It’s Friday. Relax and play along with me. How long did it take you to see the insect in the above pic?

Maybe you saw it right away. Maybe you still don’t see it. Eventually, you will. When you do, there is this little sense of aha! In the early 90’s there were prints that came out that had hidden pictures you could only see after staring and allowing your eyes to relax. My kids took one to their grandparents. We had fun with it for a bit and forgot about it. Several hours later we heard, “I see it. I see it!” coming from the dining room. My mom had been standing there staring while we were all busy. She was so excited that she, too. finally saw the hidden picture.

Sometimes when we are in the midst of caregiving, we can see very clearly the big daunting tasks standing in front of us. We see mounds of laundry, doctors visits, bills to pay, meals to prepare and a hungry and agitated person wanting our attention. What we can’t see are the little blessings hidden in the chaos. When my mother was in the early to mid stages of Alzheimer’s I discovered that she hummed any time we were in the car. She had never hummed or shown a love of music. There would be such a look of contentment on her face when I took the time to see it. Then, on random days, this no nonsense woman who never giggled or allowed silliness from her children became a giggling and silly child herself. As strange as it seems, I am so thankful that Alzheimer’s caused her to lose some of her stoicism.

Somewhere in her life she had accepted such a role of responsibility that she lost the ability to have fun. Due to this, I have discovered that it is alright to have fun. By nature, I take responsibility and am dependable. I can still be those things and have joy. You can still take care of the demands on your life and find moments of refreshing joy. It can be as simple as inviting a young child over to blow bubbles in the yard for you and your loved one to laugh with.

I have had so many strange ideas to cross my mind when volunteering with persons who have Alzheimer’s. I would try them and we would have an enjoyable afternoon. The inner child loves to be nourished. God is creative and he has instilled creativity in you. Follow those ideas you get and you might lead to a discovery of joy.

Here is a little help if you didn’t see the insect. Thanks for playing along.

Word for Today

Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:3

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I come to you so thankful for the discovery of your joy that fills my life. You are my hope on difficult and challenging days. You are my inspiration when I need ideas.

I come to you humbled by your amazing love. Be with me and help me to see the little moments of blessings.

Amen

The results from tending a garden are rewarding. When your kitchen is filled with the smells of pear butter simmering and fresh chopped basil you tend to forget the whole afternoon spent sweating as you planted seeds and gathered produce. The amazingly beautiful flowers I have enjoyed this summer are delightful. Back in February my sweet hubby brought me a catalog and told me my Valentine’s Day gift would be ordering the dahlia bulbs I wanted. It was tempting to think to myself, “really you just forgot”. I know him better than that though. He knows me and he knows how much I love fresh flowers so he presented me fresh flowers to enjoy for years to come.

Caregiving is much like tending a garden. There is a LOT of planting, weeding, and just plain old hard work that goes into it. A gardener has to trust God for rain and good weather. A caregiver has to trust God for spiritual rain to refresh and renew them on a daily basis.

When I planted the tiny herb seeds, I admit I knew it was iffy at best that they would thrive. They did and I made huge amounts of pesto last night from the harvest. Lunch today was a smoked gouda grilled cheese sandwich with fresh pesto and tomato. That tiny seed held so much potential that I could not see.

We as people hold so much potential that only God can see. He has placed things inside of us and made each of us in unique ways. We continue to discover just what is placed in us as life passes. Sometimes we are placed in situations that we didn’t even realize we were equipped to handle. Sometimes God uses another person to nudge us in the direction He needs us to be in to be used by Him.

As a caregiver, you find yourself needing everything God has placed in you to survive. Rest assured that you can do so much more than just survive. God can use you to shower love on someone that needs it desperately. You may find this easier if you already had a deep love for them. Some caregivers have to dig deeper to offer that love. They may have to cry out to God for strength to forgive the one they take care of due to past offenses and pain. You have to make a choice. Will I treat them the way I was treated or will I forgive and treat them the way I wanted to be treated?

I encourage you today to make the choice to forgive. Forgiving breaks that hard shell hiding what God has placed inside of you. It allows you to grow and flourish just like the dahlias I now enjoy. You have the same beauty locked inside of you waiting to bloom. When it blooms, others will enjoy being with you.

Those dahlias were bulbs showing no signs of life when they arrived. We worked hard prepping the soil, adding natural fertilizer (thank you rabbits) and watering. Allow God to plow up any hard areas of your heart. Let His word and spirit feed you. Soak it in and wait. The results will come.

In a few months, I will dig those bulbs up again. I will store them and begin the planting process over again in the spring. There will be more bulbs to plant and some to share. The work God does in our lives will be a continuous work. Trust God to help you see the things He has placed in you.

Word for Today

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

Song for Today

Prayer for Today (Don’t rush through this. Take time to think about God who is holy and His kingdom, power and glory)

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

For thins is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory for ever.

Amen

Happy Friday everyone! When I was a child Friday meant that my grandfather would pull up to our house. We would run out to greet him and hear these words, “Go get your toothbrush and pajamas and slip them in the truck”. He would go inside and we would do exactly what he told us to do. When he was ready to leave, we would hear “come on kids”. There was never any resistance from us or our parents. One day he reversed things. We were at his house and he handed us 2 small bunnies to hide in the car. When they crawled out from under the seat, my mom was not thrilled. We, on the other hand, were smiling hugely!

As a teen, Fridays meant pep rallies, ballgames and sleepovers with friends. Smiles abounded. When I was a newlywed, Fridays meant working late and studying for colleges. Those two items didn’t bring a smile to my face. Parenting meant pizza and movie night on Fridays. Everyone had smiles!

Now I find myself on a Friday with my husband alone. It has been a long week with his workload and my canning fruits and vegetables. What shall we do to bring a smile to our faces? I have a plan. We will wait until it is dark. We will pack our favorite snacks. Then we will drive our truck out away from lights and watch for meteor showers. Maybe we will even snuggle and steal a few kisses. Older people are easily entertained aren’t we?

Sometimes we just need to find what makes us smile. Has your week been difficult? Stop for a moment and think about what makes you smile. Now make it happen, if that is possible. A smile on your face is read by the one you take care of. It sends a message of happiness and peace. If your week has been rough, then theirs has too. Find what makes them smile and be silly for a bit. Allow the stress and tension to escape.

I know that life can be challenging. The tension and stress are so very real. I am not suggesting you wear a mask that is smiling for you to hide behind. I am suggesting accepting that even in the midst of trials we can choose to focus on the positive. God cares about you and it is alright to let Him carry the load with you.

I pray that anyone reading this today is able to find a ray of sunshine in the clouds for a few minutes at least. The song I am sharing today is a reminder that God parts the waters for people today. Perhaps an unexpected visitor will knock on the door or a card will come in the mail to remind you that you are loved. Don’t give up hope.

Maybe you aren’t agile enough to kick up your heels, but you can pretend and smile while pretending!

Word for Today

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father,

We come to you today with praises to you for the stories we will be able to tell. You make a way for us sometimes when we see no way. You allow us to walk on the stormy waves as we keep our eyes on you.

Help us to see rest knowing you are working on our behalf behind the scenes. Help us to find reasons to smile even on the darkest days. Send friends to offer encouragement and love when we need it the most.

One day our task as a caregiver will be over and life will change. In the process of walking this out, remind us that every act of kindness and love is offered as unto you.

Amen

As long as I have the ability to write words of encouragement and hope for caregivers, I will write. You are people who understand that life isn’t fair. You are on the front line engaged in battle daily taking care of someone who has Alzheimer’s. It is a disease that attacks everyone. It crosses lines of privilege, oppression, income, race and gender. It robs you of a relationship that you treasure.

You are too busy taking care of someone who needs you to even watch the news and you are not marching to protest the unfairness. Many of you have given up your rights to spend your money on pleasure, your rights to earn a living, your rights to see your dreams come true. You suffer in silence and loneliness as you meet the needs of those who cannot help themselves. You even feel guilty when you can’t give more than you do.

Most of you do what you do because you understand a deeper love than many people will ever experience. Many of you find your strength in God. I write this blog because I know that is where I find my strength. I make no apologies for openly sharing my faith. If I could wrap my arms around you to comfort you I would.

You don’t have to walk this out alone. God is in this with you, just reach out and embrace His love. You are a beautiful person or you would not be doing what you are doing. You may face guilt, anger and even pain. These feelings are a part of you. Ask God to show you how to handle each day. Stay true to yourself by following God’s lead.

Here are a few helpful tips for filling the long hours.

Give a hand massage.

Listen to favorite music and color or paint.

Look at old pictures.

Play cards. ( who cares if rules are followed)

Feed the birds

Sit on the porch and sip lemonade

Model with play dough

Take a walk

Enjoy an ice cream cone

Find a way to smile!

Word for Today

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I come today knowing you are my comfort and my strength. You understand my daily struggles and you care about me. When I get frustrated and tired help me remember that I am not in this alone. Show me how to serve and consider it an act of service to ones I truly love. Heal my hurts so that I can carry on.

I praise you for the hope I rest in because of you.

Amen

Sea glass is one of my favorite treasures to collect on the beach. It is a piece of broken and discarded glass that has been battered by storms and waves. The process has transformed the broken shard into something beautiful.

Perhaps you can relate to this. You feel like Alzheimer’s broke you and the one you love into jagged pieces and then tossed you into the sea. There is a vast ocean that a caregiver must survive. You feel the heavy weight of bearing the load of a caregiver as your feet sink into the ocean floor. The under toll of grief threatens to drag you out to sea. Waves of emotions batter you as you struggle to get to shore. These waves are coming  from ever changing directions.  A small one brings fear.  A larger one crashes over your head almost knocking you off your feet with sorrow.  A peacefulness will gently ripple by leaving sadness in its wake.  The others bring anger, frustration and on rare occasions joy.

The storms and waves will transform you. You will be a different person when you finally land on shore. Unfortunately, you will wash ashore alone after saying goodbye to the one you loved and provided care for.

Then you just want to lay in the warmth of the sun and rest. Maybe you are not ready to be picked up by someone yet. That is perfectly acceptably for a time. Just rest in God’s healing and allow Him to give you strength and courage to get up and begin to live again. You must get up and live again though. It may be a slow process. Don’t be rushed. Grief takes time.

During the process of finding a new normal there are some things you can do.

1. Take your time.
2. Accept that it is alright to feel happiness again.
3. Expect things to trigger waves of grief.
4. Seek help from clergy or a counselor if you feel stuck
5. Continue the legacy of the one you loved.

I made a choice to continue the legacy of my parents in several ways. My mom was the practical one and loved to take walks so I walk in the walk to end Alzheimer’s for her. My dad was the people person who never met a stranger so I write this blog to help people. They both taught me to love deeply so I volunteer to show that love.

Think about what the person you lost cared about and continue their legacy. You will discover in the process that you have been transformed by God through the battering of the storm as you trusted Him to see you through. You can reflect His glory and be a beautiful treasure.

Word for Today

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.  2 Corinthians 4:7-9

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I come to you full of questions some days. Your plan was different than mine. I try to accept this but some days it is hard. I just need you to hold me in your arms and remind me that death on this earth is just one more step in my journey to my true home. Help me to be strong and live my life to bring you glory.

Amen

Have you missed me? I am still here. My husband has a habit of thinking if a little is good, then more has to be better. This line of thinking has produced a bumper crop of blackberries. I have made blackberry jelly, blackberry lemonade, blackberry juice, blackberry syrup and even seem to have a natural nail polish called blackberry stain. We have frozen them and freeze dried them. We have given them to any neighbor or relative who will take them. We sold some. They will still be bearing for a couple of more weeks. We are experiencing a true blackberry overload!

My husband thinned the plants out and gave many away in early spring. There is a scripture that states “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (Luke 6:38) That one has proven true!

That made me reflect on just how much caregivers give of themselves. At the time you see small returns such as a hand squeeze, a smile or a hug. There will be many rewards someday. You will be rewarded by God for your gift of unselfishness. He is watching when no one else sees the sacrifices you make.

Today I simply want to remind you that you are amazing and God sees what you are giving. Thank you for laying down yourself to make another person’s life richer.

Word for Today

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 15:5-6

Song for Today

A reminder that living in the moment is when we can give our best!

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I begin today by praising you for your many gifts to me. Always. they are so much more than I deserve. Show me how to share your love to those around me. When I feel unappreciated, help me to remember that I am meeting the needs placing in front of me for these moments. Help me to look for the little joys along the way.

Amen

Two days ago I picked these lovely beauties. They sit beside me as I write today. As I glance over at them I notice that some of the petals are already drooping. It makes me thankful that I captured them in a photo while they were at their best.

We live in bodies that pass their prime physically and mentally but we should never loose our beauty or fail to see the beauty in the people around us that lives in hearts and souls. There are days that a caregiver sees only the things they have lost rather than focusing on what they had still have. I was reminded of just how much love and joy are still alive one day by a lovely woman who reminded me very much of my own mother.

I always spoke to her and hugged her when I visited. After being very busy for a few months, I returned to the facility she lived at to volunteer. When she saw me she came as fast as she still could with dancing blue eyes and a huge smile. When I wrapped my arms around her, she began to giggle. My heart filled with joy. Her heart connected with mine even when she could no longer talk. This gave me a glimpse at what a beautiful woman she once was to her family and still was to anyone who took the time to see it.

Never forget that the true heart and soul are still very much alive and full of beauty and personality that just cannot be expressed as they once were. It is so easy to only see the annoying traits and habits. We have to peer behide the mask brought on by dementia and see the person we love. I know some people may not be known or remembered for their kindness, gentleness, peacefulness, faithfulness or other wonderful qualities. If that is the case, you may need a little help. God sees the beauty in every person. He can open your eyes to see that as well.

You may even have to forgive the person for hurts from the past. No one is perfect and we make mistakes. By forgiving mistakes we are able to move beyond pain and resolve differences. In our world right now we see too much conflict and anger. May God help us to keep our hope focused on the beauty.

Today I had the ability to walk outside, breathe fresh air and observe the blooming flowers, hovering hummingbirds, and butterflies. Yellow finches were perched on growing sunflowers. I chatted for a few minutes with a friend and sister in Christ. We agreed to pray for each others needs. I felt the beauty of her heart as I was surrounded by the beauty of God’s creations.

This is so reassuring after seeing the news. Remember that no matter what the world looks like, God offers comfort and peace. Take a break to reflect on the beauty of His creation. Praise Him for the gift of Jesus. Rest in His arms and find peace.

Word for Today

I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint. Jeremiah 31:25

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

You see the current events we are facing. You see struggles and fears. We come to you today asking for peace within our hearts and souls. Show us the beauty in the midst of our situations. Calm us so that we can calm the ones we care. They may not comprehend the news, but they can feel the tension in people around them.

Thank you for being our shelter in the storm.

Amen

What does saving for a rainy day mean?

In the financial world we are advised to have an emergency fund for things like job loss, unexpected events such as natural disasters and emergency illnesses. We should also have a rainy day fund for things that we know will happen, but we just don’t know when. Examples include car repairs, a washing machine that dies or a leak in the toilet. It is just as important to set aside savings for the rainy day fund as it is for the emergency fund.

All caregivers need a practical rainy day closet. This is where we stash easy art projects, favorite music, puzzle collections, scrapbooks, photo albums or anything that might bring pleasure on a miserable day. Boredom leads to wandering and poor behavior for young children and seniors with dementia. I learned this the hard way. Just turning my back on young grandchildren for a few minutes could result in an amazing array of things pulled out and explored. Turning my back on my mother to wash dishes proved to be a disaster as well. I heard her open the refrigerator. Then I heard a commotion. I turned to see mom removing everything. I asked, “What are you doing?”. She replied, “I am cleaning out this refrigerator.”. It was keeping her busy, so I returned to my dishes. Then I heard the door to the garage close. I looked around to see an empty refrigerator and a full counter. I peeked into the garage to see her busily sweeping. Since the garage was closed, I felt that she was safe so I replaced the food. Next the door opened and closed. Then I heard the door to the freezer open. When I turned around, Mom had a butcher knife and was stabbing the ice in the freezer to get ice instead of using the dispenser in the door. I gently convinced her to hand me the knife , breathed a sigh f relief and prayed she would be ready for a nap soon.

I quickly learned to keep both grandchildren and my mom safely occupied. This resulted in having a stash of coloring books, colored pencils (these don’t melt in the car like crayons), reading materials, games and toys stashed in a special spot for the grandkids. At mom’s house we placed hummingbird and regular bird feeders near the windows. We had a collection of Bill Gaither dvds near the television. All you have to do is think about their interest and begin stocking the closet for a rainy day.

Caregivers also need a well stocked closet for themselves that they can turn to on a rainy day. You know the days I am talking about. They are the ones when the tears roll down your cheeks like raindrops. They are the ones that have drained your joy, energy, emotions and spirits. In this closet keep scriptures that reassure you. Add to this songs that encourage you. Save devotions that you read that spoke to your heart. Have a huge post it note on the closet door to remind you to offer praise even in the storm. I have found that praising God in the middle of the storm keeps my hope and faith focused on the good rather than sinking down into the pit of despair. Sometimes we will slip in the mud but we don’t have to remain stuck! God is so faithful to turn those tears into a refreshing stream that he leads us beside.

The beauty of having those rainy day closets well stocked is shown in this story. One man that I came to love when volunteering had a beautiful scrapbook that his daughter made. It told the story of his life through photos, newspaper clippings and her notes. He loved to look at it even though he had no memory of what was in it. He would always stop at the photo of his wife and comment on how beautiful this woman was. When he was having a down day someone would look at it with him. That book gave me volumes of information on how to relate to him. He had been a chemist so when I gave him a cookie he would break it into pieces. I would then talk about molecular structure and chemical makeup of the cookie. He would get a smile on his face and thoroughly make a mess, but it was a happy mess.

Someone had donated dolls that looked and felt like real babies. The employees had seen the many photos of him with his children and grandchildren. They walked him to the baby corner. He instantly cuddled a baby on his chest and gave it kisses on the cheek. This became his morning routine. Perhaps you can make a book like this for your rainy day closet.

A few nights ago, my mind was troubled by all of the news stories. I know that God is in control; however, the enemy always wants to place fear in our hearts and minds. I decided to replace those thoughts with God’s peace. I went into the bedroom and searched for music that soothed my soul. When I closed my eyes, I was at peace. Perhaps you should look for songs that bring you peace.

Rainy days will come. We should prepare for them before we face them.

Word for Today

Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that openly profess his name.  And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. Hebrews 13:15-16

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

We praise you for the rainy days. That is the time that you prove your faithfulness to us. As we turn to your Word, let it be planted deep in us, so that we can be reminded in the storms that you are with us.

Give us ideas as caregivers of how to nourish the minds, hearts and souls of those we care for as well as ourselves. Give us creative ideas. Give us courage to remain steadfast on the good days and the bad.

Great are you Lord!

Amen

Today I have been reflecting over my relationship with my father. There was never any doubt of his love for me. I can remember waking one morning when I was about 5. I ran in to see my dad who worked the evening shift. He was not in the bedroom. I looked through the house and he was not at home. There was snow on the ground and he had not been able to drive all the way home. We did not have a phone at the time so my mother must have been terribly worried. Being a child, I was crying because my dad was not home. Mom was being bold on the outside but must have been crying on the inside. It was miserable for all of us. We knew how deeply he cared for us, so we feared that he had been in an accident.

Late in the day my dad came trudging through the snow exhausted. When he left the plant, he thought that he could make it home. As the snow piled up he was forced to leave the car and walk toward the first house he could get to. The couple welcomed him in, fed him and offered him a blanket to sleep by their fire. When he had rested for a while, he was determined to get home so he walked in the snow for about 5 miles to get home to us.

Living in the rural south seldom brings snow like this. Thankfully, that was the last time this happened in our family. As a high school senior I attended college in the afternoon. One afternoon I exited the building to find that during the time I attended a lecture and lab, one of those unusual snowfalls had occurred. Being young and invincible, I attempted to drive home. The fresh snow presented no problem. I got about half way home and decided that I should stop at an aunt’s home and call my mom. She very quickly demanded that I stay put for the evening. I kept assuring her that I could make it home. She must have had memories of the evening dad got stuck and stood her ground.

I remember how hard my dad worked to provide for us. He labored in an aluminum production plant with hot furnaces. One thing I never recall hearing was a complaint about how miserable it had to be. In his spare time he coached baseball, gardened, and served in leadership for the band boosters, football boosters and Lion’s club. He was at every event or game my brother and I had unless his work prevented it. He was often at our schools due to his involvement. Most students would have panicked if they heard their parent was in the school office. I smiled. It meant I had a ride home and did not have to take the bus. Dad always hung around and waited for us.

Through many years his voice on the phone offered encouragement even when I didn’t tell him that I needed encouraged. Then one day that all changed. My voice was offering him encouragement. It happened gradually and took some adjustments on my part. The man who raised me, walked me down the aisle and cheered from afar through most of my adult years now showed signs of weakness. It was an honor to pour back into his life.

The transition was not always easy though. I tried to show respect and plant ideas for him to think about. He would do just that and then call me about this great idea he had. I would agree that it was a great idea and then we would put it into action. Some days things did not go quite so smoothly. I would back off until a better time or mood and then navigate carefully. I am convinced of these things. Our bond of love provided a foundation that gave us strength. God gave me wisdom and Dad grace for the days that were tougher. Our Heavenly Father, God, was looking out for the good of us all.

I am truly blessed to have been a Daddy’s girl and a heavenly father’s girl. A driving force in my life was to never disappoint either. When I failed, both forgave and wrapped me in mercy and forgiveness.

I miss my daddy’s voice. Please record videos and conversations now while you can. I am trying to journal when I hear my heavenly Father’s voice as well. On the days that He seems silent, I have those words as well as the Bible to turn to. We all need words of love, forgiveness and wisdom in our lives.

Word for Today

“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—   “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Ephesians 6:2-3

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I praise you that no matter how far we may drift, you are waiting with open arms. I praise you for being the lamp that lights my path on the dark days and fills my heart with joy through trials.

On the days that I think I am a mature adult who has life figured out, remember that I am your child who still desperately needs you. Be patient with me as I learn to seek you before racing ahead of your plan. While I outgrew depending on my earthly father, I will never outgrow depending on you.

Thank you for your goodness.

Amen

“For there is no friend like a sister in calm or stormy weather; To cheer one on the tedious way, To fetch one if one goes astray, To lift one if one totters down, To strengthen whilst one stands.”
—Christina Rossetti

The only sisters I have in my life are friends who are close and dear and a sister-in-law. My mom had three and each are like second moms to me. They spoiled me and each contributed to my life in their own unique ways. I learned much from watching their interactions with each other. When my mom developed Alzheimer’s they stayed by her side.

In a previous post I talked about a bridge that must be built when a person transitions from home care to an assisted living or nursing home. One the the building blocks of that bridge is labeled communication.

Image with me for a few minutes that my mom and two of her sisters all had been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. (That could have happened since that often occurs in siblings) In this imaginary story the characters are real.

My brother, my cousins and I had a family meeting. We discussed ideas and options. We decided that since long term memories fade last, it be best to place them in an assisted living together. They would have each other when we were not able to visit and as their memories faded.

Our research led us to a wonderful facility with a lovely courtyard filled with flowers. Flowers were a common thing each of our mother’s loved. We placed our names on waiting list until we could move them in. We even made arrangements to bring them to the courtyard for a picnic lunch to see how they reacted.

Time passed and we moved all three in on the same day. We tried to inform the activities director about their interests, favorite things, family members, etc. Each seemed to like the idea of being together. We were told by staff that they loved the courtyard and usually visited together there each day that was pleasant enough outside to allow it.

One day I received a call. The voice on the other end of the call seemed distressed. Apparently, the daily outing had turned into chaos. First, my mother had grabbed a broom and began running around beating the ground. A few feet away from her lay her sister on the ground out cold. She had screamed and fainted. The other sister was in a corner shaking and crying hysterically. I jumped in my car and rushed over. In the parking lot I met two cousins who had received calls that sounded similar to mine. We walked in together to find calm mothers napping.

We asked to go to the courtyard to see if we could piece together what had caused the chaos. It took one of us seeing a mouse to figure out why my mother had grabbed a broom. We then began to look for frogs and worms. Sure enough we found both. Laughing now, we all walked in together feeling a little guilty. It had never occurred to any of us to let them know that my mom had an irrational fear of mice. One sister had an irrational fear of worms and the other of frogs; hence, chaos would be the typical result if they each encountered their fear at the same time.

That one simple piece of communication could have prepared the staff much better for such an occasion to arise. Thankfully, this is an imaginary story. Keep in mind though that fears can be magnified with dementia and this could have been a truly chaotic moment resulting in unnecessary medication of residents and possible resignation of inexperienced staff.

This concludes our imaginary story. I hope it has opened your eyes to how important communication is. Begin making a list now of important details that one should know about your loved one. Include a daily schedule and any routines that you have. This is beneficial for family and friends that step in to help or in emergency situations. Sometimes just a little shared information makes a huge difference.

Here is a little information that makes a huge difference. There may come a time that you become overwhelmed and must make a decision about accepting in home assistance or placing a loved one somewhere for care. It is alright to make that decision. I had to make it with both of my parents. The end result was they received excellent care and I was able to visit as often as I desired with no time restrictions. The visits were pleasant because I was their daughter and not the mean one making them do things they didn’t like. I came with surprises and treats such as fresh strawberries and their favorite meal. Our time together was spent talking and with me loving on them. It brought a little more balance into my life. I could see a grandchild’s soccer game or visit a friend.

Be blessed today. Know that God still loves you and will give you wisdom as you face tough decisions.

Word for Today

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

We thank you today for your perfect peace. When we struggle with decisions, you will give us wisdom. Help us when we struggle with these decisions because sometimes they are painful. In our human minds we cannot always comprehend that you are at work in all of our lives and you will guide us.

Help us to trust you when we can’t see the future and walk by faith alone.

Amen