While working on building projects with my husband, I learned the importance of fine tuning as we go. Measure twice and cut once. Check for levelness and squareness. Hold your breath when trimming with paint. Wear your grubby clothes. Use a drop cloth. Have a shop vac handy. Having the right tools is also vital. Hand planers, levels and safety glasses are always nearby for when we need them. The finished product is well worth the effort and time spent. You watched a plan come together and smiled at the finished product.
If only caregiving worked the same way! You can plan, carry out the plan and then find there is no fine tuning that can make life turn out as you thought it should. You cannot just sand off the edges when raw emotions erupt into anger and frustration. The breakfast you lovingly prepared because your spouse seemed to enjoy it immensely yesterday is pushed aside and they refuse to eat. You shopped for a few new shirts and your husband refuses to wear anything except the one he has worn for three days.
I found a book from my senior year of high schoool. The five year plan I set for myself was to go to college and get married. I check that one off. The ten year plan was to buy a house and have children. Check again! Then life happened fast and furious. Before I knew it the kids were off to college and our nest was empty.
We had a flurry of weddings and grandchildren. All was going according to what I had expected. Then I noticed my mom just wasn’t herself. My heart was gripped with the words Alzhiemer’s Disease. Caregiving was not in my plan for many years down the road. I couldn’t push the schedule back. Adjustments had to be made quickly. For the early years of the caregiving journey, frequent visits, prepping meals for the freezer to help dad, taking care of doctor visits, monitoring finances online and hiring help for my parents worked.
My time was being split between my parent’s home 6 hours from mine and my own home. Trips to visit grandchildren became less frequent. We made a couple of major adjustments. We moved near our grandchildren and my husband was able to work from home and travel with me. This cut my trip to 3 1/2 hours each way.
In the end, my parents were both declining. I moved them to an assisted living and nursing home close to me. Visits were then daily. My mom was in end stage with Alzheimer’s and my dad struggled with mini strokes, diabetes and incontinence.
I know that I never had to provide full 24 hour care like many of you do every day. I do know my mind was always questioning things. Did I give my husband enough time? What am I missing out on with my children and grandchildren? Did I leave food prepared and clothes washed for my husband and my parents? How many more hours do I have to fight traffic? When is the next doctor’s appointment? It felt like I was on one of those round spinning wheels we used to play on as a child. I had run around and around and then hopped on to ride. Grasping tightly to the metal bar, I held on so I wouldn’t fall off.
In the midst of my trying to plan for whatever happened, I came to realize I could not plan for all of the twist and turns ahead. I had to trust God with the plan. I had to let Him fine tune and adjust me for things to work. He then held me tightly so the ride of life would not throw me off.
Some of you have feelings of guilt and inadequacies. Recently I read another blog for caregivers. A caregiver felt like a failure. When asked why, her response will make you smile. She failed to give her husband a daily bath. Wow! I consider one every third day a success. You make great plans, but life as a caergiver shows you they don’t always work. Continue to plan but have several backup plans as well. Trust God to guide you and hold you tight.
Word for Today
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
I humble myself and ask for you to move the mountains that I cannot move. I will rest in your arms and let you hold me close while I witness your work in my situations.
Amen
Walking Them Home 