, change, make adjustments and trust God, they gain confidence.

It is time to shake the wrinkles out of your superhero cape and wear it with confidence. It is a badge of courage, not a symbol of shame. Rest in the assurance that God loves you and the one you are caring for way more than you realize. You are the one God chose to wear this cape.

Word for Today

Isaiah

and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

You are so wonderful in leading my steps. I praise you for the grace you show in taking my ashes and giving me beauty. I have answered the call to be a caregiver. I know it is not easy and that I will make mistakes. When I mess up, please help me learn. Day by day and sometimes moment by moment I will need you help. Take me and my messes and make something beautiful.

Protect me when well meaning people offer advise and even criticism. Show me how to handle them while keeping my own heart tender and free from resentment and bitterness.

Amen

Caregiver Overload

Athletes train for years to be able to lift heavy weights. They watch their diet and are disciplined. Their physical strength is amazing. They have a goal in sight and strive to accomplish it.

Caregivers often are blindsided with a heavy load to bear. There have been no times of intense training to prepare them for their task at hand. Their only dream is to provide the best care they can. They feel as if they were run over by a fast moving train with little or no warning.

A lack of knowledge about dementia may lead them to overestimate the patient’s abilities.

The reality is that when the hard truths reveal themselves you realize just how much is expected of you. There is a book entitled The 36 Hour Day. Caregivers pack 36 hours worth of tasks into a normal 24 hour day. Caregiving overload can occur. This results with the caregiver being in a state of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion. The demands of caregiving exceed the caregiver’s capacity to cope effectvely.

Some common signs are as follows:

Physical – chronic fatique, disturbed sleep, headaches, weight changes, and lowered immunities

Mental and Emotional – Depression, Anxiety, Loneliness, Guilt, Irritability, Anger, Sadness

When you are so focused on taking care of someone else, you neglect your own needs. Sacrifices will be made, but you need to take care of your own needs such as medical appointments.

I had been taking care of my parents and handled their doctor visits and filling out their forms for many years. I went to a physician for myself soon after my last parent had passed away. The receptionist handed me a new patient form. Out of habit I started checking boxes of everything that was wrong with my parents on their visits. About half way through the list, I laughed at myself and went to get a new form. What would their reaction have been if I had diabetes, Alzheimer’s disease, high blood pressure, urinary incontinence, a heart murmur, swallow issues, a replaced knee and mobility issues?

Yes, caregiving had been a little stressful. There were many times I felt the fatique and frustration. I sometimes wished I was a well trained athelete. That would have made running easier when I felt like a hamster on a wheel.

Today I talked with a caregiver who is older than me. Her spouse has Parkinson’s disease with dementia. She has a heart condition herself. A couple of years ago, she collapsed in the floor from pure exhaustion. Her husband started shaking and crying. Her daughter walked in and rushed her to the hospital. Someone had to be called to stay with her husband while she was at the emergency room. No one wants to end up in that situation.

Sometimes we can lighten the overload by asking for help. Finances can become strained and you simply cannot pay someone to help. I encourge you to look into the GUIDE program with medicare. This funding enables you to hire in home assistance. Check with government agencies in your area. Contact the veterans agency if this applies for you.

In the past many families shared the load of caregiving. Extended families live far apart today. The whole family can adjust to provide the primary caregiver a short time of respite. Communicating your need without trying to place a guilt trip can be tricky. Provide them will some ideas of how they can help. Even teenage grandchildren can become involved. They can pay for services to help you and your loved one survive.

Here are a few suggestions.

Order and pay for a meal delivery

Pay for an in home caregiver 1 day a month

Come and be the caregiver for a weekend

Hire someone to clean every other week

Take the car to get an oil change

Hire someone for lawn care

Depending on your own social connections, you may have friends, church family or neighbors who would be willing to help you. Do not let pride or embarassment deter you from seeking help. Even the strongest people can begin to limp along when carrying a huge load.

When the symptoms of overload begin, reach out for help.

Don’t wait until you are sinking!

Word for Today

Psalm 68:19

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Some days I struggle under this load of caregiving. I am tired and weary. I need a good night’s sleep. I make myself keep going because I am the only person my loved one has daily to meet their needs. I need you to bear my burdens today. Give me peace, comfort and meet each of our needs.

Amen

Denial about Alzheimer’s Diagnosis

My dad worked in the cast house of a plant that produced huge aluminum ingots. The heat was intense. He wore fire resistant clothing to protect himself. He was knowledgeable about the danger. A blast from the furnace held intense heat. It would have been foolish to let a new employee face this danger without educating him first. Late one night there was an explosion. My dad had already clocked out and was on his way home.

When you hear Alzheimer’s disease or other related words come from a physician’s mouth, you mind reels from the impact. You feel numbed by the words. Then your mind screams “no”. It is much like the explosion at my dad’s plant.

Denial serves as a buffer while you try to process the truth. Processing this truth is emotionally draining. Your whole world has just been turned upside down.

For a while you will feel as if you are living in a snow globe that some hyperactive child is shaking. Finding a way to adapt to an ever changing environment is not easy. When you are ready to accept the diagnosis, keep in mind that the person with the disease is trying to accept it as well. Allowing yourself time to grieve the current and future losses is necessary. You will be able to move forward. The timing of moving forward varies from person to person.

The caregiver will likely accept the diagnosis first. It is very important to talk with the patient about the disease. Be sure to reassure them that you are in this together.

Sadness will surround you. Try to focus on what you can still do. When you are ready to share the information you may find some relationships become stronger and friends and family are willing to help you. There may be some who are frightened and unwilling to accept the news. They may distance themselves from you.

I was not shocked when my mom’s diagnosis came. I was familiar with Alzheimer’s and had already seen the cognitive decline. My dad struggled with it. He had been covering for mom without even realizing it. He hid his emotions and would not tell friends. That was not best for them. They had a huge circle of friends in their church that would have stepped up to help. Instead, they did not understand why my mom would not say hello or acknowledge them. Everyone assumed that she was upset with them. I went to church with them when I was visiting. Their friends noticed that I was in town much more often. They approached me and asked me to forgive them. Someone had gone over to sit with mom and realized instantly that she was not herself. They were shocked and guilt ridden for not seeing it sooner.

I have since had an opportunity to speak to a senior group at their church. I talked about normal aging and when to be concerned. This gave me a chance to share how important it is to have support as a caregiver. I concluded by telling them I would stay for a few minutes to answer questions. A line quickly formed. I noticed a couple who kept getting out of line and then joining the back of the line. When it was just me and a janitor they slowly approached. A humble and soft voice said, “my wife has Alzheimer’s and she knows it”. I hugged both of them and asked who else knew. They replied, “no one” and then asked who they should tell. I encouraged them to tell their children and a few close friends to start building a small support team. They could tell others when they felt they were ready to.

You are not alone. Currently, over 7 million Americans aged 65 and older are living with Alzheimer’s disease. This number is expected to rise to nearly 13 million by 2050. When you are ready to learn more and prepare for this time of caregiving, I suggest reading this book, The 36 Hour Day. Seaarch for a local support group. There is an abundance of online courses, podcasts and blogs.

If this is new for you, take a breath and pray. You can do this.

Blessings

Word for Today

Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

This disease may have caught me by surprise, but it didn’t catch you that way. Give me courage as I accept how my future is changed as I enter into a life of caregiving. Help me to trust you rather than give in to fear. Give me wisdom and be my counselor as I learn to adjust.

Amen

Breaking Old Communication Habits

Face to face is a marvelous form of communication. I can see reactions and hear voice inflections. Text messages are alright; however there is much room for misunderstanding. There is much to be said in hearing someone’s voice. My husband and I can connect with a meeting of our eyes across a crowded room and know what you other is thinking. We have built this ability to communicate well moment by moment, day by day and year by year.

Most of us have habits. These play into how we communicate and relate to others. Perhaps the couple above established the habit of kiss and makeup early in their relationship. They understood that they could be opinionated and have fiery conversations. It did not mean they didn’t love each other. They both also have personalities that forgive and forget.

My husband speaks fluent sarcasm. It is a way of teasing me. I get it and just roll my eyes instead of taking him literally. This works for now.

Both of these examples can become very difficult to navigate if one member of each couple should develop Alzheimer’s disease. It forces us to break our old communication habits. The husband in example one needs to realize that his wife will now see him as angry all the time. I might take the sarcasm as literal statements.

Take the word great as an example.

I say “honey I can’t find the keys”. He replies “Great”. I sigh with relief that he is happy about it. At least in this conversation, I am happy because he is happy. He is really upset but my dementia is protecting me. My hubby says. “Oh, no, don’t worry—I’ll do the dishes for the third time today.” Currently I would know he was taking a jab at my not doing the dishes. With dementia, I would think what a nice man. Again, I am happy because he is happy.

Our words are not as loud as our faces. If my mouth doesn’t say it, my face definitely will! Persons with dementia read faces very well. You may have to learn how to control your own facial expressions. While you think that one over, I have another revelation. The person with dementia will lose their ability to recall words. You will have to read their expressions instead of listening to their words. While on the topic of listening, selective hearing is no longer allowed. This will result in angry. Learn to be patient! Get reaady to hear the same questions over and over and over again.

Asking someone to complete a task is futile unless you speak in simple terms. Give simple one step instrctions. Otherwise you will be met by the look below.

They simply cannot process all of the information. My father-in-law would get angry because all of his important tax papers were not where they were supposed to be. He complained to me that he had handed them to his wife and asked her to file them for him. That had worked in the past, but everything changed when she entered the early stages of cognitive decline. He was in denial about the situation and assumed she would take care of things like she had in the past. His frustration and denial was only making her irritated. We decided to step in and sent them to go shopping so my husband and I could find the hidden papers and file his income tax paperwork for him.

I learned how to break a habit the painful way. I had called my mother by “Mom” since childhood. One morning I walked in, kissed her on the cheek and said “Good morning Mom”. Instantly, she began to cry and call out “Momma, momma”. My heart broke. In her mind, she was now a child, not someone’s mom. Linda had been her name her parents and siblings called her. The next morning I greeted her as Linda. She remained calm. From then on I said the word Linda as my heart cried out mom.

Slow your conversation down. Allow them time to process the words. Give them time to find their words. Once free flowing convesation becomes a trickle of words.

How you communicate with someone with dementia requires trial and error as you make adjustments to be effective as they lose skills. Think about ways to make these adjustments. You now live in Alzheimer’s world. The rules are different here.

Arguing doesn’t work.

Reasoning doesn’t work.

Asking them to make a choice causes confusion.

*PATIENCE is critical in communicating.

Word for Today

Proverbs 15:18

A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.

Song for Today

This song helps focus on how temporary our struggles are.

Pray for Today

Dear God,

How great your truly are! I know I can turn to you on the good days and on the ones that are a struggle. Give me grace as I try to show grace to those I care for. Help me to slow down and rest in you.

Amen

Our Good Shepherd

A week ago we came home from church, had lunch, changed clothes and went to check on our sheep. We use rotational grazing to keep the sheep on good grass. Usually, my husband opens an area and calls “sheep, sheep , here sheep”. They hear and know his voice. They run into the new paddock. This day two new mama sheep did not come running with their new babies. They are quite cautious and protective. He scooped up the nearest baby and placed her in my arms. I walked to the new paddock full of joy. Her mama followed me. The little one was tiny and damp. I looked across the flock and counted. At that moment I realized she had just been born. I quickly gave her over to her mama even if I so wanted to keep holding her.

In those few moments of holding her I had tears because she was beautiful. I felt honored to hold her safely until her mama caught up to us. Hours later I found myself pondering how often God has held me tenderly in his arms. How many times has God as my shepherd called out to me expecting me to know his voice. I have learned that when a mama calls out, their lamb sometimes is so busy playing that they ignore her call until they get hungry. Sometimes God calls out to us and we are too busy to run to him until we have urgents needs.

Caregivers are very busy. Sometimes we may not slow down and listen to God’s voice. When we do he protects us, comforts us and gives us directions on how to be the best caregivers. He was to hold us close when we are exhausted, lonely, overwhelmed and running on empty. Our many needs are urgent. Don’t put off running to God daily.

I tended to have day long coversations with God. A little bit here and a little bit there. He understood the schedule and was always waiting when I needed to talk.

Psalms 23 states the following

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
    he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever

My personal experience showed me that there were times that no one else understood the demands of caregiving. Friends and family tried, but only God could see into my heart and know what I needed most. You may find yourself fearing that family and friends are tired of your stories and see you as a complainer. They slowly drift away leaving you crying and alone.

Even Jesus after coming to earth as a human, found himself alone. He asked friends to go with him to the garden to pray. They did not comprehend the heavy load he carried and fell asleep. He chose to forgive them and didn’t get upset. He simply prayed.

We have to forgive people and not harbor bitterness in our hearts when they fail to understand the load we carry.

Jesus felt pain. Jesus wept. Jesus died for our sins. He intercedes for you at the right hand of his father (God). He pleads your case because he understands your pain.

Listen to God’s voice and you will be comforted.

Run to God and be held as your tears flow.

Some people say that Jesus and Christianty are just a crutch. It is the best crutch I have ever found. God allowed me to hear his voice at a very young age. I look back over my life and see the times He was there over and over again. He has held me close when I needed him to and has been a light through dark times.

My walk has not been perfect. I have held to the verse below and will continue to until my last breath.

Word for Today

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father,

I come to you today knowing you are my good shepherd. Time and time you have met my needs, ordered my steps and given me hope. I praise you for all of this. I ask that you help me to stop and seek you when the world is spinning so fast. Calm my fears and give me strength. When the pain and fear overwhelm me, wrap me in your loving arms and give me the faith to trust you.

Amen

At Journey’s End…New Beginnings Happen

The word journey is scattered abundantly in this blog. There is a reason. One can define journey as a process or course likened to traveling, such as a series of trying experiences; a passage. When you become a caregiver of someone with dementia such as Alzheimer’s disease, you take their hand and enter a passage until their journey is completed and you are left alone after saying goodby.

This happened for a lifelong friend this week. Most of the caregiving for her mom feel on her shoulders. She called me a week ago and mentioned that the words “she is not actively dying yet” had been spoken by hospice workers and she wanted to know what that meant. I told her and explained the changes to watch for. We could share openly because she and my own mom had been long time friends.

I went on Monday to say goodbye to her mom amd to hug her. On Thursday her mom completed her journey. I attending the funeral and watched my friend and her siblings as they were processing their emotions. All of them will miss her immensely just as I miss my mom. They will find themselves adjusting to a new schedule, one not centered on caregiving.

The longer you walk the journey with someone effects how long it takes to adjusting to your new life. You may now be a widow, orphan or only child. The role you have played in other poeple’s lives changes to a new role. You may have laid aside jobs, hobbies, social events, visits with friends and so much more during the caregiving years. Your life slowly shut down around you. Stepping back into a new life takes time. Overwhelming emotions surface.

Don’t rush into change quickly. Relax. Grief. Just breathe.

Take time to rest. Evaluate your talents, giftings, strengths and discover what makes you feel fulfilled.

I have decided to let you in on what I have been up to in my post caregiver life. We have lambing season going on. These little ones arrived on the last cold blast we had. Their little jackets are sleeves from an old fleece hoodie. Now that is warmer our newest two additions don’t need them anymore. We finally caught them to take the jackets off. We now have 8 baby lambs and are waiting on the last to be born.

The idea of raising sheep was no where on my radar for post caregiving life. We have pastored a church, so shepherding this flock should not be too difficult. We drive out to the pasture early each morning to see if there are any new babies. We go out again in the late afternoon to watch lamb races. They skip and run as we laugh. Then we usually stay to watch the sunset.

Gardens are being planted. Blueberry plants have buds. Chickens are laying plenty of eggs. We are blessed. Country living is not a bad life at all.

I pray that each of you find a place of peace and contentment when your journey concludes as a caregiver.

God still has wonderful plans for you.

Word for Today

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

God,

Thank you for being patient with me as I process emotions and wait on you to heal my heart. Give me hope that you do have plans for my future. Help me to find pleasure in the little things. Help me trust your plan.

Amen

The Big Thing

A child is often asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?”. They are then encouraged to chase their dreams. Is what they do for an occupation as important as who they become as a person?

Be patient with me and you will understand how this pertains to caregivers. For far too long I have watched young people spend so much time waiting for God to give them something big to do that they miss the very things in front of their faces that God has for them to do. Some of these people continue to go through life for years chasing a big “dream” that never manifest itself.

History has shown us that God sometimes has a path for us to follow to prepare us for the “big” thing we are to do. David honed his skills while tending sheep, only to be summoned to be anointed as a king. A couple of fishermen stepped out of the boat to become disciples. Ruth was gleaming wheat when she married and bore a son who was in the linage of Christ. Sometimes God wants us to simply live a life that brings glory to Him. When this is our focus, He will show us what is big to him and how you are to do it.

In Matthew 25:40 we are told:
“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” When you become a caregiver what counts is who you are. Are you a person who can humbly show compassion, love, dedication, patience and emotional strength each and every day? I sure hope so because this is the “BIG” thing God placed in front of you to do.

When speaking at a symposium a few years ago, I looked into the eyes of caregivers and told them that if they didn’t feel a need for God in their lives, they would due to the trials of being a caregiver. I still feel this is so very true. God provides strength, courage and insight when they are needed. He has even ordered your steps to prepare you for this “big” thing.

I never imagined that I would one day be a caregiver for my parents. When those days arrived though, I could look back and see how God had placed me into positions that had prepared me. He has done the same for you. This time will allow you to stretch and grow into a better person. What matters is not what you did in the past, but who you are because of it.

Dig deep into your heart and ask God to show you how to carry out your tasks day by day. The little things done over and over have prepared you well. When things are difficult reflect back on how God guided you through the little things and move forward knowing he will be with you each and every day now just as he was then.

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”
Maya Angelou

You are being transformed into a beautiful caregiver. This is you “BIG” thing. Most likely you never dreamed of this as a child, but here you are. You can do this!

Word for Today

1 Peter 3:3-4

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Hello God,

I think I finally understand the your big thing for my life was a surprise. Here I am being asked to be a caregiver. This makes me realize that it is not a burden. It is an honor. Give me the ability to carry this task out with beauty and grace. Let me do this to bring you glory.

Amen

Who Should the Caregivers Be?

Quietly I listen as an older caregiver shares his story. He explains that his children and grandchildren are way too busy to help him with caring for their mother. He mention their jobs, hectic schedules, responsibilities and living far away. He then begin to justify their reasons for not being able to help.

Quietly I observe the expression on his face. There is no sparkle in his eyes. Sadness underlies his words. It is like watching air slowly leak from a balloon. He has resolved himself to accepting that the right thing for him to do is bear the load of caregiving alone.

He told me that he is only seen as complaining so he just keeps his thoughts and burdens to himself.

My heart breaks. I have heard his story way too many times. It is far more common than hearing about children who share the load of caregiving.

I understand that their children are busy. I was busy. I gave up my income to be available for my parents. I was stretched thin and exhausted. It was demanding. Some parts were hard. God gave me wisdom, met our financial needs, answered prayers and taught me how to forgive and show grace. I am so much stronger from this journey!

My audience I want to address today are the siblings, children, granchildren, nieces and nephews of those caregivers. What is more important than hearing pleas for help from a person that once made sacrifices for you?

I hear many speak about their elders negatively because they believed in pulling yourself up by bootstraps and keep going. You blame that attitude as something that hurt you. You spend your time sitting in your feelings. I agree that each generation has their own way of handling difficlt situations. We all make mistakes along the way.

Have you ever considered that the older generation had issues, problems, pain and heartaches just like you? They rarely made people aware of their battles. They played their cards close to their chests and asked God to be their therapist and counselor. Still trusting God to get them through, they let go of anger and disappointment and forgive their family who is too busy to be involved.

Baby boomers are the most misunderstood and resilient group of people I know. Instead of mocking and laughing at them, roll up your sleeves and help them. They made sacrifices for you.

You can step up. Your loved one with dementia is still very much alive. A wall of confusion may surround them but they know your voice and touch. Find a way to stay connected. If you normally watch a ballgame with friends, go watch with your dad. If you meet a friend for lunch on Sundays, take lunch to your parents and eat with them instead. Take ice cream and your grandchildren over to visit. You may find this brings healing to everyone involved.

Do something! The time for being selfish comes after they are gone.

A caregiver and I were discussing the choices we made. He commented that we could sleep better at night because of his choices. If you are reading this as a caregiver, I hope my brutal honesty will wake your family up.

Some of my favorite memories are times spent with people living with Alzheimer’s disease. They make me laugh and cry. They have taught me how to love more deeply. Every act of love makes our lives richer. I have met a woman who carried the olympic torch part of the way to Atlanta, men who have medals of honor, pianist, vocalist. patent holders, former educators, ministers and seasoned travelers. I listen to their stories. I talk to their family members to verify the stories. I then return and listen again and commenting so they will keep sharing.

With my own parents, I learned more about their lives by being their caregivers. Maybe you have some stories to hear and hands to hold. Be courageous and accept my challenge to step up. You may sleep more soundly.

Word for Today

Romans 12:10

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Thank you for always having time for me. You are the one I run to when life is difficult. Please help me to see those around me who need me to make time for. I have choices to make and am guilty of making selfish choices. Open my eyes, ears and heart to be aware of those in diificult times and give me the courage to respond with forgiveness, love and an open mind instead of making excuses. So me how to honor others more than myself.

Amen

Sometimes a Simple Little Thing Impacts You the Most

Any fan of The Princess Bride knows that a kind grandfather comes over to read to a sick grandson. That simple little thing turns into a beautiful day full of fun and adventure for both of them.

Last week my hubby and I woke up sniffling, sneezing, aching and miserable. It has been many years since either of us have had the flu. He mentioned this fact to our friends who lives next door. They apparently went right to work on a lovely pot of homemade chicken soup.

That pot of steaming hot chicken soup arrived on our porch a few hours later. This nourished our souls as much as our bodies.

There have been many times over the last 18 years that someone has done what they considered a simple small thing that made a huge impact on our lives. They took time to hear God’s voice letting them know that we were lonely, weary, exhausted, hurting and in need of a little reminder that others loved us.

I often went to my mailbox to discover a card or book from a friend. One day a little box arrived. It was a bottle of Calgon bath wash with a note saying “I can’t be there with you to take the hurt away. Take a bath, relax and know I wish I could be there to take you away”. The blessings came in many other forms as well. God fed my stomach and heart with family members bringing a meal when I had been sitting in a hospital room for days with a parent.

On other days it might be an unexpected visit to pray for me and hug me. A friend drove 5 hours to attend my mom’s funeral when they had just undergone a major surgery. Another friend drove 3 hours to just hold us as my mom was passing. The list of things that happened is way too long to share it all.

Many wonderful family members, friends and even strangers had a huge impact on my life. All of these simple acts of love reminded me of my parents that I was taking care of. They were perfect examples of being a blessing to others. Most of their little things they did were never seen except by the recepiants. They gave and acted with sincere hearts of love.

I hope that God places people in your lives with generous hearts full of love. Actually there are vast numbers of people who make sacrifices for others. They see themselves as doing simple little things to help a caregiver. That one little thing is so much more than you know. That caregiver may be at what feels like the end of their rope.

What caregiver do you know that needs a little kindness?

Here are some ideas for you to consider:

Take flowers
Make them a meal
Offer to run errands
Offer to clean
Provide respite care while they nap or take a walk
Send a card or small gift
Bring cookies, ice cream or their favorite dessert
Call and ask if you can bring a grandbaby by
Offer a hug
Surprise them with a visit to a spa
Plant flowers for their porch
Mow the lawn or shovel snow
Be creative!

I heard ” I am praying for you” all of the time. I believed they were and appreciated it. The ones who added feet to those prayers blessed me unbelievablely.

Word for Today

Colossians 3:12

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Today I thank you for every act of kindness you have shown me.

Amen