Tag: hope

When Life Hits Hard

Nine days ago I became a caregiver again. My amazing husband who I call superman because of his physical and spiritual strength was on the platform with his guitar and ready to lead worship for an evening service at our church when he had a stroke. I rushed to his side. I followed the medics to the ambulance. Within moments they decided he had to be flown to a hospital in another city. I drove to the pickup site to see him loaded into the helicopter. I was shaking so hard a friend drove me to the hospital.

The doctor met me as soon as I got there. I vaguely heard the words stroke, blood clot, and I am going in to remove it now. God had kept him alive. I sat and waited to hear the results. Friends and family had rushed to my side. About 1 in the morning I sent everyone home and sat by his side. Due to a lack of intensive care units, we were there until late afternoon before entering the icu unit.

My husband’s mind was strong. He could talk. His right side was not effected. His left side was effected and some vision is off. We were in icu for several days before transitioning to a regular room. Now we have transitioned to an acute rehab facility.

I have slept in a chair by his side in the emergency room. A recliner in icu and a bench with cushions in his hospital room. All night long the walls vibrated and helicopter fumes were happening. We were directly below the launch site. I exhaustedly roamed around the hospital finding a bite to eat or drink and a place to shower.

My mind raced with questions as I turned to God for peace. I tried to be calm and self assured when with my husband. Amazing staff truly showed compassion. I fell asleep in the icu unit and missed the time I was supposed to leave. A nurse walked in and woke me. I apologized and reached for my purse and shoes to leave. Then I heard my husband ask for her to please let me stay. She turned to me and I am surprised at what I asked. “Have you never seen the movie The Notebook?

Her heart softened and this sweet nurse was the charge nurse. She found me a recliner and a blanket. She came in as shifts changed and whispered “I will be here for the next three days. You can stay each evening but don’t tell the others in icu waiting. God’s favor was so with us that I am crying as I write.

My husband and I prayed for physicians, nurses and anyone who helped care for him. When I ventured out I prayed for families with adult children on life support. God had complete strangers approach me and ask to pray for me.

I share all of this with you because it has been my story for years now. When you walk through the toughest and darkest times, God is your strength. I do not know if my husband will recover. I am looking at my vehicle and home thinking about changes and adjustments. I want to be able to hold his left hand and have him feel it. I may now be caring for a man who has always been strong and independent.

If this doesn’t make a lot of sense, I am really tired. Two nights ago, I settled enough to sleep. Nine hours later, I woke up rested.

The caregivers I lead a support group for have called and even visited since he moved into rehab. That about ripped my heart strings because I know they carry a heavy load themselves.

Now that I am in the current situation, I was forced to allow people to help. My farm animals had to be cared for. Friends have mowed the lawn, fed the animals, collected the mail and brought meals to me. When caring for my parents, I did not ask for help when I really could have used it. Now this 5 foot tall woman will need help caring for my 6 foot tall husband.

Allow people to help you when you need it.

Stay tuned as God writes our story. My husband was able to use a harness and attempt to take steps yesterday. He is very determined to recover as well as he can. Our prayer is for total healing, but we accept God’s plan for our lives.

Word for Today

Romans 8:37-39

 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

We praise you for walking each day with us giving us hope and comfort. You show up in the dark silent moments when we can’t even find the words to pray. You see our hearts and meet us where we are. Bring strength to us when we are weak.

Amen

Our Good Shepherd

A week ago we came home from church, had lunch, changed clothes and went to check on our sheep. We use rotational grazing to keep the sheep on good grass. Usually, my husband opens an area and calls “sheep, sheep , here sheep”. They hear and know his voice. They run into the new paddock. This day two new mama sheep did not come running with their new babies. They are quite cautious and protective. He scooped up the nearest baby and placed her in my arms. I walked to the new paddock full of joy. Her mama followed me. The little one was tiny and damp. I looked across the flock and counted. At that moment I realized she had just been born. I quickly gave her over to her mama even if I so wanted to keep holding her.

In those few moments of holding her I had tears because she was beautiful. I felt honored to hold her safely until her mama caught up to us. Hours later I found myself pondering how often God has held me tenderly in his arms. How many times has God as my shepherd called out to me expecting me to know his voice. I have learned that when a mama calls out, their lamb sometimes is so busy playing that they ignore her call until they get hungry. Sometimes God calls out to us and we are too busy to run to him until we have urgents needs.

Caregivers are very busy. Sometimes we may not slow down and listen to God’s voice. When we do he protects us, comforts us and gives us directions on how to be the best caregivers. He was to hold us close when we are exhausted, lonely, overwhelmed and running on empty. Our many needs are urgent. Don’t put off running to God daily.

I tended to have day long coversations with God. A little bit here and a little bit there. He understood the schedule and was always waiting when I needed to talk.

Psalms 23 states the following

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
 Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever

My personal experience showed me that there were times that no one else understood the demands of caregiving. Friends and family tried, but only God could see into my heart and know what I needed most. You may find yourself fearing that family and friends are tired of your stories and see you as a complainer. They slowly drift away leaving you crying and alone.

Even Jesus after coming to earth as a human, found himself alone. He asked friends to go with him to the garden to pray. They did not comprehend the heavy load he carried and fell asleep. He chose to forgive them and didn’t get upset. He simply prayed.

We have to forgive people and not harbor bitterness in our hearts when they fail to understand the load we carry.

Jesus felt pain. Jesus wept. Jesus died for our sins. He intercedes for you at the right hand of his father (God). He pleads your case because he understands your pain.

Listen to God’s voice and you will be comforted.

Run to God and be held as your tears flow.

Some people say that Jesus and Christianty are just a crutch. It is the best crutch I have ever found. God allowed me to hear his voice at a very young age. I look back over my life and see the times He was there over and over again. He has held me close when I needed him to and has been a light through dark times.

My walk has not been perfect. I have held to the verse below and will continue to until my last breath.

Word for Today

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father,

I come to you today knowing you are my good shepherd. Time and time you have met my needs, ordered my steps and given me hope. I praise you for all of this. I ask that you help me to stop and seek you when the world is spinning so fast. Calm my fears and give me strength. When the pain and fear overwhelm me, wrap me in your loving arms and give me the faith to trust you.

Amen