What if This Happens To Me?

I think every person who has a parent with Alzheimer’s has a nagging question that pops into our thoughts from time to time. The time it seems to hit me the most is when I can’t remember a person’s name. My mind then keeps dwelling on remembering that name. It does come to mind later and I feel relief. No, I am not getting Alzheimer’s disease. Go away negative thoughts. I am doing alright.

Let us face the question together. What if this happens to me? It is not something to be ashamed of. I know that is true; however, I like to be in control of my thoughts and behaviors. Should I lose that ability, I know it will be frustrating and scary. I have always been a little independent. None of us want to have someone else bathing us, toileting us and feeding us.

I have talked with my husband about this. He wants to believe that this would never happen to either of us. We have seen enough to know it could. We have agreed to be open and honest with each other if we ever see signs of cognitive decline. We want to plan together and live as normal of a life as we can for as long as we can. We pray that God guides us through His plan for our life.

I have pondered getting tested before I even notice issues. I have listened to stories about the new medical infusions that can delay the progress of Alzheimer’s if caught early enough. Personally, I am coming to a point of thinking that I know it could happen and should be prepared, but I don’t want to find out it is coming and drag that ball and chain around for years before it arrives.

I intend to watch the results of the new medications, Leqembi and Kisunla. They are so new that I need to know how the person is effected. That would be a hard choice for me to make at this point. It is not a cure. It simply can delay the progress of the disease.

My grandmother developed Alzheimer’s later in life. My mom was diagnosed in her late 60’s. This does not mean I will or will not get Alzheimer’s. Neither of my relatives had early-onset Alzheimer’s. I am sharing some information from Mayo Clinic to explain.

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What is young-onset Alzheimer’s?

Young-onset Alzheimer’s disease is an uncommon form of dementia that affects people younger than age 65. The condition also is called early-onset Alzheimer’s disease. Most people with Alzheimer’s are age 65 and older. About 1 in 9 people age 65 and older in the United States has Alzheimer’s disease. About 110 of every 100,000 adults between ages 30 and 64 have young-onset Alzheimer’s.

Family history of disease

For most people with young-onset Alzheimer’s, the cause is not related to any single gene. Researchers don’t fully know why some people get the disease at a younger age than others do.

Risk factors for young-onset Alzheimer’s disease include a family history of the condition. Having a parent or grandparent with young-onset Alzheimer’s increases the risk of developing the disease. But a family history of the disease doesn’t mean you will necessarily develop the disease.

Genes that cause young-onset Alzheimer’s

Less commonly, young-onset Alzheimer’s is caused by a specific error in a gene, called a genetic mutation. Genetic mutations can be passed from parent to child.

Three different genes may have a mutation that causes young-onset Alzheimer’s disease. These genes are APP, PSEN1 or PSEN2. A person who inherits at least one copy of a mutated gene will likely develop Alzheimer’s disease before age 65.

About 11% of people with young-onset Alzheimer’s carry a genetic mutation that causes disease. But among all people with Alzheimer’s disease, fewer than 1% carry one of these causal genes.

Genetic testing for these mutations is available. If you have a family history of young-onset Alzheimer’s, you may want to do genetic testing.

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All of this information will not make the nagging question that invades our thoughts go away. The more information we have will help us make wiser decisions.

While you continue to provide care to others, focus on doing just that and not worying about your future. It is a hard thing to do. Almost every event I speak at or support group discussion I lead has someone who asks, “Does this mean I will get Alzheimer’s too?”. It is a difficult question.

For today, I choose to hope and pray that my mind will remain strong. If you notice my writing is poor, please comment. I may have just stayed up too late writing or had too much coffee.

You are not alone as a caregiver. You are not the only one asking themselves (THAT) question. There are huge numbers of people on this same journey. I encourage you to find other blogs, listen to podcasts and read. Snipplets of information gathered along the way add to your knowledge and toolkit for caregiving.

Have a blessed day and stop worrying.

Word for Today

Matthew 6:25-34

Do Not Worry

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Only you know my future and I trust you with that. When I allow tormenting questions to flood my mind, help me to continue to trust.

Amen

Denial about Alzheimer’s Diagnosis

My dad worked in the cast house of a plant that produced huge aluminum ingots. The heat was intense. He wore fire resistant clothing to protect himself. He was knowledgeable about the danger. A blast from the furnace held intense heat. It would have been foolish to let a new employee face this danger without educating him first. Late one night there was an explosion. My dad had already clocked out and was on his way home.

When you hear Alzheimer’s disease or other related words come from a physician’s mouth, you mind reels from the impact. You feel numbed by the words. Then your mind screams “no”. It is much like the explosion at my dad’s plant.

Denial serves as a buffer while you try to process the truth. Processing this truth is emotionally draining. Your whole world has just been turned upside down.

For a while you will feel as if you are living in a snow globe that some hyperactive child is shaking. Finding a way to adapt to an ever changing environment is not easy. When you are ready to accept the diagnosis, keep in mind that the person with the disease is trying to accept it as well. Allowing yourself time to grieve the current and future losses is necessary. You will be able to move forward. The timing of moving forward varies from person to person.

The caregiver will likely accept the diagnosis first. It is very important to talk with the patient about the disease. Be sure to reassure them that you are in this together.

Sadness will surround you. Try to focus on what you can still do. When you are ready to share the information you may find some relationships become stronger and friends and family are willing to help you. There may be some who are frightened and unwilling to accept the news. They may distance themselves from you.

I was not shocked when my mom’s diagnosis came. I was familiar with Alzheimer’s and had already seen the cognitive decline. My dad struggled with it. He had been covering for mom without even realizing it. He hid his emotions and would not tell friends. That was not best for them. They had a huge circle of friends in their church that would have stepped up to help. Instead, they did not understand why my mom would not say hello or acknowledge them. Everyone assumed that she was upset with them. I went to church with them when I was visiting. Their friends noticed that I was in town much more often. They approached me and asked me to forgive them. Someone had gone over to sit with mom and realized instantly that she was not herself. They were shocked and guilt ridden for not seeing it sooner.

I have since had an opportunity to speak to a senior group at their church. I talked about normal aging and when to be concerned. This gave me a chance to share how important it is to have support as a caregiver. I concluded by telling them I would stay for a few minutes to answer questions. A line quickly formed. I noticed a couple who kept getting out of line and then joining the back of the line. When it was just me and a janitor they slowly approached. A humble and soft voice said, “my wife has Alzheimer’s and she knows it”. I hugged both of them and asked who else knew. They replied, “no one” and then asked who they should tell. I encouraged them to tell their children and a few close friends to start building a small support team. They could tell others when they felt they were ready to.

You are not alone. Currently, over 7 million Americans aged 65 and older are living with Alzheimer’s disease. This number is expected to rise to nearly 13 million by 2050. When you are ready to learn more and prepare for this time of caregiving, I suggest reading this book, The 36 Hour Day. Seaarch for a local support group. There is an abundance of online courses, podcasts and blogs.

If this is new for you, take a breath and pray. You can do this.

Blessings

Word for Today

Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

This disease may have caught me by surprise, but it didn’t catch you that way. Give me courage as I accept how my future is changed as I enter into a life of caregiving. Help me to trust you rather than give in to fear. Give me wisdom and be my counselor as I learn to adjust.

Amen

Breaking Old Communication Habits

Face to face is a marvelous form of communication. I can see reactions and hear voice inflections. Text messages are alright; however there is much room for misunderstanding. There is much to be said in hearing someone’s voice. My husband and I can connect with a meeting of our eyes across a crowded room and know what you other is thinking. We have built this ability to communicate well moment by moment, day by day and year by year.

Most of us have habits. These play into how we communicate and relate to others. Perhaps the couple above established the habit of kiss and makeup early in their relationship. They understood that they could be opinionated and have fiery conversations. It did not mean they didn’t love each other. They both also have personalities that forgive and forget.

My husband speaks fluent sarcasm. It is a way of teasing me. I get it and just roll my eyes instead of taking him literally. This works for now.

Both of these examples can become very difficult to navigate if one member of each couple should develop Alzheimer’s disease. It forces us to break our old communication habits. The husband in example one needs to realize that his wife will now see him as angry all the time. I might take the sarcasm as literal statements.

Take the word great as an example.

I say “honey I can’t find the keys”. He replies “Great”. I sigh with relief that he is happy about it. At least in this conversation, I am happy because he is happy. He is really upset but my dementia is protecting me. My hubby says. “Oh, no, don’t worry—I’ll do the dishes for the third time today.” Currently I would know he was taking a jab at my not doing the dishes. With dementia, I would think what a nice man. Again, I am happy because he is happy.

Our words are not as loud as our faces. If my mouth doesn’t say it, my face definitely will! Persons with dementia read faces very well. You may have to learn how to control your own facial expressions. While you think that one over, I have another revelation. The person with dementia will lose their ability to recall words. You will have to read their expressions instead of listening to their words. While on the topic of listening, selective hearing is no longer allowed. This will result in angry. Learn to be patient! Get reaady to hear the same questions over and over and over again.

Asking someone to complete a task is futile unless you speak in simple terms. Give simple one step instrctions. Otherwise you will be met by the look below.

They simply cannot process all of the information. My father-in-law would get angry because all of his important tax papers were not where they were supposed to be. He complained to me that he had handed them to his wife and asked her to file them for him. That had worked in the past, but everything changed when she entered the early stages of cognitive decline. He was in denial about the situation and assumed she would take care of things like she had in the past. His frustration and denial was only making her irritated. We decided to step in and sent them to go shopping so my husband and I could find the hidden papers and file his income tax paperwork for him.

I learned how to break a habit the painful way. I had called my mother by “Mom” since childhood. One morning I walked in, kissed her on the cheek and said “Good morning Mom”. Instantly, she began to cry and call out “Momma, momma”. My heart broke. In her mind, she was now a child, not someone’s mom. Linda had been her name her parents and siblings called her. The next morning I greeted her as Linda. She remained calm. From then on I said the word Linda as my heart cried out mom.

Slow your conversation down. Allow them time to process the words. Give them time to find their words. Once free flowing convesation becomes a trickle of words.

How you communicate with someone with dementia requires trial and error as you make adjustments to be effective as they lose skills. Think about ways to make these adjustments. You now live in Alzheimer’s world. The rules are different here.

Arguing doesn’t work.

Reasoning doesn’t work.

Asking them to make a choice causes confusion.

*PATIENCE is critical in communicating.

Word for Today

Proverbs 15:18

A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.

Song for Today

This song helps focus on how temporary our struggles are.

Pray for Today

Dear God,

How great your truly are! I know I can turn to you on the good days and on the ones that are a struggle. Give me grace as I try to show grace to those I care for. Help me to slow down and rest in you.

Amen

The Big Thing

A child is often asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?”. They are then encouraged to chase their dreams. Is what they do for an occupation as important as who they become as a person?

Be patient with me and you will understand how this pertains to caregivers. For far too long I have watched young people spend so much time waiting for God to give them something big to do that they miss the very things in front of their faces that God has for them to do. Some of these people continue to go through life for years chasing a big “dream” that never manifest itself.

History has shown us that God sometimes has a path for us to follow to prepare us for the “big” thing we are to do. David honed his skills while tending sheep, only to be summoned to be anointed as a king. A couple of fishermen stepped out of the boat to become disciples. Ruth was gleaming wheat when she married and bore a son who was in the linage of Christ. Sometimes God wants us to simply live a life that brings glory to Him. When this is our focus, He will show us what is big to him and how you are to do it.

In Matthew 25:40 we are told:
“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” When you become a caregiver what counts is who you are. Are you a person who can humbly show compassion, love, dedication, patience and emotional strength each and every day? I sure hope so because this is the “BIG” thing God placed in front of you to do.

When speaking at a symposium a few years ago, I looked into the eyes of caregivers and told them that if they didn’t feel a need for God in their lives, they would due to the trials of being a caregiver. I still feel this is so very true. God provides strength, courage and insight when they are needed. He has even ordered your steps to prepare you for this “big” thing.

I never imagined that I would one day be a caregiver for my parents. When those days arrived though, I could look back and see how God had placed me into positions that had prepared me. He has done the same for you. This time will allow you to stretch and grow into a better person. What matters is not what you did in the past, but who you are because of it.

Dig deep into your heart and ask God to show you how to carry out your tasks day by day. The little things done over and over have prepared you well. When things are difficult reflect back on how God guided you through the little things and move forward knowing he will be with you each and every day now just as he was then.

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”
Maya Angelou

You are being transformed into a beautiful caregiver. This is you “BIG” thing. Most likely you never dreamed of this as a child, but here you are. You can do this!

Word for Today

1 Peter 3:3-4

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Hello God,

I think I finally understand the your big thing for my life was a surprise. Here I am being asked to be a caregiver. This makes me realize that it is not a burden. It is an honor. Give me the ability to carry this task out with beauty and grace. Let me do this to bring you glory.

Amen

Storm Preperations Have Begun

When you live in the south the word snow brings excitement. The word ice brings panic. We are hearing both words and live on the dividing line. Ice means downed power lines and trees are abundant on the farm and the roads leading to our farm. We are heeding the warnings and preparing for the developing storm.

Laundry is being processed, soups are being cooked and bread is being baked in case of a power outage. Thankfully, we have gas logs and solar backup batteries ready. Outside we are building a sheep shelter, moving the grill to a sheltered area, placing hay near the sheep and making sure the dogs have a safe shelter. These ice storms are rare but dangerous.

When you find out a loved one has Alzheimer’s disease, this is a storm warning. You should begin preparing yourself and your home before the storm hits. This may sound absurd considering absurd mean wildly unreasonable, and illogical. Your heart will not allow you to face the harsh reality that life as you have known it is about to be shaken and rocked in ways you can not imagine.

It would be unkind and uncaring for me to not make you aware of what the future may hold. Just as I am preparing for the snow and ice storm heading my direction, I planned for changes as my mom began living with Alzheimer’s disease. My dad was her primary caregiver, but should he have passed away first, I was next in line. This meant researching in home caregivers, assisted living facilities and physicians should I have to relocate mom to me. I lived with plans a, b and c in place. A suitcase was always packed and ready to go if dad called for help.

I traveled back and forth from my home to theirs for several years. These trips allowed me to be there for physician appointments and to evaluate how the disease was progressing. They also gave my dad a break. Each trip waas heartbreaking on the drive home. I would be making mental notes on what I had experienced.

Eventually, we had to hire in home help. Next we made a move to a memory care assisted living. Dad began to lose cognitive judgment and executive order skills. We moved mom to a skilled care facilty. In the last few months of mom’s life I moved both parents to facilities near me. Dad could walk from his assisted living to mom’s skilled care through a covered and enclosed walkway. I could be there as often as possible, which was usually about 5 times a week.

All of the decisions about moves and care plans had been in place before we needed them. We were on waiting lists knowing we could say no if we weren’t ready yet.

To be able to make these decisions, you have to research, observe changes, ask questions. Seek out an elder care lawyer for wills, power of attorney, trust, etc. Have hippa forms signed, make decisions on DNR orders, decide how to handle feeding tube decisions. Then gather family and friends to be backup support when needed. Trust me on this one. You will need support!

We started this blog discussing our stormy weather ahead. My husband and our neighbor are working together to prep for this storm. Life has taught us to accept and offer help. Caregiving has taught us that the load is lighter when we share it.

The word Alzheimer’s is one you will hear someday in your family or friend group.

Over 7 million Americans are currently living with Alzheimer’s disease, and this number is

projected to rise to nearly 13 million by 2050.

Now is the time to prepare for hearing those words. Instead of living in fear, live prepared. Find a seminar or support group and educate yourself.

Word for Today

Psalm 4:8

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Life is full of storms that we must face. I trust in you to guide my steps as I prepare to face the storms. Give me your peace as th storm rages. Give me hope that you are in the storm with me.

Amen

Merry Christmas!

Two posts for one today. I just wanted to add this post before the end of the year. This is a time I have set aside to celebrate the birth of Christ and the upcoming anniversary with my husband. My mind is racing with what the future holds.

We were so young when we began this journey of life together. Reflecting over the years we realize there have been too many times we put things off until later. At our age, later is here. Leading a caregiver support group means hearing a lot of stories that ring true for us. Too many of my caregivers talk about the plans for their retirement years that unraveled due to Alzheimer’s invading their life.

We are choosing to do a few of the things we enjoy that we can afford to do.

slow down and enjoy sunsets
sit by the firepit and watch meteor showers
fish on a pretty day
garden
tend our sheep
visit with our friends
take a drive in the country
volunteer
eat when hungry….sleep when tired

You get the idea. We have a lower income now so we are learning to be content with what we have. All of us look ahead and face a question. How long do we have? Make the most of your time.

Caregivers have an uncertain future with their spouse. My dad learned to put my mom’s makeup on. Another man I know bought his wife who was in the late stage of Alzheimer’s a doll. Every night he tucked the “baby” in after she kissed him goodnight. Your love for each other will not die. You just learn to express it in a different way.

Sometimes the unexpected changes hold hidden blessings. Look for your blessings.

Word for Today

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Song For Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

We are so blessed by you. We praise you for the many blessings you have given us.

Amen

Excited to See Love in Action

Recently, I spoke to my own church about how they could become more dementia friendly. This included information on how to come along side families and meet their needs as well as learning how to communicate and relate with the person who has dementia.

This type of training allows people to visit someone with dementia in their home without being afraid of the unknownand feeling uncomrtable. Isolation is not good for the person with dementia or the caregiver. They need to have people in their lives to comfort and encourage them. They need friends who can step in and offer respite care. Offering to stay with the one with dementia requires taking time to understand where they are in their journey and adjust to meet them where they are. True love is stepping up to the plate even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Do not ask a caregiver ,”What can I do for you?”. Use your observation skills. Does the lawn need mowing? Do light bulbs need changing? Think of practical things that they may need assistance with. Bring a meal over. Offer to change their car oil. Plant flowers in the flowerbeds.

We can all find a way to help.

The second part was about how we can meet their needs when they attend a church service. It takes a huge effort for the caregiver to actually get someone with dementia ready to go anywhere. Often there are clothing changes due to accidents. You only cause behavior issues if you rush to get ready. Confusion and crowds play into the equation as well. Both people will arrive tired.

Can someone who has served as an usher still serve with mild cognitive decline? Can this person still sing in the choir? Can this person still teach a Sunday School class? The answer to each of these questions is yes! They may need an assistant, but they can still find a purpose as long as possible.

Yesterday I watched an elderly gentleman follow a group onto the stage for a music special. He was seated and given a paper to follow along and he sang. I was moved to tears because I am pretty sure he had mild dementia.

If someone is on a walker, offer to visit with them at the door while the caregiver brings the car to the door. When friends come over to speak to the caregiver after service engage the person with dementia while their spouse shares a few moments with friends. If you notice a caregiver step out to go to the restroom, move over and sit with their loved one so they do not get afraid.

We can be the love that enters someone’s loneliness.

Word for Today

Luke 10:27

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Heavenly Father,

Show me how to love as you love. Open my eyes to the needs around me and give me the compasssion to meet those needs.

Amen

How Do Couples Cope With Dementia?

As a couple, my husband and I can communicate with each other with a certain look or touch. We have honed these skills during our 45 years of marriage. Just snuggling together or holding hands doesn’t always require words. When we first began dating we were with a group sitting around a campfire. He snuggled close and put his arm around me. Instantly, I felt at home. This was just the very beginning of moments, days, months and now years that wrapping an arm around me and holding me close have been home.

Should either of us ever develop dementia and roam around repeating, “I just want to go home” what will we really mean. I know most people just want to go back to what feels safe and familiar. Maybe our home will continue to be snuggling together where it has been safe and familiar our entire adult life.

Daily I praise God for allowing both of us to still have strong minds. Muscle strength has weakened, hairs have grayed and we search for our reading glasses to prevent eyestrain. We may not be able to recall someone’s name, but then it comes to us so normal aging is happening.

This afternoon as I write my hubby is strumming his guitar and writing a new song. Our hobbies keep our minds active. We love being outdoors with the dogs, chickens, bees and sheep. We are building a firepit area to entertain friends.

Our hope is that living in the moment intentionally and trusting God with our future will mean we never have to face dementia. We know that God will continue to be faithful. He has seen us through deep dark valleys and allowed us to rejoice from the highest of mountain tops. Should dementia come, we are assured that God will never forsake us.

Some of you have had to face dementia in a spouse. I hear your stories in our support group. I pray for you to still find moments each day where you and your loved one can still connect. Maybe a favorite song will draw you close. Perhaps a drive to one of your favorite spots will bring peace. Take every opportunity to have physical contact. This can be holding hands, hugging, or giving a gentle massage.

During the upcoming Christmas season play carols, eat Christmas cookies, drive around and look at the lights. Rediscover the simple joys. Large gatherings should be avoided but quiet visits with a few people at a time can still bring happiness.

Never quit saying “I love you”.

Most people my age made vows to love and cherish their spouse in sickness and in health until death. As a young couple we make that promise. Life happens and those promises are not so easy to keep. We make a choice to keep that promise and discover God has to give us the courage and strength to walk it out. The greatest honor you can have is to be the one who stands by that promise.

God sees your loneliness and struggles. He sees the tears shed when no one else is looking. Trust him to walk beside you in sickness and in health.

Word for Today

John 13:34

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father,

May I always find my home is being with you. When my spouse doesn’t remember my name please let them know my love. Show me how to express my love ina way that they can feel. Help me to keep the promise I made on our wedding day.

Amen

Parkinson’s With Dementia

Parkinson’s dementia is closely related to Lewy Bodies dementia.

Studies have found LBD and Parkinson’s disease may be linked to the same underlying abnormalities in the brain processing of alpha-synuclein. LBD and Parkinson’s disease dementia are similar except for the order in which the symptoms develop.

The timing of when symptoms occur may determine which diagnosis a person receives. If thinking problems appear within a year of movement difficulties, doctors diagnose Lewy body dementia. If dementia develops a year or more after Parkinson’s disease symptoms begin, doctors diagnose Parkinson’s disease dementia.

Common symptoms of Parkinsons with dementia include:

Sofly spoken muffled speech

Misnaming objects

Trouble understanding complex sentences

Difficulty focusing

Memory loss

Confusion

Moodiness

Change in appetite

Delusions

Change in energy level

Sleep disturbances ( vivid dreams)

Vision issues like difficulty spotting objects in a cluttered space.

Trouble planning and staying on task

Language challenges

This list may be alarming at first. Remember that changes occur over time. Always remember that the person is not acting out; however, the disease is. Here are ideas to assist in caring for someone with these behaviors

establish and follow a routine when possible
being extra comforting and patient
limiting distractions and avoid crowds
try to maintain a consistent sleep schedule
declutter your living space
learn all you can about Parkinsons dementia
Join a support group

Keep a journal of behavior changes, dels]usions, nighttime disturbances, etc. This will help you when speaking with physicians. Log all medication changes as well.

I know a family dealing with this dementia and have watched them make adjustments. Their family members have had police show up in the night because he called and reported someone had broken into their home. Now, he has taken to roaming around partially clothed. Recently he heard my voice as someone was listening to me speak on a recording. He told them that sounded like someone I know. He then tried to remember my name but could only come up with my husband’s name. He referred to me as his person.

Be calm. Be patient. Allow them to try to communicate and try to interpret what they are trying to say. As far as the police calls, most law enforcement departments now have a data base that contains information you provide alerting them that a family member at your address has dementia. This can allow them to have a mental health officer available. For the other issue, just close your blinds.

Take a deep breath. You can do this. When things become difficult, step away for a few minutes and try a new approach. If you read through previous posts you will find other helpful information. Many of the behaviors and symptoms are similar with all forms of dementia.

Word for Today

Psalm 31:24

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Thank you for being faithful. There are days I feel like the battle will not end. On those days that I struggle to stand on hope, hold me as I wait on you to move on my behalf. You are the only thing I have that is always true. Help me to be able to say “It is well with my soul”.

Amen

Make the Most of Your Time

Alzheimer’s disease erases many memories for the person living with the disease. Memories for family members will live on and be cherished. We have technology now to save voices, laughter, stories and visuals of our family and friends. If you have a family member in the early stages of dementia please use that technology. I left messages on my phone for years just to hear my parents voices.

Even if you do not have Alzheimer’s in your family now, you may someday. Listening to the spousal caregivers talk about what they miss the most is causing me to be more deliberate about making and saving memories that I and my husband can hang on to should one of us be left alone.

I changed phones and lost a video that I treasured. My mom was dancing and laughing with her youngest grandson. Prior to having Alzheimer’s she would never have acted this silly. We all sat watching in awe. We were in awe over the fact that she was truly happy and in the moment with him. I was pondering about how much longer we would be able to hear her laugh.

Years later I watched that same grandson see my dad wiggle his ears. Every grandchild, niece and nephew loved watching dad do this little trick. Dad had been so busy taking care of mom that he hadn’t thought to show this youngest grandchild his ear wiggling. My nephew sat trying his best to master this for himself while dad smiled. Dad passed away one week later.

Don’t put off taking small trips, watching sunsets, sharing hugs and expressing love to each other. Make the most of your time. Life moves at a fast pace and it is way to easy to get caught up in the busyness. My heart hurts when a senior citizen is the sole caregiver for their spouse. They look at me and tell me they cannot ask their children to help. They have their own lives and are busy.

Allow me to speak for these caregivers. Find the time to honor your parents. You are robbing yourself of something you can never get back. You can find time to meet a friend for coffee or attend a sporting event. You can find time for social media. You can find time to check on mom and dad.

“Family is not an important thing. It’s everything.” —Michael J. Fox

A huge excuse we often hear is “It’s Complicated”. When someone has Alzheimer’s their life and their caregiver’s life are complicated. Family can find a way to work through all of the complications and help each other survive. Asking God to make a way for you to do life together is a great first start.

Personally, there was a lot of travel and expense involoved during our time as caregivers. I gave up a job. God has abundantly blessed us along the way. It was an honor to be with my parents in their final days.

Caregivers, speak up. Give your children an opportunity to find ways they can help. Give them opportunities to make memories while they can.

Word for Today

1 John 3:18

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

Song for Today

This song refers to when we allow walls to form between us and God.

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

We need you to tear down walls and heal our hearts so that we can share life with those in our family. Show us how to build bridges instead of walls. Draw us closer to each other as we draw closer to you. Teach us to find balance in this life. Give us moments of genuine love as we show compassion and grace to those around us.

Amen