Have you ever longed for a time of refreshment and joy? The last two years should have been one of those times in my life. There was a brief repreive from caregiving as I had known it. I took on an exhausting undertaking as an indirect caregiver by becoming a fixer upper. Add the heartache of losing my father-in-law and a much loved pet and I was a woman whose joy had almost been stolen. Running on empty has kept me away from posting. Here is my story so you know I haven’t gone away for good.
We purchased a home with my father-in-law to renovate and have as a resource for the care of my mother-in-law should the need arise. He had the best of intentions in assisting with the renovations but not enough energy to carry them out. I have pulled nails, hammered nails, removed old flooring, removing ceiling tiles and assisted my hubby with the physical labor. I have picked out flooring, cabinets, lighting, countertops,etc. Since he has a time demanding job, we have spent many long nights and Saturdays at this task. Our usual gardening and occasional fishing were put on hold.
A much anticipated vacation was awaiting us as our timeout from the chaos, or so we thought. The month before our vacation, my mother-in-law was diagnosed with vascular dementia. The week before our vacation, my father-in-law became very juandiced. We rushed to a nearby city and he was admitted to the hospital. With covid restrictions in place, I found myself sitting in the parking garage in the near 90 degree heat with my mother-in-law. As my husband sat by his father’s side for the next 12 days, I bounced from airbnb to airbnb with my mother-in-law and drove back and forth to our home for clean clothes as needed. My father-in-law and husband were bouncing from his room to icu several times. On October 12 we were allowed to be with him to say our final goodbye.
In November we had to admit my mother-in-law into the hospital and eventually to a specialized care assisted living. That same week, lightning hit our home! It is a true blessing that it did not catch fire.
Our much loved fur baby had to be put down during all of this.
Three weeks later my husband and I tested positive for covid.
Now I am making myself vulnerable. This is something I rarely do. The world sees way too much of this on social media as people cry out for attention and followers. My intentions are to only share from my heart to encourage caregivers. The last few months have been tough. Tears have been shed, prayers have been prayed, nights have been sleepless and hearts have been broken.
Thankfully, I am married to an incredible man. We have faced all of this hand in hand trusting God.
Are we tired? Yes.
Are we frustrated? Yes
Are we angry? Not any more. The anger part of our grief has passed.
We know where our hope lays. We know where our provision comes from. We know where our strength comes from. We know where our protection comes from. God makes a way through the dark days giving us hope and our joy is restored when we keep our focus on Christ.
Tough decisions had to be made. We prayed for wisdom and asked God to order our steps in making those decisions. We had hoped that by living next door we could allow my mother-in-law to live at home as long as possible. A crisis situation made us realize it was not in her best interest due to safety concerns. A lot of factors played into our decision. When others only knew bits and pieces of the story, they were quick to judge us. Some of you have found yourselves in my shoes. You do not have to please everyone else’s emotional needs. That job belongs to God. You have to make a decision that is best for the one you care for and for you as the caregiver. There is not one solution that fits every situation.
We will move forward caring from a distance through phone calls, frequent visits, outings on good days and pouring out love at every opportunity. At night she sleeps well knowing she is safe. She doesn’t have to handle any finances. She told me today that she can just watch the birds at the feeder by her window and not have to pull weeds when the seeds sprouted. When I told her I had to go make dinner, she replied,”that is something else I don’t have to do anymore”. I teased back that she forgot the best part, she doesn’t have to clean the kitchen and dishes. She laughed. It sounded so good to hear. I caught a glimpse of beauty from that conversation.
We sleep well knowing she is safe, her medications are given correctly, she is well fed and is making new friends. Slowly, she is adjusting and laughing. That would have taken much longer had she been left in isolation in her home when we were busy.
Word for Today
Isaiah 61:3
and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
Prayer for Today
Dear Heavenly Father,
I ask that you give the same hope, strength, comfort and wisdom to anyone needing it. Give them glimpses of beauty when they feel like they are sitting in a pile of ashes. Hide them in your presence when they feel weak and fragile. Sheild them from criticism and judgments that feel like people are throwing stones at them. May they grow strong and tall in you. Let them shine reflecting your splendor.
Amen
Walking Them Home 