In theory these words are awesome. In reality as a caregiver they sound impossible.
I can relate. When I was a long distance caregiver for my mom, there were times that I longed for relaxation and fun. I had just returned from a couple of weeks with my parents. My grandchildren were in the backyard pool splashing and laughing. I longed to join them; however, exhaustion won over and I found myself on the front porch swing with tears flowing. Guilt prevented me from simply telling them that Grandma was not up for their visit and just wanted a good nap. After a few minutes of alone time, I dried the tears. I forced a smile and jumped into the pool with them.
I don’t consider those moments a pity party. I consider them honesty. I desperately needed a few moments of solitude before joining the real party going on at the pool. My little girls had a way of refreshing me with their silly and carefree play. Tension eased and I think their high energy restored mine a bit. I know their hugs refreshed my heart and soul.
We require rest. We have to find ways to relax and then refresh.
Financial and time constraints may prevent spa trips and reading a favorite book. Here are a few simple things all caregivers can do for themselves and with the one they are caring for.
Sniff an orange. Enjoy the citrusy aroma.
Take a walk.
Listen to music
Pet a furry friend
Learning to enjoy simple things rather than longing for bigger things is key to making the days easier to bear. Take a few deep breaths. Remind yourself that God has given you the ability to survive caregiving.
Word for Today
I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint. Jeremiah 31:25
Song for Today
Dear God,
Sometimes I forget that the rest I need and the refreshing I long for can truly only come from you. Forgive me for trying to push on without turning to you. I come today to simply say I need you each and every day. When I am not able to go on, you carry me and then gently set me down renewed and ready to care for others. With a grateful heart I can go on. Thank you for your faithfulness that is new every day.
When I began this blog, I was in the midst of an incredible journey that tested me like no other. The winds blew in storms as I stood on shifting sand. The lightning strikes had names such as Alzheimer’s Disease, vascular dementia and cancer. Thunder rumbled in the distance whispering “this is more than you can bear”. A choice had to be made. I couldn’t control the storm, but I could change my reaction.
The storms finally abated leaving emptiness as I tried to process the heart wrenching pain.
You have walked with me as I shared part of my story. Most of it will only be known by my wonderful husband and closet friends. I have been open and honest. Writing has allowed me to work through grief and consider how all of the shifting sand made me stronger.
I stepped away from writing for a bit to enjoy life again. My decisions of what to do will be shared later in this post.
On our farm spring is a busy season. Nineteen acres abounds with wild blackberries, privet, weeds, fireants, snakes and opportunities to transform that chaos into lovely raised beds full of chard, lettuce, carrots, kale, herbs and garlic. We even used the chain saw and rediscovered our overgrown barn on the far corner near the woods.
The labor has been intense, but we know how rewarding it will be to enjoy the fruits of our labor. Only one grocey store sells chard. Can you believe even the farmers market doesn’t sell it? I am truly a southern girl, however my palette for greens is not limited to turnip greens and lettuce. I even saute lambs quarters and throw dandelions into salads.
A trip to the bay was enjoyed immensely. We set crab traps, fished and watched dolphins. On a whim, we stayed an extra week. It felt amazing not having to find someone to be on call if a parent had an emergency. That freedom helped me realize my role as caregiver had truly limited vacations and travel. Guilt tried to creep in as I reflected over the peace I now have. The tides have shifted and I am content knowing I have no regrets over the caregiving years.
As a seasoned caregiver, I can assure you that your hard work as a caregiver will be rewarded by small moments such as a shared laugh or hug when you know you have connected. I can assure you that you will survive. I can assure you that God walks with you. I can assure that life will change as you move on.
I am better equipped to offer encouragement, advice, comfort and education to others on the path of caregiving because of what I have experienced first hand. I have spent sleepless nights struggling with decisions or answering phone calls in the wee hours of the morning. I have answered the same question over and over and over again. I have watched a loved one cry out in pain when they can no longer tell you where they hurt. I have cried so many tears that I was numb by the time God called my parents, in-laws and cherished aunts and uncles home. I have been punched, hit and cursed at by a disease that robbed me of a loving parent. I get the demands and challenges you face.
My next adventure is beginning. I will be renaming this blog and will let you know when this happens. A pod cast featuring guests is in the beginning stages and two book ideas are in my head waiting to be on paper. I will continue to lead a local support group and am considering a google meet support group. This is the way my loved ones will live on in my heart and be honored. They instilled a faith in God in me and modeled a life of compassion, generousity, resilence and love that I now want to share.
I hope that each of you realize that you are amazing. You are able to meet the demands of caregiving. You didn’t seek this job. No one would. You aren’t perfect. Neither am I. Together we can encourage each other.
It is with excitement that I ask you to join me on my new adventures. You could be my guest as the podcast launches. You may want to join the google meet group. Leave comments if you would like to be a part of these.
In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
I come to you with a grateful heart. You walked with me each moment as a caregiver. You spoke into my heart in the darkest moments when I felt helpless and afraid. I ask now that you do the same for caregivers aroound me. Reassure them that you have equipped them for the task. Let peace reign in their hearts and home.
Walking Them Home 