Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Time is something I seem to have little of to myself. Help me to not be selfish and to include you in those moments. I know you will honor the time set apart when I return to being a caregiver.

Give me courage, patience, wisdom and compassion today. Help me to remember that if some things are left undone, that is ok.

I thank you for always remembering our situation and being with us in it.

Amen

Will this happen to me? These five simple words pack a direct punch that can wreck havoc in our lives if we allow it to. Many caregivers of family members with Alzheimer’s disease are haunted by this question. It sits in the background all of the time. When we forget something or misplace something it surfaces. It can move to the front of the mind and become a filter that we view all of life through. It blurs our vision, overwhelms our emotions, dims our hope and can become a heavy weight we drag around.

To be extremely honest with you, I have that question arise as well. I have chosen to rule the question rather than allow it to rule me. This has to be chosen on a regular basis. The more I choose to live my life without fear, the less the question arises. When I was still active as a family caregiver, I needed all of the strength and fortitude I could muster. Now that I am no longer in that role I am trying to use that same effort to encourage those who are caregivers, educate people, fight for finding a cure through events such as the Walk to End Alzheimer’s and the Longest Day and hold on to my faith in God that ultimately He is in control.

This does not make me a great person. It makes me an ordinary person who does not want to walk in fear. I know the reality is that I may one day be diagnosed with this terrible disease unless a cure is found. I choose to live my life as if it will not happen. I choose to eat right, keep my mind active and recently joined the YMCA to become more physically active. I choose to accept that each of us will one day die either from an exhausted body, an accident, or an illness. I choose to accept that this world is not my forever home. I choose to love those who will accept my love and to share the love of God with all who will receive it.

The choices I have made help me keep that ugly question from controlling me. You must make your own choices. I encourage you to do just that. This will bring peace and allow you to be the best caregiver possible. You can’t carry the weight around and accomplish all you must do. You have to choose hope and keep moving forward. You will stumble under the emotional overload if you don’t face the fear induced by the question. If you need to seek out counsel or ask for help, do it now.

If this struck a chord with you today, you are probably in the company of many. Caregivers are real life heroes without a costume or movie made in their honor. Their superpowers are skills developed with hands on experience and they don’t always get it right. They do pick themselves up when they fall and keep on going.

You are amazing. You are strong. You do not have to walk in fear. You can walk in hope!

I walk in hope because I trust that God will never leave me or forget me. Even if I do face this disease, He will be with me through it all.

Word for Today

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Song for Today

Prayer for Today,

Dear God,

Your love is everlasting and gives us hope. Your love is greater than our fears. We come to you as mere humans. Sometimes we allow the life on this earth to overshadow what you have planned for our eternity. Remind us of this on the days that we are overwhelmed. Whisper words of hope and comfort to our hearts and settle our minds with your peace.

We ask that You catch our tears when they fall. Hold us when we hurt. Send encouragement through people who cross our paths.

Thank you for always being a constant in our lives in ever changing situations.

Amen

How can we create an interest in life for those who withdraw due to confusion? I have found that funny stories and interaction with children works well. Often I will encourage persons in group activities to due silly movements during a story or song. I read them poems and jokes about silly things. One day a young girl read them a story she wrote about the perfect grandma. I had encouraged to be as silly as she wished. They all listened intently with huge smiles.

I shared earlier about teaching my granddaughters a song to sing with my mom. The song was about a caveman named Alley Oop. That in itself is silly enough. Here is a little of the song

here’s a man in the funny papers we all know (Alley Oop, oop, oop-oop)
He lived ‘way back a long time ago (Alley Oop, oop, oop-oop)
He don’t eat nothin’ but a bear cat stew (Alley Oop, oop, oop-oop)
Well this cat’s name is-a Alley Oop (Alley Oop, oop, oop-oop)… 

Mom’s eyes lit up and she would yell OOP OOP OOP. My granddaughter would double over laughing and mom would do it again. I am sure the workers wondered what was going on. I knew what was going on. My mom who had quit talking almost altogether was having a wonderful time. It gave me a glimpse of a woman who always controlled her emotions having a fabulous time being silly!

Music, humor and art allow them to be stimulated again. Be creative in making them happy. Just today I read about a woman who hired a comic to visit her mom on a regular basis. This was a brilliant idea. A comic is used to being heckled. A person with Alzheimer’s can dish out heckling with great skill sometimes. It keeps us on our toes to react and try something else. This woman had been watching how it worked for months. One day she heard singing and turned the corner to see her mom and the comic singing and dancing around the room. I am sure her heart was filled with as much joy as mine was when my mom and granddaughter had their fun day.

The point of this is that a renewed interest in life brings joy to the caregiver as well as the one being cared for. Watch the I Love Lucy show. Wear clown noses. Dance in the rain. Paint with Jello Pudding and then lick your fingers. Let your inner child join them as they regress by enjoying simple things.

Word for the Day

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Today we come to you with thanksgiving for times of happiness and joy. We need to feel these emotions when our loads are so very heavy.

You are the creator and we know you can give us create ideas to keep our loved ones interested in life and able to enjoy life.

Amen

My best friend taught me something years ago. It is important when I am uptight about things to stop and ask myself, “Five years from now will this matter?”. That simple question helps me to put things into perspective. Rocking a grandchild to sleep and then holding them even after they are asleep really is more important than putting them down and washing the laundry. Grandchildren grow too big to do this in five years. There will be laundry to do always.

Devoting yourself to being the best caregiver possible will matter five years from now. Whether the one you care for is still here in five years or if you are no longer in the situation, you will be a very different person. You will be able to look back and cherish the good moments shared. You will be able to move on as a stronger person. You will be able to go to sleep at night knowing you gave your best and not toss and turn struggling with regrets.

There will be long days that leave you battle scarred. It will not always be easy. The tough days provide you opportunities to develop patience, offer forgiveness, walk by faith and express love at a greater capacity than you thought possible.

There will never be an awards show to recognize your outstanding devotion and service. There is not a salary high enough to compensate you for the long hours. Most of your sacrifice will only be seen by the one you care for. I believe deep in my heart that even those who had bad relationships in the past can still find love is given and received between the caregiver and the one that are caring for. The hidden gems may be found in a hand squeeze, a smile or even peaceful silence. If you look hard enough you will find them.

Taking time to reflect will reassure you that the choices you are making now do matter and will still matter in five years. Fashions change, music styles change, social agenda changes and technology changes. Live in the moment with the person you can for. They are changing each day. You can never get them back but you can always catch up to the other things changing around you.

Always remember when asking the question above, that each choice we make matters to God who never changes. In looking for a song to feature today, I took a trip to my days of serving in youth ministry. It reminds me that when we serve as caregivers we are God’s hands and feet. We serve Him when we make the choices to love no matter what the cost.

Word for Today

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. I Peter 4:10

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Our Loving Heavenly Father,

I come to you knowing you see every day. You see the times I get it right and when I really mess up. My desire is to be the best caregiver I can be. Forgive me as I get angry and help me forgive when my loved one gets angry with me. Be patient with me even when I lose my patience. The only way I can do this is with your help.

I choose to love and serve with these hands and this heart you have given me. I choose to serve as if I am serving you. Any accolades I receive, help me to lay them at your feet so You alone receive the glory.

Amen

Through the years I have observed a beautiful setting where paths have crossed that filled me with joy and terrible heartache at the same time. My children and nephew enjoyed the moments when their great grandmother was playful and giggling. My first observation of this was when I walked in to find my son trying to make the bed while she was throwing the sheets in the air and laughing. He had a puzzled look but laughed with her. As time passed they matured and loved visiting her. They were growing up and understood that she had Alzheimer’s disease so they made adjustments such as eating ice cream twice when she forgot they had eaten a bowl of ice cream. Her favorite card game was rook. They patiently played and allowed her to win when she forgot the color of the trump suit and changed it to whatever she played each hand.

Some days I would drive from my daughter’s home where I had just cut up food for a little one to my parents home where I cut up my mother’s food for her. While one was potty training the other was beginning to wear depends. The paths crossed as one grew up and the other faded away. The heaviness of seeing my mom like this was lifted by the joy of the little ones around me.

Every caregiver watches this crossing of paths. A child becomes the one protecting and nurturing the parent. As a spouse, you will get tiny glimpses into what your husband or wife was like as a child. For most of my adult life I always knew that just talking to my dad on the phone made things seem better, even if I never told him what difficulties I might be facing. Just hearing his voice gave me comfort and strength. The last years that Dad was with me, I faced a complete reversal of this. I was his comfort and strength. He depended on me always answering the phone when he called. My cell phone had a specific ringtone assigned to him. I almost always took his call because I knew he would have taken mine in the past.

When the paths cross embrace the love and memories. Look for the best. Take the one you love by the hand and assure them you will walk the path with them to the best of your abilities. You will guide them when they are confused. You will be a light when the path gets dark. You will hold them up when they stumble.

In order to lead you must be strong. The role of caregiving can drain your strength. There is a source of refilling and renewing. It was provided by a loving heavenly Father. He sees every struggle. He feels every heartache. He collects your tears. He loves you enough to send Jesus, his only son, to die for you. He intercedes on your behalf. Allow this to be your strength.

Word for Today

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. Psalm 119:105

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Sometimes the path twists and turns leaving me uncertain of where it is going. I am responsible for helping someone else along this path as well. Give me confidence in you when I feel overwhelmed. Give me peace when changes occur. Allow me to experience your peace and presence and then help me connect with the one I care for in a way that offers them the same peace. I have the ability to trust you and I know their soul can still feel you as well.

As we link arms on this path be our light to guide us. For this we give you praise.

Amen

Do you see a beautiful happy little person or a mess to clean up? So many times we are busy and only see the mess.

As a caregiver it is so vital that we see the person in front of us rather than the disease that they have. This helps us to look for the beauty that remains. When we become exhausted and frustrated this can be a challenge. Walk away when you need to and remind yourself that the person you once knew is still the same person. They just struggle allowing that person to shine through as they once did.

Today I would like to suggest some ideas to help them express their real self and perhaps recapture things they once loved. It may take some trial and effort but the reward of seeing joy and smiles on their faces is so worth the effort.

Think about what they were passionate about when they could express themselves. If they enjoyed fishing, hang the gone fishing sign and get outdoors if they are able to go. If they are not able, sit down and watch a fishing show or something on you tube about fishing. When they respond, hit the pause button and let them talk about their own fishing experiences. If they were an avid knitter, visit the store and look at yarns. Purchase some and let them just hold it if they can no longer knit.

My dad was an avid Alabama football fan. When I had to relocate him to another state to an assisted living near me I purchased a large Alabama wreath for his door. It provided a talking point for aides and other residents to interact with him about. I even put up a Christmas tree the first game of the season. Each time they won a game he got a new Bama related ornament. This resulted in banter with the employees and residents every week during football season. Of course we watched every game with him bringing his favorite meal and snacks to enjoy.

It my take a little thinking outside of the box to make adjustments, but it is very possible to find ways for them to still enjoy the things they have always enjoyed. Just slow down and let them experience and process at their own pace. Be in the moment with them as a person. Do not let the change in how they process rob them of experiences.

Seeing the person first and the disease second can be difficult. They may look like the child covered in paint when you get through with an art project, a baking session, or gardening adventure. Don’t see the mess. See the contentment on their faces.

It helps when you can access the time of their life that they seem to be living in. In the end stage of Alzheimer’s disease you may have to really dig. My own mother responded positively to the voices of children. Her great grandchildren learned songs from her early years and would sit on her bed and sing to her. This usually resulted in laughter from all of them. She would join in with the few words she could get out and then laugh with them.

Look for the things that brighten the day for both of you. Enjoy them as the person you know and love. Make the most of the beauty and overlook the mess.

When you can’t see past the disease, God will give you wisdom on how to. He gave me ideas when my own creativity was drained. He will be faithful to do the same for you.

Word for Today

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Heavenly Father,

We come to you today desiring to see the person we care for like you do. Every struggle we have along the way matters to you. You love us enough to guide us along the way. We ask that you open our eyes to truly see beyond this terrible disease and see the person with a heart of love. Show us how to remain connected.

Give us patience and kindness when we grow frustrated. Give us peace when confusion blocks our ability to communicate. Grant our desires to give and receive love each and every day.

Amen

The adventures of my life have allowed me to explore forests, trees, streams and coral reefs. Ah, but mountains are a different story. I have observed their beauty from land and air. Climbing one presents challenges. Several years ago we drove to Mount Rainier with the intentions of hiking. Soon we noticed that to do this we would need snow shoes even in the summer. We definitely were not prepared with warm jackets, hats, gloves or scarfs: hence, we observed from the base and threw snowballs. I could walk away disappointed but decided to be grateful for the beauty I took in.

There have been mountains in my life that didn’t seem to hold any beauty. All I could see was how they were blocking my path and presenting challenges I didn’t know how to handle. I prayed for them to be removed, but God didn’t seem to be listening. Climbing the jagged edges pierced my body and spirit. Battered and bruised I nursed my wounds and cried out “Why God?”.

With flagging faith I pressed forward holding on to God’s word and promises. Some of the words that kept me going were found in the Bible.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

Deuteronomy 31:8

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:12

God opened doors that needed to be opened. God made straight paths when I needed them. God strengthened me when I was afraid. He gave me comfort. He gave me peace. He gave me hope.

For now, the mountain of having a parent with Alzheimer’s and caring for them has been climbed and conquered. God chose to heal by allowing my mom to come to her final home where the pain and suffered are over. I can praise God with a joyful heart for that.

There are other mountains I still face. God is leading me with hope as I face them. He alone knows what the future holds. I know I can trust him. He loved me enough to send His son, Jesus, to tear the veil separating me from God. This relationship with God has seen me through many trials. I have been able to walk away stronger and fuller of faith with the cuts and bruises healed.

I share this glimpse into my life because this is my story. People can accuse God of being a crutch. I shout for joy that I have such a powerful crutch to lean on.

Caregivers need all of the help they can get. No person can feel your concerns, worries, fears, and pain. Friends try. Counselors try. God created you. He gave you the ability to have emotions so He alone gets it. I encourage you to turn to the greatest source of help you will ever find.

If you disagree with my faith, that is alright too. I know that God gave each of us choices. I ask that you simply respect my choices and hope that other things I offer here will be helpful to you.

Every post is written with love and concern for those who have answered the call to be a caregiver. Some stepped up willingly while others had no choice. Either way, you are a caregiver. You have joined an army across the world who are working just as hard as you. Any time we can encourage each other we need to.

Word for Today

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. I Corinthians 1:18

Song for Today

( This testimony and song remind us that sometimes we don’t have to understand what God is doing. I can relate. You may see me as someone who has it all together. I do not. I simply walk by faith.)

Prayer for Today,

Dear God,

I am facing mountains in my life. Sometimes it is hard to believe. Give me more faith when mine is small. Help me to accept the mountain knowing that you have a plan. Hold my hand as I climb it and teach me as I climb.

Amen.

If you are someone who has just learned that a close family member or friend has Alzheimer’s disease you may be overwhelmed. You are suffering the gradual loss of a loved one as well as giving up the dreams you had for the rest of your life together. This is painful and unpleasant. You may find yourself retreating as your minds races and your emotions swirl around you. You may begin to experience grief but feel you must hide it. That presents a fine balancing act of taking care of your loved one and taking care of yourself. This is all normal.

You have entered into grief. Many in the field of mental health state there are stages of grief. Everyone does not go through all of the stages or in any particular order. I found myself cycling and bouncing around.

The 5 stages most list are :

• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• depression
• acceptance

In stage one we don’t want to believe the diagnosis. We pull away and isolate ourselves to process the thoughts. Take your time. You will need a support network. Before you start building it though, realize that they will not understand that you don’t even know what help you will need yet. At first, you will just need their prayers and arms to hold you as you cry.

An earthquake has just rattled your world. Aftershocks will occur in the coming days so don’t be surprised. The shocks will soon be felt by your family, neighbors and friends. I held on tightly to my faith and God helped me work through the hardest days. He will do the same for you. As time passes you will discover you are stronger than you ever thought you could be.

Alzheimer’s has been described as the long goodbye. You will need to allow yourself to grieve the small losses along the way, This helps you to focus on making the most of what you still have left. Tears will fall but moments of happiness can still occur. Learning to relax and ride the waves, rather than fighting them, makes it easier.

At a later date I will address the other steps of grief. In parting, know that life has changed but your love for each other has not. Love can override fear, anxiety, and hopelessness.

Word for Today

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I come today wracked by pain and brokenness. I simply cannot do this alone. I need you to hold me. I need you to give me hope as I work through the news I have received. My words and thoughts are so scattered so most of my prayer will be tears and groaning.

I know you understand. I place my trust in you.

Amen

As caregivers we often forget that perhaps we are in the greatest ministry we will ever be asked to do when we provide care for someone who needs it so very much. God reminds me of this often. A beautiful lady lives in the facility near my home. On my first encounter with her, she was sitting quietly reading her Bible. As time passed she lost the ability to read and to talk. One day I walked with her to her room and noticed the beautiful quilts on the bed and wall. She was pleased that I talked about them. This was the first of many visits. One day when I walked into the living room area I saw her coming down the hall. She started smiling and laughing as she made her way to me. My heart was overcome with joy. It truly made my day. Then as I sat by her side she reached over and patted my knee and gave me a half smile. Fighting tears, I smiled back. She had no way of knowing that my mom had the same smile and often patted the knee of a grandchild to show love.

The greatest ministry I have ever done was when I was the weakest. Full of fear, uncertainty, heartache and feelings of inadequacy I stepped into being a caregiver. I, an ordinary woman, was able to do extraordinary things empowered and led by my extraordinary God. Today marks the fourth anniversary of Mom’s passing. God was faithful to see us through.

Remember on the days that are difficult that all you do is as unto the Lord. Sometimes the greatest ministers are those we call unsung heroes. They minister behind closed doors. Changing adult diapers, handling behavior issues, making finances balance and missing out on fun with friends doesn’t feel rewarding or great. The rewards in heaven will be amazing. Just imagine hearing the words, “well done my good and faithful servant”.

Remember that God is extraordinary and He is right beside you. He sees your struggles. He sees your failures. He sees you burden. He is there to help you carry it.

Remember that caregiver is for a season. When it ends, you will look back and see it was perhaps the greatest ministry you ever did as well. Caring for the two beautiful people below is one of the highest honors God has given me. That season has ended but my heart overflows with joy for the time I had with them.

Word for Today

 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Matthew 25:39-40

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

God,

I come to you today humbled to be your servant in this ministry to my loved one. Care giving is such a demanding ministry that tests me daily. I need answers. I need courage and I need strength. I know I will make mistakes. I know I will lose my cool and get frustrated. I ask for forgiveness on the days that I mess up. Help me lo love with the same compassion that Jesus loves me with.

Help me to see that in your eyes my obedience is what counts. Help me to remember that this is about putting the needs of others ahead of my own. Give me hope when I forget. Help me to serve until I hear your voice welcoming me with “well done”.

Amen

Maybe you find yourself sitting in silence as Christmas approaches. Instead of anticipating parties, family gatherings, and shopping, you are dreading the holidays. Life has left you feeling wrung out and exhausted. Dreams have faded and you are losing hope.

Take time to listen for God’s voice on your silent night. He lead shepherds to a manger. He lead the three kings to the one true King. He will lead you into His loving arms. His peace will replace your fears. His comfort will heal your pain. His love will hold your broken heart.

Take time to allow God to become your caregiver.

Word for Today

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

We thank you for sending your son, Jesus so that we can have hope. This world is hard sometimes and very difficult to walk alone. Help us to remember that you stand waiting on us to cry out to you. You catch the tears and hold us in the palm of your hand.

Forgive us for waiting until we have come to the end of ourselves before turning to you. Thank you for patiently waiting on us to ask for your help. Thank you for gently leading us to Jesus, our hope each and every day.

Amen