As long as I have the ability to write words of encouragement and hope for caregivers, I will write. You are people who understand that life isn’t fair. You are on the front line engaged in battle daily taking care of someone who has Alzheimer’s. It is a disease that attacks everyone. It crosses lines of privilege, oppression, income, race and gender. It robs you of a relationship that you treasure.
You are too busy taking care of someone who needs you to even watch the news and you are not marching to protest the unfairness. Many of you have given up your rights to spend your money on pleasure, your rights to earn a living, your rights to see your dreams come true. You suffer in silence and loneliness as you meet the needs of those who cannot help themselves. You even feel guilty when you can’t give more than you do.
Most of you do what you do because you understand a deeper love than many people will ever experience. Many of you find your strength in God. I write this blog because I know that is where I find my strength. I make no apologies for openly sharing my faith. If I could wrap my arms around you to comfort you I would.
You don’t have to walk this out alone. God is in this with you, just reach out and embrace His love. You are a beautiful person or you would not be doing what you are doing. You may face guilt, anger and even pain. These feelings are a part of you. Ask God to show you how to handle each day. Stay true to yourself by following God’s lead.
Here are a few helpful tips for filling the long hours.
Give a hand massage.
Listen to favorite music and color or paint.
Look at old pictures.
Play cards. ( who cares if rules are followed)
Feed the birds
Sit on the porch and sip lemonade
Model with play dough
Take a walk
Enjoy an ice cream cone
Find a way to smile!
Word for Today
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
I come today knowing you are my comfort and my strength. You understand my daily struggles and you care about me. When I get frustrated and tired help me remember that I am not in this alone. Show me how to serve and consider it an act of service to ones I truly love. Heal my hurts so that I can carry on.
I praise you for the hope I rest in because of you.
Sea glass is one of my favorite treasures to collect on the beach. It is a piece of broken and discarded glass that has been battered by storms and waves. The process has transformed the broken shard into something beautiful.
Perhaps you can relate to this. You feel like Alzheimer’s broke you and the one you love into jagged pieces and then tossed you into the sea. There is a vast ocean that a caregiver must survive. You feel the heavy weight of bearing the load of a caregiver as your feet sink into the ocean floor. The under toll of grief threatens to drag you out to sea. Waves of emotions batter you as you struggle to get to shore. These waves are coming from ever changing directions. A small one brings fear. A larger one crashes over your head almost knocking you off your feet with sorrow. A peacefulness will gently ripple by leaving sadness in its wake. The others bring anger, frustration and on rare occasions joy.
The storms and waves will transform you. You will be a different person when you finally land on shore. Unfortunately, you will wash ashore alone after saying goodbye to the one you loved and provided care for.
Then you just want to lay in the warmth of the sun and rest. Maybe you are not ready to be picked up by someone yet. That is perfectly acceptably for a time. Just rest in God’s healing and allow Him to give you strength and courage to get up and begin to live again. You must get up and live again though. It may be a slow process. Don’t be rushed. Grief takes time.
During the process of finding a new normal there are some things you can do.
Take your time.
Accept that it is alright to feel happiness again.
Expect things to trigger waves of grief.
Seek help from clergy or a counselor if you feel stuck
Continue the legacy of the one you loved.
I made a choice to continue the legacy of my parents in several ways. My mom was the practical one and loved to take walks so I walk in the walk to end Alzheimer’s for her. My dad was the people person who never met a stranger so I write this blog to help people. They both taught me to love deeply so I volunteer to show that love.
Think about what the person you lost cared about and continue their legacy. You will discover in the process that you have been transformed by God through the battering of the storm as you trusted Him to see you through. You can reflect His glory and be a beautiful treasure.
Word for Today
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:7-9
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
I come to you full of questions some days. Your plan was different than mine. I try to accept this but some days it is hard. I just need you to hold me in your arms and remind me that death on this earth is just one more step in my journey to my true home. Help me to be strong and live my life to bring you glory.
Have you missed me? I am still here. My husband has a habit of thinking if a little is good, then more has to be better. This line of thinking has produced a bumper crop of blackberries. I have made blackberry jelly, blackberry lemonade, blackberry juice, blackberry syrup and even seem to have a natural nail polish called blackberry stain. We have frozen them and freeze dried them. We have given them to any neighbor or relative who will take them. We sold some. They will still be bearing for a couple of more weeks. We are experiencing a true blackberry overload!
My husband thinned the plants out and gave many away in early spring. There is a scripture that states “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (Luke 6:38) That one has proven true!
That made me reflect on just how much caregivers give of themselves. At the time you see small returns such as a hand squeeze, a smile or a hug. There will be many rewards someday. You will be rewarded by God for your gift of unselfishness. He is watching when no one else sees the sacrifices you make.
Today I simply want to remind you that you are amazing and God sees what you are giving. Thank you for laying down yourself to make another person’s life richer.
Word for Today
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 15:5-6
Song for Today
A reminder that living in the moment is when we can give our best!
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
I begin today by praising you for your many gifts to me. Always. they are so much more than I deserve. Show me how to share your love to those around me. When I feel unappreciated, help me to remember that I am meeting the needs placing in front of me for these moments. Help me to look for the little joys along the way.
Two days ago I picked these lovely beauties. They sit beside me as I write today. As I glance over at them I notice that some of the petals are already drooping. It makes me thankful that I captured them in a photo while they were at their best.
We live in bodies that pass their prime physically and mentally but we should never loose our beauty or fail to see the beauty in the people around us that lives in hearts and souls. There are days that a caregiver sees only the things they have lost rather than focusing on what they had still have. I was reminded of just how much love and joy are still alive one day by a lovely woman who reminded me very much of my own mother.
I always spoke to her and hugged her when I visited. After being very busy for a few months, I returned to the facility she lived at to volunteer. When she saw me she came as fast as she still could with dancing blue eyes and a huge smile. When I wrapped my arms around her, she began to giggle. My heart filled with joy. Her heart connected with mine even when she could no longer talk. This gave me a glimpse at what a beautiful woman she once was to her family and still was to anyone who took the time to see it.
Never forget that the true heart and soul are still very much alive and full of beauty and personality that just cannot be expressed as they once were. It is so easy to only see the annoying traits and habits. We have to peer behide the mask brought on by dementia and see the person we love. I know some people may not be known or remembered for their kindness, gentleness, peacefulness, faithfulness or other wonderful qualities. If that is the case, you may need a little help. God sees the beauty in every person. He can open your eyes to see that as well.
You may even have to forgive the person for hurts from the past. No one is perfect and we make mistakes. By forgiving mistakes we are able to move beyond pain and resolve differences. In our world right now we see too much conflict and anger. May God help us to keep our hope focused on the beauty.
Today I had the ability to walk outside, breathe fresh air and observe the blooming flowers, hovering hummingbirds, and butterflies. Yellow finches were perched on growing sunflowers. I chatted for a few minutes with a friend and sister in Christ. We agreed to pray for each others needs. I felt the beauty of her heart as I was surrounded by the beauty of God’s creations.
This is so reassuring after seeing the news. Remember that no matter what the world looks like, God offers comfort and peace. Take a break to reflect on the beauty of His creation. Praise Him for the gift of Jesus. Rest in His arms and find peace.
Word for Today
I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint. Jeremiah 31:25
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
You see the current events we are facing. You see struggles and fears. We come to you today asking for peace within our hearts and souls. Show us the beauty in the midst of our situations. Calm us so that we can calm the ones we care. They may not comprehend the news, but they can feel the tension in people around them.
In the financial world we are advised to have an emergency fund for things like job loss, unexpected events such as natural disasters and emergency illnesses. We should also have a rainy day fund for things that we know will happen, but we just don’t know when. Examples include car repairs, a washing machine that dies or a leak in the toilet. It is just as important to set aside savings for the rainy day fund as it is for the emergency fund.
All caregivers need a practical rainy day closet. This is where we stash easy art projects, favorite music, puzzle collections, scrapbooks, photo albums or anything that might bring pleasure on a miserable day. Boredom leads to wandering and poor behavior for young children and seniors with dementia. I learned this the hard way. Just turning my back on young grandchildren for a few minutes could result in an amazing array of things pulled out and explored. Turning my back on my mother to wash dishes proved to be a disaster as well. I heard her open the refrigerator. Then I heard a commotion. I turned to see mom removing everything. I asked, “What are you doing?”. She replied, “I am cleaning out this refrigerator.”. It was keeping her busy, so I returned to my dishes. Then I heard the door to the garage close. I looked around to see an empty refrigerator and a full counter. I peeked into the garage to see her busily sweeping. Since the garage was closed, I felt that she was safe so I replaced the food. Next the door opened and closed. Then I heard the door to the freezer open. When I turned around, Mom had a butcher knife and was stabbing the ice in the freezer to get ice instead of using the dispenser in the door. I gently convinced her to hand me the knife , breathed a sigh f relief and prayed she would be ready for a nap soon.
I quickly learned to keep both grandchildren and my mom safely occupied. This resulted in having a stash of coloring books, colored pencils (these don’t melt in the car like crayons), reading materials, games and toys stashed in a special spot for the grandkids. At mom’s house we placed hummingbird and regular bird feeders near the windows. We had a collection of Bill Gaither dvds near the television. All you have to do is think about their interest and begin stocking the closet for a rainy day.
Caregivers also need a well stocked closet for themselves that they can turn to on a rainy day. You know the days I am talking about. They are the ones when the tears roll down your cheeks like raindrops. They are the ones that have drained your joy, energy, emotions and spirits. In this closet keep scriptures that reassure you. Add to this songs that encourage you. Save devotions that you read that spoke to your heart. Have a huge post it note on the closet door to remind you to offer praise even in the storm. I have found that praising God in the middle of the storm keeps my hope and faith focused on the good rather than sinking down into the pit of despair. Sometimes we will slip in the mud but we don’t have to remain stuck! God is so faithful to turn those tears into a refreshing stream that he leads us beside.
The beauty of having those rainy day closets well stocked is shown in this story. One man that I came to love when volunteering had a beautiful scrapbook that his daughter made. It told the story of his life through photos, newspaper clippings and her notes. He loved to look at it even though he had no memory of what was in it. He would always stop at the photo of his wife and comment on how beautiful this woman was. When he was having a down day someone would look at it with him. That book gave me volumes of information on how to relate to him. He had been a chemist so when I gave him a cookie he would break it into pieces. I would then talk about molecular structure and chemical makeup of the cookie. He would get a smile on his face and thoroughly make a mess, but it was a happy mess.
Someone had donated dolls that looked and felt like real babies. The employees had seen the many photos of him with his children and grandchildren. They walked him to the baby corner. He instantly cuddled a baby on his chest and gave it kisses on the cheek. This became his morning routine. Perhaps you can make a book like this for your rainy day closet.
A few nights ago, my mind was troubled by all of the news stories. I know that God is in control; however, the enemy always wants to place fear in our hearts and minds. I decided to replace those thoughts with God’s peace. I went into the bedroom and searched for music that soothed my soul. When I closed my eyes, I was at peace. Perhaps you should look for songs that bring you peace.
Rainy days will come. We should prepare for them before we face them.
Word for Today
Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that openly profess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. Hebrews 13:15-16
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
We praise you for the rainy days. That is the time that you prove your faithfulness to us. As we turn to your Word, let it be planted deep in us, so that we can be reminded in the storms that you are with us.
Give us ideas as caregivers of how to nourish the minds, hearts and souls of those we care for as well as ourselves. Give us creative ideas. Give us courage to remain steadfast on the good days and the bad.
Today I have been reflecting over my relationship with my father. There was never any doubt of his love for me. I can remember waking one morning when I was about 5. I ran in to see my dad who worked the evening shift. He was not in the bedroom. I looked through the house and he was not at home. There was snow on the ground and he had not been able to drive all the way home. We did not have a phone at the time so my mother must have been terribly worried. Being a child, I was crying because my dad was not home. Mom was being bold on the outside but must have been crying on the inside. It was miserable for all of us. We knew how deeply he cared for us, so we feared that he had been in an accident.
Late in the day my dad came trudging through the snow exhausted. When he left the plant, he thought that he could make it home. As the snow piled up he was forced to leave the car and walk toward the first house he could get to. The couple welcomed him in, fed him and offered him a blanket to sleep by their fire. When he had rested for a while, he was determined to get home so he walked in the snow for about 5 miles to get home to us.
Living in the rural south seldom brings snow like this. Thankfully, that was the last time this happened in our family. As a high school senior I attended college in the afternoon. One afternoon I exited the building to find that during the time I attended a lecture and lab, one of those unusual snowfalls had occurred. Being young and invincible, I attempted to drive home. The fresh snow presented no problem. I got about half way home and decided that I should stop at an aunt’s home and call my mom. She very quickly demanded that I stay put for the evening. I kept assuring her that I could make it home. She must have had memories of the evening dad got stuck and stood her ground.
I remember how hard my dad worked to provide for us. He labored in an aluminum production plant with hot furnaces. One thing I never recall hearing was a complaint about how miserable it had to be. In his spare time he coached baseball, gardened, and served in leadership for the band boosters, football boosters and Lion’s club. He was at every event or game my brother and I had unless his work prevented it. He was often at our schools due to his involvement. Most students would have panicked if they heard their parent was in the school office. I smiled. It meant I had a ride home and did not have to take the bus. Dad always hung around and waited for us.
Through many years his voice on the phone offered encouragement even when I didn’t tell him that I needed encouraged. Then one day that all changed. My voice was offering him encouragement. It happened gradually and took some adjustments on my part. The man who raised me, walked me down the aisle and cheered from afar through most of my adult years now showed signs of weakness. It was an honor to pour back into his life.
The transition was not always easy though. I tried to show respect and plant ideas for him to think about. He would do just that and then call me about this great idea he had. I would agree that it was a great idea and then we would put it into action. Some days things did not go quite so smoothly. I would back off until a better time or mood and then navigate carefully. I am convinced of these things. Our bond of love provided a foundation that gave us strength. God gave me wisdom and Dad grace for the days that were tougher. Our Heavenly Father, God, was looking out for the good of us all.
I am truly blessed to have been a Daddy’s girl and a heavenly father’s girl. A driving force in my life was to never disappoint either. When I failed, both forgave and wrapped me in mercy and forgiveness.
I miss my daddy’s voice. Please record videos and conversations now while you can. I am trying to journal when I hear my heavenly Father’s voice as well. On the days that He seems silent, I have those words as well as the Bible to turn to. We all need words of love, forgiveness and wisdom in our lives.
My Wonderful Parents
Word for Today
“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Ephesians 6:2-3
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
I praise you that no matter how far we may drift, you are waiting with open arms. I praise you for being the lamp that lights my path on the dark days and fills my heart with joy through trials.
On the days that I think I am a mature adult who has life figured out, remember that I am your child who still desperately needs you. Be patient with me as I learn to seek you before racing ahead of your plan. While I outgrew depending on my earthly father, I will never outgrow depending on you.
“For there is no friend like a sister in calm or stormy weather; To cheer one on the tedious way, To fetch one if one goes astray, To lift one if one totters down, To strengthen whilst one stands.” —Christina Rossetti
The only sisters I have in my life are friends who are close and dear and a sister-in-law. My mom had three and each are like second moms to me. They spoiled me and each contributed to my life in their own unique ways. I learned much from watching their interactions with each other. When my mom developed Alzheimer’s they stayed by her side.
In a previous post I talked about a bridge that must be built when a person transitions from home care to an assisted living or nursing home. One the the building blocks of that bridge is labeled communication.
Image with me for a few minutes that my mom and two of her sisters all had been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. (That could have happened since that often occurs in siblings) In this imaginary story the characters are real.
My brother, my cousins and I had a family meeting. We discussed ideas and options. We decided that since long term memories fade last, it be best to place them in an assisted living together. They would have each other when we were not able to visit and as their memories faded.
Our research led us to a wonderful facility with a lovely courtyard filled with flowers. Flowers were a common thing each of our mother’s loved. We placed our names on waiting list until we could move them in. We even made arrangements to bring them to the courtyard for a picnic lunch to see how they reacted.
Time passed and we moved all three in on the same day. We tried to inform the activities director about their interests, favorite things, family members, etc. Each seemed to like the idea of being together. We were told by staff that they loved the courtyard and usually visited together there each day that was pleasant enough outside to allow it.
One day I received a call. The voice on the other end of the call seemed distressed. Apparently, the daily outing had turned into chaos. First, my mother had grabbed a broom and began running around beating the ground. A few feet away from her lay her sister on the ground out cold. She had screamed and fainted. The other sister was in a corner shaking and crying hysterically. I jumped in my car and rushed over. In the parking lot I met two cousins who had received calls that sounded similar to mine. We walked in together to find calm mothers napping.
We asked to go to the courtyard to see if we could piece together what had caused the chaos. It took one of us seeing a mouse to figure out why my mother had grabbed a broom. We then began to look for frogs and worms. Sure enough we found both. Laughing now, we all walked in together feeling a little guilty. It had never occurred to any of us to let them know that my mom had an irrational fear of mice. One sister had an irrational fear of worms and the other of frogs; hence, chaos would be the typical result if they each encountered their fear at the same time.
That one simple piece of communication could have prepared the staff much better for such an occasion to arise. Thankfully, this is an imaginary story. Keep in mind though that fears can be magnified with dementia and this could have been a truly chaotic moment resulting in unnecessary medication of residents and possible resignation of inexperienced staff.
This concludes our imaginary story. I hope it has opened your eyes to how important communication is. Begin making a list now of important details that one should know about your loved one. Include a daily schedule and any routines that you have. This is beneficial for family and friends that step in to help or in emergency situations. Sometimes just a little shared information makes a huge difference.
Here is a little information that makes a huge difference. There may come a time that you become overwhelmed and must make a decision about accepting in home assistance or placing a loved one somewhere for care. It is alright to make that decision. I had to make it with both of my parents. The end result was they received excellent care and I was able to visit as often as I desired with no time restrictions. The visits were pleasant because I was their daughter and not the mean one making them do things they didn’t like. I came with surprises and treats such as fresh strawberries and their favorite meal. Our time together was spent talking and with me loving on them. It brought a little more balance into my life. I could see a grandchild’s soccer game or visit a friend.
Be blessed today. Know that God still loves you and will give you wisdom as you face tough decisions.
Word for Today
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
We thank you today for your perfect peace. When we struggle with decisions, you will give us wisdom. Help us when we struggle with these decisions because sometimes they are painful. In our human minds we cannot always comprehend that you are at work in all of our lives and you will guide us.
Help us to trust you when we can’t see the future and walk by faith alone.
After days of prayer and struggling with what to share at this current time I have decided it is time to tell a little of my story. It is not a fairy tale. I have known my share of pain. I am only sharing the truth of where my hope and strength come from. I want this to bring hope to any reader that needs to hear it. If you are a caregiver, please forgive me for using this blog today for this purpose but I feel a leading to do so.
As a child I lived in somewhat of a bubble. I was surrounded by loving family with both sets of grandparents nearby. The community was one where everyone knew everyone else. Our home was in the southern countryside. Social life consisted of family dinners, church cookouts, school activities, gathering to work the garden or chase fireflies. Social media consisted of a phone on the wall that was a party line. You only answered if you were willing to have your closest neighbors listen in.
My grandmother read me bible stories and Sunday School teachers poured into my tender heart. I accepted Jesus as my Savior at an early age. One Christmas eve we were gathered as an extended family when I was about 12 years old. I remember walking outside alone overwhelmed with a sense of love wrapped around me. I stood looking at the star lit night and felt God calling me to a closer walk with him.
A little while later I read The Cross and the Switchblade by David Wilkerson. The story of the work God was doing in the lives of gang members in New York both thrilled and terrified me. The description of what was happening burst the protecting bubble that had encased my life. I began to see the evil in the world. The possibility of God calling me to a work like that is what frightened me. I knew I had to be willing to step through any doors God opened.
Through my teen years God was faithful to draw me closer to him. I made a few mistakes along the way but God’s amazing grace covered my sin. I went to college and married my amazing husband. We had two children and began teaching them about God. As I rocked each child, I would sing…
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus; there’s just something about that name. Master, Savior, Jesus, like the fragrance after the rain; Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, let all Heaven and earth proclaim Kings and kingdoms will all pass away But there is something about that name.
Time passed and doors started to open. We began working with the children’s ministry at our church. We found ourselves in Birmingham, Alabama for a ministry training. The man leading the training held a service for children in the inner city. We sat on the floor with them during the service. When the service was over some of us remained with him to take a walk through the area the children came from. We stepped over broken glass, used needles and old condoms scattered on the sidewalk. We talked with a young girl about 12 years old who carried a baby in her arms. I asked if she was her sister and heard back, “No, this is my baby”. My heart was breaking as I talked with her.
God has taught me much. One evening we sat in a parking lot talking to a group of affluent white teens who were driving vehicles we would never be able to afford. They were gathered because a couple of friends had been killed in a car accident nearby a few days before. God had allowed our paths to cross and we were there to just listen and love on them. One young man asked, “Do you have any kids?”. When we replied yes, he asked, “Are they good kids?. Again, we told him yes. His next question was, “What did you do right?”. That one question truly showed me his heart. He had parents who gave him every material thing he wanted. He did not feel loved from the material things. He wanted a relationship with his parents.
One cold winter night in downtown Atlanta a group gathered to pray over the city in a vacant lot. We had just fed a meal to the homeless and they were settling in for the evening in cardboard tents on the edges of the lot. We asked if we could pray and then formed a circle. Slowly, the circle grew as they heard our voices and began to join hands between us. To begin the pray time we were singing praises to God. My husband turned to the man on his left and asked if he could pray for him. The man replied he could but first he wanted to pray for him. Beautiful words poured from his mouth that brought tears to my eyes. This man obviously had a walk with the Lord and lived in a box on the streets. Hardships had not turned him from God.
During the last few years I have ministered to those with Alzheimer’s disease and their caregivers. I have seen that this disease crosses all social and race lines. It is a horrible disease. One of the most beautiful memories I have is from a discussion that happened one morning at a skilled care assisted living. I knew these residents. I knew most of them could not remember if they had breakfast or where the bathroom was. A local pastor was talking to them about people and events from the bible. They listened intently. He gently lead them. For example, he told them there was a young man who killed a giant. He hesitated until one of them said, “It was David”. This went on until he started to quote a verse only to be interrupted by someone finishing the verse. By this time, everyone was alert. To my amazement, one of them added the bible reference by book and verse correctly. That is when God brought this to my memory.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8
I then realized that even when the thief is robbing them of their memory through Alzheimer’s, God’s word remains with them!
I have seen that whether you are black, white, rich, poor or somewhere in the middle, you have a hole in your heart and life that can only be filled with the gift God gave us through Jesus. He broke all barriers that keep us from peace and belonging to a family that meets all of our needs.
In the book of Ephesians we read about how reconciliation came to divided groups of people.
Jew and Gentile Reconciled Through Christ
” Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called “uncircumcised” by those who call themselves “the circumcision” (which is done in the body by human hands)remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ.
For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.
Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.”
I told you a bit of my story and this passage to share from my heart today.
What if we can see this passage as an example for today’s world? God has called all of us to be reconciled to him through Christ. He already sees every man and woman as members of his household. The dinner table would have people from every social circle, every nationality, every skin color and every gender. The equality comes from accepting Christ into your life.
I promise you God is faithful to meet you where you are. Your life will not be perfect with no problems. You will still have hurt, sorrows and struggles. You will not be carrying it alone though. I can promise you that God’s love will surround you in those times. I write these words with this verse in mind.
Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak.
I Corinthians 8:9
I have a right to freedom of speech; however, I do not want to offend anyone. The words I write today come from the story of my life. They offer words of hope. I pass no judgment. I shout no words of protest. I just want you to find hope and peace. People are angry. People are hurting. People are broken. People need the Lord. All you have to do is cry out to him. Just like the teens I mentioned earlier needed a relationship with their parents, you need a relationship with God.
Word for Today
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with oneanother in love. Ephesians 4:2
Song for Today
Prayer for Today,
Father God,
I come to you today pouring out my praise. The story of my life is written by you. You have been so faithful to guide my life and provide and protect.
I ask that you will draw hearts to you today. Pour out your amazing love and forgiveness to those who seek you. Fill the holes with the love of Christ. Tear down barriers and walls that the enemy has used to separate us. Bring healing to individuals, families, and communities. Help us to see that the our problems are really the conditions of our hearts. When we surrender those to you we have the ability to love more deeply.
I pour out my praise to you because you are the breathe in my lungs.
A person with Alzheimer’s may have excellent hearing when tested but has difficulty in processing what they hear. Confusion and anxiety occur when they try to respond or communicate in response to what they are hearing. There are things we can do tho help them. Keeping a calm and quiet environment helps. Pausing in conversation and allowing them time to respond can cut down on their frustration when they are trying to talk.
Today we are going to talk about the pauses that are necessary for both the caregiver and the person with Alzheimer’s. In a musical score you will find pause marks. One is known as the fermata. When a musician sees a fermata over a note they know to watch their director carefully. The director will hold or extend the note longer than normal. A fermata over a rest indicates the director will extend the rest or pause. We can apply this to conversation with someone with Alzheimer’s. You will have to extend the pause so they can catch up. Professional speakers already use this. They pause in their presentation for dramatic effect or to allow you to process what they have just said.
When you give directions to someone with Alzheimer’s you must keep them simple. Have you ever sent a young child upstairs to get their shoes, socks and soccer uniform? They might start upstairs, stop to pick up the cat and see a book they had lost. They pick the book up, find a cozy spot on the stair landing and disappear into the imaginary world of their book. This is where a dramatic pause is needed. Take a deep breath and remind your child to look for their uniform. Then remind them to get shoes and socks too. Lastly, remind yourself that they will be mature and responsible one day. While waiting for that day, feel free to use their full name. Every kid knows that is when mom means business.
Living with an adult whose attention span is compromised is even more difficult. You must respect the adult and show patience while knowing it will never get better. Take a dramatic pause and remind yourself to keep instructions simple while speaking calmly and slowly.
As a caregiver life will move to a different rhythm than we are used to. There will be uses for fermata marks on our life’s musical score. Sometimes, the one you are caring for will need a note to be held a little longer. They are enjoying a moment and just want to stay in place a little longer. Don’t rush. Live in the moment with them. At other times it feels like an emotional roller coaster. A fermata pause of extended rest is critical. Place yourself and the one you love in time out. Back off and let things calm down before resuming an activity. Let the silence speak loudly.
Keep in mind that you are the director and they trust you with the fermata marks. You must read their actions, facial expressions and words. You will know when to slow down and stay in the moment or when to cease all words and activity. They may hear your words but they respond to how the words are said. The tone of your voice can offer reassurance. If you have ever heard the words “no, I’m fine” spoken crisply and coldly, then you knew they really mean “I am upset with you”. The words are important but how you say them is more important.
Caregiving is demanding. You will need fermata marks to extend your rest most days. Trust God to direct these times in your life. Don’t be afraid to silence the demands long enough to allow God to refresh you. The word Selah is a Hebrew word found 71 times in the book of psalms. Some think it may mean a break in the song. Could it be that God is directing your life and He is well aware of when you need an extended rest to simply be refreshed? The refreshing can come in unexpected moments. Samuel was laying down when God called out to him. He learned to reply, “speak Lord, your servant listens”.
I took a femata pause this week. Sitting on my porch with my eyes closed, I heard rain trickling down the rain chain. I heard the beating of a hummingbird’s wings as it passed. I heard a bobwhite calling out. I joined in. My grandfather taught me the art of “calling up the bobwhite”. I repeated the call and waited for it’s call. I could hear the bird getting closer to the house. Sometimes I think God calls out and we don’t call back to draw him closer. He is patient and draws closer to us. He then waits until we respond.
God can be the director of your life. You can trust Him to speak and refresh. I have had ideas on caring for my parents that were given to me by God. Sometimes knowing the voice of Jesus made life richer. As I learned to listen I became a better caregiver. My parents could hear and feel the difference in my words and actions. My prayer is that this will happen for you.
Word for Today
My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. John 10:27
Song for Today
Prayer for Today,
God,
I come to you today ready to listen to your voice. I need you directing my life. Show me when to speak and when to listen. Help me to pause and reflect on your words. Help me to process what you are asking of me.
Help me to show compassion and care in how I communicate. Calm and reassure me so that I can calm and reassure others.
Thank you for waiting on me when I don’t call out to you.
This morning as I sat on my porch, I listened to the wind chimes and birds as I prayed. Before long I began to join in their song. Musical talent oozes out of my husband, children and grandchildren. They tell me I listen well. God has the amazing ability to enjoy my melody even when it is off key. My joyful noise comes from my heart so I know God is well pleased.
There have been many days during my life when that song was lost. Dark days filled with heartache and sadness robbed me of joy. There were more tears than laughter. Demands took my attention and focus from being on the Lord. Fun activities gave me reprieves but something was still missing. The times I found myself going through the motions of life and not truly living life were when I noticed my song had gone silent.
As I reflected on these thoughts, I felt a breeze and heard a soft note from my wind chime. Then I remembered that the stormiest days are when its song plays the loudest. The hard truth hit me that my song should be singing its loudest praise when life’s storms hit. The only way this can happen is for me to keep my focus fixed on Christ each day. That is how we live each moment rather than go through the motions. Our faith becomes stronger as we see him carry us through.
The peaceful melody comes from our heart. It softens the blows on bad days. It helps us find rest in the night when the enemy battles our minds. It gives us boldness because we know we are not alone. It encourages us when tempers flare, accidents happen and stubbornness prevails. When the money runs low, he is our provider. When the news is bad, he is our healer. He makes a way when we stumble.
Have you lost your song? I encourage you to simply begin to thank God for the smallest of things. Look for the moments that you know God was walking beside you. Remember where he brought you from. Turn to God’s word and see how songs have filled the history of God and his children.
In the bible we learn that when Moses was handing the leadership of Israel over to Joshua he spoke to the people and presented the song God had given him. This song was to warn the people that even after they were in the land of milk and honey they would turn from God. God loves us even when he knows we will fall away at times.
Moses continued to speak after delivering the song. Here are the words he spoke. “Take to heart all the words I have solemnly declared to you this day, so that you may command your children to obey carefully all the words of this law. They are not just idle words for you—they are your life. By them you will live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to possess.”
Our life song can be found in God as well. We can live our life and be filled with a song. My song may be off key but it is beautiful to God’s ears. God is waiting to hear your beautiful song as well. As you begin to sing it, the one you care for will feel the difference in your attitude and may even join in.
Word for Today
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28:7
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
God,
My heart sings out praises to you. You are faithful. You are strong when I am weak. You fight my battles when I am tired. You carry my burdens when I am overwhelmed. You fill my night with song.
I come today laying aside my cares asking to be refreshed. Hear my melody of praise even if it begins as a gently hum offered up. Tears may roll down my face but my hope is in you. I will lift up my voice in faith that you will meet me. Help me to never lose my song of praise.
Walking Them Home 