Today I dedicate this post to my beautiful mom.
Dear Momma,
If you could see my heart, you would see little stitches sewn by God as he heals the gaping hole you left when you passed ten years ago. Every ounce of me wanted to take the horrible disease called Alzheimer’s from you. I coudn’t, so I decided to learn everything I could about how to help you and make you feel loved and cared for.
Little things remind me of you all the time. When I received red roses for my anniversary this month, I remembered how much you enjoyed them when Dad bought them for you. When I savor grapes, I remember how much you loved them. Wearing pieces of your jewelry makes me feel joy. An unfinished jigsaw puzzle sits on my dining room table. Actually, it is your dining room table we used to sit at together.
Don’t feel bad about me taking care of you. Those years are treasures for me. I saw little glimpses of all that you are. The inhibitions disappeared and I saw a fun woman giggling and humming. It was a side of you that you had hidden away to be a responsible and mature adult.
I watched a woman who was secretly called the sugar police by her sisters devour cookies, ice cream and desserts. It felt freeing to see you were more normal than we had thought.
I learned to love my family deeply from you. I learned to make sacrifices for others from you. I learned to clean from you, but it didn’t make me a total neat freak like you were.
You took phone calls at home from confused older customers at the bank. You gave children a ride to church. You rocked babies in the church nursery. You shared food from your garden. You would go to the nursing home to feed my grandfather when he wouldn’t eat for anyone else. You drove through the night to be there for my toddler while I was in the hospital with her baby brother. You even picked cotton by hand to buy fabric for my new clothes when I started to school. The wonderful memories of you are flooding over me now.
Your family has grown a bit since you were here. With my brother having six children, we have had a few weddings and a few more babies. Liz wore your ring at her wedding. She asked for a photo of you and dad to display. I chose a photo without noticing that you had that very ring on. We both teared up when we realized it. You have two amazing great-grandsons now. What a reunion we will have one day!
It was an incredible honor to walk on one side and have dad on the other as we walked you toward your final home. You and dad made me a better person. I love you so deeply and am looking forward to joining you in heaven when my life here is over. Give dad a hug and ask him to give you one for me.
Love,
Your daughter
My letter was how I chose to journal today. Journaling is one of the many ways I learned to cope. Realizing that being in the moment with my mom where she was in her mind at the time made taking care of her much easier. The years spent taking care of her long distance and in her home were difficult. Many lessons were learned about God’s incredible grace and strength. Moving mom to skilled care was heartwrenching, but dad visited daily and I did once she moved closer to me during her final days.
I cannot count the tears that rolling down my cheeks as a caregiver. I shed tears writing this post. Comfort was always found in knowing that God saw those tears. When Jesus came to his friend Lazarus’s tomb, he wept. If Jesus wept, then it is perfectly fine for us to weep as well.
You will find your own ways to cope. You will grow and stretch. In the end, you will be stronger than you ever thought possible. Keep giving it your best my friends!
Word for Today
honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as yourself.
Matthew 19:19
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
I praise you for the time I had on earth with my wonderful mom. Thank you for walking with me each step of the way. You held me when I was broken. You comforted me when I was scared. You gave me strength to do things I never knew I was capable of doing.
I ask today that you do the same for anyone reading this. Pour unexpected blessings into their life. Send friends to share the load they carry. Give them peace at night to rest.
Amen
Walking Them Home 