Thrive With Beauty and Grace

“In the grand tapestry of life, caregivers are the unsung heroes, often weaving the threads of compassion, dedication, and resilience to support our loved ones”. (unknown source).

The time and energy to do this weaving is exhausting. From the back side of the tapestry you may just see frayed and tattered ends. “No beauty can be made by this mess”, “ this is near impossible” and other thoughts fill your mind. Despair can rob you of hope if you dwell on these thoughts.

I want caregivers to be like a thriving plant. To thrive you have to pick the weeds out of the flowerbed. Weeds can be those negative thoughts. Weeds can creep in through judgment and criticism from family members who are not actually in your day to day life. These family members remind me of stinging nettle.

Stinging nettle is a nutrient-rich herb with a wide range of medicinal and health benefits, including anti-inflammatory, antioxidant, and antihistamine properties. You family members and friends have their good qualities just like this plant has its good side. There is a bad side when dealing with this plant. Stinging nettle is known for its stinging hairs that can cause temporary burning, itching and redness upon contact with the skin.

I know stinging nettle it is not a weed so I can leave it in the flowerbed, but I have to handle it with gloves on my hands. When people are difficult we can’t simply pluck them up and toss them aside. We cannot become angry and bitter when they show up. God’s grace teaches us how to navigate their presence.

Hope can only fill our hearts from a trust in God. Encouragement from friends can make the task look less difficult. Music can sooth our hearts and usher in peace. Prayer can allow you to unload your load at the feet of Jesus.

You did not ask to be a caregiver. I did make a promise in my wedding vows that I would be with my husband in sickness and health, for better or for worse until one of us passes away. I also took God’s word to heart and honored my mother and father. When God tapped me on the shoulder to take care of my parents, I guess he was reminding me that I owed that to them. That was His ask and I said yes.

God equipped me because He was weaving a tapestry of beauty. He was providing compassion, dedication, and resilienece to me and enabling me to complete the task. Others around me were watching the whole process. They often saw the ugly mess on the backside. Then one day God turned it around and allowed them to see the beauty of the finished product.

You can trust God to teach you to thrive during the process of becoming beautiful. My caregivers in the local support group are some of the most beautiful people I know. Their stories are heartbreaking. They come from many backgrounds and enter caregiving with fears and doubts. They feel ill-equipped. As they continue to adapt, change, make adjustments and trust God, they gain confidence.

It is time to shake the wrinkles out of your superhero cape and wear it with confidence. It is a badge of courage, not a symbol of shame. Rest in the assurance that God loves you and the one you are caring for way more than you realize. You are the one God chose to wear this cape.

Word for Today

Isaiah

and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

You are so wonderful in leading my steps. I praise you for the grace you show in taking my ashes and giving me beauty. I have answered the call to be a caregiver. I know it is not easy and that I will make mistakes. When I mess up, please help me learn. Day by day and sometimes moment by moment I will need you help. Take me and my messes and make something beautiful.

Protect me when well meaning people offer advise and even criticism. Show me how to handle them while keeping my own heart tender and free from resentment and bitterness.

Amen

Our Good Shepherd

A week ago we came home from church, had lunch, changed clothes and went to check on our sheep. We use rotational grazing to keep the sheep on good grass. Usually, my husband opens an area and calls “sheep, sheep , here sheep”. They hear and know his voice. They run into the new paddock. This day two new mama sheep did not come running with their new babies. They are quite cautious and protective. He scooped up the nearest baby and placed her in my arms. I walked to the new paddock full of joy. Her mama followed me. The little one was tiny and damp. I looked across the flock and counted. At that moment I realized she had just been born. I quickly gave her over to her mama even if I so wanted to keep holding her.

In those few moments of holding her I had tears because she was beautiful. I felt honored to hold her safely until her mama caught up to us. Hours later I found myself pondering how often God has held me tenderly in his arms. How many times has God as my shepherd called out to me expecting me to know his voice. I have learned that when a mama calls out, their lamb sometimes is so busy playing that they ignore her call until they get hungry. Sometimes God calls out to us and we are too busy to run to him until we have urgents needs.

Caregivers are very busy. Sometimes we may not slow down and listen to God’s voice. When we do he protects us, comforts us and gives us directions on how to be the best caregivers. He was to hold us close when we are exhausted, lonely, overwhelmed and running on empty. Our many needs are urgent. Don’t put off running to God daily.

I tended to have day long coversations with God. A little bit here and a little bit there. He understood the schedule and was always waiting when I needed to talk.

Psalms 23 states the following

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
    he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever

My personal experience showed me that there were times that no one else understood the demands of caregiving. Friends and family tried, but only God could see into my heart and know what I needed most. You may find yourself fearing that family and friends are tired of your stories and see you as a complainer. They slowly drift away leaving you crying and alone.

Even Jesus after coming to earth as a human, found himself alone. He asked friends to go with him to the garden to pray. They did not comprehend the heavy load he carried and fell asleep. He chose to forgive them and didn’t get upset. He simply prayed.

We have to forgive people and not harbor bitterness in our hearts when they fail to understand the load we carry.

Jesus felt pain. Jesus wept. Jesus died for our sins. He intercedes for you at the right hand of his father (God). He pleads your case because he understands your pain.

Listen to God’s voice and you will be comforted.

Run to God and be held as your tears flow.

Some people say that Jesus and Christianty are just a crutch. It is the best crutch I have ever found. God allowed me to hear his voice at a very young age. I look back over my life and see the times He was there over and over again. He has held me close when I needed him to and has been a light through dark times.

My walk has not been perfect. I have held to the verse below and will continue to until my last breath.

Word for Today

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father,

I come to you today knowing you are my good shepherd. Time and time you have met my needs, ordered my steps and given me hope. I praise you for all of this. I ask that you help me to stop and seek you when the world is spinning so fast. Calm my fears and give me strength. When the pain and fear overwhelm me, wrap me in your loving arms and give me the faith to trust you.

Amen

The Big Thing

A child is often asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?”. They are then encouraged to chase their dreams. Is what they do for an occupation as important as who they become as a person?

Be patient with me and you will understand how this pertains to caregivers. For far too long I have watched young people spend so much time waiting for God to give them something big to do that they miss the very things in front of their faces that God has for them to do. Some of these people continue to go through life for years chasing a big “dream” that never manifest itself.

History has shown us that God sometimes has a path for us to follow to prepare us for the “big” thing we are to do. David honed his skills while tending sheep, only to be summoned to be anointed as a king. A couple of fishermen stepped out of the boat to become disciples. Ruth was gleaming wheat when she married and bore a son who was in the linage of Christ. Sometimes God wants us to simply live a life that brings glory to Him. When this is our focus, He will show us what is big to him and how you are to do it.

In Matthew 25:40 we are told:
“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” When you become a caregiver what counts is who you are. Are you a person who can humbly show compassion, love, dedication, patience and emotional strength each and every day? I sure hope so because this is the “BIG” thing God placed in front of you to do.

When speaking at a symposium a few years ago, I looked into the eyes of caregivers and told them that if they didn’t feel a need for God in their lives, they would due to the trials of being a caregiver. I still feel this is so very true. God provides strength, courage and insight when they are needed. He has even ordered your steps to prepare you for this “big” thing.

I never imagined that I would one day be a caregiver for my parents. When those days arrived though, I could look back and see how God had placed me into positions that had prepared me. He has done the same for you. This time will allow you to stretch and grow into a better person. What matters is not what you did in the past, but who you are because of it.

Dig deep into your heart and ask God to show you how to carry out your tasks day by day. The little things done over and over have prepared you well. When things are difficult reflect back on how God guided you through the little things and move forward knowing he will be with you each and every day now just as he was then.

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”
Maya Angelou

You are being transformed into a beautiful caregiver. This is you “BIG” thing. Most likely you never dreamed of this as a child, but here you are. You can do this!

Word for Today

1 Peter 3:3-4

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Hello God,

I think I finally understand the your big thing for my life was a surprise. Here I am being asked to be a caregiver. This makes me realize that it is not a burden. It is an honor. Give me the ability to carry this task out with beauty and grace. Let me do this to bring you glory.

Amen

Sometimes a Simple Little Thing Impacts You the Most

Any fan of The Princess Bride knows that a kind grandfather comes over to read to a sick grandson. That simple little thing turns into a beautiful day full of fun and adventure for both of them.

Last week my hubby and I woke up sniffling, sneezing, aching and miserable. It has been many years since either of us have had the flu. He mentioned this fact to our friends who lives next door. They apparently went right to work on a lovely pot of homemade chicken soup.

That pot of steaming hot chicken soup arrived on our porch a few hours later. This nourished our souls as much as our bodies.

There have been many times over the last 18 years that someone has done what they considered a simple small thing that made a huge impact on our lives. They took time to hear God’s voice letting them know that we were lonely, weary, exhausted, hurting and in need of a little reminder that others loved us.

I often went to my mailbox to discover a card or book from a friend. One day a little box arrived. It was a bottle of Calgon bath wash with a note saying “I can’t be there with you to take the hurt away. Take a bath, relax and know I wish I could be there to take you away”. The blessings came in many other forms as well. God fed my stomach and heart with family members bringing a meal when I had been sitting in a hospital room for days with a parent.

On other days it might be an unexpected visit to pray for me and hug me. A friend drove 5 hours to attend my mom’s funeral when they had just undergone a major surgery. Another friend drove 3 hours to just hold us as my mom was passing. The list of things that happened is way too long to share it all.

Many wonderful family members, friends and even strangers had a huge impact on my life. All of these simple acts of love reminded me of my parents that I was taking care of. They were perfect examples of being a blessing to others. Most of their little things they did were never seen except by the recepiants. They gave and acted with sincere hearts of love.

I hope that God places people in your lives with generous hearts full of love. Actually there are vast numbers of people who make sacrifices for others. They see themselves as doing simple little things to help a caregiver. That one little thing is so much more than you know. That caregiver may be at what feels like the end of their rope.

What caregiver do you know that needs a little kindness?

Here are some ideas for you to consider:

Take flowers
Make them a meal
Offer to run errands
Offer to clean
Provide respite care while they nap or take a walk
Send a card or small gift
Bring cookies, ice cream or their favorite dessert
Call and ask if you can bring a grandbaby by
Offer a hug
Surprise them with a visit to a spa
Plant flowers for their porch
Mow the lawn or shovel snow
Be creative!

I heard ” I am praying for you” all of the time. I believed they were and appreciated it. The ones who added feet to those prayers blessed me unbelievablely.

Word for Today

Colossians 3:12

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Today I thank you for every act of kindness you have shown me.

Amen

The Heart of a Caregiver

Resilience

the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness
the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity:

Caregivers are some of the most resilient people I know. They have their hearts stretched each day as they adapt to that day’s demands. It requires loving deeply with little return of that love. The caregivers memories remain intact and those memories allow them to move forward. I see this when talking with spousal caregivers. When their own hearts are broken and filled with loneliness, they move on clinging to the days when their spouse would wrap their arms around them when life got tough. Now they must carry the load of tough days without that comfort.

God is the comfort they rely on. Others, including children, are struggling with their own emotions and the loss of the mom or dad they once knew and cannot be sources of comfort. Faith in God’s provision is what becomes their rock and shelter. God offers the strength to be resilient and bounce back from the pain.

Sometimes I am amazed at how strong caregivers become on the journey. They learn to become experts at communication skills when their old way of communicating is no longer possible. They slow down and read facial expressions, changes in behavior, and slow their lifestyle down to match their loved ones pace. A huge amount of self sacrifice occurs.

The sacrifices make us a better person. God hears our cries. I know that God purged things in my life as I focused on my parents needs rather than my own. I learned to distinguish wants from needs. God whittled away the selfish desires and humbled me. If I had any hurts from my past, I had to allow God to heal those so I could forgive and love more deeply.

If you could see my heart, you would see the broken pieces that God has knit back together. Just as my body bears stretch marks from having children, my heart bears stretch marks from God enlarging it and giving me a greater capacity to love. Perhaps your heart is broken today and you need the ability to love more deeply. God is waiting for you to run into his arms so that he can heal and comfort you.

This is my story and God is writing it. I hope that you can find peace and healing so you can be resilient as a caregiver. You will be challenged. You will become exhausted. You will be pulled in many directions. Emotions will spill over. Waves of fear, uncertainty, frustration and anger may wash over you. Through it all you find moments of unexpected joy and blessings. All of this is normal. You can navigate and come out stronger if you let God write your story.

You leaning into love that you didn’t know you had.

“Whenever you share love with others, you’ll notice the peace that comes to you and to them.”

Mother Teresa

Word for Today

Isaiah 40:29

He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Thank you for always being my strength. Some days I feel afraid and at a loss of how to be a caregiver. I feel ill equipped. My tears blind me and I fall on my knees.

You love me. You catch my tears and comfort me. I know I can only do this with your help. Please help me today.

Amen

Hiding the Stress and Pain

Some of us carry pain and stress inside. Others see a smiling face and admire our strength, especially those in our church. They know our trust and strength are in God alone. We do have peace, but even those who have faith and strength hurt.

Yesterday I saw a woman hugging and smiling as she entered the sanctuary. When I asked how she was, I saw a tiny hole in the “everything is ok” mask. A few questions coming from a fellow caregiver opened that hole and I saw weariness, tiredness and pain.

God began to remind me of the many times someone had not only prayed for me but actually put their arms around me and gave me a safe place to let the raw emotions escape as tears. I approached her and did just that. She sobbed as I prayed.

I know her faith in God is solid. I know she has a beautiful heart and spirit. I walked in her shoes not too long ago. I walked by faith as she does. I tried not to complain and assured others I was ok. That is all very true for me and my friend. We can be strong Christians and still feel things intensely. We feel guilty for not being all we can be to our family when caregiving takes so much of our time. We need to rest and have little time for it.

Do yourself a favor and confide to a close friend that you need prayer and to just be held for a few minutes.

“When you receive or give a (consensual!) hug, your brain releases a flood of mood-boosting neurotransmitters and hormones, including endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin”. neuroscientist Dave Rabin, MD, PhD.

Isolation and loneliness are common when you are a caregiver. That hug may be just what you need!

Men need hugs as much as women. We all hurt and need comfort at times.

Caregivers get caregivers. We all face similar problems. Some see this as expressing their love. Some see this as a burden. Some feel stuck with the job that no one else wants to do. We all have our reasons for being a caregiver. We all understand the heaviness of our job. That commonality allows us to share our stories and encourage each other.

As supportive as my husband was, he didn’t truly get the load I had been carrying until he was providing care for his own parents. I had to show grace and not hold it against family who had not walked in my shoes yet.

Friends of caregivers don’t wait until others ask for a safe place to talk and really be heard. Watch for signs of weariness or anger and offer to listen or give them a break. Helping provide care will open your eyes to how much is involved day by day in your caregiving friend’s life.

Caregivers don’t attempt to bottle up your emotions. Find a trusted friend, family member or support group where you are heard and understood. Take that mask off and shed a tear or laugh. God is the place we lay our burdens down. Friends can help us do this. Go find a place to shout if you need to. I have been known to do this in my car traveling home after caregiving.

Word for Today

Matthew 11: 28-30

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Song for Today ( My husband sent me this link when I had just left my mom’s side. I had to pull over and cry. Little did I know my mom would be in heaven less than 2 weeks later. 2 days from now will be 10 years since I said goodbye. Miss her all the time.)

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Forgive me for the times I try to do this job of caregiving all by myself. I thank you for sending Jesus to assist me when I am weary and burdened. I thank you for people in my life that came by my side to encourage me.

Open my eyes to other caregivers that need someone to hug them and pray for them.

Amen

How Do Couples Cope With Dementia?

As a couple, my husband and I can communicate with each other with a certain look or touch. We have honed these skills during our 45 years of marriage. Just snuggling together or holding hands doesn’t always require words. When we first began dating we were with a group sitting around a campfire. He snuggled close and put his arm around me. Instantly, I felt at home. This was just the very beginning of moments, days, months and now years that wrapping an arm around me and holding me close have been home.

Should either of us ever develop dementia and roam around repeating, “I just want to go home” what will we really mean. I know most people just want to go back to what feels safe and familiar. Maybe our home will continue to be snuggling together where it has been safe and familiar our entire adult life.

Daily I praise God for allowing both of us to still have strong minds. Muscle strength has weakened, hairs have grayed and we search for our reading glasses to prevent eyestrain. We may not be able to recall someone’s name, but then it comes to us so normal aging is happening.

This afternoon as I write my hubby is strumming his guitar and writing a new song. Our hobbies keep our minds active. We love being outdoors with the dogs, chickens, bees and sheep. We are building a firepit area to entertain friends.

Our hope is that living in the moment intentionally and trusting God with our future will mean we never have to face dementia. We know that God will continue to be faithful. He has seen us through deep dark valleys and allowed us to rejoice from the highest of mountain tops. Should dementia come, we are assured that God will never forsake us.

Some of you have had to face dementia in a spouse. I hear your stories in our support group. I pray for you to still find moments each day where you and your loved one can still connect. Maybe a favorite song will draw you close. Perhaps a drive to one of your favorite spots will bring peace. Take every opportunity to have physical contact. This can be holding hands, hugging, or giving a gentle massage.

During the upcoming Christmas season play carols, eat Christmas cookies, drive around and look at the lights. Rediscover the simple joys. Large gatherings should be avoided but quiet visits with a few people at a time can still bring happiness.

Never quit saying “I love you”.

Most people my age made vows to love and cherish their spouse in sickness and in health until death. As a young couple we make that promise. Life happens and those promises are not so easy to keep. We make a choice to keep that promise and discover God has to give us the courage and strength to walk it out. The greatest honor you can have is to be the one who stands by that promise.

God sees your loneliness and struggles. He sees the tears shed when no one else is looking. Trust him to walk beside you in sickness and in health.

Word for Today

John 13:34

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father,

May I always find my home is being with you. When my spouse doesn’t remember my name please let them know my love. Show me how to express my love ina way that they can feel. Help me to keep the promise I made on our wedding day.

Amen

What I Learned By Being A Caregiver

The sun comes up every morning and goes down every evening. I learned to appreciate the simple things. Some days were wonderful and some were difficult. God was with me every step of the way. I trusted him as I walked each step. I tiptoed at first but soon learned to boldly step into motion when it was needed.

I made many new friends and was so thankful for special friends who listened to me without complaining or telling me what to do. They became sisters that I love dearly. We laughed, cried and prayed together. They reminded me not to lose myself in the process. Life would go on after my caregiving season was over.

Seeking answers to questions helped me prepare for changes before they happened. Educating myself taught me to plan for the unexpected and sometimes shocking events that unfolded. The power of knowledge was critical to have in my toolbox.

I decided that setting boundaries protected me at times. Avoiding social media was a strong boundary I had to set. My life had to be focused on my parents and in-laws. They needed me to make them the center of my life. My circle included them, my husband and few others. If I tried to explain how challenging caregiving is, those who have not walked in those shoes could offer comments that hurt and were critical. Bitterness could take root. To keep my heart free to love, I had to walk away knowing that I was doing the best I could.

My awareness of how prevalent Alzheimer’s and other dementias is in senior citizens is acute. I find myself recognizing it almost every time I am out and about our community. Defensive driving takes on a whole new meaning when you see how many drivers continue to drive after being given a diagnosis of mild dementia. You never know the moment that cognition will decline and an accident will occur.

I discovered that I am much more resilient than I thought I would be. Introverts don’t speak out sometimes, but being an advocate demanded a boldness that was awkward at first. By the end, I had no issue speaking out when it was necessary.

My faith is stronger than it has ever been. God alone empowered me to be a caregiver. He gave me wisdom, peace and hope on the darkest days and nights. He reminded me that I was not alone. He was my comfort when I said to say my final goodbye.

I used to worrry about what if this happens or that happens. Worry doesn’t do anything but rob me of time that can be spent on better things

Having trouble believing in myself has been an issue for me all of my life. Surviving 14 years as a caregiver has shown me a few things.

What I look like should not hold me back.

Having a degree in a field unrelated to what I do now doesn’t limit what I can or cannot do.

If I have a dream, money should not hold me back.

God has given me a voice and I can use it to share with other caregivers.

I must be bold and step into new adventures with confidence.

Naysayers will always criticize, offer unsolicited advice and rain on my parade. I can apply the words my husband’s grandmother gave us when we were young. She quietly pulled us aside and said, “Just smile and listen, then let their words go in one ear and out the other”. Heeding her advice has usually worked well. She was an amazing woman who loved God and us deeply. She knew that we loved God and would trust him to be our guide.

The rain may try to shut down my parade, but I have the power to dance in the rain and think about how amazing my flowers will be afterwards.

Word for Today

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

My Heavenly Father,

i praise you that I can cry out to you and trust you to work everything out for my good. Sometimes I don’t recognize what is for my good and get ahead of you. Forgive me and teach me to slow down and trust you more.

Amen

Caregiver Anger

Anger is real. How you react is what matters the most. It is not always a person that makes you angry. It can be the disease itself. It can be insurance companies, Medicare, Medicaid or the medical community. You can be angry at the person you care for. You can be angry with friends and family that don’t help carry the load. You can be angry with yourself because you feel like a lousy caregiver.

Anger is normal and can be expected when facing circumstances that are out of your control. You may be as fearful as you are angry. It would be a good idea to write a list of who and what you are angry about. No one has to see this list, however, you may feel better expressing your angry and asking yourself if any of the people or things you are angry about can be changed.

If there is a way to safely address this list, in a calm manner talk with who you need to. If there is not a way to change circumstances, ask God to help you accept this. Ask yourself what triggered this episode of anger and what condition you were in when it happened.

Physical and mental fatigue are very likely culprits when you are easily angered. Getting enough sleep may mean napping when the one you take care of naps. I can remember being pregnant with my second child. I had an active one year old. When she took a nap, I napped with her so I could be patient and loving instead of grumpy and tired.

Eat healthy. Keep fruit and vegetables handy for you and the one you care for to grab when hungry. Use the crockpot or instant pot to prepare meals on busy days.

Go for a walk. Take time to enjoy nature.

Listen to your favorite music.

Pray.

Step away from a stressful situation and simply breathe a few slow breaths.

Address the fears you have. This may mean preparing for the what if moments before they happen. I knew my mother had Alzheimer’s and it was prgressive and eventually fatal. When my dad was unable to take care of her, I researched memory care assisted living facilities and put her name on the waiting list of those I liked. I did this in their city and in the city I lived in. This was because I knew that should dad pass away, I would have to move mom to me.

Financial and legal planning took place early on in my family. My brother and I were involved together with our parents. We never had to worry about them losing their home. We understood their medical directives. Deal with these items now, not later.

Learn to appreciate help when you can get it. Keeping a grateful attitude is better than simmering in resentment when help is not given.

If there is any pain in your past relationship with the one you care for, please find a way to forgive when you can no longer have a meaninful conversation with them. Forgiveness opens room in your heart for love, compassion and kindness. Forgive siblings or children who don’t step up to the plate and assist you. Focus on making the most of the time you have because you did step up to the plate.

Lastly, forgive yourself. This is the toughest job you will ever encounter. There is a learning curve and you will get better each day. When fear and anger try to overshadow the goodness, try to take the thoughts captive before they grow out of control. Trust God to give you peace.

Word for Today

Ephesians 4:26

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

God,

Thank you for giving me emotions. Sometimes I get frustrated and allow them to overwhelm me. Help me to stop and reflect on how my actions could hurt others. Help me to trust you to handle the people and circumstances that I cannot control. Guide me to take peaceful actions rather than lash out. Heal my heart from hurts and fears so that I can love the way I should.

Amen

Life With a Diminished Brain

Today I read a prompt to write about what life without a computer would be like. Immediately, I thought about what life would be like without a fully functioning brain. If I had no computer, I could find a work around. As a child I researched by reading real books. I wrote with pen and paper. Truly, being without a computer would simply be a huge inconvenience.

Trying to live my life with a diminished or diseased brain is extremely frightening. Just imagine losing your ability to control your own life day by day, then year by year. The lose of dignity and independence would feel as if you were in a small room with the walls and ceiling closing in on you. Eventually, you would be lying in a bed breathing shallowly as you waited for your last breath.

I watched my mom do just this. She lived a full life before Alzheimer’s disease began to steal her abilities to continue to be a loving person dedicated to her family. A loving family, successful career, beautiful home and amazing marriage had been dreams fulfilled. If a painting by a master artist could have portrayed her life it would have been a treasured masterpiece. No one would have allowed it to be hung where the sun could cause it to fade away.

Then this horrific disease, Alzheimer’s, caused her memories to fade We were left straining to hold on to all we could about her laugh, her smirk of a smile, her little love pats she gave the grandchildren and even her fear of mice. Many days I long to just hear her voice.

I know that she loved God and that he was her comfort in her final years. Hymns playing in her room brought peace. When we prayed, she would squeeze my hand. Even though she didn’t recognize me as her daughter, she knew we belonged together.

Perhaps every child of a parent with Alzheimer’s disease has a little nagging thought of getting this disease. I know that I do. Just last night I was in a booth with other volunteers for our city’s First Friday event. We were distributing pamplets about Alzheimer’s and related dementias. We were letting people know about our upcoming symposium for caregivers. Each of our group is experienced personally and professionaly with the burden caregivers carry.

We had a few people stop and talk. We had many slow down, look over our materials and quickly turn away. We watched as spouses walked past guiding their husband or wife through the crowd. At the end of the evening, all of us knew that many who had passed our booth are already showing signs of cognitive decline. This made me even more aware of how prevalent it is.

That nagging fear of knowing that could be me sometime tried to surface. I refuse to live my life controlled by this fear. I want to live a full life engaging with friends and family as often as I can.

I choose to exercise my body and mind while making healthy food choices. I choose to trust God with my future. The following scripture is my verse I choose to stand in faith on.

Isaiah 46:4

I will be your God throughout your lifetime— until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.

My soul will be saved when my body fades whether that is mentally or physically. None of us live forever on this earth. When we face trouble and suffering, we often complain that life is not fair. Only God sees the complete picture. We have to trust that his plan is for our best.

Word for Today

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

You amaze me when I watch you order my steps and give me peace of mind when those steps are challenging. I trust in you when fear tries to come in. I know that you have an army of angels that surround me. The trials here do not compare to the glory I will see one day when I stand at your feet and you open my eyes to your plan. Give me strength and hope as I trust in you.

Amen