Athletes train for years to be able to lift heavy weights. They watch their diet and are disciplined. Their physical strength is amazing. They have a goal in sight and strive to accomplish it.
Caregivers often are blindsided with a heavy load to bear. There have been no times of intense training to prepare them for their task at hand. They did not have a dream except to provide the best care they can. They feel as if they were run over by a fasy moving train with little or no warning. A lack of knowledge about dementia may lead theto overestimate the patient’s abilities.
The reality is that when the hard truths reveal themselves you realize just how much is expected of you. There is a book entitled The 36 Hour Day. Caregivers pack 36 hours worth of tasks into a normal 24 hour day. Caregiving overload can occur. This results with the caregiver in a state of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion. The demands of caregiving exceed the caregiver’s capacity to cope effectvely.
Some common signs are as follows:
Physical – chronic fatique, disturbed sleep, headaches, weight changes, and lowered immunities
Mental and Emotional – Depression, Anxiety, Loneliness, Guilt, Irritability, Anger, Sadness
When you are so focused on taking care of someone else, you neglect your own needs. Sacrifices will be made, but you need to take care of your own needs such as medical appointments.
I had been taking care of my parents and handled their doctor visits and filling out their forms for many years. I went to a physician for myself soon after my last parent had passed away. The receptionist handed me a new patient form. Out of habit I started checking boxes of everything that was wrong with my parents on their visits. About half way through the list, I laughed at myself and went to get a new form. What would their reaction have been if I had diabetes, Alzheimer’s disease, high blood pressure, urinary incontinence, a heart murmur, swallow issues, a replaced knee and mobility issues?
Yes, caregiving had been a little stressful. There were many times I felt the fatique and frustration. I sometimes wished I was a well trained athelete. That would have made running easier when I felt like a hamster on a wheel.
Today I talked with a caregiver who is older than me. Her spouse has Parkinson’s disease with dementia. She has a heart condition herself. A couple of years ago, she collapsed in the floor from pure exhaustion. Her husband started shaking and crying. Her daughter walked in and rushed her to the hospital. Someone had to be called to stay with her husband while she was at the emergency room. No one wants to end up in that situation.
Sometimes we can lighten the overload by asking for help. Finances can become strained and you simply cannot pay someone to help. I encourge you to look into the GUIDE program with medicare. This funding enables you to hire in home assistance. Check with government agencies in your area. Contact the veterans agency if this applies for you.
In the past many families shared the load of caregiving. Extended families live far apart today. The whole family can adjust to provide the primary caregiver a short time of respite. Communicating your need without trying to place a guilt trip can be tricky. Provide them will some ideas of how they can help. Even teenage grandchildren can become involved.
Here are a few suggestions.
Order and pay for a meal delivery
Pay for in home caregiver 1 day a month
Come and be the caregiver for 1 weekend
Hire someone to clean every other week
Take the car to get an oil change
Hire someone for lawn care
Depending on your own social connections, you may have friends, church family or neighbors who would be willing to help you. Do not let pride or embarassment deter you from seeking help. Even the strongest people can begin to limp along when carrying a huge load.
When the symptoms of overload begin, reach out for help.
Don’t wait until you are sinking!
Word for Today
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
Some days I struggle under this load of caregiving. I am tired and weary. I need a good night’s sleep. I make myself keep going because I am the only person my loved one has daily to meet their needs. I need you to bear my burdens today. Give me peace, comfort and meet each of our needs.
Amen
Walking Them Home 