Staying Positive

“There is something about everything that you can be glad about”.

From the original novel Pollyanna by Eleanor H. Porter

I used to be more like Pollyanna. I could usually see something to be glad about. Since my husband’s stroke, I have decided to be very glad that he is alive. I choose each day to lift my spirits by thanking God that he can talk, has a strong mind and can walk with a hemi walker as someone assists.

The days are long and hard. My wonderful husband depends on me for many things. The stroke has residual effects that we struggle with daily. Neither of us has slept for more than 3 hours at a time. I have been so overwhelmed since we arrived back home after the hospital stay and in patient rehab, that we do well to have healthy meals and clean clothes. For the two of us to go to the doctor’s office, it takes about 3 hours. In the past, one showered while the other made breakfast. Then we switched and one feed the animals while the other showered. We could be out the door in about an hour.

I have often spoke about the importance of a caregiver building a team. Our team consists of amazing people that have taken care of the animals, mowed the grass, built a ramp, provided meals and gift cards, called and texted with encouragement and prayers. Some have even recorded songs about healing and sent them to us. From coast to coast we have friends, family and neighbors that have blessed us. Physical and occupational therapists are in and out of our home. My husband was gifted a very nice recliner to sleep in when the bed is uncomfortable. My amazing brother-in-law has been our transportation until I could buy a vehicle. We are very glad for our amazing team supporting us.

There are plenty of tears as we grieve the life we once had, but we realize how blessed we are to have each other as we walk this valley. A deeper compassion for others is growing. We stand in hope. Listening to worship music helps us stand in faith for a complete healing.

Today was our second outing by ourselves. It was simply a trip to the pharmacy and to grab a late breakfast. We kept it simple by using the drive-thru for both. Purchasing a transport wheelchair has made life easier. The large one we use indoors weighs 38 pounds. The other is 12 pounds lighter so I can load and unload it in the vehicle. I am glad that I can handle transferring in and out easier.

We don’t get everything right. There are days that I have to remind myself that the words and actions of my husband are the stroke talking just like in Alzheimer’s when the disease is talking. I saw my husband’s MRI and the damage to his brain. It was shocking but I had to remind myself that his brain can rewire and heal. His left hand and leg often move, kick and spasm. I have learned to dodge these movements. Things get knocked off counter and spill on the floor. I am having to grab a stool to reach things in the kitchen rather than ask my hubby to get things for me. He is working hard with therapist to regain control of his left side. He gets very frustrated and I have to show more patience than I knew I had.

Isolation is very real. There is little time for conversations with friends. I choose my times of shedding tears carefully. My husband is very aware of the work load I carry. He feels guilty for having the stroke. I cry when he is asleep. We do talk, cry and pray together as well.

A friend and neighbor is very sensitive to our struggle. She often shows up just to give a hug and sometimes a meal. This act of love is another thing that keeps us positive.

We are looking forward to the day we can pay forward the love we have been showered with.

Word for Today

So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

There are days that I have to focus on you to survive. You see my brokeness and tears. You hold me in your loving arms when I lose sight of hope and healing. You remind me that you are still in control. Give me peace when fear and anxiety creep in and try to steal my hope and joy. Humbled I turn to you and wait.

Amen