Quietly I listen as an older caregiver shares his story. He explains that his children and grandchildren are way too busy to help him with caring for their mother. He mention their jobs, hectic schedules, responsibilities and living far away. He then begin to justify their reasons for not being able to help.
Quietly I observe the expression on his face. There is no sparkle in his eyes. Sadness underlies his words. It is like watching air slowly leak from a balloon. He has resolved himself to accepting that the right thing for him to do is bear the load of caregiving alone.
He told me that he is only seen as complaining so he just keeps his thoughts and burdens to himself.
My heart breaks. I have heard his story way too many times. It is far more common than hearing about children who share the load of caregiving.
I understand that their children are busy. I was busy. I gave up my income to be available for my parents. I was stretched thin and exhausted. It was demanding. Some parts were hard. God gave me wisdom, met our financial needs, answered prayers and taught me how to forgive and show grace. I am so much stronger from this journey!
My audience I want to address today are the siblings, children, granchildren, nieces and nephews of those caregivers. What is more important than hearing pleas for help from a person that once made sacrifices for you?
I hear many speak about their elders negatively because they believed in pulling yourself up by bootstraps and keep going. You blame that attitude as something that hurt you. You spend your time sitting in your feelings. I agree that each generation has their own way of handling difficlt situations. We all make mistakes along the way.
Have you ever considered that the older generation had issues, problems, pain and heartaches just like you? They rarely made people aware of their battles. They played their cards close to their chests and asked God to be their therapist and counselor. Still trusting God to get them through, they let go of anger and disappointment and forgive their family who is too busy to be involved.
Baby boomers are the most misunderstood and resilient group of people I know. Instead of mocking and laughing at them, roll up your sleeves and help them. They made sacrifices for you.
You can step up. Your loved one with dementia is still very much alive. A wall of confusion may surround them but they know your voice and touch. Find a way to stay connected. If you normally watch a ballgame with friends, go watch with your dad. If you meet a friend for lunch on Sundays, take lunch to your parents and eat with them instead. Take ice cream and your grandchildren over to visit. You may find this brings healing to everyone involved.
Do something! The time for being selfish comes after they are gone.
A caregiver and I were discussing the choices we made. He commented that we could sleep better at night because of his choices. If you are reading this as a caregiver, I hope my brutal honesty will wake your family up.
Some of my favorite memories are times spent with people living with Alzheimer’s disease. They make me laugh and cry. They have taught me how to love more deeply. Every act of love makes our lives richer. I have met a woman who carried the olympic torch part of the way to Atlanta, men who have medals of honor, pianist, vocalist. patent holders, former educators, ministers and seasoned travelers. I listen to their stories. I talk to their family members to verify the stories. I then return and listen again and commenting so they will keep sharing.
With my own parents, I learned more about their lives by being their caregivers. Maybe you have some stories to hear and hands to hold. Be courageous and accept my challenge to step up. You may sleep more soundly.
Word for Today
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
Thank you for always having time for me. You are the one I run to when life is difficult. Please help me to see those around me who need me to make time for. I have choices to make and am guilty of making selfish choices. Open my eyes, ears and heart to be aware of those in diificult times and give me the courage to respond with forgiveness, love and an open mind instead of making excuses. So me how to honor others more than myself.
Amen
Walking Them Home 