Caregivers rarely call me with a heart full of joy. Usually they call to ask for advice or to tell me of the decline in their loved one. Yesterday was a pleasant surprise. A woman called to tell me how wonderful it was to hear her mother talking and laughing again. My heart was thrilled to listen to her joy.

We had discussed the success we were seeing with the robotic pet and a caregiver’s wife at our last support group meeting. His wife loved her robotic dog and his only problem was keeping it clean due to her trying to feed it her food. I shared a video of my mother-in-law petting and brushing a robotic cat within days of her passing. Several in the group requested information on where they could get one.

One member of that group had gotten her mom a robotic dog this week. Her mom instantly started laughing and talking with the dog. She named it and told it that he was sleeping with her that night. Several nurses had dropped by to observe the interaction.

Sometimes we have to be creative in finding the little things that bring joy to the one we care for’s heart. Their delight brings us joy that we grab and hold on to. There is such a beauty in seeing their interest in life be activated by a tiny spark. I am reminded of a song from my childhood.

It only takes a spark to get a fire going,
And soon all those around can warm up in its glowing;
That’s how it is with God’s Love,
Once you’ve experienced it,
Your spread the love to everyone
You want to pass it on.

Today I just want to pass it on as I suggest things that may brighten your day. Listening to the favorite music of your loved one can sometimes bring a few moments of clarity and communication. Music is powerful and can release chemicals into the brain that bring peace.

For pet lovers, the robotic pets can bring comfort and alleviate loneliness. A company called Joy for All sells robotic dogs, cats and birds. You can view videos of these online. Some areas have pet therapy dogs that you can arrange to have a visit from.

Many people with dementia love young children. If you have family or friends with children encourage them to visit. An afternoon sitting on the patio and watching children play in water sprinklers or chasing bubbles can be fun for all. Watch funny animal videos or videos of babies and toddlers if you do not have little ones that can visit.

Read out loud. Reading books, poetry and the Bible can be comforting. A grandchild of mine would go sit in my mom’s room and read her children’s stories. Mom loved hearing her voice and my granddaughter who was learning to read felt comfortable because mom just smiled and never corrected her misread words.

Even if the moments of joy are fleeting and rare, they are real. You have made a heart connection that you can hold on to. Think outside of the box and look for golden opportunities to make these moments happen. Think like a child and play. The caregiver’s world is stressful. You deserve a break today. If you can still be mobile, go for a ride. Get an ice cream cone.

If you are unable to get out, try some of the above suggestions made above.

Be blessed and remember this. God sees. God cares. God is creative and will give you creative ideas that may inspire joy.

Word for Today

You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.’

Acts 2:28

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

God,

Today I come seeking the joy only you can bring. Restore my joy and teach me to delight in the moments of connection that I have with you and with the one I care for. Give me ideas and inspiration when my mind is focusing on meeting basic needs and stress creeps

If you are asked what does a caregiver look like, look around and you will see beautiful people who pour into the lives of others who need them. They are young, middle aged and elderly. Every nationality is represented. Every education level can be found. Financial situations cover the spectrum.

The world talks a lot about inclusiveness. Our group called caregivers has all of this well covered. It is not an awareness, awokeness or politcal call. It is a wonderful group of people who face challenges, make sacrtifices daily without shouting out to the world for attention.

Today; however, I am shouting out to the world for you. Please notice the challenge we have accepted to make life richer and fuller for our loved ones who can no longer function on thier own. We all deserve gold medals for our valiant effort, but we do not do this for medals. We do this because we care.

Now that I have stated what we know is true and wish the world understood better, I will state some others things we long for but do not say. I am tired. I am lonely. How can I get someone else to share the load. Why did God let this happen? A visit would be nice.

We wishfully wait for a knock at the door with a friend saying one of the following:

” I brought a cake and my son is mowing your lawn this afternoon”.

“Come over to lunch tomorrow. I considered what your aunt will eat and will make finger foods so she can handle them. Please don’t say no or be embarassed. My mother had dementia and I understand they say or do things that they would not have done in the past.”

“Why don’t you place an order for your groceries this week and let me pick them up for you”?

“Forgive me for calling and telling you to let me know if you need anything. I noticed your flower bed and will be over in a few minutes to pull some weeds and then we can sit on the porch together and sip on some iced tea I am bringing and enjoy the view. It is just a small thing but I know it bothers you and you can’t leave Frank to do it yourself.”

“My son gave me two tickets to a baseball game Friday. Susan and I will be over at 5:00pm with dinner. Susan will clean up after and stay with Mary while you and I go to the game.”

We all have those secret dreams hidden away. Sometimes friends, family and neighbors want to help but simply do not take the initiative to do it. When you are feeling overwhelmed, do not be afraid to ask for a little help. You can invite them over a few times so they have a better understanding of your situation. This may alleviate their fears.

I truly wish I could sit down with you and take your hand, look you in the eye and ask, “How are you doing?. Take a few moments to ponder how you will answer that question. If you find tears filling your eyes, that is perfectly normal. Let them flow.

This poem expressed how we may feel.

Tears Only Seen by God

 In the darkness when no one else sees

Tears fall softly as my heart breaks

Exhausted from holding myself together

I give in to fear and heartache.

No one sees or hears except for God

He is the only one who knows all

Without judging my mistakes

He holds me like a child so small.

When the sobbing ceases

He doesn’t turn and walk away

Remaining just to reassure me

He strengthens me for the next day

Knowing I am not forgotten and alone

I take a breath and feel newed

Thankful for his presence

I sleep with fears and pain subdued.

The wonderful truth is that the same amazing God who created us and sent His son to save us is the one who still watches over us. He sees you just as you are. He will continue to be your hope and strength. While the world around you may be in choas and your personal world may be in chaos as a caregiver, God is still in control. Trust Him.

Word for Today

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

You amaze us every day with your continuous love and mercy. Thank you for leading others to minister to us when we just need them to be the arms of Christ extended to us. Thank you for holding us on the days we just need to cry. Give us hope as we walk this caregiving journey out by faith.

Amen

In normal conversation we ask questions and reason with someone we disagree with. These are skills we mastered as mere toddlers. Asking question is how we learn. Why is the sky blue? Why do chickens lay eggs and cats have kittens? A toddler will ask a million questions and expect answers. An adult with dementia will hear a million questions and become frustrated.

The reasoning skills are practiced early as well. Think of a three year old using this presuasive speech. I need the cookie because I am hungry. If you really love me you will give me a cookie now. Susie’s mom lets her have cookies for lunch. With puppy dog eyes and poked out lips they plead their case to get that cookie.

After vast years of questioning and reasoning, we have very much mastered these tools as a normal part of interaction with those around us. It is a large part of how we communicate.

Today I have some startling news! You are a caregiver for someone with dementia. Neither of these skills are effective anymore. Actually when used they cause a day of choas in the home. Leading a conversation with the words “don’t you remember” only sets up confusion. The answer 99% of the time is no or a blank stare.

How do you feel if someone follows you around all day pointing out your failures? That is what asking someone with dementia to remember is doing. Their brain is failing them and they often realize this. We should not ask them to remember. We should focus on the present more.

Trying to reason with someone with dementia isn’t wise either. Their rational thoughts are gone now. Asking them to think rationally is like asking a blind person to see.

It is so difficult to train our brains to respond in different ways. We have to pause and approach with caution or there will be outbursts of anger or tears from you and the one you are caring for. Peace should be our goal. Being right is no longer important. Being safe and providing a loving envirionment is important.

There are several things that seem to cause conflict the most. Money is always a sore spot. Let’s listen in on a pretend conversation.

Mom: You took all my money.

You: No mom I did not. You know I wouldn’t do that.

Mom: Yes you took it all. I don’t even have a dollar.

You: Mom, you don’t need money. I pay for what you need.

Mom: Yes. With my money

How did that go? Let’s try a different approach.

Mom: You took all of my money.

You: I understand you are concerned about your money. It is in a safe place.

Mom: Where is it? I don’t see any.

You: It is in the bank. Would you like to go for a ride? I can drive to the machine at the bank and get us some money out. Then you can pay for us to have an ice cream treat.

Mom: I want chocolate.

You acknowledged her concern about her money. You reassured her that it was safe. You distracted her with the ice cream and let her save face by buying it herself.

Has anyone had struggles at bath time? I already took my bath is the standard reply most people hear. Keep in mind that in their mind they think they did or they may simply be fearful of the bath or shower. The water may feel or sound different. They may not remember the steps that it takes to bath. My own mother would stand in the shower but never actually go through the steps of reaching for a bathcloth, applying soap, rinsing off, etc. The whole process was too overwhelming without gentle reminders and assistance.

Try gathering a change of clothing and laying out everything you will need ahead of time. Relax together and then try to gently guide them into the bath while talking about something else. Playing their favorite music in the background may also help.

When I discussed not asking them to remember, I did not mean you cannot talk about past events. Sometimes they love hearing stories and photos from earlier years. They may talk with you as you discuss the fun you had at the beach or the wedding of a grandchild.

With a little practice you can learn to never ask someone with dementia to remember or be rational.

Over the last several weeks, I have heard from caregivers that are struggling. God has prompted me to address the importance to taking time to renew yourself spiritually. This is a demanding and exhausting time. You may feel like you are in a desert and forgottern. You are not forgotten. God sees, God equips and God loves.

Word for Today

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12

Song for Today

Someone is feeling alone and in distress. Please listen to this with an open heart.

Prayer for Today

Thank you God for seeing me in my situation. Thank you for leading me into your presence and bringing me peace when stress mounts and I get frustrated. Continue to use me even on the days that I struggle and make mistakes. Let everything I do and say as a cargiver bring glory to you.

Amen

This is just a quick reminder for your weekend.

Today my husband and I were eating lunch and looking out the cafe window. At the four way stop was an elderly bearded man on his tractor. My husband jokingly said, “his children took his truck keys”. We watched him turn into a Dollar General parking lot and go inside. Of course, we took a photo to share with you. Then my hubby ventured inside and struck up a conversation about tractors with the man. He did not appear to have dementia and was simply hot and thirsty from plowing and drove the tractor over to get a root beer.

I shared this story with a friend. She shared a similiar one with me. Another friend had taken her 95 year old grandfather’s car keys. A neighbor asked for a ride to the doctor. Grandpa took her on his riding lawnmower. Don’t underestimate the resourcefulness of senior citizens. Taking the car keys may not be enough.

Deer often stop suddenly and stare into headlights of a vehicle coming toward them.  They seem to be frozen.  Fears and surprise combine to cause fear to keep them there. People caught in extreme surprise, fear and confusion freeze as well.  Unable to think clearly, they do not know what to do, so they do nothing.

This is a condition often referred to as analysis paralysis.  What does it mean?  To simplify the idea, imagine being overwhelmed with so much information that you can’t process it all. Someone is breathing down your neck asking you to make a decision.  How can you make a decision before you weigh out causes and effects?  How can you even think clearly, with so much running around in your mind?  Exhaustion and frustration build as you stand frozen.

Caregivers are hit with surprises and information while decisions have to be made.  You do not always have a lot of time to process and mull over ideas in a time of crisis. You make your decisions the best you can.

Then you second guess your decisions.  Guilt slips in and you fear judgment and criticism from family and friends.  This is exhausting and frustrating.  You are not alone.  Every caregiver I know experiences this to some degree.

Keep in mind that you usually have information about the person you take care of that everyone else does not have.  Even someone with dementia still tries to appear normal around others. The doorbell rings and you open the door to a niece and her family.   After an afternoon of trying so hard to appear normal,  your husband has used all of his energy. Almost as soon as the car pulls away, he has an angry outburst.  You deal with his childlike temper tantrum while your relatives have this discussion on the way home.

“I just don’t understand why Aunt Jennie insists that Uncle Kevin has dementia.  He laughed with our kids.  He knew our names.  He seems perfectly normal.  It was so pleasant I wish we had planned to stay longer than 45 minutes”.

Go ahead.  Laugh at how absurd it is for them to comprehend what living with Uncle Kevin is really like 24 hours a day.  Forgive them and be grateful they at least came to visit. Plan on letting them stay longer the next time while you go out to lunch with a friend and then run errands at a leisurely pace.  Sometimes they have to experience a little abnormal behavior to believe you.

What can be done to prepare before the headlights blind you?  Think ahead of possible scenarios.  By researching, you can learn what to expect as their disease progresses.  Consider options for care as this happens.  If you are the sole caregiver, have a backup plan.  Who is your emergency backup?

Find a local or online support group.  You can share ideas and difficulties with people who truly get it.  I love seeing the caregivers in our group laugh and cry together.  The in person meeting allows hugs to be shared as well.  

Friendships form and no one judges because we are all in the same boat rowing upstream.  When we get frozen or stuck, we hop out and carry the boat until we are moving forward again.

Personally, the caregiving years have ended.  My home is filled with boxes and furniture from our parents’ homes.  Emotions, the sheer volume of items, and trying to figure our own future retirement out have left me in analysis paralysis.  

Today I have set a goal of decluttering my life and home.  It will be slow but it is way past time to do this.  Does anyone need a set of dishes, cookware, tools, paintings or just about anything you can think of?  Did I forget Christmas decor?We are not hoarders, we are inheritors!

Together we will take steps forward.  You as caregivers and me as a survivor.  God knows our future and he holds our hands. We can move forward in confidence and in God’s strength.

Truth for Today

When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.  Acts 4:13

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear Father God,

We thank you for sending your son, Jesus to save us and guide us as we live this earthly life. People saw the courage of Peter and John and took note that these men had been with Jesus. We are ordinary people just like them. Give us the courage they had when we feel paralyzed with confusion and fear. Give us strength to keep moving as caregivers.

Amen

Living in this modern world means having a phone in your pocket most waking hours.

It is a convenience as well as a ball and chain.  People now can have access to me whether I am in my home, car or boating on the lake.  

I had special ringtones assigned to my and my husband’s parents. Sometimes it was tempting to ignore them when I was busy or just didn’t want to be interrupted.  The importance of their calls could not be denied.  My heart overruled my selfishness and I always answered. They might have a true emergency or just need to know I would answer. When someone has dementia they need that security

Each evening I would carefully place the phone on the charger beside my bed.  Sometimes it would ring at 2am when they thought it was 2pm.  Other times they thought a car was idling in their driveway. I silently prayed for a good night’s sleep.  Now I still plug the phone to a charger in the evening only to find those old familiar ringtones never awaken me.  

I try to remember the sound of their voice.  The inflections and phrases I am so used to are fading.  The silence leaves a longing in my heart.  Should my phone ring in the middle of the night now,  I might grab it before being  fully awake and expect to hear one of them.

We live in a world where people ignore texts and calls.  I urge you to take a few moments even when it is inconvenient, and truly listen to what someone has to say. These are conversations you can never go back and get.

On a lighter note, these conversations can be very interesting.  Many senior citizens do text.  They just use different acronyms than the younger crowd.  So be patient when grandpa just doesn’t understand your text.  He is trying.  Giving up on common grammar and complete sentences is not easy on him.  He most likely adheres to acronyms used by  him and his friends.  Hopefully, this list will assist you in communicating with him.

Senior Texting Explanations 

• ATD – At the Doctor’s
• BFF – Best Friends Funeral
• BTW – Bring the Wheelchair
• CBM – Covered by Medicare
• CUATSC – See You at the Senior Center
• DWI – Driving While Incontinent
• FWBB – Friend with Beta Blockers
• FWIW – Forgot Where I Was
• FYI – Found Your Insulin
• GGPBL – Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
• GHA – Got Heartburn Again
• HGBM – Had Good Bowel Movement
• IMHO – Is My Hearing-Aid On?
• LMDO – Laughing My Dentures Out
• OMMR – On My Massage Recliner
• OMSG – Oh My! Sorry, Gas
• ROFL…CGU – Rolling on the Floor Laughing…Can’t get Up!
• TTYL – Talk to You Louder
• WAITT – Who Am I Talking To?
• WTFA – Wet the Furniture Again
• WWNO – Walker Wheels Need Oil
• GGLKI – Gotta Go, Laxative Kickin in!
• LMT – Lost my teeth
• NMIFT -Never mind I found them

Word for Today

 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Teach to slow down and listen. Teach me to treasure the time with my loved one. Forgive me for ignoring them and always remind me of the importance they have in my life.

Amen

Song for Today

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Hilarious+Song+About+Getting+Old&&view=detail&mid=0060CAA4A25BD81D975B0060CAA4A25BD81D975B&&FORM=VRDGAR&ru=%2Fvideos%2Fsearch%3F%26q%3DHilarious%2BSong%2BAbout%2BGetting%2BOld%26FORM%3DVDMHRS

This weekend my husband and I ventured to the local Master Gardners club plant sale. Members of the group were busy answering questions and pulling out their cell phones to find information if they did not know the answers. All of them were very eager to assist other plant lovers. It is always a fun adventure for us.

When we rolled our cart up to the table to pay we were greeted and someone pulled our tags to give us our total. Then it became very evident to us that the person taking our cash was extremely confused. Up until this point she made complete sense talking with us. My husband handed her a large bill and waited on change. She counted the money several times before handing us back the amount we owed and not our change. She only became more confused as someone tried to help her. The person assisting her explained that they were tired from the long day.

Walking to our truck my husband looking at me and asked, “Who is going to state the obvious first?. We have been around dementia enough to notice subtle signs of early stages. My heart hurts every time I notice these signs of early dementia when we are out in public. I want to wrap my arms around the person and tell them it is going to be alright. I want to pull the family aside and tell them to watch closely for further changes.

Family members do not want to see the changes. None of us do; however, they are real. Some of the things to take note of include:

using the wrong word for something

struggling to make decisions

unable to balance checkbook or count money

taking longer to do task or follow recipes

repeating questions or stories

a change in gait

getting lost driving

trouble navigating new places such as hotels, store or finding way to restroom and back in restuarants

change in eating habits (strong perference for sweets)

Do not assume the problems are Alzheimer’s Disease. This is just one form of dementia. Parkinson’s with dementia, Lewey Bodies, Vascular and others fall under the umbrella of dementia that can occur with aging. Consulting a physician early on about your concerns can lead to testing and evaluations for more answers. Many family physicians may give you a diagnosis of mild cognitive decline. This is vague and you may want to get a referral to a gerontologist or neurologist.

Be prepared to become an advocate for someone with mild dementia. Their world is becoming confusing and they need you to walk with them as a caregiver. Equip yourself with knowledge. Walk in faith that God is with you. Do not panic. You can do this!

My song today may hit hard. It should! I can never explain to you how important the visits with my mom were while she still knew who I was. You will see your loved one with new eyes. My mom who was never silly, became quite silly just like the father in the video is hiding behind his hamburger. Let this inspire you to make the visits, gives hugs and kisses and say I love you while you still can.

Word for Today

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. I Peter5:7

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

We are surrounded with people who are confused due to disease. Show us how to meet their needs. Help us to show patience when their confusion inconveniences us. Help to to show kindness when their confusion causes them to lash out. Give us peace when fear rushes in. Give us healing when our heart feels the loss of a relationship that once gave back but is now only able to receive. Teach us to be compassionate.

Amen

Song for Today

In the Wizard of Oz we watch as Dorothy and her friends work themselves into a fearful frenzy of what may lie ahead. When we hear words such as dementia, Alzheimer’s or Lewey Bodies. we can work ourselves into a fearful frenzy as if we had just heard lions, tigers and bears. While it sounds scary, you can handle this.

Maybe someone you love has recently been diagnosed with one of the above or another form of dementia. Take a deep breath. You are not alone. Families all across the world are facing the same crisis. Fortunately, there are incredible resources being made available. This blog is just one of many written by caregivers. I personally found courage to face my fears in several ways.

First, I asked God to guide my steps. Bible verses that I have always relied on are Proverbs 3:5-6. Below are several versions. One may speak to you more than another.

The Message

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
    don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
    he’s the one who will keep you on track.

New International Version

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

King James

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

Maybe you don’t have a relationship with God. It is the most amazing strength I have ever encountered. When facing scary situations, I have peace that is unexplainable.

My examples of God’s provision along with those of the many caregivers I have encountered are amazing.

Here are a few examples:

* A room suddenly becomes available in a facility with a long waiting list just when I need it.

(Ths happened 3 times in our caregiving journey)

* Receiving a card or book in the mail when you needed encouragement the most

* Friends getting referrals for in home caregivers at times of desperate need.

* Ideas coming about how to connect at a deep level with the one you care for when you lose hope

*A nurse calling you into the hallway of an emergency room and asking to pray for you

*Neighbors bringing hot meals over when they see you return home exhausted

*a random florist owner knocking on the door with a free yellow smiley face mug of flowers when you are sitting in the dark room crying because your dad is slowly passing away

God will meet your needs just like he met mine and my caregiving friends.

Second, I educated myself. Read, watch and listen. There are many resources on the web. Check out the Alzheimer’s Association. Get your hand on The 36 Hour Day. ( This is a must read.) Locate a support group for caregivers. If you read my past blog entries you will see suggested reading materials.

Thirdly, I realized that life had changed forever for me and the one I cared for. They now lived in a different reality and could not change. I had no chose but to step into their world.

If you still fear the journey, rest assured we all learn along the way. We mess up. We cry and pray a lot! You do the best you can.

My dad could be stubborn but he mellowed. I watched him shower love on my mom in ways I never expected. This man learned how to apply her makeup and style her hair. He fought getting help and moving mom into a nursing home. These were very hard decisions for him and heartbreaking ones.

Once mom was settled at the skilled care facility, he got a much needed knee replacement. His goal was to get out of rehab and see mom. That goal was met in 3 weeks and I signed him out with him informing me to keep driving and go straight to see mom. I rolled his wheelchair into her room and stepped back to observe. After 55 years of marriage no words were needed. The unspoken “I love you” bounced off the walls of that room. Her eyes sparkled and his tears fell.

A few years later as mom was leaving this world, Dad stood by her bed when I quietly walked in. I overheard his words and froze in place. Dad was holding mom’s hand. He said “Linda, I am going to hold your hand and count backwards. Ten, nine, eight”. Suddenly I knew he was thinking of when you are being put to sleep in surgery. He was trying to help Mom as she left us. I whirled around and eased out of the room emotionally undone. I had just witnessed an intense act of love.

You will be a part of these intense acts of love as you take care of someone. Remember that no act of love is ever wasted. Those acts of love can tame lions, tigers, and bears while erasing your fears.

Word for Today

Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Prayer for Today

Dear Father God,

Today I come with gratitude for your amazing love. When fear enters my heart help me to trust that you are walking with me through the storm. Calm the storm and calm my soul.

Amen

Song for Today

After a season of caregiving that has lasted from 2008 until 2 months ago, I find myself in a strange new world. For a long time a part of every single day has involved phone calls, doctor visits, trips between cities, being in someone else’s home sometimes as much as my own and always having the needs of someone else weighing on my mind with almost every decision I made.

Now there is a strange silence and loneliness in my heart. Dreams have been put on hold for so long that I seem to have forgotten how to dream or even had enough courage to dream. I sit at my kitchen table looking out the window at neglected flower beds. Wild blackberries have crept into the lawn. My hallway is full of boxes that were quickly packed when we sold my mother-in-law’s home. They sit waiting to be sorted. Sometimes I know these things have to be tended to but my emotions cause me to pause. I need to allow God to refresh my soul and spirit.

Perhaps one of you has experienced loss and you find yourself in this same place. Pain can be triggered by the smallest of things. A few months ago, I attended the funeral service of my precious aunt. Watching my cousins walk out of the service broke my heart. As adults we were all now orphans. Our heavenly Father is the only father we have to turn to for advice, comfort or a hug.

My hope keeps me going. I know this earth is just a temporary home; however, I miss loved ones and wait with expectancy to join them when God calls me home.

As I wait, I wonder what lies ahead. Am I ready to turn the page to a new chapter in my story? Do I have the courage to make plans and dream again? What excites me? What makes me happy? What talents do I need to develop? Can God use all of my experience to help someone else?

Challenges came so fast and furious that we feel as if the storm has blown over and we are now picking up the debris left behind. We survived. God became our storm shelter. He gave us strength and courage to make tough decisions. He held us when we felt too weak to hang on to Him. Now we look ahead.

I have begun writing again My garden is beckoning me to clean it up and replant. A new baby in my family is waiting to be snuggled. We can plan a trip without having backup support on standby. We sleep without bizarre calls in the middle of the night.

Yes, I do feel that I can dream again. How about you? Perhaps you are nearing the end of your season of caregiving. You are experiencing relief and grief. When you have watched a love one decline over a long period of time, these emotions go hand in hand. Never feel guilty for these feelings. They are normal. You have faithfully given your all and you are tired. Keep in mind that you will feel drained and dreams of hope for the future may take a while to return.

Allow yourself to rest and trust God to restore your soul at the right time.

Word for Today

Romans 5:1-5

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,  through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Prayer for Today

Hevenly Father,

We thank you for the hope we have as your children. Help us to allow you to build character in us as we suffer. Close our mouths when we grumble and complain. Forgive us when we take our eyes off of you and focus on our problems. Give us joy and restore our souls as we lean on your plan.

Amen

Song for Today

Country roads brought me home to the place where I belong.  Sitting on my porch listening to the birds sing and watching momma bird fly back and forth feeding her babies reminds me that life is beautiful.  Night skies are amazing on a clear evening. I am much more likely to hear a few coyotes than sirens at night.

Tires rolling over gravel leave a cloud of dust alerting me to visitors.

Fresh eggs, honey, berries and vegetables nourish our bodies and minds.  We know the preservatives and chemicals are missing that could cause damage. I would rather harvest on my farm than shop at the store.  Friends at the farmer’s market grow the things we don’t.  Bartering works well with freinds.

You may wonder what any of this has to do with caregiving.  Allow me to explain.

The last place I ever expected to move to was this farm.  My dreams involved a small farm in the foothills of Tennessee.  When my mother and father passed away, a new journey of caregiving began.  I had seen signs of mild dementia in my mother-in-law.  They lived on 21 acres and would not sell or move.  The amount of upkeep was too much for them.  My dear husband suggested that we offer to buy their farm and let them keep a few acres and build a home next to us.

Every fiber of my being screamed “no”.  I grew up next door to a set of grandparents.  My grandmother made life miserable at times for all of us.  I never wanted to relive any of that.  Memories flooded  through my mind as I mulled his suggestion over.

God surprised me.  It felt as if He whispered in my ear, “Trust me.  I have a plan for your life”. Suddenly, I heard the word “Yes” come from me and I was at peace.  In a matter of days it was settled.  We put a “for sale” sign out front and began packing.

God was teaching me to be content in my circumstances.  He knew that my father-in-law would soon have cancer.  He knew they needed us next door.  He knew that I would help navigate doctor appointments and be their driver as we traveled back and forth for treatments.  He knew we would say goodbye to him way too soon.

The last eighteen months have been filled with drama.  My mother-in-law had vascular dementia.  She became extremely delusional at times.  She seemed to cycle daily from being sensible to living in another reality.  She was very dependent on us.  A fall, hospital stay and refusal to eat caused us to lose her on December 22, 2022.

My husband and I are so very grateful for the time we had with them so close to us. We feel it was an honor to walk them to their final home. Trusting God and listening to His voice put us exactly where we needed to be at just the right time.

As a caregiver, it is so critical to trust God.  The world around you is swirling with opinions on politics, wokeness, climate change and noise pollution of all kinds. It makes me want to shout out, “in the end none of this matters”.  We are passing through this world.  Any comfort, any kindness and any acts of love that we show others does matter.  Caregivers get this. 

 Caregivers are in a tough situation.  They are making sacrifices others don’t see.  They are overworked, underpaid and misunderstood.  No one pays them big money to parade around as an influencer; however,  if you are a caregiver, you influence the person you care for every day.  You don’t pretend to have all of the answers.  You figure things out and make them work.  My hat is off to you.

Keep doing what you do.  Trust God to order your steps.  Trust God to carry the load.  Trust God to be your own personal therapist.  You don’t have to join Jesus at the table and share your story.  He already knows it.  He is just waiting on you to realize that He is all you need.

He is all I need and trusting him has led me places I didn’t expect.  I now lead a support group, write this blog, teach classes and make wonderful friends through all of it.  I have written a book that I hope to release soon.

Last week I talked to a  caregiver on the phone about life in general because her spouse no longer talks.  I crossed paths with two families looking for a support group. I smiled because one of the members of our support group found that a robotic dog was being enjoyed by his wife.

The biggest lesson I have learned is that God’s plans are so much better than mine.  It is time to go back to my porch and enjoy the roses and windchimes as I continue to learn to be content. Thankfully, God’s plan has allowed me to remain in the south on a country road.  It is nice here.

Word for Today

 Romans 11:33

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father,

You never cease to amaze us with your tender love and guidance.  I ask that you fill my fellow caregivers with wisdom and guide their steps.  As they walk the path you have placed them on, send friends to keep them company and offer encouragement.  Let a word be spoken, a small gift given or an act of service to assist them serve as reminders of how you see them and you care.

Hold them close and bless them.

Amen

Song for Today

Tauren Wells – Hills and Valleys (Acoustic Video)