Photo by Jason Briscoe on Unsplash

My kitchen looked a lot like this yesterday. I am freezing and canning vegetables for the fall and winter. The summer squash is abundant and tomatoes are beginning to ripen. Of course, we are enjoying them fresh but I like knowing some of these lovely foods will be prepped and ready for soups and meals later. It takes effort and time now, but it will be so convenient this fall and winter to have them on hand.

I choose to grow and preserve food so that I know where it came from and that it is not packed full of chemicals. When I prep my food I dehydrate, freeze and can. I learned the hard way that freezing food as my only method can result in a loss of everything should a power outage occur. With sadness I tossed the spoiled food that I hard worked so hard to put away.

As we face changes in life it is so important to plan ahead. Realizing our circumstances can change, caregivers always need to plan ahead. There will be changes in the future. The areas of change include mental, emotional, financial and physical.

It is very critical to have multiple plans in place for different scenarios. You need these plans before a crisis arises. Planning requires gathering lots of information. This may involve meeting with physicians, social workers, ministers, neighbors and family members. Their input can help you make plans.

When it comes to caring for a loved one, you want them to have the best quality of life possible. Planning ahead gives you more than one choice. You can prayerfully seek God’s guidance and seek advise from others.

All of the hype about preppers makes them look foolish sometimes; however, a caregiver can never be over prepared for the coming changes. The biggest change to prepare for is the one of deciding what happens if you can no longer be the caregiver. This post is not meant to scare you. It is meant to encourage you to think ahead. With plans in place you will be free to relax and enjoy the moment you are in.

I always tried to have plans A,B and C when I was a caregiver for my parents. These were revisited and adjusted as their needs changed. Fear was replaced with peace when crisis hit. I once heard someone say that you should never make decisions when your decision maker is broken. When emotions run high, your decision maker is often broken. Make the decisions now while you can think clearly and hear God clearly as He offers guidance.

Word for Today

A person’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand their own way. Proverbs 20:24

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Our Heavenly Father, you alone know everything our future holds. Your word tells us that our thoughts are not your thoughts. Guide us as we make plans for the future for our loved one. This is an emotional time and we need to know you are the strength of our life and that you make a way in the darkness. We will follow you holding the hand of the one you have asked to stand by until they meet you face to face. Help us to make decisions that will honor and respect our loved one. Give us your peace that you are in this with us.

Amen

Photo by Rod Long on Unsplash

My caregiving journey with my parents began after my own children were young adults and out of our home. Many of you are juggling your busy home with active children and caring for aging parents. There is a balancing act going on that must leave you feeling like you are juggling balls, spinning plates and riding a unicycle at the same time. When you get out of balance the balls bounce and the plates shatter leaving you with a sense of failure.

While I can’t say that I know how you feel, I can bring a smile to your face with my balancing act. We have an almost 16 year old Westie in our home. She is partially blind, deaf and incontinent. Some days she circles for long periods of time trying to figure out how to lay down. Other days she walks herself into a corner and stands with no idea of how to get out. Our hearts ache for her but she still eats well and seems to be in no pain.

Our newest addition to the farm is a rambunctious 4 month old German Shepherd. His favorite thing to do after chasing balls is to herd our Westie. As I write this he is running laps around my family room.

Watching one struggle with the simple acts of living while the other overflows with energy and excitement probably describes your home life. There are times that conflict results when the two age groups collide. Then there are the priceless times to treasure when they compliment each other and connect in beautiful moments.

You seldom have time to do anything except feed, clothe, bath, referee and clean. The parents time with you will be brief and the children will mature. Life will get better. While you are in the situation of being sandwiched between the two, take a deep breath and know you can make it through. Call a friend who cares and ask them to remind you of this when you get frustrated and have tied a knot in the end of the rope and are just holding on.

Even as I continue to write my house has gone silent. I checked to see and to my amazement both the old dog and the pup are asleep. Hope you get some quiet time for yourself today as well.

Word for Today

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father, you are the shelter we run to when we are overwhelmed with the demands of life. We thank you that you provide peace even in the midst of storms. You gave us emotions and sometimes ours include sadness, joy, fear, excitement and more. Just as our demands require balance so do our emotions. We are so grateful that you are a safe place to pour our hearts out. After pouring our hearts out we are able to just sit in your warm embrace and rest. Thank you for being our refuge.

Amen

Yumm!  Sweet sensations  are flooding my taste buds as I suck on fresh honeycomb.  It is so good that I can almost forget how hot the beekeepers jacket, veiled hat and thick gloves were a few minutes ago in the blazing  sun. It is so good I can almost forget the sound of angry bees popping against my veil while harvesting the honey frames.

Those little bee girls can sure turn angry when they feel threatened and have to defend their honey.  Their happy steady hum begins to change into an angry roar. You feel them popping your protective veil and will feel their sting if you remove it.

Keep that in mind when being a caregiver of a person who feels threatened.  They are losing control of their life. They feel robbed of independence, dignity and being a person of value. They sting with their words and actions out of anxiety and fear. You can’t hold this against them.  We might sting too if we were in their position.

One morning I received a call from a woman staying with my mom.  Mom was angry because my father had left for a while. She was yelling and beating the phone against the wall when I first talked to her.  I calmed her by telling her I knew she must be lonely with my dad gone. I reassured her that I would call him and have him return home right away.  She settled enough to talk calmly before I hung up. I learned to validate her feelings by experience. In the past I had tried to explain where he had gone but it only made her more fearful and angry.

With honeybees a little smoke brings calm.  With people a little love and patience brings calm.  Never forget that the one you care for has many sweet rewards to offer.  These include smiles, hugs, laughter and love. You might have to endure the stings sometimes but it is so worth it.

Word for Today

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Proverbs 16:24

Songs for Today (Paul Simon borrowed from The Swan Silvertones)

Prayer for Today

Our Loving Heavenly Father we come to you knowing there will be days of troubled waters and emotions will run high. Please calm us with your peace so that we can calm those we care for. Lead us together to find the sweet rewards of joy and peace. Teach us to validate feelings and listen with our hearts just as you listen to us when we pour out our fears and frustrations to you. You listen and then hold us close until we feel your calm. Help us to listen and hold others close as well.

Amen

We live in a world that bombards us with expectations. When we are not depressed about the past failures we are worrying about the future. Perhaps those living with Alzheimer’s have a gift we need to examine closely. They cannot remember the past and no longer have the ability to speculate about the future. This leaves them with living in the moment. We can learn to live in the moment with God and with others. This takes turning off the distractions and focusing on what matters the most.

Jesus himself pointed out to Martha when she complained about having to carry the whole work load, that Mary who chose to sit at His feet had chosen the better way. As caregivers we carry the whole load sometimes. The stress and demands zap most of our physical, emotional and spirituals resources. The precious moments we can grab to refuel at the feet of Jesus are vital.

When we carve out those few moments to connect with God we are better equipped to connect with those we care for. God can inspire us with ideas to touch on the emotional memories in those who seem to have forgotten details and events.

One evening when my mother was moaning and distressed I prayed for a way to calm her. I remembered the story she told about me carrying around the book Henny Penny and wanted someone to read it all the time. I googled the story of Henny Penny and began reading it to her. Within seconds a calm settled over her. The tension in her face relaxed and all was peaceful. I continued to read children’s stories for 2 hours that evening. I know that the feelings of love she had as she held me when I was a child were replaying in her mind that evening. We were both living in the moment. During those two hours the rest of the world was forgotten and we were bathed in an incredible peace.

On the drive home I praised God for that connection and for guiding me with the idea.

Take time to live in the moment with God and with others.

Word for Today

 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
    and he brought them out of their distress.
He stilled the storm to a whisper;
    the waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm,
    and he guided them to their desired haven.

Psalm 107:28-30

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Our most loving heavenly Father,

We come to set time apart for you today. Forgive us for letting the expectations of others dictate the use of our time and energy. Help us to learn to sit at your feet as Mary did. It is only in these times that we can hear you more clearly. We need to turn our media off and be in the moment with you. As we enter that time guide us and lead us as we care for others. Show us how to make meaningful connections. They may not remember it with their minds but the stirred emotions remain in their hearts. That is what matters. As we make heart connection with you enable us to carry that to others.

Amen

Several years ago as my husband and I browsed through an antique store we noticed a treasure, a small wooden rocking horse.

We were disappointed to see it had been broken and repaired but my husband decided to take his usual approach and ask for a discount. He talked them down to a greatly reduced price and we were eager to place it on our hearth for decor. When our youngest grandchild saw it she climbed right on and began to ride. Surprisingly, she was small enough to turn our decor into a toy. When her older sister took a turn it broke. She tearfully began to apologize. We assured her it had already been broken and could be repaired with a little wood glue.

She and my hubby disappeared for a while and returned with smiles to announce it was restored. God sees our tears when we feel broken but He assures us He can fix it.

My heart is stirred this morning for those of you who desire to be in church service but find the stress of getting everyone ready is just too much. My first reminder to you is that God loves you deeply. The next is you are a minister each and every day to the ones you love, so feelings of guilt are not allowed. God sees. He knows. He understands. Because He knew we would live in an broken world where pain and sorrow would burden us down, He sent His son.

God takes our brokenness and teaches us to depend on Him.

His strength replaces our weakness.

His hope replaces our fear.

His healing replaces our pain.

When we are broken like a piece of shattered pottery, God can pick up the pieces and place us back onto the potter’s wheel. He gently turns and shapes us into a more beautiful and sturdy vessel than we were before. He makes us stronger. Fills us with hope and offers us salvation through His son. We are better than before.

Photo by SwapnIl Dwivedi on Unsplash

Word for Today

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”

Lamentations 3:22-24

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear heavenly Father, please meet me in my place of brokenness when I feel battered by the storms of life. Teach me to turn my shattered dreams over to you. Take my pain. Take my sorrow. Help me to let go of the past and rest in you with my future. For the moment meet me where I am. Increase my faith to believe that you are shaping and molding me into something more beautiful than I was before.

Amen

I saw this sign while buying my sweet husband an orange freeze yesterday afternoon. Summer has arrived here and it is time for ice cream. Any caregiver knows that any person with Alzheimers loves sweets.

One afternoon my mother had grown agitated. She could usually be distracted by an outing for her favorite treat, a frosty.  She readily agreed to going out. Mom promptly lost control of her cup and her frosty rolled under the table. Putting aside what others might think of a 50 something year old woman climbing under the table to retrieve a prized frosty, I did just that.   Then I heard giggles. I looked up to see Mom hanging over the table making faces and waving at me. I dissolved into playful laughter as well. I told her we needed to throw her frosty away and I would get her a new one. Her response only brought more laughter.  She said,” I will just eat yours “ as she took mine and smiled like a naughty child.

Learning how to redirect is a very critical skill in caregiving for a person with Alzheimer’s disease. Their reality must become your reality.  They are unable to change so you make adjustments. Knowing reason and logic do not work, I chose to redirect with the outing. Once under the table, I chose to enter her childlike state of mind and have fun. That day ice cream was happiness for both of us.

Redirecting is leading someone to different responses.  They need to feel safe and secure. They need to be able to trust you. They follow you more easily when you lead gently.  

Behavior issues are caused by something.  Observe carefully and watch for things setting the behavior off.  Removing clothing may indicate they need to use the restroom. Agitation may be a result of over stimulation.  Anger can come from frustration because they can’t remember where the door is. Watch for signs of pain or discomfort. When you can pinpoint where they are emotionally and physically you can more effectively redirect.

Let’s look at a few scenarios and possible redirection options.

• Your mom has asked you what time it is every 5 minutes for over an hour.
• Your dad walked out of the restroom without his pants.
• Your aunt insists there are 3 cats dancing on the table.
• Grandpa threw his glass of water at you for no reason.

Even though tempted, do not yell at mom or be embarrassed by dad.  Forget telling Aunt Jane that you have no cats in the house. Throwing water back at Grandpa might be fun but you would only have a bigger mess to clean.

Instead, remain calm.  Watch your voice inflections and facial expressions and try this approach.   

• Suggest to mom that it is time for her favorite snack..
• Guide dad back to the restroom and help him get dressed,
• Tell Aunt Jane that you wished you had those dance moves and break into a silly dance.
• Keep in mind that Grandpa is anxious.  Approach him calmly. Take his hand and ask if he would like listen to his favorite music with you.

Redirection saves your sanity and comforts and settles the one you are caring for.  It can even help to avoid medications for behavior or delay the need for it. I learned first hand that all of the medications are trial and error. Your loved one will lose skills due to the medications. If they become necessary due to extreme behavior changes do not feel guilty. Try to make adjustments whenever possible. God will give you ideas.

Word for Today

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1: 5

Song for Today

Perfect Wisdom of Our God

Prayer for Today

Our Heavenly Father, we thank you for your wisdom. Today we ask that you calm us so that we may gently guide with love and compassion. Give us wisdom as we navigate behavior changes and even personality changes. We ask that you bring peace to us and and to those we care for. Give us moments of joy along the way. We praise you for this.

Amen

you know where to get the best prices on disposable adult underwear.

you go the the doctor for yourself and automatically begin to check all your parents ills.

you put in a 36 hour workday every 24 hours.

you consider it a great day if you get to shower.

your reality has to adjust to someone else’s reality each day.

Caregivers are some of the most beautiful people I know. One has to be a caregiver to truly see other caregivers hearts. If you are a caregiver you stand among the ranks with incredibly selfless people who often feel isolated and stressed. I have entered online chat rooms late in the evening and encountered exhausted people who logged on to find fellowship and encouragement because this refueled them as much as sleep would. They had given of themselves all day long. This was a place to find listeners who never tired of hearing about their struggles and victories of the day. This was a place to find those who wholeheartedly understand and do not judge.

Today I want you to know you must be courageous. The Merriam Webster dictionary defines courage as mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty. The Collins dictionary defines courage this way. It is the quality shown by someone who decides to do something difficult or dangerous, even though they may be afraid.

You may not feel courageous at the moment, but there is courage to be found. The cowardly lion in The Wizard of Oz journeyed to the Emerald City to ask the wizard for courage only to find the wizard was a fraud!

I found courage knowing God was with me on the journey. He is no fraud and when you were knit together in your mother’s womb He already knew this path was in your future and prepared you for it. I give Him all of the glory for bringing me through the tough years of caregiving. My heart longs for you to find the courage and strength from God as well.

Word for Today

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love. I Corinthians 16:13-14

Song for Today

I Am Not Alone by Kari Jobe

Prayer for Today

Heavenly Father, we come today seeking courage that we desperately need as caregivers. Assure us of your presence and remind us that we are not alone. In the night when tears roll down our faces we know that You see them. Hold our hearts tenderly and help us face each today knowing you have equipped us for this task. Thank you for caring for us as we care for those we love.

Amen