Musicians understanding the importance of transitions. These allow the music and melody to flow freely without feeling disconnected. Eyeglass makers offer transition lenses. These adjust when you step from a room into bright sunlight to protect your eyes from harsh glares.

Caregivers will face harsh and unexpected changes sometimes. The most difficult decisions are forced by these changes. Can I still be the sole caregiver? Is it time to hire in home care? Are we ready for assisted living, memory care, skilled nursing care or hospice? How do I even decide?

Take a deep breath if this hit you where you are. Everything will work out. You will survive the transitions. I did. It hurt. I struggled. I prayed. I trusted God to order my steps.

Today, I will share a little of the transitioning my family went through and then offer some things to consider as you go through transitions. Grab a box of tissues if you cry easily. You would even see water spots from my tears if this was a letter written on paper.

I lived six hours away when my mom was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease. My brother and I would visit often. We cleaned, prepared meals for dad to heat up, took mom shopping for clothing, did lawn work and just enjoyed time with them. Dad began to have his hands full so we hired someone to clean. Then we finally hired in home care.

I found myself taking over all medical appointments and spending more and more time with them. Mom began to wander and to get angry when my dad was out of her sight. Dad put on her makeup for her, cooked their meals and gave her wonderful care. He could not make the changes that were necessary to keep her calm. He would correct her and argue. He insisted she still wanted to go out to eat when it was confusing for her. When we reached the point that I was spending more time there than at my home, I realized Dad was overwhelmed. We could not just sell our home and change my husband’s job quick enough to be there all the time. Dad refused to move to us. My only choice then was to place Mom in an assisted living with memory care.

I bought a bedspread to match hers at home. I took some of her favorite things. Then when it was time to move her, I was overcome with sorrow for our whole family. Mom had been the true heart of her home. She loved nothing more than sharing it with family. With very heavy hearts my dad, brother and I drove away. I held my tears until late that night after Dad was asleep and then I poured my heart out to God for peace for both of my parents.

The next transition came after Mom had an UTI infection. She became very angry and aggressive. The senior unit at a hospital was our first move. Unfortunately, over medication resulted in a transition to a skilled nursing care facility.

Then my Dad slowly began to change. After a knee replacement, numerous falls and fender benders we knew he did not need to be living alone. I was staying with him up to 9 weeks at a time. On my commute back home after each visit, I was truly too exhausted to be driving in heavy traffic.

Dad fell again and was on the floor for 24 hours. With this hospital admission I knew he would not be returning to his home. I had already placed he and my mom on waiting list at an assisted living and skilled nursing facility near me. Dad came because he really had no choice and Mom never even realized we moved her.

Mom passed away about 5 weeks after this move. Dad made one more transition. We placed our home on the market, received permission for my husband to work from home and moved Dad to a special care assisted living in his hometown. We visited every weekend as we prepared for our move. Dad passed away before we could even move. He had fallen again, so I packed clothes and stayed with him during his last weeks.

Hospice workers were amazing during the final days with both of my parents.

As you just read, I managed to use in home care, assisted memory care, skilled nursing facilities, regular assisted living and hospice. The experiences were varied at each stay. Doing my research ahead of time resulted in them receiving care that allowed me to sleep better at night.

This was lengthy, but I wanted you to know I do feel your pain and confusion about what you should do when facing transitions. My first word of advice is to do your research. Begin to develop a plan before the transition comes. Then pray for guidance.

Start a journal or photo album that tell your loved ones life story. Include past jobs, names of children and grandchildren, list of hobbies, favorite foods, etc. This will assist any caregiver in getting acquainted with your loved one. For example, I hung a huge Alabama Crimson Tide wreath on my dad’s door. We watched every game with him. The last football season we shared began with putting up a Christmas tree. Each game they won resulted in a new Alabama ornament being hung on his tree. The resident assistance would look for it and talk to dad about the game. He loved the attention.

Later this week I will post on things to look for when you make visits to tour facilities. If you are reading this and have questions, please leave a comment and an email address and I will respond. The comments are private.

Word for Today

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 4:4-7

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Help me today to trust that you have a plan. Give me faith to trust your plan. Give me comfort as the plan unfolds.

I choose to rejoice in you through it all.

Amen

Song for Today

I have been online for 2 days with an incredible army of volunteers with the Alzheimer’s association. We are having discussions about how to partner with families dealing with Alzheimer’s disease. Most everyone has been a caregiver at some point. If you could hear people from all across the country share about the importance of offering education, support groups and funding research you would be shedding a few tears with me. They get it. Their heart carries a burden because many have walked the path you are now walking.

You are not alone in this battle. Please take a few minutes today and visit alz.org

You will find education opportunities and support. As you learn more, you can navigate life as a caregiver with more confidence. Every caregiver has their own unique personality, gifts and skills. You use this to be the best caregiver possible. Never compare yourself to other caregivers.

Last night I read something that I feel lead to share. Imagine all of your skills, talents, strengths and character are in a measuring cup. Each of the caregivers around you have their measuring cups lined up on the counter. The enemy of your soul would like to tempt you to compare the fullness of your cup to theirs. If you do look and compare, you may end up feeling like an inadequate failure. That is exactly when you end up living in discouragement and fear.

If your focus is on just your cup then God can begin to pour all of those wonderful ingredients He has placed in your life into the life of someone who needs you. They love every smidgen of love that flows from that cup.

You are strong. You are beautiful. You are on the front lines of a huge battle. You are surrounded by an army of fellow caregivers. God is in your midst. If God aided David in his battle against Goliath, He will be there with you. It may take a while, but keep holding on to your faith!

World for Today
Hebrews 11:30 By faith the walls of Jericho fell, after the army had marched around them for seven days.

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for being my strength. Thank you for equipping me for the task of caregiving. Help me to trust in what you have placed inside of me when I feel frightened and unprepared. Step by step I will rely on you to be with me.

Amen

Song for Today

Finally, I am back. Hopefully I have an idea for handling difficult days. Forgive my absence please. A couple of friends, a family member and a neighbor have been thrown some curve balls over the last few weeks as caregivers. I have tried to be a listening ear, prayer partner and voice of encouragement for them.

As I have thought about what to share with you, I remembered a story that I would like to share. A church I attended had plenty of people who disagreed on the right temperature for the building to be. Some thought it was too cold while others were convinced it was too hot. Some wise board members found a solution. The real thermostat to control the temperature was relocated to a office that was locked during services. The one on the wall that everyone could access was disconnected but left on the wall. Everyone, who wanted to, could adjust the setting and suddenly the temps were always just right.

When you are caring for someone with dementia you may have to take control of situations in a way that allows them to think they are still in control. This takes planning and holding of your tongue. Remember arguing never results in a win for either of you. You can plant an idea in their head and give them a few days to ponder it during the early stages of Alzheimer’s. Often they will come back to you with your idea. Reply “that is a great idea so let’s try it”. Never reply with “I told you so”. Humble yourself to save their dignity.

You can plan carefully with the best of intentions. Sometimes the plan works. Other times it falls apart. Today is one of those days. My plans were to lead an in person support group An ice storm halted those plans. So, I decided to use up some food before we lose power. The blender was full of greek yogurt, pineapple, blueberries and strawberries. Delicious smoothies would be lunch. Maybe I was feeling a bit pleased with myself for this great idea. Then humility flooded over me as I looked at my kitchen.

The blender began to work slowly and then smoke was pouring from it. I hurried to unplug it. Then I hastily tried to remove the glass container full of smoothie. The blade and holder stayed with the base and smoothie went all over me, the counter, the cabinet doors and the floor. My German shepherd was eager to clean the floor. This is the point that my husband walked back in for lunch and found it all over the kitchen. He is a great a wonderful man and rescued me from my disaster. To prove how wonderful he is, he just ordered me a new and improved blender!

Each of you have God on your side. He sweeps in when our plans fail to help us clean up the mess. Who knows a friend may even step in with a pleasant surprise such as my new blender.

God’s word is full of examples of people who had curve balls to handle. Jacob said “I Do”, lifted the veil and saw he had married the wrong girl. Joseph shared his dream and landed in the bottom of a pit. Mary was a young virgin girl who was told by an angel that she would bear a child conceived by God. The rest of their stories can be explored to find how they handled the changes and where their journeys took them. God had a plan for each of them.

God will be faithful to help you face tough days as well. You are stronger than you think because He carries part of your load. Trust Him to give you wisdom. He knows His plan for you.

Word for Today

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Some days are not as peaceful as others. No matter how much I try, it feels as if I never do the right thing. Then I carry guilt and have a lack of peace, thinking I blew it again. Give me the courage to pick myself up and keep going. Give me peace when life is full of stress. Give me faith to know you will make my paths straight and have a plan for me. Part of that plan is to be a caregiver.

I thank you for the honor of walking my loved one to their final home. Help me to consider it an honor on the hard days.

Amen

Song for Today

P.S. The freezing ice has changed to beautiful snowflakes. I have a peace in my heart and praise in my heart. My home is warm and for now the power is still on. Make yourself a hot cup of cocoa or tea and praise God for your blessings.

Dear Friend,

This is my Christmas card and letter to you. You have had a difficult year. The last thing you need is more difficulties to navigate. As the person who lives with someone who changes daily, you understand their needs, emotions and abilities better than anyone. The family members who drop in occasionally or call to get information only have glimpses into what life is actually like.

They will have expectations of following traditions, gathering as a large group, and having fun. You are considered the Grinch who overprotects and ruins the party. My suggestion is that you send a Christmas letter to your family members. Tell them about changes that have occurred. Make them aware that someone with Alzheimer’s can easily be overstimulated by loud noises, bright lights and everyone talking at once. Suggest that having them in a large gathering can really upset them. They just cannot process the activity around them that used to bring them pleasure.

Assure them of how much you love them and you would love visits by a few at a time. Encourage them to prepare children and teens for the change. They may want to bring quiet toys for younger children. Most people with Alzheimer’s love to see children. Make them aware of the best time of the day for the visit.

One year my mom had declined rapidly. I knew that family members would surround she and my dad so I returned to my home in another state to celebrate with my own children and grandchildren. Frantic phone calls came in all day long. Older grandchildren had left crying. My mom’s sisters were convinced she was dying. My dad had panicked due to their reactions. It was chaos. Thankfully I had a home health care nurse calling as well. She assured me that mom was just like she had been when I left them two days ago.

Exhausted from driving, I had to return to mom and dad the next day to settle everyone down. Partly, it was my fault. I should have tried harder to convey to them how much was changing. I feared being accused of exaggerating mom’s conditions or of trying to make them feel guilty. Keep in mind that the focus should always be on what is the best for the one you care for. If you must bear the burden of being the bad guy, remember God will help you bear the load.

Here are a few gift suggestions to make to extended family.

Stuffed animals or dolls are appropriate gifts at later stages of the disease.

Clothing gifts should be easy to put on and take off as well as comfortable.

Seek puzzles or picture books as well at the later stage.

Perhaps a bird feeder would be nice for them to watch from inside.

Arnica oil (weleda massage oil) is a lovely gift. You can massage stiff joints and provide human touch that is enjoyed.

Lavender and citrus essential oils with a diffuser would be nice as well. The lavender helps with calming and the citrus is great for mornings and helping them wake up.

A scrapbook of their life.

Sweets (unless they are diabetic)

Stocking with an orange, apple and candy cane

Drive to see Christmas lights

I hope this has inspired you with some ideas of your own.You may still be told “You are a mean one Mr. Grinch”. You and I know “You are the amazing one”!

May God richly bless you and bring joy to your home this Christmas season.

Word for Today (I do not have memory issues. Someone needs to hear this again today.)

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John16:33

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Please give me wisdom and favor as I speak to my family about celebrating this year. Help me to focus on your gift to us and the reason we do celebrate. Help me to see caring for another as an honor.

Amen

Song for Today

Snow! The child that hides inside of me is full of delight. I am sitting by my kitchen window watching snow flakes fall. Flurries are all we will see today, but I will take what I can get. In January it will be three years since we moved to the farm. We are still waiting to wake up to snow covered fields. This southern girl has a smile on her face with sparkles in her eyes.

Now I feel inspired to light a fire and and put up my Christmas tree. It was a struggle in deciding to decorate without family and friends visiting this year. A dear friend reminded me of how excited we were to put up our first tree after getting married. We encouraged each other to reach back and try to create the same excitement this year, even if it will be like we were years ago before our families expanded.

I accepted the challenge. The tree will be lit. The stockings will be hung. Favorite treats will be shared and music will fill the air. I will venture to the Christmas tree farm I can see from my porch and buy one of the lovely fresh wreaths they make. Their trees are still small so I will have to wait a few years to get a tall one from them. My husband will hang the top ornaments and I the low ones on our tree.

I encourage you to do make the most of the season as well. Often a person with memory loss still has long term memories. Light the tree. Play the carols. Hang a stocking. The mood you create may cause them to recall experiences of Christmas as a child. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Keep things simple, but please do celebrate the birth of Christ and let His peace reign in your hearts and homes.

Sit by the Christmas tree and hold hands. Play a game or work a puzzle together. Who cares if the rules are followed or if the pieces are in the right place? Unless you are diabetic, eat ice cream and cookies for lunch. Enjoy life.

My parents loved Christmas. It was about having family around them. While circumstances may have changed for us this year. We still hold family in our hearts! In the world of caregivers, family sometimes becomes friends that are fellow caregivers. I invite you today to grab a Christmas mug and fill it with hot cocoa, spiced cider, hot tea or coffee and join me as we play our favorite Christmas music. I can’t be there in person but I can in spirit. Sending love and a reminder that God sends simple gifts to lift our spirits such as snow flurries in the south.

Word for Today

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father,

Today I pause to soak in your blessings. When this world offers pain and trials, I turn my thoughts to you. I chooses to celebrate the greatest gift of all. I choose to find the quiet times that you can settle my thoughts and restore peace.

Thank you for holding me close when people cannot. For this I am so grateful.

Amen

Song for Today

Hello again. My life has had a couple of the interruptions I mentioned in the last post. One involved digging sweet potatoes because of a quick dip in temperatures here. Another was holding a ladder while my sweet husband installed leaf guards. Then a call came about my uncle. He had been hospitalized and his daughter needed to go back to work. Being asked to stay with him for a few days was truly a beautiful gift. Due to covid lockdowns, I had not seen him since February. Our hospital allows one visitor per day now. So I am well sanitized and know my temperature is around 97 each day after a few days of going in and out of the building.

I was able to love on him and cut his hair. He had only had one since February. Have you ever tried cutting hair in a hospital? I was able to cut one side while he was in a recliner. The pumps, iv and oxygen lines kept me limited to that side. In the afternoon I was able to cut the other side while he was back in his bed. In the between time, a doctor came in. He asked, “How are you?”. My witty and keen uncle replied, “My head keeps tilting to one side because it is so heavy”. The witty doc came back with “Oh, I thought you were trying to be a rock star”.

We discussed his trip to the Grand Old Opry and the early years of his marriage. He is 86 and his mind is still sharp. My heart was full and just the sight of him reminded me of my dad and grandparents. The phone calls from his children who live away offered me a chance to reconnect with them as well.

I am so grateful that I could be there as his advocate when doctors, nurses and care managers came and went. Use my own experience from this week to recognize how important it is to find extended family when you need them. Distance and jobs may keep your own siblings or children from helping. There may be other relatives that would feel honored to be with your loved one. I know I was. While a hospital stay might have been stressful for my uncle, it opened a door for me to visit with him. For this I am so very thankful.

If you are reading this and are feeling overwhelmed, do not give up hope. God may have a beautiful gift coming your way as well.

Before leaving today I would like to talk a little about feeling unbalanced or out of sorts sometimes. My uncle joked about being unbalanced because the untrimmed hair was making his head tilt. Sometimes we find ourselves in his situation. God may be pruning our lives. He is always in the process and it may leave you feeling like things just aren’t right. Perhaps it is painful. You feel unsettled and are looking for peace. To find this peace when things feel unsettled we must walk by faith. Sometimes it may feel like walking with a blindfold and trusting God to guide our steps. It may even feel like walking blindfolded on a tightrope. Then you not only trust him to guide your steps but you rest in the knowledge that he is also your safety net.

Be blessed and trust God. He may just have a beautiful gift wrapped up and tied with a bow to give you today.

Word for Today

John 13:34-35
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

We praise you for loving each of us, for sending Jesus to show us how to love and for placing opportunities for us to share that love.

Amen

Song for Today

Open the eyes of our hearts Lord.

“We must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer

My life had been blessed and somewhat sheltered as I lived in a cocoon. Then bit by bit that cocoon began to unravel. Unexpected experiences and circumstances made me venture into a world full of hurting people. God interrupted my pleasant life and began to test me and stretch me. I didn’t even realize that God was going to force me to walk in the shoes others had walked in. This exposed my heart to pain I had never experienced. It took what I knew as compassion and stretched it into a much deeper love than I had ever known. A series of events and changes that could have been viewed as disastrous turned out to be a time of pruning and growth. I still don’t see the fruit I hope to see but my faith is strong and I know who holds my future.

I am not the only one God has done this to, He knows the whole story of our lives and interrupts our lives to prepare us for what He has planned for our lives. We will explore a few of the people this has happened to.

Joseph was a well loved child who was sold by jealous brothers. His life was interrupted at a young age. He was thrown into a pit, falsely accused and forgotten. He had every reason to be full of anger and contempt. He had every reason to fall into his own pit of misery, rejection and pity. He choice to hear God’s voice and lived to see himself a leader and reconciled with his family.

Moses was set afloat into a river as an infant by a broken hearted mother who was trying to save his life. He was raised with privilege in a palace and highly educated. Something in him snapped and he reacted when he saw a slave mistreated. Confused and afraid he ran from everyone and hid. Then God interrupted his life with a burning bush. Moses went on to lead a nation to freedom.

Paul was doing his best to be a Jewish leader and thought he was serving God. Then he had an encounter that left him blind. This was just the beginning of a lifetime of interruptions that would include imprisonments, beatings, a shipwreck and trials most of us will never see. He went on to serve God in a most powerful way.

My story is far from being as dramatic as the examples above. God has different plans for each of us. He has a plan for you. The time you spend as a caregiver might just be the interruption God uses to lead you to greater area of ministry. The lessons you learn may be preparation for what is next. This time may simply be a time of learning to trust God and a time to build your faith.

Everyone made sacrifices and felt pain in the above examples. I do not promise you a world free of suffering and full of instant gratification. I do promise you the interruptions brought by God are worth it! Trust His plan.

I leave you with one reminder. God interrupted one man’s life just moments before his death. He hung on a cross next to the only answer all of us need. A conversation began between him and Jesus that went like this.

Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”

 Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

Don’t ignore God’s interruptions. They bring you life, even if it is the last interruption you respond to. Listen to God’s voice. Grow through what He teaches you. Trust God to light your path moving forward.

Word for Today

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I thank you for sending Jesus so that I can have true life. Help me to listen when you interrupt my life. When I listen, give me patience to wait on you. Help me to grow into who you designed me to be. Help me to lay aside my plans and trust you to be the light unto my path.

Amen

Song for Today

Alzheimer’s is not just memory loss. Alzheimer’s kills. Alzheimer’s disease is the sixth-leading cause of death in the United States.

Last year I participated and volunteered for our local Walk to End Alzheimer’s. This year I have raised almost twice as much as last year. While the walk looks different due to covid-19, we will still walk.

If you are a caregiver reading this, you understand that the funds raised are crucial.

This is from the Alzheimer’s Association 2020 facts and figures report.

“Alzheimer’s takes a devastating toll on caregivers. Compared with caregivers of people without dementia, twice as many caregivers of those with dementia indicate substantial emotional, financial and physical difficulties.

Of the total lifetime cost of caring for someone with dementia, 70% is borne by families — either through out-of-pocket health and long-term care expenses or from the value of unpaid care.”

It is time to find a cure. I have said too many goodbyes in the last few years. My mother passed in 2016. My time spent volunteering in the last four years have been filled with meeting and loving some beautiful people. We laughed, cried, sang, danced and shared stories. My life has been richer from the experiences of knowing these lovely people who were struggling with memory loss. Their families have had to say goodbye just like I did. Our hearts ache because their last years were robbed of living life to the fullest extent they should have had.

Now you know why I walk. Asking for donations is something I have a hard time doing. This is a cause I believe in. Please find a walk near you or donate to someone who is walking.

Letting go is never easy. It is intensely emotional. I have let go of the tiny hand of my precious babies as they bravely took their first step. My husband held his breath as he ran along and let go of a bicycle as they balanced and pedaled away. Years passed and we found ourselves driving away from a college campus. The car was too quiet. There was silence as tears rolled down our cheeks. As I watched my adult children step out into the world, I felt a huge loss.

Suddenly, I was like a stranger standing on the porch while peeking into the windows of their lives. I didn’t dare knock on the door demanding to be let in. Instead I silently yelled, “Hey, are you ok?”. Of course, I knew they were. They were simply off onto their own adventures, as they should be. It just happened way too fast for me. I had to let go of my old role and adjust to a new one.

Time passed and I saw my parents aging. Then Alzheimer’s entered the picture. I had to let go of my dreams of taking trips with my parents or sharing long phone conversations. I watched them meet my grandchildren and then not remember their names. I had to let go of them being so excited to have children running around the house and accept the fact that this overwhelmed them now.

When my mom was in her last days, I told her that I loved her and that she could go home to Jesus whenever it was time. I encouraged my dad to do the same. Dad asked, “What do I say?”. I told him that he had loved mom greatly for many years and assured him he would know what to say and I walked out of the room. The next day Mom was still with us. Dad was beside her when I took a short walk. As I stepped into the doorway I saw Dad standing at Mom’s side and holding her hand. He leaned down and said “Let’s count together…10…9…8”. Tears poured as I ran out the door. Dad was trying to help mom go and he was letting go. What an amazing act of love!

You will face that same time when you know you have to let go. I let my babies’s hands go because I knew God had a plan for their lives. I let my Mom and Dad’s hand go when they took their last breath. It was painful for me but they were just stepping into God’s plan for their eternity.

You will have the courage to let go. You will continue to live. There will be adjustments to make and you may step into a new role. Trust God with the plan for the rest of your life. I may have shared this song before, but I just felt like someone needed to hear it again.

Word for Today

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

Prayer for Today

Our Father Who is in Heaven,

So many times I cling tightly to the ones I love. My desire is to protect them and hold them close. That will not always be possible. When the day comes that I have to let them go, give me the courage and strength to do it. Give me peace and grace on the days that the pain feels like it is overwhelming.

I will come running into your arms as a child and just let you hold me and comfort me. I thank you that you are my refuge when I am weak.

Amen

Song for Today