Tag: christianity

Thrive With Beauty and Grace

“In the grand tapestry of life, caregivers are the unsung heroes, often weaving the threads of compassion, dedication, and resilience to support our loved ones”. (unknown source).

The time and energy to do this weaving is exhausting.  From the back side of the tapestry you may just see frayed and tattered ends.  “No beauty can be made by this mess”, “ this is near impossible” and other thoughts fill your mind.  Despair can rob you of hope if you dwell on these thoughts.

I want caregivers to be like a thriving plant.  To thrive you have to pick the weeds out of the flowerbed.  Weeds can be those negative thoughts.  Weeds can creep in through judgment and criticism from family members who are not actually in your day to day life.  These family members remind me of  stinging nettle.

Stinging nettle is a nutrient-rich herb with a wide range of medicinal and health benefits, including anti-inflammatory, antioxidant, and antihistamine properties.  You family members and friends have their good qualities just like this plant has its good side. There is a bad side when dealing with this plant.  Stinging nettle is known for its stinging hairs that can cause temporary burning, itching and redness upon contact with the skin.

I know stinging nettle it is not a weed so I can leave it in the flowerbed, but I have to handle it with gloves on my hands.  When people are difficult we can’t simply pluck them up and toss them aside.  We cannot become angry and bitter when they show up.  God’s grace teaches us how to navigate their presence.

Hope can only fill our hearts from a trust in God. Encouragement from friends can make the task look less difficult.  Music can sooth our hearts and usher in peace.  Prayer can allow you to unload your load at the feet of Jesus.

You did not ask to be a caregiver. I did make a promise in my wedding vows that I would be with my husband in sickness and health, for better or for worse until one of us passes away. I also took God’s word to heart and honored my mother and father. When God tapped me on the shoulder to take care of my parents, I guess he was reminding me that I owed that to them. That was His ask and I said yes.

God equipped me because He was weaving a tapestry of beauty. He was providing compassion, dedication, and resilienece to me and enabling me to complete the task. Others around me were watching the whole process. They often saw the ugly mess on the backside. Then one day God turned it around and allowed them to see the beauty of the finished product.

You can trust God to teach you to thrive during the process of becoming beautiful. My caregivers in the local support group are some of the most beautiful people I know. Their stories are heartbreaking. They come from many backgrounds and enter caregiving with fears and doubts. They feel ill-equipped. As they continue to adapt, change, make adjustments and trust God, they gain confidence.


It is time to shake the wrinkles out of your superhero cape and wear it with confidence. It is a badge of courage, not a symbol of shame. Rest in the assurance that God loves you and the one you are caring for way more than you realize. You are the one God chose to wear this cape. 

Word for Today

Isaiah


and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

You are so wonderful in leading my steps. I praise you for the grace you show in taking my ashes and giving me beauty. I have answered the call to be a caregiver. I know it is not easy and that I will make mistakes. When I mess up, please help me learn. Day by day and sometimes moment by moment I will need you help. Take me and my messes and make something beautiful.

Protect me when well meaning people offer advise and even criticism. Show me how to handle them while keeping my own heart tender and free from resentment and bitterness.

Amen

Our Good Shepherd

A week ago we came home from church, had lunch, changed clothes and went to check on our sheep. We use rotational grazing to keep the sheep on good grass. Usually, my husband opens an area and calls “sheep, sheep , here sheep”. They hear and know his voice. They run into the new paddock. This day two new mama sheep did not come running with their new babies. They are quite cautious and protective. He scooped up the nearest baby and placed her in my arms. I walked to the new paddock full of joy. Her mama followed me. The little one was tiny and damp. I looked across the flock and counted. At that moment I realized she had just been born. I quickly gave her over to her mama even if I so wanted to keep holding her.

In those few moments of holding her I had tears because she was beautiful. I felt honored to hold her safely until her mama caught up to us. Hours later I found myself pondering how often God has held me tenderly in his arms. How many times has God as my shepherd called out to me expecting me to know his voice. I have learned that when a mama calls out, their lamb sometimes is so busy playing that they ignore her call until they get hungry. Sometimes God calls out to us and we are too busy to run to him until we have urgents needs.

Caregivers are very busy. Sometimes we may not slow down and listen to God’s voice. When we do he protects us, comforts us and gives us directions on how to be the best caregivers. He was to hold us close when we are exhausted, lonely, overwhelmed and running on empty. Our many needs are urgent. Don’t put off running to God daily.

I tended to have day long coversations with God. A little bit here and a little bit there. He understood the schedule and was always waiting when I needed to talk.

Psalms 23 states the following

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
 Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever

My personal experience showed me that there were times that no one else understood the demands of caregiving. Friends and family tried, but only God could see into my heart and know what I needed most. You may find yourself fearing that family and friends are tired of your stories and see you as a complainer. They slowly drift away leaving you crying and alone.

Even Jesus after coming to earth as a human, found himself alone. He asked friends to go with him to the garden to pray. They did not comprehend the heavy load he carried and fell asleep. He chose to forgive them and didn’t get upset. He simply prayed.

We have to forgive people and not harbor bitterness in our hearts when they fail to understand the load we carry.

Jesus felt pain. Jesus wept. Jesus died for our sins. He intercedes for you at the right hand of his father (God). He pleads your case because he understands your pain.

Listen to God’s voice and you will be comforted.

Run to God and be held as your tears flow.

Some people say that Jesus and Christianty are just a crutch. It is the best crutch I have ever found. God allowed me to hear his voice at a very young age. I look back over my life and see the times He was there over and over again. He has held me close when I needed him to and has been a light through dark times.

My walk has not been perfect. I have held to the verse below and will continue to until my last breath.

Word for Today

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father,

I come to you today knowing you are my good shepherd. Time and time you have met my needs, ordered my steps and given me hope. I praise you for all of this. I ask that you help me to stop and seek you when the world is spinning so fast. Calm my fears and give me strength. When the pain and fear overwhelm me, wrap me in your loving arms and give me the faith to trust you.

Amen

Sometimes a Simple Little Thing Impacts You the Most

Any fan of The Princess Bride knows that a kind grandfather comes over to read to a sick grandson. That simple little thing turns into a beautiful day full of fun and adventure for both of them.

Last week my hubby and I woke up sniffling, sneezing, aching and miserable. It has been many years since either of us have had the flu. He mentioned this fact to our friends who lives next door. They apparently went right to work on a lovely pot of homemade chicken soup.

That pot of steaming hot chicken soup arrived on our porch a few hours later. This nourished our souls as much as our bodies.

There have been many times over the last 18 years that someone has done what they considered a simple small thing that made a huge impact on our lives. They took time to hear God’s voice letting them know that we were lonely, weary, exhausted, hurting and in need of a little reminder that others loved us.

I often went to my mailbox to discover a card or book from a friend. One day a little box arrived. It was a bottle of Calgon bath wash with a note saying “I can’t be there with you to take the hurt away. Take a bath, relax and know I wish I could be there to take you away”. The blessings came in many other forms as well. God fed my stomach and heart with family members bringing a meal when I had been sitting in a hospital room for days with a parent.

On other days it might be an unexpected visit to pray for me and hug me. A friend drove 5 hours to attend my mom’s funeral when they had just undergone a major surgery. Another friend drove 3 hours to just hold us as my mom was passing. The list of things that happened is way too long to share it all.

Many wonderful family members, friends and even strangers had a huge impact on my life. All of these simple acts of love reminded me of my parents that I was taking care of. They were perfect examples of being a blessing to others. Most of their little things they did were never seen except by the recepiants. They gave and acted with sincere hearts of love.

I hope that God places people in your lives with generous hearts full of love. Actually there are vast numbers of people who make sacrifices for others. They see themselves as doing simple little things to help a caregiver. That one little thing is so much more than you know. That caregiver may be at what feels like the end of their rope.

What caregiver do you know that needs a little kindness?

Here are some ideas for you to consider:

  • Take flowers
  • Make them a meal
  • Offer to run errands
  • Offer to clean
  • Provide respite care while they nap or take a walk
  • Send a card or small gift
  • Bring cookies, ice cream or their favorite dessert
  • Call and ask if you can bring a grandbaby by
  • Offer a hug
  • Surprise them with a visit to a spa
  • Plant flowers for their porch
  • Mow the lawn or shovel snow
  • Be creative!

I heard ” I am praying for you” all of the time. I believed they were and appreciated it. The ones who added feet to those prayers blessed me unbelievablely.

Word for Today

Colossians 3:12

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Today I thank you for every act of kindness you have shown me.

Amen

The Heart of a Caregiver

Resilience

  1. the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness
  2. the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity:

Caregivers are some of the most resilient people I know. They have their hearts stretched each day as they adapt to that day’s demands. It requires loving deeply with little return of that love. The caregivers memories remain intact and those memories allow them to move forward. I see this when talking with spousal caregivers. When their own hearts are broken and filled with loneliness, they move on clinging to the days when their spouse would wrap their arms around them when life got tough. Now they must carry the load of tough days without that comfort.

God is the comfort they rely on. Others, including children, are struggling with their own emotions and the loss of the mom or dad they once knew and cannot be sources of comfort. Faith in God’s provision is what becomes their rock and shelter. God offers the strength to be resilient and bounce back from the pain.

Sometimes I am amazed at how strong caregivers become on the journey. They learn to become experts at communication skills when their old way of communicating is no longer possible. They slow down and read facial expressions, changes in behavior, and slow their lifestyle down to match their loved ones pace. A huge amount of self sacrifice occurs.

The sacrifices make us a better person. God hears our cries. I know that God purged things in my life as I focused on my parents needs rather than my own. I learned to distinguish wants from needs. God whittled away the selfish desires and humbled me. If I had any hurts from my past, I had to allow God to heal those so I could forgive and love more deeply.

If you could see my heart, you would see the broken pieces that God has knit back together. Just as my body bears stretch marks from having children, my heart bears stretch marks from God enlarging it and giving me a greater capacity to love. Perhaps your heart is broken today and you need the ability to love more deeply. God is waiting for you to run into his arms so that he can heal and comfort you.

This is my story and God is writing it. I hope that you can find peace and healing so you can be resilient as a caregiver. You will be challenged. You will become exhausted. You will be pulled in many directions. Emotions will spill over. Waves of fear, uncertainty, frustration and anger may wash over you. Through it all you find moments of unexpected joy and blessings. All of this is normal. You can navigate and come out stronger if you let God write your story.

You leaning into love that you didn’t know you had.

“Whenever you share love with others, you’ll notice the peace that comes to you and to them.”

Mother Teresa

Word for Today

Isaiah 40:29

He gives strength to the weary
    and increases the power of the weak.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Thank you for always being my strength. Some days I feel afraid and at a loss of how to be a caregiver. I feel ill equipped. My tears blind me and I fall on my knees.

You love me. You catch my tears and comfort me. I know I can only do this with your help. Please help me today.

Amen

Rediscovering Yourself After Caregiving

My husband and I are fencing acreage on our farm to raise sheep. After years of ministry and secular jobs, we are excited to begin this adventure. Many lessons have been learned as we served in churches and as our own family members caregivers. How did we decide that adding sheep would be the thing we both wanted to do?

Reflecting on the bible verses below helped us arrive at this decision.

Psalm 23:1

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.” – Psalm 23:1

Isaiah 40:11

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” – Isaiah 40:11

John 10:11

“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” – John 10:11

Psalm 78:52

“But he brought his people out like a flock; he led them like sheep through the wilderness.” – Psalm 78:52

We both know that depending on God fully is the only way to live a life with peace. When we look out over the fields we will remember how God has been our good shepherd. We will shepherd our sheep and be grateful for all God has done for us.

Our goal is for our farm to be a place where people feel God’s peace and love. Visitors can sit on our porch or around the fire pit we plan to build and share life. Needs, hurts and heartaches will be discussed. Prayers will be prayed and we can share our story of God’s goodness and love.

I challenge you to look at the things you have laid aside to be a caregiver. Even if you are still a caregiver, you can evaluate where you are. What skills did you gain? What did you do well? What do you look forward to later?

For us, farming helps us slow down to rest and let our bodies and emotions heal from the 15 year marathon we ran taking care of our parents. We frequently pause now to watch sunsets, hummingbirds and butterflies. We listen to doves and quail. Our rogue rooster gets out and follows us like a puppy. Our hens gift us an abundance of eggs. We fish, garden, read, listen to music and breathe fresh air.

Writing is something I dreamed of doing as a child. Books were my friend. Finally, I am beginning to step into the waters as a writer. I enjoy teaching others about Alzheimer’s and how to be a caregiver. I have developed a deep love for connecting with people with Alzheimer’s disease.

Prior to being a caregiver there were several things I would never have believed. One was that I would love moving back to a country home. Two was that I have the confidence to lead. Three was that God would allow me to be tested with fire and come out safely on the other side. This leaves me assured that even unanswered prayers are heard by My Good Shepherd and He has a plan bigger and better than any I have ever had.

Trust God with the plan for your life. He is chiseling away rough edges. He is allowing pressure to shape you. You are a diamond that He is polishing. It hurts. It is lonely, but you are never truly alone. Sometimes God is silent, but He is there. One day on the other side of caregiving, you will understand what God was doing in you as you poured your life out to others.

God has a plan for the remainder of your life. Trust Him.

We will protect our sheep just as God protects us. Read the verses again and let your soul and faith be renewed.

Word for Today

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I praise you for being my shepherd. When I stumble and flounder around, you guide my steps. When I am afraid you are here. When I feel inadequate, you remind me that your strength is perfect. Humbly I follow you knowing that your path is the right one.

Amen

Rest Relax Refresh

In theory these words are awesome. In reality as a caregiver they sound impossible.

I can relate. When I was a long distance caregiver for my mom, there were times that I longed for relaxation and fun. I had just returned from a couple of weeks with my parents. My grandchildren were in the backyard pool splashing and laughing. I longed to join them; however, exhaustion won over and I found myself on the front porch swing with tears flowing. Guilt prevented me from simply telling them that Grandma was not up for their visit and just wanted a good nap. After a few minutes of alone time, I dried the tears. I forced a smile and jumped into the pool with them.

I don’t consider those moments a pity party. I consider them honesty. I desperately needed a few moments of solitude before joining the real party going on at the pool. My little girls had a way of refreshing me with their silly and carefree play. Tension eased and I think their high energy restored mine a bit. I know their hugs refreshed my heart and soul.

We require rest. We have to find ways to relax and then refresh.

Financial and time constraints may prevent spa trips and reading a favorite book. Here are a few simple things all caregivers can do for themselves and with the one they are caring for.

Sniff an orange. Enjoy the citrusy aroma.

Take a walk.

Listen to music

Pet a furry friend

Learning to enjoy simple things rather than longing for bigger things is key to making the days easier to bear. Take a few deep breaths. Remind yourself that God has given you the ability to survive caregiving.

Word for Today

 I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint. Jeremiah 31:25

Song for Today

Dear God,

Sometimes I forget that the rest I need and the refreshing I long for can truly only come from you. Forgive me for trying to push on without turning to you. I come today to simply say I need you each and every day. When I am not able to go on, you carry me and then gently set me down renewed and ready to care for others. With a grateful heart I can go on. Thank you for your faithfulness that is new every day.

Amen