Along my own path of being a caregiver, I almost missed a valuable resource. Alzheimer’s is a terminal disease. The life expectancy can vary and be unpredictable. Due to this, I did not call hospice in as soon as I should have. Hospice is covered by medicare. You get a team. With both of my parents we were assigned a nurse, doctor, social worker, aids for bathing and personal care as well as a chaplain. You may need all of these or only a few. They have a wealth of knowledge. They enhance the care if your loved one is in a skilled care facility already. My mom was not just bathed. She was massaged and loved on. The extra tender physical touch provided comfort. When my mom took her last breath, a nurse was on hand to help me navigate embalming in one state and transporting to another for her funeral. The chaplain was at my dad’s side to be with him while I made arrangements. They were truly a blessing.

In your home, they take a load off of you. They can provide pain medications when they are needed. They can keep you aware of changes and guide you. No one is in a hurry. They are in the moment with you.

I urge you to ask around and plan ahead for when you will need them. Yesterday, I donned a mask and attended a local Alzheimer’s support group. As I walked to the door I was joined by a precious gentleman who had been his wife’s caregiver for 5 years. She had passed away in the early part of the pandemic and I had not seen him. He shared a little about her last weeks in our meeting. His eyes filled with tears when he talked about how much his hospice team meant to him. My mind was flooded with memories of how much they had meant to me as well during my losses.

I have to admit that I am not a rule breaker, but my heart overruled my mind and I gave him a huge hug when the meeting was over. He accepted it willingly.

Some of you may be needing a huge hug today. I am sending a virtual one. Help me out now and wrap your arms round yourself and feel the love.

Word for Today

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. John 15:13

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Thank you for the many people you bring into my life to make the journey easier.

Amen

Song for Today

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Most caregivers serve as an advocate for the one that they take care of. An advocate pleads the cause of another and looks out for their well being. This involves being their voice when it comes to medical care. In the past, I have advised to never leave someone with a memory disorder alone in the hospital. Staff tries; however, when things are busy they may not read the chart carefully. It happens. I have had nurses charge out of the room and then return humbled once they checked the charts to find what I was telling them was true.

You learn to send information ahead of the visit. You learn to stand firm but show respect, You have to be bold and speak up. A huge part of a physician’s exam depends on what you tell them. In the case of someone with Alzheimer’s, it is what the family or caregiver tells him or her.

Covid-19 has changed everything. Sometimes you are not allowed past the front door of the hospital. That is why having HIPPA papers listing you is so very critical. Nurses can only give information to the ones listed legally.

Leaving your loved one in the hands of others is heart rending. Fear can take a vise like grip due to the questions that torment you. At those times, I have found taking a pause to breathe deeply and turn to God in prayer helps me to calm down. I can then think more clearly and take action. When you call the hospital remember that honey works better than vinegar sometimes. Be polite. Remain calm. Thank them for taking your call. Acknowledge them by name while writing it down. This helps you know who was helpful and who was rude and seemed to care less. Try not to call just before or after a shift change. If calls are not taken or returned, contact a social or case worker. They can make things happen!

Show a little grace in this whole process. The doctors and nurses have been dealing with outraged and frightened family members for 8 very long months now. They have seen suffering like never before while living with their own fear of taking the covid virus home to their own family.

You do deserve answers. You do deserve respect. I get it! Just remember that kindness can work in your favor and lead to better care for your loved one.

When the world looks dark and you feel all alone, you are never alone. I have stood in a long, dark and silent hallway waiting to be let out in the wee hours of the morning after having to leave my mother at the geriatric psych unit due to out of control behavior. The nurse who evaluated her showed great compassion and allowed me to accompany her to her room once medication had calmed her. I was allowed to tuck her in and kiss her goodnight. Exhausted emotionally and physically is the only way to describe how I felt walking down the long hall to the emergency room. They had called ahead for them to let me out there since that is where my car was. I knocked on the door. A nurse who had been with us most of our time in the ER opened the door and stepped into the hall. She wrapped her arms around me and began to pray. God was reassuring me that I was truly not alone.

Sometimes we need an advocate. All of us have that in Jesus Christ. We have all sinned and fall short. God forgives us but he tells us we have this as well.

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the righthand of God.” Colossians 3:1

Wow! It amazes me that I have an advocate seated at the right hand of God. He is pleading my cause and looking out for my well being. Now that is a reason to have hope in such a crazy world.

Word for Today

My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world. I John 2:1

Prayer for Today,

Our Heavenly Father,

I come with a grateful heart today knowing you not only save me but you care about my life each and every day. You never leave me alone. You hear the words of your Son pleading my cause.

Help me to remember this when I am struggling.

Amen

Song for Today

I am hanging my gone fishing sign out for a couple of weeks. The pandemic we are in has caused us to choose to take a stay- cation. We have a few projects to work on this week. One is to get our boat ready to take on the river. We realized that it has been over two years since we took it out. Who knew what would crawl underneath the cover when we stored it in our barn. I had my husband search every nook and cranny to make sure the snake who left his skin behind had left himself!

What does this have to do with being a caregiver? It is to remind you that life goes on and you will have to make adjustments when your days of caregiving are over. You will reevaluate your life and goals. You will ask God to give you new dreams for your future. It is a strange place to be, but you can grow as a person in the process.

Fishing is something my husband and I have done since we starting dating as teenagers. Many seasons of work loads, raising children, doing ministry and caring for parents prevented us from indulging in this pleasure. We love getting away from everything and catching the fish. I have caught tiny and colorful sunfish as well as an almost 8 pound large mouth bass. There are huge catfish that are caught in the river near us. Fishing can be done with a simple cane pole and bobber, on a trotline, with a net, noodled by hand, with a fly rod or a fancy reel.

When our children were very young we went camping. After tying the canoe up and sending the children to the shore, my husband and I were walking toward them on the pier. He yelled for me to hold his feet and plopped onto his belly. There was a large bass just fanning his fins in the water. He quickly reached down and got it with his hands. We cooked it for dinner. When dinner was over we joined the circle around a campfire. All of the other campers were older adults. They had witnessed our fishing episode. Another couple had fished on the lake all day and joined us after we had all discussed the adventure. When they heard our story they asked “Did the hushpuppies and fries just float up too?”. Clearly, they thought we were all telling them a fish tale.

As I think about the different ways to fish, I think about how many times the word fish, fishing and fishers are used in the Bible. Some of these sounded like “fish tales” as well.

Jesus chose fishermen as his first disciples. He taught a parable using fish. He multiplied the fish to feed the crowds. He provided a gold coin through a fish to pay taxes. He cooked fish for his disciples after his resurrection. God taught Jonah a lesson in the belly of a fish. These are not tales they are the truth. God still calls us. He still provides for us. He even teaches us hard lessons sometimes.

As I have set time aside to fish, I have set time apart to seek God and ask Him about my future. We are never to old to be used by God. He can place new dreams in our hearts with a renewed passion to live a life that brings Him glory. When I am back, you may just hear some new fish tales. Who knows?

Be blessed and remember that God loves you deeply.

Word for Today

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I praise you for your provision in my life. I place my hope and future in your hands. I come asking for guidance. Help me to grow and mature to carry out your plans for my life. Quiet my mind and help me to tune out distractions so I can hear your voice.

Amen

I walk in the Shoals Walk to end Alzheimer’s. My heart holds treasured memories of my mom who lived with this disease for many years. I have said goodbye way too early to friends I have met volunteering. I walk for them. I walk for the ones I know living with the disease. I walk with the knowledge that someone is diagnosed with this terminal disease every 65 seconds. I walk with hope for a cure since I could one day face their situation.

If you are reading this and feel inspired, form a team where you live and help us fund research to find a cure! It looks different this year since we can’t all gather to walk in one large group. We will be walking though.

If you would like to donate, you can go to act.alz.org and donate to my team Linda’s Memory Keepers or find another team to donate to. This can be any amount. Last year I reached champion status. Help me become a grand champion this year!

I do blog; however, I have chosen not to use facebook, instagram, twitter, tiktok, etc. I am not a fossil (yes, some of you were thinking that) nor would you want to see me dance! I just prefer speaking face to face, through text or by phone. This is a disadvantage when raising funds but one I accept.

If you are on social media, help us get the message out about our walk!

It’s Friday. Relax and play along with me. How long did it take you to see the insect in the above pic?

Maybe you saw it right away. Maybe you still don’t see it. Eventually, you will. When you do, there is this little sense of aha! In the early 90’s there were prints that came out that had hidden pictures you could only see after staring and allowing your eyes to relax. My kids took one to their grandparents. We had fun with it for a bit and forgot about it. Several hours later we heard, “I see it. I see it!” coming from the dining room. My mom had been standing there staring while we were all busy. She was so excited that she, too. finally saw the hidden picture.

Sometimes when we are in the midst of caregiving, we can see very clearly the big daunting tasks standing in front of us. We see mounds of laundry, doctors visits, bills to pay, meals to prepare and a hungry and agitated person wanting our attention. What we can’t see are the little blessings hidden in the chaos. When my mother was in the early to mid stages of Alzheimer’s I discovered that she hummed any time we were in the car. She had never hummed or shown a love of music. There would be such a look of contentment on her face when I took the time to see it. Then, on random days, this no nonsense woman who never giggled or allowed silliness from her children became a giggling and silly child herself. As strange as it seems, I am so thankful that Alzheimer’s caused her to lose some of her stoicism.

Somewhere in her life she had accepted such a role of responsibility that she lost the ability to have fun. Due to this, I have discovered that it is alright to have fun. By nature, I take responsibility and am dependable. I can still be those things and have joy. You can still take care of the demands on your life and find moments of refreshing joy. It can be as simple as inviting a young child over to blow bubbles in the yard for you and your loved one to laugh with.

I have had so many strange ideas to cross my mind when volunteering with persons who have Alzheimer’s. I would try them and we would have an enjoyable afternoon. The inner child loves to be nourished. God is creative and he has instilled creativity in you. Follow those ideas you get and you might lead to a discovery of joy.

Here is a little help if you didn’t see the insect. Thanks for playing along.

Word for Today

Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:3

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I come to you so thankful for the discovery of your joy that fills my life. You are my hope on difficult and challenging days. You are my inspiration when I need ideas.

I come to you humbled by your amazing love. Be with me and help me to see the little moments of blessings.

Amen

The results from tending a garden are rewarding. When your kitchen is filled with the smells of pear butter simmering and fresh chopped basil you tend to forget the whole afternoon spent sweating as you planted seeds and gathered produce. The amazingly beautiful flowers I have enjoyed this summer are delightful. Back in February my sweet hubby brought me a catalog and told me my Valentine’s Day gift would be ordering the dahlia bulbs I wanted. It was tempting to think to myself, “really you just forgot”. I know him better than that though. He knows me and he knows how much I love fresh flowers so he presented me fresh flowers to enjoy for years to come.

Caregiving is much like tending a garden. There is a LOT of planting, weeding, and just plain old hard work that goes into it. A gardener has to trust God for rain and good weather. A caregiver has to trust God for spiritual rain to refresh and renew them on a daily basis.

When I planted the tiny herb seeds, I admit I knew it was iffy at best that they would thrive. They did and I made huge amounts of pesto last night from the harvest. Lunch today was a smoked gouda grilled cheese sandwich with fresh pesto and tomato. That tiny seed held so much potential that I could not see.

We as people hold so much potential that only God can see. He has placed things inside of us and made each of us in unique ways. We continue to discover just what is placed in us as life passes. Sometimes we are placed in situations that we didn’t even realize we were equipped to handle. Sometimes God uses another person to nudge us in the direction He needs us to be in to be used by Him.

As a caregiver, you find yourself needing everything God has placed in you to survive. Rest assured that you can do so much more than just survive. God can use you to shower love on someone that needs it desperately. You may find this easier if you already had a deep love for them. Some caregivers have to dig deeper to offer that love. They may have to cry out to God for strength to forgive the one they take care of due to past offenses and pain. You have to make a choice. Will I treat them the way I was treated or will I forgive and treat them the way I wanted to be treated?

I encourage you today to make the choice to forgive. Forgiving breaks that hard shell hiding what God has placed inside of you. It allows you to grow and flourish just like the dahlias I now enjoy. You have the same beauty locked inside of you waiting to bloom. When it blooms, others will enjoy being with you.

Those dahlias were bulbs showing no signs of life when they arrived. We worked hard prepping the soil, adding natural fertilizer (thank you rabbits) and watering. Allow God to plow up any hard areas of your heart. Let His word and spirit feed you. Soak it in and wait. The results will come.

In a few months, I will dig those bulbs up again. I will store them and begin the planting process over again in the spring. There will be more bulbs to plant and some to share. The work God does in our lives will be a continuous work. Trust God to help you see the things He has placed in you.

Word for Today

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

Song for Today

Prayer for Today (Don’t rush through this. Take time to think about God who is holy and His kingdom, power and glory)

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

For thins is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory for ever.

Amen

Happy Friday everyone! When I was a child Friday meant that my grandfather would pull up to our house. We would run out to greet him and hear these words, “Go get your toothbrush and pajamas and slip them in the truck”. He would go inside and we would do exactly what he told us to do. When he was ready to leave, we would hear “come on kids”. There was never any resistance from us or our parents. One day he reversed things. We were at his house and he handed us 2 small bunnies to hide in the car. When they crawled out from under the seat, my mom was not thrilled. We, on the other hand, were smiling hugely!

As a teen, Fridays meant pep rallies, ballgames and sleepovers with friends. Smiles abounded. When I was a newlywed, Fridays meant working late and studying for colleges. Those two items didn’t bring a smile to my face. Parenting meant pizza and movie night on Fridays. Everyone had smiles!

Now I find myself on a Friday with my husband alone. It has been a long week with his workload and my canning fruits and vegetables. What shall we do to bring a smile to our faces? I have a plan. We will wait until it is dark. We will pack our favorite snacks. Then we will drive our truck out away from lights and watch for meteor showers. Maybe we will even snuggle and steal a few kisses. Older people are easily entertained aren’t we?

Sometimes we just need to find what makes us smile. Has your week been difficult? Stop for a moment and think about what makes you smile. Now make it happen, if that is possible. A smile on your face is read by the one you take care of. It sends a message of happiness and peace. If your week has been rough, then theirs has too. Find what makes them smile and be silly for a bit. Allow the stress and tension to escape.

I know that life can be challenging. The tension and stress are so very real. I am not suggesting you wear a mask that is smiling for you to hide behind. I am suggesting accepting that even in the midst of trials we can choose to focus on the positive. God cares about you and it is alright to let Him carry the load with you.

I pray that anyone reading this today is able to find a ray of sunshine in the clouds for a few minutes at least. The song I am sharing today is a reminder that God parts the waters for people today. Perhaps an unexpected visitor will knock on the door or a card will come in the mail to remind you that you are loved. Don’t give up hope.

Maybe you aren’t agile enough to kick up your heels, but you can pretend and smile while pretending!

Word for Today

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father,

We come to you today with praises to you for the stories we will be able to tell. You make a way for us sometimes when we see no way. You allow us to walk on the stormy waves as we keep our eyes on you.

Help us to see rest knowing you are working on our behalf behind the scenes. Help us to find reasons to smile even on the darkest days. Send friends to offer encouragement and love when we need it the most.

One day our task as a caregiver will be over and life will change. In the process of walking this out, remind us that every act of kindness and love is offered as unto you.

Amen

As long as I have the ability to write words of encouragement and hope for caregivers, I will write. You are people who understand that life isn’t fair. You are on the front line engaged in battle daily taking care of someone who has Alzheimer’s. It is a disease that attacks everyone. It crosses lines of privilege, oppression, income, race and gender. It robs you of a relationship that you treasure.

You are too busy taking care of someone who needs you to even watch the news and you are not marching to protest the unfairness. Many of you have given up your rights to spend your money on pleasure, your rights to earn a living, your rights to see your dreams come true. You suffer in silence and loneliness as you meet the needs of those who cannot help themselves. You even feel guilty when you can’t give more than you do.

Most of you do what you do because you understand a deeper love than many people will ever experience. Many of you find your strength in God. I write this blog because I know that is where I find my strength. I make no apologies for openly sharing my faith. If I could wrap my arms around you to comfort you I would.

You don’t have to walk this out alone. God is in this with you, just reach out and embrace His love. You are a beautiful person or you would not be doing what you are doing. You may face guilt, anger and even pain. These feelings are a part of you. Ask God to show you how to handle each day. Stay true to yourself by following God’s lead.

Here are a few helpful tips for filling the long hours.

Give a hand massage.

Listen to favorite music and color or paint.

Look at old pictures.

Play cards. ( who cares if rules are followed)

Feed the birds

Sit on the porch and sip lemonade

Model with play dough

Take a walk

Enjoy an ice cream cone

Find a way to smile!

Word for Today

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I come today knowing you are my comfort and my strength. You understand my daily struggles and you care about me. When I get frustrated and tired help me remember that I am not in this alone. Show me how to serve and consider it an act of service to ones I truly love. Heal my hurts so that I can carry on.

I praise you for the hope I rest in because of you.

Amen

Sea glass is one of my favorite treasures to collect on the beach. It is a piece of broken and discarded glass that has been battered by storms and waves. The process has transformed the broken shard into something beautiful.

Perhaps you can relate to this. You feel like Alzheimer’s broke you and the one you love into jagged pieces and then tossed you into the sea. There is a vast ocean that a caregiver must survive. You feel the heavy weight of bearing the load of a caregiver as your feet sink into the ocean floor. The under toll of grief threatens to drag you out to sea. Waves of emotions batter you as you struggle to get to shore. These waves are coming  from ever changing directions.  A small one brings fear.  A larger one crashes over your head almost knocking you off your feet with sorrow.  A peacefulness will gently ripple by leaving sadness in its wake.  The others bring anger, frustration and on rare occasions joy.

The storms and waves will transform you. You will be a different person when you finally land on shore. Unfortunately, you will wash ashore alone after saying goodbye to the one you loved and provided care for.

Then you just want to lay in the warmth of the sun and rest. Maybe you are not ready to be picked up by someone yet. That is perfectly acceptably for a time. Just rest in God’s healing and allow Him to give you strength and courage to get up and begin to live again. You must get up and live again though. It may be a slow process. Don’t be rushed. Grief takes time.

During the process of finding a new normal there are some things you can do.

1. Take your time.
2. Accept that it is alright to feel happiness again.
3. Expect things to trigger waves of grief.
4. Seek help from clergy or a counselor if you feel stuck
5. Continue the legacy of the one you loved.

I made a choice to continue the legacy of my parents in several ways. My mom was the practical one and loved to take walks so I walk in the walk to end Alzheimer’s for her. My dad was the people person who never met a stranger so I write this blog to help people. They both taught me to love deeply so I volunteer to show that love.

Think about what the person you lost cared about and continue their legacy. You will discover in the process that you have been transformed by God through the battering of the storm as you trusted Him to see you through. You can reflect His glory and be a beautiful treasure.

Word for Today

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.  2 Corinthians 4:7-9

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I come to you full of questions some days. Your plan was different than mine. I try to accept this but some days it is hard. I just need you to hold me in your arms and remind me that death on this earth is just one more step in my journey to my true home. Help me to be strong and live my life to bring you glory.

Amen

Have you missed me? I am still here. My husband has a habit of thinking if a little is good, then more has to be better. This line of thinking has produced a bumper crop of blackberries. I have made blackberry jelly, blackberry lemonade, blackberry juice, blackberry syrup and even seem to have a natural nail polish called blackberry stain. We have frozen them and freeze dried them. We have given them to any neighbor or relative who will take them. We sold some. They will still be bearing for a couple of more weeks. We are experiencing a true blackberry overload!

My husband thinned the plants out and gave many away in early spring. There is a scripture that states “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (Luke 6:38) That one has proven true!

That made me reflect on just how much caregivers give of themselves. At the time you see small returns such as a hand squeeze, a smile or a hug. There will be many rewards someday. You will be rewarded by God for your gift of unselfishness. He is watching when no one else sees the sacrifices you make.

Today I simply want to remind you that you are amazing and God sees what you are giving. Thank you for laying down yourself to make another person’s life richer.

Word for Today

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 15:5-6

Song for Today

A reminder that living in the moment is when we can give our best!

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I begin today by praising you for your many gifts to me. Always. they are so much more than I deserve. Show me how to share your love to those around me. When I feel unappreciated, help me to remember that I am meeting the needs placing in front of me for these moments. Help me to look for the little joys along the way.

Amen