After days of prayer and struggling with what to share at this current time I have decided it is time to tell a little of my story. It is not a fairy tale. I have known my share of pain. I am only sharing the truth of where my hope and strength come from. I want this to bring hope to any reader that needs to hear it. If you are a caregiver, please forgive me for using this blog today for this purpose but I feel a leading to do so.

As a child I lived in somewhat of a bubble. I was surrounded by loving family with both sets of grandparents nearby. The community was one where everyone knew everyone else. Our home was in the southern countryside. Social life consisted of family dinners, church cookouts, school activities, gathering to work the garden or chase fireflies. Social media consisted of a phone on the wall that was a party line. You only answered if you were willing to have your closest neighbors listen in.

My grandmother read me bible stories and Sunday School teachers poured into my tender heart. I accepted Jesus as my Savior at an early age. One Christmas eve we were gathered as an extended family when I was about 12 years old. I remember walking outside alone overwhelmed with a sense of love wrapped around me. I stood looking at the star lit night and felt God calling me to a closer walk with him.

A little while later I read The Cross and the Switchblade by David Wilkerson. The story of the work God was doing in the lives of gang members in New York both thrilled and terrified me. The description of what was happening burst the protecting bubble that had encased my life. I began to see the evil in the world. The possibility of God calling me to a work like that is what frightened me. I knew I had to be willing to step through any doors God opened.

Through my teen years God was faithful to draw me closer to him. I made a few mistakes along the way but God’s amazing grace covered my sin. I went to college and married my amazing husband. We had two children and began teaching them about God. As I rocked each child, I would sing…

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus; there’s just something about that name.
Master, Savior, Jesus, like the fragrance after the rain;
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, let all Heaven and earth proclaim
Kings and kingdoms will all pass away But there is something about that name.

Time passed and doors started to open. We began working with the children’s ministry at our church. We found ourselves in Birmingham, Alabama for a ministry training. The man leading the training held a service for children in the inner city. We sat on the floor with them during the service. When the service was over some of us remained with him to take a walk through the area the children came from. We stepped over broken glass, used needles and old condoms scattered on the sidewalk. We talked with a young girl about 12 years old who carried a baby in her arms. I asked if she was her sister and heard back, “No, this is my baby”. My heart was breaking as I talked with her.

God has taught me much. One evening we sat in a parking lot talking to a group of affluent white teens who were driving vehicles we would never be able to afford. They were gathered because a couple of friends had been killed in a car accident nearby a few days before. God had allowed our paths to cross and we were there to just listen and love on them. One young man asked, “Do you have any kids?”. When we replied yes, he asked, “Are they good kids?. Again, we told him yes. His next question was, “What did you do right?”. That one question truly showed me his heart. He had parents who gave him every material thing he wanted. He did not feel loved from the material things. He wanted a relationship with his parents.

One cold winter night in downtown Atlanta a group gathered to pray over the city in a vacant lot. We had just fed a meal to the homeless and they were settling in for the evening in cardboard tents on the edges of the lot. We asked if we could pray and then formed a circle. Slowly, the circle grew as they heard our voices and began to join hands between us. To begin the pray time we were singing praises to God. My husband turned to the man on his left and asked if he could pray for him. The man replied he could but first he wanted to pray for him. Beautiful words poured from his mouth that brought tears to my eyes. This man obviously had a walk with the Lord and lived in a box on the streets. Hardships had not turned him from God.

During the last few years I have ministered to those with Alzheimer’s disease and their caregivers. I have seen that this disease crosses all social and race lines. It is a horrible disease. One of the most beautiful memories I have is from a discussion that happened one morning at a skilled care assisted living. I knew these residents. I knew most of them could not remember if they had breakfast or where the bathroom was. A local pastor was talking to them about people and events from the bible. They listened intently. He gently lead them. For example, he told them there was a young man who killed a giant. He hesitated until one of them said, “It was David”. This went on until he started to quote a verse only to be interrupted by someone finishing the verse. By this time, everyone was alert. To my amazement, one of them added the bible reference by book and verse correctly. That is when God brought this to my memory.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8

I then realized that even when the thief is robbing them of their memory through Alzheimer’s, God’s word remains with them!

I have seen that whether you are black, white, rich, poor or somewhere in the middle, you have a hole in your heart and life that can only be filled with the gift God gave us through Jesus. He broke all barriers that keep us from peace and belonging to a family that meets all of our needs.

In the book of Ephesians we read about how reconciliation came to divided groups of people.

Jew and Gentile Reconciled Through Christ

^” Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called “uncircumcised” by those who call themselves “the circumcision” (which is done in the body by human hands)remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ.

For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility,  by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace,  and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near.  For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.

 Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone.  In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord.  And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.”

I told you a bit of my story and this passage to share from my heart today.

What if we can see this passage as an example for today’s world? God has called all of us to be reconciled to him through Christ. He already sees every man and woman as members of his household. The dinner table would have people from every social circle, every nationality, every skin color and every gender. The equality comes from accepting Christ into your life.

I promise you God is faithful to meet you where you are. Your life will not be perfect with no problems. You will still have hurt, sorrows and struggles. You will not be carrying it alone though. I can promise you that God’s love will surround you in those times. I write these words with this verse in mind.

Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak.

I Corinthians 8:9

I have a right to freedom of speech; however, I do not want to offend anyone. The words I write today come from the story of my life. They offer words of hope. I pass no judgment. I shout no words of protest. I just want you to find hope and peace. People are angry. People are hurting. People are broken. People need the Lord. All you have to do is cry out to him. Just like the teens I mentioned earlier needed a relationship with their parents, you need a relationship with God.

Word for Today

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2

Song for Today

Prayer for Today,

Father God,

I come to you today pouring out my praise. The story of my life is written by you. You have been so faithful to guide my life and provide and protect.

I ask that you will draw hearts to you today. Pour out your amazing love and forgiveness to those who seek you. Fill the holes with the love of Christ. Tear down barriers and walls that the enemy has used to separate us. Bring healing to individuals, families, and communities. Help us to see that the our problems are really the conditions of our hearts. When we surrender those to you we have the ability to love more deeply.

I pour out my praise to you because you are the breathe in my lungs.

Amen

A person with Alzheimer’s may have excellent hearing when tested but has difficulty in processing what they hear. Confusion and anxiety occur when they try to respond or communicate in response to what they are hearing. There are things we can do tho help them. Keeping a calm and quiet environment helps. Pausing in conversation and allowing them time to respond can cut down on their frustration when they are trying to talk.

Today we are going to talk about the pauses that are necessary for both the caregiver and the person with Alzheimer’s. In a musical score you will find pause marks. One is known as the fermata. When a musician sees a fermata over a note they know to watch their director carefully. The director will hold or extend the note longer than normal. A fermata over a rest indicates the director will extend the rest or pause. We can apply this to conversation with someone with Alzheimer’s. You will have to extend the pause so they can catch up. Professional speakers already use this. They pause in their presentation for dramatic effect or to allow you to process what they have just said.

When you give directions to someone with Alzheimer’s you must keep them simple. Have you ever sent a young child upstairs to get their shoes, socks and soccer uniform? They might start upstairs, stop to pick up the cat and see a book they had lost. They pick the book up, find a cozy spot on the stair landing and disappear into the imaginary world of their book. This is where a dramatic pause is needed. Take a deep breath and remind your child to look for their uniform. Then remind them to get shoes and socks too. Lastly, remind yourself that they will be mature and responsible one day. While waiting for that day, feel free to use their full name. Every kid knows that is when mom means business.

Living with an adult whose attention span is compromised is even more difficult. You must respect the adult and show patience while knowing it will never get better. Take a dramatic pause and remind yourself to keep instructions simple while speaking calmly and slowly.

As a caregiver life will move to a different rhythm than we are used to. There will be uses for fermata marks on our life’s musical score. Sometimes, the one you are caring for will need a note to be held a little longer. They are enjoying a moment and just want to stay in place a little longer. Don’t rush. Live in the moment with them. At other times it feels like an emotional roller coaster. A fermata pause of extended rest is critical. Place yourself and the one you love in time out. Back off and let things calm down before resuming an activity. Let the silence speak loudly.

Keep in mind that you are the director and they trust you with the fermata marks. You must read their actions, facial expressions and words. You will know when to slow down and stay in the moment or when to cease all words and activity. They may hear your words but they respond to how the words are said. The tone of your voice can offer reassurance. If you have ever heard the words “no, I’m fine” spoken crisply and coldly, then you knew they really mean “I am upset with you”. The words are important but how you say them is more important.

Caregiving is demanding. You will need fermata marks to extend your rest most days. Trust God to direct these times in your life. Don’t be afraid to silence the demands long enough to allow God to refresh you. The word Selah is a Hebrew word found 71 times in the book of psalms. Some think it may mean a break in the song. Could it be that God is directing your life and He is well aware of when you need an extended rest to simply be refreshed? The refreshing can come in unexpected moments. Samuel was laying down when God called out to him. He learned to reply, “speak Lord, your servant listens”.

I took a femata pause this week. Sitting on my porch with my eyes closed, I heard rain trickling down the rain chain. I heard the beating of a hummingbird’s wings as it passed. I heard a bobwhite calling out. I joined in. My grandfather taught me the art of “calling up the bobwhite”. I repeated the call and waited for it’s call. I could hear the bird getting closer to the house. Sometimes I think God calls out and we don’t call back to draw him closer. He is patient and draws closer to us. He then waits until we respond.

God can be the director of your life. You can trust Him to speak and refresh. I have had ideas on caring for my parents that were given to me by God. Sometimes knowing the voice of Jesus made life richer. As I learned to listen I became a better caregiver. My parents could hear and feel the difference in my words and actions. My prayer is that this will happen for you.

Word for Today

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. John 10:27

Song for Today

Prayer for Today,

God,

I come to you today ready to listen to your voice. I need you directing my life. Show me when to speak and when to listen. Help me to pause and reflect on your words. Help me to process what you are asking of me.

Help me to show compassion and care in how I communicate. Calm and reassure me so that I can calm and reassure others.

Thank you for waiting on me when I don’t call out to you.

Amen

This morning as I sat on my porch, I listened to the wind chimes and birds as I prayed. Before long I began to join in their song. Musical talent oozes out of my husband, children and grandchildren. They tell me I listen well. God has the amazing ability to enjoy my melody even when it is off key. My joyful noise comes from my heart so I know God is well pleased.

There have been many days during my life when that song was lost. Dark days filled with heartache and sadness robbed me of joy. There were more tears than laughter. Demands took my attention and focus from being on the Lord. Fun activities gave me reprieves but something was still missing. The times I found myself going through the motions of life and not truly living life were when I noticed my song had gone silent.

As I reflected on these thoughts, I felt a breeze and heard a soft note from my wind chime. Then I remembered that the stormiest days are when its song plays the loudest. The hard truth hit me that my song should be singing its loudest praise when life’s storms hit. The only way this can happen is for me to keep my focus fixed on Christ each day. That is how we live each moment rather than go through the motions. Our faith becomes stronger as we see him carry us through.

The peaceful melody comes from our heart. It softens the blows on bad days. It helps us find rest in the night when the enemy battles our minds. It gives us boldness because we know we are not alone. It encourages us when tempers flare, accidents happen and stubbornness prevails. When the money runs low, he is our provider. When the news is bad, he is our healer. He makes a way when we stumble.

Have you lost your song? I encourage you to simply begin to thank God for the smallest of things. Look for the moments that you know God was walking beside you. Remember where he brought you from. Turn to God’s word and see how songs have filled the history of God and his children.

In the bible we learn that when Moses was handing the leadership of Israel over to Joshua he spoke to the people and presented the song God had given him. This song was to warn the people that even after they were in the land of milk and honey they would turn from God. God loves us even when he knows we will fall away at times.

Moses continued to speak after delivering the song. Here are the words he spoke. “Take to heart all the words I have solemnly declared to you this day, so that you may command your children to obey carefully all the words of this law.  They are not just idle words for you—they are your life. By them you will live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to possess.”

Our life song can be found in God as well. We can live our life and be filled with a song. My song may be off key but it is beautiful to God’s ears. God is waiting to hear your beautiful song as well. As you begin to sing it, the one you care for will feel the difference in your attitude and may even join in.

Word for Today

The Lord is my strength and my shield;
    my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy,
    and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28:7

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

God,

My heart sings out praises to you. You are faithful. You are strong when I am weak. You fight my battles when I am tired. You carry my burdens when I am overwhelmed. You fill my night with song.

I come today laying aside my cares asking to be refreshed. Hear my melody of praise even if it begins as a gently hum offered up. Tears may roll down my face but my hope is in you. I will lift up my voice in faith that you will meet me. Help me to never lose my song of praise.

Amen

Have you ever said, ” I don’t want to be a burden to anyone.” ? I hear this over and over from spouses who are caregivers. Some of you may come from a time when no one voiced their feelings to the world over social media. Your children and grandchildren look at things differently. They share their feelings frequently. All you have to do is view social media sites like facebook, instagram or tiktok and you will see that they do not mind telling others when they are lonely, afraid, mad and happy.

Since your children and grandchildren are free to express themselves, you should be free to express yourself as well. After they have been forced to stay at home and are being locked away from their social life, they can identify a little more with what your life is like. When this pandemic is over you need to tell your grandchildren this. “I am lonely and miss my friends too, but Grandpa can’t be left alone”. Boldly tell your children “I really could use a little more help”. They just might hear you louder and clearer than they ever have.

Help is a two way street. One must ask for help and one must offer help. Perhaps they have waiting on you to ask, but did not want to make you feel inadequate. Maybe you have been a little too independent and stubborn. Perhaps there are valuable lessons we can all learn about asking for and giving help.

Let’s look at a few examples in the bible. We will see unlikely women who offered their help and then saw God transform their lives such as Rahab and Ruth. One was a harlot who helped two spies escape. This set off a series of events that led to her being in the lineage of Christ. God’s bigger plan wins over our smaller plan. Ruth is another example. She was told to leave by Naomi. Ruth saw beyond Naomi’s pleas and loved her through the pain by staying at her side. This set off the series of events that led to her being in the lineage of Christ. Again, God had a better plan. There seems to be a pattern here. God has a plan for you as well. Maybe the ones allowed to help you will grow in God.

Some unlikely men were tapped on the shoulder by God and used in mighty ways. Gideon was actually hiding and fearful when God chose to use him. Perhaps there are Gideons in your life that God can mold into a leader when they answer the call to serve. Jonah knew what he was supposed to do, but was stubborn. A few days in the belly of a whale broke that stubborn streak. Pray for the one who knows they should help but refuse to. God has a way of getting their attention.

God had a way of getting Moses attention as well. Moses was doing everything he could do but was overwhelmed. After a talk with his father- in- law, he accepted the assistance of Aaron and Hur. Are you feeling overwhelmed? Pray for God to send an Aaron or Hur, but be willing to accept their assistance when they arrive.

If you are a child caring for a parent or parents, you know the exhaustion of bearing the load. If you are bearing it alone and there are siblings, speak up. Identify the areas they can assist you with and divide the load. Each family is different and the family dynamics are different. Find a moderator that can help you sort the responsibilities out. Now is not a time to rehash old differences or rivalries. It is the time to forgive and work together.

Life is not fair. Accept this and ask God to help you do your part. No family is perfect and there will still be disagreements. Someone will end up doing more of the work. The bossy sister may still be bossy. The spoiled favorite child might still be spoiled. If we look closely enough we may just find that the bossy one has organizational skills and the boldness to be the advocate for your parent. The spoiled favorite might be able to get mom or dad to cooperate on tough days. God gave each of us unique gifts and talents. He has a plan to use each of us. We just have to trust Him, allow Him to mold us and we will see the best come out of each of us through serving.

If you need help, ask God first and then make your need known. By refusing to ask, we may be limiting the growth in others and ourselves. Extend a hand to receive help. Extend a hand to offer help. We all need each other.

Word for Today

God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. Hebrews 6:10

Songs for Today

Never forget that God is in Control. We need each other but most of all we need God.

Prayer for Today

Our Dear Heavenly Father,

We come together as your children knowing you are in control. If our current situation changes and many of us return to what we have come to know as familiar and normal, help us to remember how it feels to be lonely so that we can help caregivers whose lives face a new normal each day. Help us to take the coping skills we are learning and combine them with the emotions that run deep to step up showing compassionate empathy as never before.

You see our hearts if we are caregivers. You know we are simply too busy to even ask for help. When we have asked, that was never a response. Help us to fight bitterness and give us the courage to ask again. Give us hope that even now you are nudging friends and family members to step up to the plate and offer support.

We stand believing you hear our hearts cry and praise you for answers that are on their way.

Amen

My heart is longing to see my friends from the support group meetings, Walk to End Alzheimer’s Committee, and who work in the field of caregiving. Many of you make sacrifices every single day to meet the needs of others. You are not honored with parades and cheers like the front line workers during this pandemic. You work the same long hours though. Your protective gear is invisible. It is an armor made of compassion, patience, calmness and love. You fend off insults, anger and resentment when the one you care for is lost in a sea of fog. Their brain prevents them from seeing you are protecting them. They only see you as trying to control them.

The ones who recover from covid-19 will turn and thank their doctors and nurses. The one you care for may smile on a good day but you will most likely not here the words thank you come from their lips. You forge ahead with no pay if you are a home caregiver or with too little pay if you are employed in the field.

Today I want you to at least read these words. THANK YOU! I see your hearts and they are beautiful. If it was possible I would send you on a month long vacation that included meals, massages, and fun. You deserve it. I cannot do that but I can offer encouragement.

We all know that when Jesus was on the earth in human form, he experienced what we do. Sometimes you can read a passage in the bible and it seems to jump off the page at you. This one did for me this week.

“Do you now believe?” Jesus replied.  “A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me. I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:31-33

He knew what it was like to be alone. He reassures us that God was with him and we can know the same peace. What we are experiencing now has made our jobs more difficult, but this is not the end of our story.

My days as a caregiver for a loved one may not be over. I may face it again during this life; however, I know going into it again that it will make me stronger and better. I once told a grandchild than God expands my capacity to love with each new grandchild. Perhaps, He expands my capacity to love with each new person I provide care for.

You have had your hearts expanded. Allow God to use you in a wonderful way.

Word for Today

I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.” Jeremiah 31:25

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I come to you today to thank you for the many friends I have met along the way. I lift them up to you today. Draw them close to you and let them feel your strength. Breathe new life into their hearts and souls. Reassure them that you see their sacrifices and burdens. Let them know your love will carry them on the hardest of days.

They are warriors, but even warriors get wounded. Guard their hearts when criticism or harsh words come their way. Be their hiding place to run to when they hurt. Give them an armor that only you can constantly mend through your own compassion and grace.

Bless them.

Amen

Today we will be talking about the sense of touch. Last week we took vacation days and experienced the feel of dirt as we planted 200 flowers in a new flower garden. We cut, sanded, stained, nailed and glued seven new posts for our porch. That was a lot of touch, but we were determined to fit all we could into the week. We gathered smooth eggs. Who can resist the slimy feel of a freshly caught catfish?

I felt sweat running down my face as I canned jars of jelly and jam. Cold water felt calm and refreshing as I washed freshly harvested kale, chard, spinach and lettuces. Hot water felt amazing as I showered away aches and pains from the work.

Playing in the dirt is etched in my memory. As a child I loved walking barefoot through the warm soft dirt after the field was tilled. Believe it or not, I have actually wore a sack in the field to hand pick cotton. I remember the sharp contrast of the soft cotton and the tough hull. It is evident that moving back to the country a few years ago was not a huge adjustment for me.

While our state is under a “safer at home” order, we have been enjoying our time together. One thing that has changed is the feel of my sweet hubby’s hand in mine. This country boy has callouses and rougher skin than he had as a city boy. At the end of the day though that tender touch always warms my heart through and through. I feel safe in his arms.

The importance of touch can never be stressed enough. Newborns in the neonatal intensive care unit are often held skin to skin with a parent. Twins have been photographed wrapping their arms around each other or holding hands as newborns. Our need for human touch is there from the beginning. A person living with Alzheimer’s is just as fragile as the newborn. When all other senses and life skills fail them, they are desperate to remain connected and to feel love. Holding their hands helps.

When visiting those with Alzheimer’s, I often offer to apply lotion and take my time sitting by their side and talking while I gently massage their hands. This gives me an opportunity to touch men or women and they feel safe. My mom’s sister would climb on the bed and lie beside my mom during the last months. They had shared a bed as children, so mom seemed to love the connection.

I have heard that extending a hand to an infant or elderly person is like giving them an emotional lifeline. Here is another quote that speaks volumes.

“Touch is far more essential than our other senses. … It’s ten times stronger than verbal or emotional contact.”
— Saul Schanberg 

Physical touch increases levels of dopamine and serotonin. These help regulate your mood as well as help your body relieve stress and anxiety. Dopamine is also known to regulate the pleasure center in your brain that is a good counter to feelings of anxiety. This can help when sun downing occurs.

Physical touch is known to improve the function of your immune system. This is a win-win situation for the person with Alzheimer’s and their caregiver. Both benefit from not having other health issues to deal with.

Touch is a form of language. At my father’s funeral service I asked that my uncle’s wheelchair be placed next to me. He had recently lost his wife and now he had lost his only surviving brother. When I sat down, he reached for my hand. I took his and be never let go until the service was over. We have never been real close, but I heard his words loud and clear, even though they never escaped his lips. He was saying this. “I love you. I know how much you are hurting. I loved him and I hurt too. Please just let me connect with you as long as I can. Our hearts can break together.”

Nothing replaces human touch in crisis and times of fear. I have chatted with friends and family through phone calls and texts today. A family member is in the coronary care unit and was critical last night. His wife and children longed to be in the room holding his hand. They want to be there in person to hug him and celebrate that he is still with them today.

Do you know someone who needs an emotional lifeline right now? If you can offer it in a safe way, reach out now. If you have to wait until restrictions are lifted, do it as soon as you can. Our touch can be a source of healing and blessing.

Take time to allow God to wrap His arms around you first. While I feel safe in my husband’s arms, we both feel safer in God’s arms.

Word for Today

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Thank you for loving us enough to wrap your arms around us and for sending humans to do the same. Help me to remain sensitive to the needs of those around me. Nudge me in their direction when I try to retreat. We all need each other.

Give us hope, comfort and peace as we rest in your safe haven.

Amen

Memories are created by using our five senses to connect with each other and to connect with nature around us. Imagine smelling and tasting the food presented here while sharing the meal with a friend. This breakfast plate has a story to tell. My husband and I planted the kale and harvested it. Our hens laid the eggs we gathered. We hopped into the truck and drove to another farm while music played and the sunbeams danced on the windshield to collect the strawberries. Our pantry is getting low on blueberry jam spiced with ginger and lemon zest that I made last summer because we have enjoyed it so much. We sipped our coffee and enjoyed a leisurely breakfast as we savored the fresh taste. He held my hand and we enjoyed the time together as much as the food.

Are you hungry yet? Do you hunger for the taste and smell or the connection made from touching the hand of someone you love? Can you hear the music coming from the radio as you drive down the country road? Can you just envision the bright red strawberries and jars of blue jam on the counter? Through using our senses we created memories that will linger with us.

Today I will be sharing how senses may be changing in a person with Alzheimer’s. A person with Alzheimer’s goes through stages as the disease progresses. Vision and hearing may change. Often they lose the ability to smell. Taste buds diminish and the last one to remain strong is the one for sweets.

We will start with the photo of the plate. Let’s assume the person you are preparing this for is in early stages. If you look closely, you will see the plate itself has a subtle pattern. This is a no-no when a person has Alzheimer’s . If the plate is one solid color it makes it easier for them to see the food. Often, even in early stages, vision can become blurry. The variety of color is a good idea for the food itself. They can distinguish the food and make a choice. They may be able to feed themselves. I would suggest an adult bib if they are agreeable to this.

If the person is in middle stages, things will need to be adjusted. The coffee may have to be less hot and even in a lidded cup. The food choices may have to lessen so they are not overwhelmed. Do not be surprised if the fruit and toast with jam is all they want. The sense of taste lessens but the sweet taste remains the strongest. This two items can be eaten as finger foods which makes it easier for them to feed themselves.

Finally, at the late stages everything changes. They may or may not be able to chew and swallow scrambled eggs. Their strawberries may have to be pureed with yogurt. Most people develop swallowing issues as time passes. My own mom refused to eat unless it was sweet. I would dip the front of the spoon into yogurt or softened ice cream after loading it with pureed green beans or chicken to get her to eat. She would touch her tongue to the spoon and if it was sweet, she would open her mouth.

Always offer foods that can be safely swallowed. If choking, coughing or a runny nose occurs while eating, you need to consult a doctor and request a swallow test. This will allow you to discuss your concerns and make changes to reduce the risk of aspiration.

Since meals may not be as pleasurable as they used to be, try to enhance the other aspects of a meal together. Remember to slow down. Play quiet music in the background and enjoy conversation.

Keep things simple:

• use a solid color plate
• keep choices simple. (We have ham or turkey. Would you like turkey?)
• remember to eat slowly and not rush
• offer healthy sweets such as yogurt or fruit

I hope you found something helpful in this post. Eating healthy is so important to both the person you care for and for you!

There is much truth in keeping things simple in our spiritual food as well.

• choose a setting that offers less distraction
• choose a verse or passage to focus in on for the day
• take your time and do not rush
• offer God your best

Be blessed and be safe.

Word for Today

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. Psalm 34:8

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Our Wonderful and Loving Heavenly Father,

Help us to remember to taste and see that you are good. We tend to get so busy and overwhelmed that we neglect our time for You. We tend to tune in to the news and not listen to what You have to say.

Today I come to You ready to experience the goodness you have for me. Nourish my soul and fill me with your refreshing. Slake my thirst for you and let me leave different than I was. Let me go back into the world with your love flowing out of me.

Amen

When I am given an opportunity to share about volunteering in the area of care giving and interacting with people who have Alzheimer’s I find myself at a loss for words. What I want to do is paint a picture of everything my heart feels. How do you paint a picture of something so indescribable?

Today I think I have a way for most of the world to relate to the setting I work in. The picture I longed to paint has been painted. People are protesting their right to move about freely. People are protesting their right to earn a living. People are frustrated with shopping being a challenge. People are lonely. People just long for things to return to normal.

The feelings you are dealing with are the emotions felt by almost every in home caregiver and person living with Alzheimer’s disease that I have met. Their world was turned upside down by a disease that is always terminal.

A simple trip to the grocery store is always an adventure. When my own mother insisted on shopping with me it was an ordeal. We went to the bathroom just before leaving home. She wanted ice cream, cookies and candy. If I took my eyes off of her for a second, she wandered off. She argued that she did not need essential items I put in the cart. Patiently, I smiled at her while inside I fretted about how much easier this would have been if I were by myself. Unlike a toddler who would outgrow this behavior, hers would only get worse.

Imagine giving up your income to become a caregiver with no stimulus check to help you survive. The hours are demanding and there is no vacation. Who would ever fill out an application for this job? The following comes from the CDC.

Each year, more than 16 million Americans provide more than 17 billion hours of unpaid care for family and friends with Alzheimer’s disease and related dementias. In 2019, these caregivers will provide an estimated 18.5 billion hours of care.

I think I have given you a small glimpse into how difficult it is for the caregiver. I want to share a poem to give you an insight to how the person with the disease sees life.

Do not ask me to remember,
Don’t try to make me understand,
Let me rest and know you’re with me,
Kiss my cheek and hold my hand.
I’m confused beyond your concept,
I am sad and sick and lost.
All I know is that I need you
To be with me at all cost.
Do not lose your patience with me,
Do not scold or curse or cry.
I can’t help the way I’m acting,
Can’t be different though I try.
Just remember that I need you,
That the best of me is gone,
Please don’t fail to stand beside me,
Love me ’til my life is done.
– Owen Darnell

“Just remember that I need you” are words that I hear every time I enter an assisted living home, nursing home or support group meeting for caregivers. When I speak to caregivers, I look into the eyes of hurting people with huge hearts. They are looking for encouragement and hope. Recently, a husband had given the local sheriff a photo of his wife. They logged it into their system in case she ever gets lost to help them get it out to patrol officers quickly. She knew he did this and accused him of no longer loving her because she was angry. Living in Alzheimer’s world means their reality must become your reality. There is no sense in arguing so you hide the tears and do your best to handle these reactions.

Once you connect with someone with Alzheimer’s, the reward is amazing. Their love and response through smiles, hugs, laughter and even tears reassures me that they very much know they are still remembered and loved.

I extend an invitation to all of my readers to be standing ready to walk through the doors to shower love on these people once we are free to do so again. They have been on lockdown for weeks and are just as desperate to be with people and their families as you are. There is nothing to fear because what they suffer from is not contagious. If you want to continue reading this blog, I will be sharing tips and information to guide you in how to relate and connect.

Who do you know that needs a visit? Perhaps it is an aunt, an uncle, a parent or grandparent, a neighbor or a church friend. Someone is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in the United States every 65 seconds. We all know someone.

Word for Today

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.

Philippians 2:3

Song for Today

(This was the song on my heart every time I left my mom in the nursing home)

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Thank you for holding us when there is no one else to hold us. Never let us forget that when we cannot be held or hold someone who needs us, you are there to hold us and the ones we love.

Remind us that taking the time to be with those who are alone is not just a nice thought, it is doing exactly what you ask us to do. They may not remember our visit but they will remember they are loved.

Amen

I am blessed to live where I can plant a garden with both flowers and food. It is so refreshing to sit on my porch and look out across the green fields while feeling a breeze. The sights and sounds of bees, birds and butterflies welcome spring. A mother dove claimed a wall planter on my porch and is sitting on two eggs. We have enjoyed several days lately being outdoors. My husband took a few “staycation” days to plant and fish. The simple and quiet life are easy to embrace.

The past few weeks have left many feeling lonely and they have found the quiet hard to embrace. I could have chosen to feel bad about what I might be missing out on. Instead, I have chosen to press in to God and have found fulfillment. In times of trials and pain, we need to be alone with God so that we can regroup. He has lessons to teach us that we cannot learn if we are listening to all of the other voices around us. So rather than being an outstanding person in my field, I have been out standing in my field looking upward to an outstanding God.

There is a drawback to standing in a field when the weather is warm. Nasty ticks hitchhike and attach themselves to you. In the evening you must examine yourself closely to locate and remove them. If you are fortunate, you spot it before it attaches and you brush it off. Once they attach, they proceed to suck your blood. It hurts a little to pry them off.

Sometimes in life we allow things to hitchhike their way into our lives that can suck the life right out of us. This can be a huge array of things such as bad habits, poor friend choices, thoughts that conflict with God’s word and so many more. Satan attacks in our weak areas and we have to be diligent to guard our hearts and minds. Sometimes it hurts to separate from these as well.

We have many examples in the bible of people who spent hours in solitude. David thought he had the lowest of jobs tending to sheep. God knew otherwise. David learned to fend off the lions and bears because one day he would face a giant. He fine tuned his skills on the harp because one day he would play for an angry king. He was in training for great things.

Joseph was thrown into a pit by his brothers. Later he was falsely accused and jailed. The time could have been spent in anger and bitterness, but God worked on his heart turning him into a leader able to shower much forgiveness and compassion on those who betrayed him.

Jesus went to the garden and prayed alone when the others fell asleep. We are told in the book of Luke that Jesus often went away alone to pray. He knew what God was preparing him to do. Perhaps we, too, are being prepared for something greater when our time as caregivers or social distancing are over. We may not know exactly what it is, but God designed our master plan. That should give us the courage to trust him.

I thought that when my mother and father passed that I would begin a new chapter in life. I had no idea of what God had been preparing me for. That season brought a lot of change to my life. My Norman Rockwell life turned in a Picasso life. I found myself shattered and asked God to pick up the pieces and place me back on the potter’s wheel.

He is faithful and gently began shaping me into a vessel He could flow through. The whole time He knew the new doors I would be walking through. I encourage you to quit trying to fill your loneliness with social media and entertainment. That only causes you to compare yourself to that standard. Fill your time listening to God and compare yourself to who He wants you to be. He offers wonderful grace and mercy when we fall short. He will pick your pieces up and gently mold you into a beautiful vessel.

For me God is essential and I hope He is for you too.

Word for Today

But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who long for your saving help always say, “The Lord is great!” Psalm 40:16

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

We come to you with hungry hearts today. Help us to learn to cherish the time we have with you. Show us how to keep our hearts pliable in your hands.

Forgive us for the things that we allow to steal our time and attention away from you. Search the motives of our hearts and shine your light on the things you want to deal with as you shape and mold us for your service.

Speak to us as we learn to listen and obey.

Amen

Today I was thinking about how to encourage people and had a flashback to when I was a little girl. I would tiptoe into the front hall to watch Granny in the early mornings after spending the night with my grandparents. She would be sitting at her secretary desk writing letters to far away family. This was her familiar way of reaching out to show love even after most of them had telephones.

That was the same desk that drew me in like a moth to light. There were books there that I loved. She would hold me in her lap and read bible stories to me as a young child. When I was older I was awarded the honor of borrowing books to read. The images in my head of the Appalachian mountains and people from reading Catherine Marshall’s Christy have stayed with me. One of my favorite places to visit is The Great Smoky Mountains. Two pieces of art in my home are done by artists from the area.

I have spent time searching for a desk like she sat at on those early mornings so I could write there and store treasured books. Words are powerful. Perhaps I blog and my children write because of her influence. It seems to be a gift that has been passed on. As communication methods have evolved we have so many options to tell stories, offer encouragement and offer hope. We should choose our words wisely and wrap them in love.

On some of my most challenging days I have walked to the mailbox or opened an email to find love expressed from someone who listened to God’s guidance and wrapped their arms around me from a distance to say, “everything is going to be ok”. The phone calls end but the written word can be revisited when I need to be reminded that I am loved.

If you need to read some words wrapped in love today, I have a few to share.

Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments. Deuteronomy 7:9

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me. Isaiah 49:16

For you, Lord, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling,

Psalms 116:8

These are God’s words wrapped in love for you. I can speak these words but only God has the ability to keep a covenant of love for generations. He alone knows the plans to prosper you. He alone can hold you in His hands. Trust him to give you health. Allow him to wipe the tears of fear and anxiety and sorrow. While the very ground under our feet feels like it is shifting with all of the changes in our daily lives, we can trust God to keep us from stumbling.

If you think my relying on God is blind faith and I am leaning on a crutch, you are exactly right. I have made a choice to trust God and take Him at His word. The crutch I lean on is shaped like a cross. I have cried tears curled in a chair at my mom’s bedside when she no longer knew me as her daughter. I watched my dad close his eyes for the last time as his body shut down. I have felt my stomach tighten when looking at the bank account and wondering how we are going to make it. I have watched children leave the nest as I prayed for their safety and protection. I have walked away from two car accidents with only bruises that totaled the cars because God had more for me to do on earth. I have watched my in-laws battle cancer. I had a brush with cancer myself. Through it all I knew God was with me. He loves me enough to send Jesus to die for my sins as the song for today speaks of. I believe in Jesus. I trust in God and I will not wait until I am in heaven to bow at his feet. I choose to do it now while still walking in a world full of sorrow and pain.

I hope you choose the same path, but God gives you a choice. What will yours be? If you choose God, get your hands on a bible. It is the truth wrapped in words of love!

Be blessed and know you have hope when you have God.

Word for Today

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.  Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.  Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.  But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.

John 3:16-21

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Our Heavenly Father,

Today we pause to reflect on your many words wrapped in love. Help us to understand that regardless of what the media speaks, we must listen to your words. Give us ears to hear you speak into our lives. Your words of comfort, peace, healing and strength are what we need so desperately in our world today.

Give us courage to share your words with boldness. Give us more faith when fear creeps in. Give us assurance that you will meet our needs according to your riches, not ours.

We do bow and surrender our lives to you. In you we trust.

Amen