God Does Not Forget

We lose hope, get worn out, become discouarged and forget we cannot do it all. Our frustration snowballs into a large mound of guilt and helplessness when we cannot penetrate into the mind and soul of a loved one who is trapped. They live in a body with a mind that can no longer express itself. We can try to meet them but only God can go there sometimes.

God has known our loved me since knitting them together in their mother’s womb. He knows their heart and soul. His spirt can penetrate through the fog and reach them.

I have sat in my mom’s room when all she could do was moan and groan. It felt as if a knife was stabbing me in the heart. The only way I could stay with her was knowing the God was with us.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. Romans 8:26

God’s spirit not only groaned with mom, but God hears our groaning.

Exodus 2:24

God heard their groaning and he remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac and with Jacob.

Exodus 6:5

Moreover, I have heard the groaning of the Israelites, whom the Egyptians are enslaving, and I have remembered my covenant.

We are living in a time when groaning is slipping from all of our lips. Life here is winding down and we are seeking an eternal home. The bible tells us the following:

Romans 8:22

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.

I do believe that my mom was looking to heaven. Perhaps her groaning was her crying out to God to welcome her home. This brought me peace on the days there I hurt the most.

My husband and I have been traveling over the last couple of weeks. During our travels God allowed us to meet random people who mentioned they had just lost a grandfather to Alzheimer’s or were living with a uncle who has Lewy Body disease. This was at an outdoor homestead expo. As we talked a small group gathered around us and joined in. Most of them either had a family member with Alzheimer’s or had lost someone close to them who had dementia. The phrase we heard again and again was that God is the only way they got through this.

Later, we attended a wedding. There was a memory table with photos and Bibles that had belonged to the couple’s grandparents. I looked at these and knew how much these grandparents loved their grandchildren and modeled a life of love for them. I looked at the pic of my mom and dad and hoped God could let them see a glimpse from heaven of their growing family. As much as I would have loved to have them with us, I had rather know they were in heaven where disease and age not longer caused them to groan.

As you continue to serve as a caregiver, know that God is with you on the good days and the toughest of days. He will never abandon you or your loved one. We can continue on in His strength until one day when God hears all of our groanings and calls us home.

Have a blessed day filled with peace and comfort.

Word for Today

2 Corinthians 1:3

God Offers Comfort to All

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Thank you for the peace and comfort only you can bring. Thank you for hearing the groaning and cries from our heart when the pain hits hard. When we feel helpless, you step in. You understand our pain because you sent your son to die on a cross for us. We look forward to the day you call all of us away from the suffering and pain. Give us courage to carry on until then.

Amen

Rediscovering Yourself After Caregiving

My husband and I are fencing acreage on our farm to raise sheep. After years of ministry and secular jobs, we are excited to begin this adventure. Many lessons have been learned as we served in churches and as our own family members caregivers. How did we decide that adding sheep would be the thing we both wanted to do?

Reflecting on the bible verses below helped us arrive at this decision.

Psalm 23:1

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.” – Psalm 23:1

Isaiah 40:11

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” – Isaiah 40:11

John 10:11

“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” – John 10:11

Psalm 78:52

“But he brought his people out like a flock; he led them like sheep through the wilderness.” – Psalm 78:52

We both know that depending on God fully is the only way to live a life with peace. When we look out over the fields we will remember how God has been our good shepherd. We will shepherd our sheep and be grateful for all God has done for us.

Our goal is for our farm to be a place where people feel God’s peace and love. Visitors can sit on our porch or around the fire pit we plan to build and share life. Needs, hurts and heartaches will be discussed. Prayers will be prayed and we can share our story of God’s goodness and love.

I challenge you to look at the things you have laid aside to be a caregiver. Even if you are still a caregiver, you can evaluate where you are. What skills did you gain? What did you do well? What do you look forward to later?

For us, farming helps us slow down to rest and let our bodies and emotions heal from the 15 year marathon we ran taking care of our parents. We frequently pause now to watch sunsets, hummingbirds and butterflies. We listen to doves and quail. Our rogue rooster gets out and follows us like a puppy. Our hens gift us an abundance of eggs. We fish, garden, read, listen to music and breathe fresh air.

Writing is something I dreamed of doing as a child. Books were my friend. Finally, I am beginning to step into the waters as a writer. I enjoy teaching others about Alzheimer’s and how to be a caregiver. I have developed a deep love for connecting with people with Alzheimer’s disease.

Prior to being a caregiver there were several things I would never have believed. One was that I would love moving back to a country home. Two was that I have the confidence to lead. Three was that God would allow me to be tested with fire and come out safely on the other side. This leaves me assured that even unanswered prayers are heard by My Good Shepherd and He has a plan bigger and better than any I have ever had.

Trust God with the plan for your life. He is chiseling away rough edges. He is allowing pressure to shape you. You are a diamond that He is polishing. It hurts. It is lonely, but you are never truly alone. Sometimes God is silent, but He is there. One day on the other side of caregiving, you will understand what God was doing in you as you poured your life out to others.

God has a plan for the remainder of your life. Trust Him.

We will protect our sheep just as God protects us. Read the verses again and let your soul and faith be renewed.

Word for Today

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I praise you for being my shepherd. When I stumble and flounder around, you guide my steps. When I am afraid you are here. When I feel inadequate, you remind me that your strength is perfect. Humbly I follow you knowing that your path is the right one.

Amen

A Grateful Heart

“God’s grace is the bridge that carries us from our brokenness to His wholeness.”

When you love deeply, you risk facing brokenness. As a caregiver you dig deep into your well of love to shower on someone else. That love is not always recipocated or recieved. The bible talks about wells that were dug. The enemies of Abraham filled the wells with dirt. Later when wells were dug, others claimed the wells as theirs. God has always provided when the enemy attempts to destroy. The deep well of your love is critical to guard from the enemies attacks so the love pouring out of it is pure and refreshing to others.

A crack in your heart begins the first time a family member shows behaviors toward you that you never have seen before. A kind and generous father may become angry and say and do things that you never thought you would see. Your childhood hero has transformed into a demanding and selfish person. Keep in mind that your hero is still there. A nasty disease has reared it’s ugly head. You have to allow God to sew a stitch in the crack of your heart and reach deeper to love while you yourself are hurting. I know that as I have hand stictched the binding onto quilts for each of my grandchildren I thought of them and prayed for their lives. Imagine the grace and love God is stitching into your heart with each stitch He sews.

As Alzheimer’s progresses you will see a person’s life going in reverse. I was watching a parent become incontinent at the same time a grandchild was being potty trained. With the grandchild, it was exciting. First steps toward independence were being taken. We would assist as they mastered their new skill. Cheering them on was fun as we saw their excitement. Assisting a parent or spouse brought sadness as their independence was being stolen away. You tried to preserve their dignity. You went shopping for depends with a sadness inside.

Sitting by my mom’s side and spooning yogurt into her mouth was done with vast amounts of love. We had now truly reversed roles. My heart was filled with gratitude for the woman who had tended to my needs for so many years. The memories I had were not always wonderful, but thanking God for the great ones and forgiving for the few ones that were not so good allowed me to heal. A healed heart and a grateful heart hold so much more to be poured out. God sewed the gaping hole together so I could pour love more freely.

I was at my dad’s side when he grew confused. He had oxygen tubing in and was irritated by it. I reached to adjust the tube after he removed it. He grabbed both of my wrists and cursed. I calmly reassured him that I would take it off for a while and then exited the room. My heart was breaking because I had never experienced that behavior or heard those words come from his mouth before. A protective relative followed me out. She was quite angry at my dad. Tearfully, I told her this was not my dad. This was a man whose cognitive decline were acting and speaking. God had allowed me to keep loving my dad as if this event had never happened. God had reenforced the stitched seams as the event unfolded.

A day will come when someone looks you in the eye and doesn’t know who you are anymore. That is when it feels like your heart rips in half. It hurts intensely as the hard truth sinks in. You may have to retreat to a quiet place for God to heal your heart and then recover slowly. Day by day you will feel strengthened as you pray and rest in God’s peace. His Intensive Care Unit is outstanding. When you exit and are ready to face the task at hand, you will have a grateful heart filled with overflowing love once more.

Day by day God will hold your heart in his hands.

Word for Today

Colossians 3:16

Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father,

You amaze me with your healing and forgiveness. Teach me to forgive when others misunderstand or reject my love. I am guilty of wanting to quit loving as deeply as you ask of me when I am hurting. Tenderly hold me and restore me so that I can pour love out to those who are depending on me to meet their needs. I want to serve with a heart of gratitude.

Amen

Kitchen Table Talks

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

Eleanor Roosevelt

The past week has been filled with old friends, new friends and family. Some of the days were carefully planned and others were unexpected occurances. Close freinds came for a brief visit of a few days. We hugged, shared meals, laughed and took them sightseeing in our area. One of them is struggling with his mother’s care. He goes to visit her often, but feels guilty that his sister is bearing most of the load. My husband and I listened and shared advice. Our hearts truly felt his pain.

On one of our adventures we met a couple who struck up a conversation. The lady voluntered that she had recently lost her mother to Alzheimer’s. She was generally surprised to learn that I lead a support group and wanted more information.

After our friends left, I heard a knock at the door. Our neighor had dropped by to escape his home for a few minutes. Tension was high and he needed to escape. His elderly mom has moved in with him and his wife works in a stressful job from home. That in itself may have some of you nodding your heads. We have all had days that we needed a little escape. Finding a safe place to do that can prove to be difficult. He felt safe enough that he found an excuse to drop by later in the week to let us know things were better.

Last night my brother-in-law came over for dinner. After eating, we settled in our family room to talk. Eventually, he had questions about dementia and wanted to know how to help a friend. He has experiece from dealing with his mom and was well aware that symtoms can vary.

You may find yourself interacting with a caregiver who needs a listening ear, word of encouragement, practical advice or prayer. These moments often happen in unexpected circumstances or times. Maybe you are the caregiver needing that for yourself. My prayer is that God continues to direct paths to cross on this journey. I know I have been in both positions and have been so fulfilled when friendships have developed along the way.

Have a blessed day and trust God to send someone your way to comfort you or for you to comfort.

Word for Today

Proverbs 17:17

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

Song for Today

Flashback song to make you smile

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Thank you for always knowing how fragile I am at times and sending someone my way. Thank you for the friends I have made along the caregiving journey. Touch their hearts today as you have touched mine.

Amen