My dad worked in the cast house of a plant that produced huge aluminum ingots. The heat was intense. He wore fire resistant clothing to protect himself. He was knowledgeable about the danger. A blast from the furnace held intense heat. It would have been foolish to let a new employee face this danger without educating him first. Late one night there was an explosion. My dad had already clocked out and was on his way home.
When you hear Alzheimer’s disease or other related words come from a physician’s mouth, you mind reels from the impact. You feel numbed by the words. Then your mind screams “no”. It is much like the explosion at my dad’s plant.
Denial serves as a buffer while you try to process the truth. Processing this truth is emotionally draining. Your whole world has just been turned upside down.
For a while you will feel as if you are living in a snow globe that some hyperactive child is shaking. Finding a way to adapt to an ever changing environment is not easy. When you are ready to accept the diagnosis, keep in mind that the person with the disease is trying to accept it as well. Allowing yourself time to grieve the current and future losses is necessary. You will be able to move forward. The timing of moving forward varies from person to person.
The caregiver will likely accept the diagnosis first. It is very important to talk with the patient about the disease. Be sure to reassure them that you are in this together.
Sadness will surround you. Try to focus on what you can still do. When you are ready to share the information you may find some relationships become stronger and friends and family are willing to help you. There may be some who are frightened and unwilling to accept the news. They may distance themselves from you.
I was not shocked when my mom’s diagnosis came. I was familiar with Alzheimer’s and had already seen the cognitive decline. My dad struggled with it. He had been covering for mom without even realizing it. He hid his emotions and would not tell friends. That was not best for them. They had a huge circle of friends in their church that would have stepped up to help. Instead, they did not understand why my mom would not say hello or acknowledge them. Everyone assumed that she was upset with them. I went to church with them when I was visiting. Their friends noticed that I was in town much more often. They approached me and asked me to forgive them. Someone had gone over to sit with mom and realized instantly that she was not herself. They were shocked and guilt ridden for not seeing it sooner.
I have since had an opportunity to speak to a senior group at their church. I talked about normal aging and when to be concerned. This gave me a chance to share how important it is to have support as a caregiver. I concluded by telling them I would stay for a few minutes to answer questions. A line quickly formed. I noticed a couple who kept getting out of line and then joining the back of the line. When it was just me and a janitor they slowly approached. A humble and soft voice said, “my wife has Alzheimer’s and she knows it”. I hugged both of them and asked who else knew. They replied, “no one” and then asked who they should tell. I encouraged them to tell their children and a few close friends to start building a small support team. They could tell others when they felt they were ready to.
You are not alone. Currently, over 7 million Americans aged 65 and older are living with Alzheimer’s disease. This number is expected to rise to nearly 13 million by 2050. When you are ready to learn more and prepare for this time of caregiving, I suggest reading this book, The 36 Hour Day. Seaarch for a local support group. There is an abundance of online courses, podcasts and blogs.
If this is new for you, take a breath and pray. You can do this.
Blessings
Word for Today
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
This disease may have caught me by surprise, but it didn’t catch you that way. Give me courage as I accept how my future is changed as I enter into a life of caregiving. Help me to trust you rather than give in to fear. Give me wisdom and be my counselor as I learn to adjust.
Amen
Walking Them Home 