While researching this week for a presentation on anticipatory grief, I came across the words stacked grief. These words grabbed my attention because they described two stressful seasons in my own life. This is when losses are suffered in close proximity to each other.
All caregivers for someone with Alzheimer’s disease and related diseases come to understand grief. It may come as the one you love loses skills or if it is the final loss when they pass away. You learn to work through grief most of the time.
You may grieve when you look ahead at what you are about to lose. When you experience anticipatory grief, you may feel guilty for grieving before the person passes. There is a large emotional toll. It takes time to learn to balance your emotions.
I discovered after my mom had moved into mid stages of Alzheimer’s that my father was showing mild cognitive decline. There was not a lot of time to allow myself to grieve the little losses. I tried to, but sometimes I packed the emotions away. It was like each loss was a wood block in the game called Jenga. This is a game we played with our children when they were young. Each of us held our breath when stacking the blocks into the tower or removing a block. No one wanted to cause the tower to tumble. I made every effort to build a balanced tower as I tucked my emotional blocks in but I feared someone might pull a block and everything would fall apart.
The tower was getting higher and higher. I grieved leaving my husband to take care of my parents. I grieved leaving my parents to return to my own home. There was grief when I could not spend time with my own children and grandchildren. The blocks of grief were stacking fast and furious.
My mom passed away. The block tower of grief continued to grow. Our home flooded. Another block is stacked. I had surgery. Add several blocks this time. My dad passed away. That almost toppled the tower. God must have glued the stack together so I could survive. I had relied on the solid rock of Christ when I started to build this tower.
Instead of the blocks all tumbling down, it felt as if God gently handed me each block. I held it and shed tears. When I was calm, he handed me another one. As time passed, I accepted the losses and allowed God to mend my heart.
There was a small reprieve. Then blocks of grief were reappearing and I tucked them into a new tower. We sold the home we loved to be closer to my in-laws. I truly hated leaving our home that had just been restored from the flood. The difference in handling grief is what I had learned the first time. Place a block when time does not allow grieving. When things settle, pray for a season of healing and peace. That lasted for about a year. Then the tower rose fast. My father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer. My mother-in-law was showing signs of dementia. Within three years we said goodbye to both of them and 2 pets. There I was again feeling as if the tower of grief was about to tumble down on me.
God was faithful and helped me process everything again.
I am no superhero. I suffered pain, frustration, grief, anger, and many more emotions. There were days that exhaustion got the best of me and I caved under the load. There were days that I stepped back and cried over the gradual losses. With God as my protector and healer, I moved on.
A choice was made to live in the moment while trying to make the most of each situation. Jesus faced grief and wept when his friend Lazarus died. He went on to raise Lazarus from the dead. If he did this, then I knew he would raise me from underneath stacked layers of grief.
Word for Today
Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
I praise you for being my protector, healer and peace. Grief can be hard to bear, especially when the losses happen so close together. You gave us emotions and I struggle sometimes when they are filled with sorrow. Then I am reminded that the sorrow is a result of losing someone I loved dearly. My life has been blessed my many people who I now miss. Please help me to be grateful for the time I had with them.
Amen
Walking Them Home 