Tag: holidays

Grief Triggers During the Holidays

I am sitting here by my Christmas tree thinking about family that has gone ahead of me to heaven or those who live miles away. The ornaments hold stories. The first Christmas with each of my children and the ones made by my children and grandchildren have their own section. It is in the back corner of the tree where only my hubby and I know they hang there reminding us of them. There are spun glass hearts and angels that once hung on my mom and aunts trees. Glass humingbirds remind me of my in laws and their love of hummingbirds. There is a long nail spike to remind us of the price Jesus paid for us.

A smaller tree is in the den. It has Alabama football ornaments from a tree we gave my dad in his assisted living facility. We had put it up the first game of the season and grandchilren sent ornaments. We added one after each win. The staff came to talk to him and tease him if they were fans of another team. I can see his smile now as I recall how happy this made him.

On my porch there are wood block pieces from a nativity set my children made when they were young. I only have a few blocks left, but I display them.

Deciding on which cookies to make always reminds me of the ones our grandparents and parents made. Mom made hello dollies. Granny made sand cookies. Ma made an incredible pound cake.

All senses are engaged during Christmas. Seeing and touching decorations can cause your mind to zero in on your missing family members. Hearing a certain Christmas song may bring tears to your eyes. Smells such as cinnamon can transport you to a kitchen from your past. You can almost taste gingerbread without taking a bite.

Grief can hit you with gale force winds at the most unexpected times. I was sorting, discarding and packing up items in my parent’s home. It was going well and I was excited to be making great progress. I picked up a bowl full of potpourri and noticed how dusty it was. I turned to pour it into a nearby trash container.

The aroma of my mom’s favorite scent overwhelmed me. A tear formed and I dropped down on my knees sobbing. My husband found me and rushed in to see if I was alright. Sobbing uncontrollably is very rare for me. I had not allowed myself to truly grieve the loss of mom because my dad had needed me to be strong. It was as if a dam broke when that familiar smell filled the room.

Allowing myself to grieve was healing in many ways. When the tears ceased I was able to thank God for giving me parents that were amazing. Our shared love did not end when I lost them. It gave me an uncredible foundation to keep building my life on.

Three years ago my mother-in-law passed away on December 22. We were exhausted from a hospital stay and move to a nursing home. Calling family, making funeral arrangements, and sleeping consumed our next couple of days. Christmas came and went with neither of us remembering what we did on Christmas Day.

This year we have decided to face the triggers of grief by remembering the good things and keeping our focus on the present. We have decorated, baked cookies and shared meals with friends. Our plans for Christmas morning are quite different this year. We have plans to visit residents at a local assisted living facility. After reading the Christmas story we will sing a few carols and move on to fun songs. Boxes of red reindeer noses, jingle bell necklaces and soft plush snowballs will add to the joy. These activites will be adjusted to keep it a controlled fun to avoid over stimulation!

We made a choice to share hugs and love with those who may need it the most. Wishing you a Christmas filled with love and comfort when grief is triggered.

Word for the Day

Luke 2:9-11

An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.  But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.  Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.

Song for the Day

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father

I am so thankful for your healing power over my broken heart. This Christmas season I know memories will flood my mind and grief may be triggered. I trust you to help me live in the moment celebrating the birth of Jesus. Let your joy fill the tender holes in my heart when grief does rise up. I am trusting you through all seasons.

Amen

Overstimulation During The Holidays

Feeling annoyed or drained, acting confused or frustrated, and not being able to make decisions could be signs of overstimulation in adults. That is what can happen to any of us whether we are the caregiver or the person with dementia.

I have overscheduled many times in the past during the holiday season. Sewing 30 angel costumes in one day, forgetting to eat due to cleaning all day, staying up late to finish painting a toy train and traveling for 10 hours with a three week old and twenty month old days before Christmas are a few of examples that come to mind.

Wisdom comes from experience. Thankfully, I learned to slow things down when my mom got Alzheimer’s disease. Christmas was still celebrated. It was just celebrated in a calmer manner. I had noticed as my parents aged that they avoided loud and rambuncious games played by the younger adults and grandchildren over the holidays. They tended to visit in another room with the youngest grandchild. This caught my attention, so I already knew we needed to make a few adjustments.

We planned carefully to prevent overstimulation. Loud music, bright lights and even laughter of children can be frightening for someone with dementia. I was visiting my mom in the facility she was living in during the late stage of Alehimer’s. I could hear a large group of carolers coming down the hallway. They were going door to door and singing. I sensed mom was getting tense, so I quickly stepping into the hallway and asked that only one or two stand in her doorway and the rest of the group sing in the hallway. They had no idea that a sudden rush of people into her room would cause anxiety that would take hours to go away. Instead, they did as I had asked and a smile was on her face as she listened.

You can participate in joyful activities if you plan ahead and let your family members know what would work best in your situation. Maybe the family come in small groups. One could read a Christmas story or sing softly with their loved one. Bring cookies to munch on together. No one I have ever met with Alzheimer’s can resist sweets.

A recent family picture to hand on the wall makes a great gift. If they don’t remember your names, that doesn’t matter. You can write your names on the photo. Include a We Love You. The important thing is they see those words. The most treasured gift is a hug, a held hand, a smile and words of kindess. Avoid asking do you remember. Tell them about the most fun you have ever had with them. Tell them how they have made a difference in your life. Share about what you have going on in music, school, sports or work. They are always listening, even when you think they aren’t.

Simplify the holidays. Slow down. Listen to O Holy Night. Thank God for his gift of Jesus. Sip a cup of hot cocoa. Allow peace to reign in your heart. Have yourself a merry little Christmas.

Word for Today

Mark 4:39

He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I come to you with a thankful heart. I am a caregiver and some days are challenging, I still have a hand a hold. I know that change will come as I see skills being stolen by dementia. Give me the ability to treasure our memories and to love well on this journey. Allow this Christmas to be focused on the peace you give us. Calm the storms of this busy world and quiet the loudness so we can celebrate you.

Amen