It has been 10 years

Today I dedicate this post to my beautiful mom.

Dear Momma,

If you could see my heart, you would see little stitches sewn by God as he heals the gaping hole you left when you passed ten years ago. Every ounce of me wanted to take the horrible disease called Alzheimer’s from you. I coudn’t, so I decided to learn everything I could about how to help you and make you feel loved and cared for.

Little things remind me of you all the time. When I received red roses for my anniversary this month, I remembered how much you enjoyed them when Dad bought them for you. When I savor grapes, I remember how much you loved them. Wearing pieces of your jewelry makes me feel joy. An unfinished jigsaw puzzle sits on my dining room table. Actually, it is your dining room table we used to sit at together.

Don’t feel bad about me taking care of you. Those years are treasures for me. I saw little glimpses of all that you are. The inhibitions disappeared and I saw a fun woman giggling and humming. It was a side of you that you had hidden away to be a responsible and mature adult.

I watched a woman who was secretly called the sugar police by her sisters devour cookies, ice cream and desserts. It felt freeing to see you were more normal than we had thought.

I learned to love my family deeply from you. I learned to make sacrifices for others from you. I learned to clean from you, but it didn’t make me a total neat freak like you were.

You took phone calls at home from confused older customers at the bank. You gave children a ride to church. You rocked babies in the church nursery. You shared food from your garden. You would go to the nursing home to feed my grandfather when he wouldn’t eat for anyone else. You drove through the night to be there for my toddler while I was in the hospital with her baby brother. You even picked cotton by hand to buy fabric for my new clothes when I started to school. The wonderful memories of you are flooding over me now.

Your family has grown a bit since you were here. With my brother having six children, we have had a few weddings and a few more babies. Liz wore your ring at her wedding. She asked for a photo of you and dad to display. I chose a photo without noticing that you had that very ring on. We both teared up when we realized it. You have two amazing great-grandsons now. What a reunion we will have one day!

It was an incredible honor to walk on one side and have dad on the other as we walked you toward your final home. You and dad made me a better person. I love you so deeply and am looking forward to joining you in heaven when my life here is over. Give dad a hug and ask him to give you one for me.

Love,

Your daughter

My letter was how I chose to journal today. Journaling is one of the many ways I learned to cope. Realizing that being in the moment with my mom where she was in her mind at the time made taking care of her much easier. The years spent taking care of her long distance and in her home were difficult. Many lessons were learned about God’s incredible grace and strength. Moving mom to skilled care was heartwrenching, but dad visited daily and I did once she moved closer to me during her final days.

I cannot count the tears that rolling down my cheeks as a caregiver. I shed tears writing this post. Comfort was always found in knowing that God saw those tears. When Jesus came to his friend Lazarus’s tomb, he wept. If Jesus wept, then it is perfectly fine for us to weep as well.

You will find your own ways to cope. You will grow and stretch. In the end, you will be stronger than you ever thought possible. Keep giving it your best my friends!

Word for Today

honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as yourself.

Matthew 19:19

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I praise you for the time I had on earth with my wonderful mom. Thank you for walking with me each step of the way. You held me when I was broken. You comforted me when I was scared. You gave me strength to do things I never knew I was capable of doing.

I ask today that you do the same for anyone reading this. Pour unexpected blessings into their life. Send friends to share the load they carry. Give them peace at night to rest.

Amen

Hiding the Stress and Pain

Some of us carry pain and stress inside. Others see a smiling face and admire our strength, especially those in our church. They know our trust and strength are in God alone. We do have peace, but even those who have faith and strength hurt.

Yesterday I saw a woman hugging and smiling as she entered the sanctuary. When I asked how she was, I saw a tiny hole in the “everything is ok” mask. A few questions coming from a fellow caregiver opened that hole and I saw weariness, tiredness and pain.

God began to remind me of the many times someone had not only prayed for me but actually put their arms around me and gave me a safe place to let the raw emotions escape as tears. I approached her and did just that. She sobbed as I prayed.

I know her faith in God is solid. I know she has a beautiful heart and spirit. I walked in her shoes not too long ago. I walked by faith as she does. I tried not to complain and assured others I was ok. That is all very true for me and my friend. We can be strong Christians and still feel things intensely. We feel guilty for not being all we can be to our family when caregiving takes so much of our time. We need to rest and have little time for it.

Do yourself a favor and confide to a close friend that you need prayer and to just be held for a few minutes.

“When you receive or give a (consensual!) hug, your brain releases a flood of mood-boosting neurotransmitters and hormones, including endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin”. neuroscientist Dave Rabin, MD, PhD.

Isolation and loneliness are common when you are a caregiver. That hug may be just what you need!

Men need hugs as much as women. We all hurt and need comfort at times.

Caregivers get caregivers. We all face similar problems. Some see this as expressing their love. Some see this as a burden. Some feel stuck with the job that no one else wants to do. We all have our reasons for being a caregiver. We all understand the heaviness of our job. That commonality allows us to share our stories and encourage each other.

As supportive as my husband was, he didn’t truly get the load I had been carrying until he was providing care for his own parents. I had to show grace and not hold it against family who had not walked in my shoes yet.

Friends of caregivers don’t wait until others ask for a safe place to talk and really be heard. Watch for signs of weariness or anger and offer to listen or give them a break. Helping provide care will open your eyes to how much is involved day by day in your caregiving friend’s life.

Caregivers don’t attempt to bottle up your emotions. Find a trusted friend, family member or support group where you are heard and understood. Take that mask off and shed a tear or laugh. God is the place we lay our burdens down. Friends can help us do this. Go find a place to shout if you need to. I have been known to do this in my car traveling home after caregiving.

Word for Today

Matthew 11: 28-30

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Song for Today ( My husband sent me this link when I had just left my mom’s side. I had to pull over and cry. Little did I know my mom would be in heaven less than 2 weeks later. 2 days from now will be 10 years since I said goodbye. Miss her all the time.)

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Forgive me for the times I try to do this job of caregiving all by myself. I thank you for sending Jesus to assist me when I am weary and burdened. I thank you for people in my life that came by my side to encourage me.

Open my eyes to other caregivers that need someone to hug them and pray for them.

Amen

How Do Couples Cope With Dementia?

As a couple, my husband and I can communicate with each other with a certain look or touch. We have honed these skills during our 45 years of marriage. Just snuggling together or holding hands doesn’t always require words. When we first began dating we were with a group sitting around a campfire. He snuggled close and put his arm around me. Instantly, I felt at home. This was just the very beginning of moments, days, months and now years that wrapping an arm around me and holding me close have been home.

Should either of us ever develop dementia and roam around repeating, “I just want to go home” what will we really mean. I know most people just want to go back to what feels safe and familiar. Maybe our home will continue to be snuggling together where it has been safe and familiar our entire adult life.

Daily I praise God for allowing both of us to still have strong minds. Muscle strength has weakened, hairs have grayed and we search for our reading glasses to prevent eyestrain. We may not be able to recall someone’s name, but then it comes to us so normal aging is happening.

This afternoon as I write my hubby is strumming his guitar and writing a new song. Our hobbies keep our minds active. We love being outdoors with the dogs, chickens, bees and sheep. We are building a firepit area to entertain friends.

Our hope is that living in the moment intentionally and trusting God with our future will mean we never have to face dementia. We know that God will continue to be faithful. He has seen us through deep dark valleys and allowed us to rejoice from the highest of mountain tops. Should dementia come, we are assured that God will never forsake us.

Some of you have had to face dementia in a spouse. I hear your stories in our support group. I pray for you to still find moments each day where you and your loved one can still connect. Maybe a favorite song will draw you close. Perhaps a drive to one of your favorite spots will bring peace. Take every opportunity to have physical contact. This can be holding hands, hugging, or giving a gentle massage.

During the upcoming Christmas season play carols, eat Christmas cookies, drive around and look at the lights. Rediscover the simple joys. Large gatherings should be avoided but quiet visits with a few people at a time can still bring happiness.

Never quit saying “I love you”.

Most people my age made vows to love and cherish their spouse in sickness and in health until death. As a young couple we make that promise. Life happens and those promises are not so easy to keep. We make a choice to keep that promise and discover God has to give us the courage and strength to walk it out. The greatest honor you can have is to be the one who stands by that promise.

God sees your loneliness and struggles. He sees the tears shed when no one else is looking. Trust him to walk beside you in sickness and in health.

Word for Today

John 13:34

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father,

May I always find my home is being with you. When my spouse doesn’t remember my name please let them know my love. Show me how to express my love ina way that they can feel. Help me to keep the promise I made on our wedding day.

Amen

Laughter Lightens the Load

Caregiving comes with tears. Before you drown in those tears, take a few minutes to reflect on the times you had to laugh.

Have you ever received a phone call from a parent telling you that their phone is not working?

Dad “I just called to tell you my phone isn’t working”

Me “Whose phone are you using now?”

Dad “Mine.”

A caregiver called one day to tell me my mom was having a yard sale. I asked how she knew this and was informed that mom had been throwing things into a closet all week for the sale. I asked about which closet and realized it was not a closet. It was a rear staircase that led to their garage. When I checked it, the entire staircase was full!

A friend left a large cup in her car with her dad. Later that day when she retrieved the cup, it was full of urine. Her dad had used it while she ran into a business. When asked about it, he informed her that a strange man hopped into the car, used her cup and left.

Another caregiver I know left his wife in the kitchen. When he returned he entered an “I Love Lucy” episode. She had poured liquid detergent into the dishwasher and turned it own. Bubbles were everywhere.

Some dementia patients have a lingered guilty conscience they have to clear. An 86 year old woman pulled me aside one day and insisted she had something she had to tell me. She led me to a corner and lowered her voice. She once again insisted I had to hear this. I calmly told her she could tell me. She leaned in and lowered her voice. I then listened as she informed me that she had a thing going on with my husband. It was very difficult to control my laughter as I thanked her for telling me. I approached the facility director with this information. She laughed and said the woman had a thing with her husband and most of the employees’s husbands.

Sometimes you can’t truly laugh until later, but you will have things to amuse you on this journey.

Humor is a gift. God gave us emotions and reassured us that they will change…

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

I wept. I laughed. I mourned and am still learning to dance.

A new rhythm is emerging as I assist others on their journey of caregiving. I still weep when they weep. I still laugh when they are able to laugh. I wrap my arms around them when they mourn. I am now able to walk away and focus on looking forward and making memories in the moment during our retirement years. Maybe the days on our farm playing with dogs and tending sheep will bring joyful dancing.

Just remember the emotional ups and downs are temporary. Don’t hold back the emotions. They may explode at the wrong time and place if you don’t release them when you can. Step away when angry for a few moments to regroup. Laugh privately at the funny moments and with a person when they see the humor too. Never make them feel as if you are laughing at them.

Just this morning a friend who is a caregiver sent me a funny text that had brightened her day. I was thankful that she is taking time to do this for herself.

Go ahead and smile as you read the quotes below.

“My job has made me a pro at finding things I didn’t lose.”

“Leftovers? I prefer to call them ‘meal prep for the next week’.”

“I argued with Mom for a half-hour to wear matching socks only to discover I went shopping with my shirt inside out.“

All of you could add your own moments of humor. Go ahead and comment me with yours so I can laugh with you.

Word for Today

Psalm 126:2

Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.”

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I am so thankful that you understand the many emotions that I am experiencing as a caregiver. Sometimes I struggle with these emotions but I know you stablize me and encourage me through all of them. Help me to find my joy in you.

Amen

What I Learned By Being A Caregiver

The sun comes up every morning and goes down every evening. I learned to appreciate the simple things. Some days were wonderful and some were difficult. God was with me every step of the way. I trusted him as I walked each step. I tiptoed at first but soon learned to boldly step into motion when it was needed.

I made many new friends and was so thankful for special friends who listened to me without complaining or telling me what to do. They became sisters that I love dearly. We laughed, cried and prayed together. They reminded me not to lose myself in the process. Life would go on after my caregiving season was over.

Seeking answers to questions helped me prepare for changes before they happened. Educating myself taught me to plan for the unexpected and sometimes shocking events that unfolded. The power of knowledge was critical to have in my toolbox.

I decided that setting boundaries protected me at times. Avoiding social media was a strong boundary I had to set. My life had to be focused on my parents and in-laws. They needed me to make them the center of my life. My circle included them, my husband and few others. If I tried to explain how challenging caregiving is, those who have not walked in those shoes could offer comments that hurt and were critical. Bitterness could take root. To keep my heart free to love, I had to walk away knowing that I was doing the best I could.

My awareness of how prevalent Alzheimer’s and other dementias is in senior citizens is acute. I find myself recognizing it almost every time I am out and about our community. Defensive driving takes on a whole new meaning when you see how many drivers continue to drive after being given a diagnosis of mild dementia. You never know the moment that cognition will decline and an accident will occur.

I discovered that I am much more resilient than I thought I would be. Introverts don’t speak out sometimes, but being an advocate demanded a boldness that was awkward at first. By the end, I had no issue speaking out when it was necessary.

My faith is stronger than it has ever been. God alone empowered me to be a caregiver. He gave me wisdom, peace and hope on the darkest days and nights. He reminded me that I was not alone. He was my comfort when I said to say my final goodbye.

I used to worrry about what if this happens or that happens. Worry doesn’t do anything but rob me of time that can be spent on better things

Having trouble believing in myself has been an issue for me all of my life. Surviving 14 years as a caregiver has shown me a few things.

What I look like should not hold me back.

Having a degree in a field unrelated to what I do now doesn’t limit what I can or cannot do.

If I have a dream, money should not hold me back.

God has given me a voice and I can use it to share with other caregivers.

I must be bold and step into new adventures with confidence.

Naysayers will always criticize, offer unsolicited advice and rain on my parade. I can apply the words my husband’s grandmother gave us when we were young. She quietly pulled us aside and said, “Just smile and listen, then let their words go in one ear and out the other”. Heeding her advice has usually worked well. She was an amazing woman who loved God and us deeply. She knew that we loved God and would trust him to be our guide.

The rain may try to shut down my parade, but I have the power to dance in the rain and think about how amazing my flowers will be afterwards.

Word for Today

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

My Heavenly Father,

i praise you that I can cry out to you and trust you to work everything out for my good. Sometimes I don’t recognize what is for my good and get ahead of you. Forgive me and teach me to slow down and trust you more.

Amen

Caregiver Anger

Anger is real. How you react is what matters the most. It is not always a person that makes you angry. It can be the disease itself. It can be insurance companies, Medicare, Medicaid or the medical community. You can be angry at the person you care for. You can be angry with friends and family that don’t help carry the load. You can be angry with yourself because you feel like a lousy caregiver.

Anger is normal and can be expected when facing circumstances that are out of your control. You may be as fearful as you are angry. It would be a good idea to write a list of who and what you are angry about. No one has to see this list, however, you may feel better expressing your angry and asking yourself if any of the people or things you are angry about can be changed.

If there is a way to safely address this list, in a calm manner talk with who you need to. If there is not a way to change circumstances, ask God to help you accept this. Ask yourself what triggered this episode of anger and what condition you were in when it happened.

Physical and mental fatigue are very likely culprits when you are easily angered. Getting enough sleep may mean napping when the one you take care of naps. I can remember being pregnant with my second child. I had an active one year old. When she took a nap, I napped with her so I could be patient and loving instead of grumpy and tired.

Eat healthy. Keep fruit and vegetables handy for you and the one you care for to grab when hungry. Use the crockpot or instant pot to prepare meals on busy days.

Go for a walk. Take time to enjoy nature.

Listen to your favorite music.

Pray.

Step away from a stressful situation and simply breathe a few slow breaths.

Address the fears you have. This may mean preparing for the what if moments before they happen. I knew my mother had Alzheimer’s and it was prgressive and eventually fatal. When my dad was unable to take care of her, I researched memory care assisted living facilities and put her name on the waiting list of those I liked. I did this in their city and in the city I lived in. This was because I knew that should dad pass away, I would have to move mom to me.

Financial and legal planning took place early on in my family. My brother and I were involved together with our parents. We never had to worry about them losing their home. We understood their medical directives. Deal with these items now, not later.

Learn to appreciate help when you can get it. Keeping a grateful attitude is better than simmering in resentment when help is not given.

If there is any pain in your past relationship with the one you care for, please find a way to forgive when you can no longer have a meaninful conversation with them. Forgiveness opens room in your heart for love, compassion and kindness. Forgive siblings or children who don’t step up to the plate and assist you. Focus on making the most of the time you have because you did step up to the plate.

Lastly, forgive yourself. This is the toughest job you will ever encounter. There is a learning curve and you will get better each day. When fear and anger try to overshadow the goodness, try to take the thoughts captive before they grow out of control. Trust God to give you peace.

Word for Today

Ephesians 4:26

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

God,

Thank you for giving me emotions. Sometimes I get frustrated and allow them to overwhelm me. Help me to stop and reflect on how my actions could hurt others. Help me to trust you to handle the people and circumstances that I cannot control. Guide me to take peaceful actions rather than lash out. Heal my heart from hurts and fears so that I can love the way I should.

Amen

Life With a Diminished Brain

Today I read a prompt to write about what life without a computer would be like. Immediately, I thought about what life would be like without a fully functioning brain. If I had no computer, I could find a work around. As a child I researched by reading real books. I wrote with pen and paper. Truly, being without a computer would simply be a huge inconvenience.

Trying to live my life with a diminished or diseased brain is extremely frightening. Just imagine losing your ability to control your own life day by day, then year by year. The lose of dignity and independence would feel as if you were in a small room with the walls and ceiling closing in on you. Eventually, you would be lying in a bed breathing shallowly as you waited for your last breath.

I watched my mom do just this. She lived a full life before Alzheimer’s disease began to steal her abilities to continue to be a loving person dedicated to her family. A loving family, successful career, beautiful home and amazing marriage had been dreams fulfilled. If a painting by a master artist could have portrayed her life it would have been a treasured masterpiece. No one would have allowed it to be hung where the sun could cause it to fade away.

Then this horrific disease, Alzheimer’s, caused her memories to fade We were left straining to hold on to all we could about her laugh, her smirk of a smile, her little love pats she gave the grandchildren and even her fear of mice. Many days I long to just hear her voice.

I know that she loved God and that he was her comfort in her final years. Hymns playing in her room brought peace. When we prayed, she would squeeze my hand. Even though she didn’t recognize me as her daughter, she knew we belonged together.

Perhaps every child of a parent with Alzheimer’s disease has a little nagging thought of getting this disease. I know that I do. Just last night I was in a booth with other volunteers for our city’s First Friday event. We were distributing pamplets about Alzheimer’s and related dementias. We were letting people know about our upcoming symposium for caregivers. Each of our group is experienced personally and professionaly with the burden caregivers carry.

We had a few people stop and talk. We had many slow down, look over our materials and quickly turn away. We watched as spouses walked past guiding their husband or wife through the crowd. At the end of the evening, all of us knew that many who had passed our booth are already showing signs of cognitive decline. This made me even more aware of how prevalent it is.

That nagging fear of knowing that could be me sometime tried to surface. I refuse to live my life controlled by this fear. I want to live a full life engaging with friends and family as often as I can.

I choose to exercise my body and mind while making healthy food choices. I choose to trust God with my future. The following scripture is my verse I choose to stand in faith on.

Isaiah 46:4

I will be your God throughout your lifetime— until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.

My soul will be saved when my body fades whether that is mentally or physically. None of us live forever on this earth. When we face trouble and suffering, we often complain that life is not fair. Only God sees the complete picture. We have to trust that his plan is for our best.

Word for Today

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

You amaze me when I watch you order my steps and give me peace of mind when those steps are challenging. I trust in you when fear tries to come in. I know that you have an army of angels that surround me. The trials here do not compare to the glory I will see one day when I stand at your feet and you open my eyes to your plan. Give me strength and hope as I trust in you.

Amen

God Does Not Forget

We lose hope, get worn out, become discouarged and forget we cannot do it all. Our frustration snowballs into a large mound of guilt and helplessness when we cannot penetrate into the mind and soul of a loved one who is trapped. They live in a body with a mind that can no longer express itself. We can try to meet them but only God can go there sometimes.

God has known our loved me since knitting them together in their mother’s womb. He knows their heart and soul. His spirt can penetrate through the fog and reach them.

I have sat in my mom’s room when all she could do was moan and groan. It felt as if a knife was stabbing me in the heart. The only way I could stay with her was knowing the God was with us.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. Romans 8:26

God’s spirit not only groaned with mom, but God hears our groaning.

Exodus 2:24

God heard their groaning and he remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac and with Jacob.

Exodus 6:5

Moreover, I have heard the groaning of the Israelites, whom the Egyptians are enslaving, and I have remembered my covenant.

We are living in a time when groaning is slipping from all of our lips. Life here is winding down and we are seeking an eternal home. The bible tells us the following:

Romans 8:22

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.

I do believe that my mom was looking to heaven. Perhaps her groaning was her crying out to God to welcome her home. This brought me peace on the days there I hurt the most.

My husband and I have been traveling over the last couple of weeks. During our travels God allowed us to meet random people who mentioned they had just lost a grandfather to Alzheimer’s or were living with a uncle who has Lewy Body disease. This was at an outdoor homestead expo. As we talked a small group gathered around us and joined in. Most of them either had a family member with Alzheimer’s or had lost someone close to them who had dementia. The phrase we heard again and again was that God is the only way they got through this.

Later, we attended a wedding. There was a memory table with photos and Bibles that had belonged to the couple’s grandparents. I looked at these and knew how much these grandparents loved their grandchildren and modeled a life of love for them. I looked at the pic of my mom and dad and hoped God could let them see a glimpse from heaven of their growing family. As much as I would have loved to have them with us, I had rather know they were in heaven where disease and age not longer caused them to groan.

As you continue to serve as a caregiver, know that God is with you on the good days and the toughest of days. He will never abandon you or your loved one. We can continue on in His strength until one day when God hears all of our groanings and calls us home.

Have a blessed day filled with peace and comfort.

Word for Today

2 Corinthians 1:3

God Offers Comfort to All

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Thank you for the peace and comfort only you can bring. Thank you for hearing the groaning and cries from our heart when the pain hits hard. When we feel helpless, you step in. You understand our pain because you sent your son to die on a cross for us. We look forward to the day you call all of us away from the suffering and pain. Give us courage to carry on until then.

Amen

Rediscovering Yourself After Caregiving

My husband and I are fencing acreage on our farm to raise sheep. After years of ministry and secular jobs, we are excited to begin this adventure. Many lessons have been learned as we served in churches and as our own family members caregivers. How did we decide that adding sheep would be the thing we both wanted to do?

Reflecting on the bible verses below helped us arrive at this decision.

Psalm 23:1

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.” – Psalm 23:1

Isaiah 40:11

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” – Isaiah 40:11

John 10:11

“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” – John 10:11

Psalm 78:52

“But he brought his people out like a flock; he led them like sheep through the wilderness.” – Psalm 78:52

We both know that depending on God fully is the only way to live a life with peace. When we look out over the fields we will remember how God has been our good shepherd. We will shepherd our sheep and be grateful for all God has done for us.

Our goal is for our farm to be a place where people feel God’s peace and love. Visitors can sit on our porch or around the fire pit we plan to build and share life. Needs, hurts and heartaches will be discussed. Prayers will be prayed and we can share our story of God’s goodness and love.

I challenge you to look at the things you have laid aside to be a caregiver. Even if you are still a caregiver, you can evaluate where you are. What skills did you gain? What did you do well? What do you look forward to later?

For us, farming helps us slow down to rest and let our bodies and emotions heal from the 15 year marathon we ran taking care of our parents. We frequently pause now to watch sunsets, hummingbirds and butterflies. We listen to doves and quail. Our rogue rooster gets out and follows us like a puppy. Our hens gift us an abundance of eggs. We fish, garden, read, listen to music and breathe fresh air.

Writing is something I dreamed of doing as a child. Books were my friend. Finally, I am beginning to step into the waters as a writer. I enjoy teaching others about Alzheimer’s and how to be a caregiver. I have developed a deep love for connecting with people with Alzheimer’s disease.

Prior to being a caregiver there were several things I would never have believed. One was that I would love moving back to a country home. Two was that I have the confidence to lead. Three was that God would allow me to be tested with fire and come out safely on the other side. This leaves me assured that even unanswered prayers are heard by My Good Shepherd and He has a plan bigger and better than any I have ever had.

Trust God with the plan for your life. He is chiseling away rough edges. He is allowing pressure to shape you. You are a diamond that He is polishing. It hurts. It is lonely, but you are never truly alone. Sometimes God is silent, but He is there. One day on the other side of caregiving, you will understand what God was doing in you as you poured your life out to others.

God has a plan for the remainder of your life. Trust Him.

We will protect our sheep just as God protects us. Read the verses again and let your soul and faith be renewed.

Word for Today

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I praise you for being my shepherd. When I stumble and flounder around, you guide my steps. When I am afraid you are here. When I feel inadequate, you remind me that your strength is perfect. Humbly I follow you knowing that your path is the right one.

Amen

A Grateful Heart

“God’s grace is the bridge that carries us from our brokenness to His wholeness.”

When you love deeply, you risk facing brokenness. As a caregiver you dig deep into your well of love to shower on someone else. That love is not always recipocated or recieved. The bible talks about wells that were dug. The enemies of Abraham filled the wells with dirt. Later when wells were dug, others claimed the wells as theirs. God has always provided when the enemy attempts to destroy. The deep well of your love is critical to guard from the enemies attacks so the love pouring out of it is pure and refreshing to others.

A crack in your heart begins the first time a family member shows behaviors toward you that you never have seen before. A kind and generous father may become angry and say and do things that you never thought you would see. Your childhood hero has transformed into a demanding and selfish person. Keep in mind that your hero is still there. A nasty disease has reared it’s ugly head. You have to allow God to sew a stitch in the crack of your heart and reach deeper to love while you yourself are hurting. I know that as I have hand stictched the binding onto quilts for each of my grandchildren I thought of them and prayed for their lives. Imagine the grace and love God is stitching into your heart with each stitch He sews.

As Alzheimer’s progresses you will see a person’s life going in reverse. I was watching a parent become incontinent at the same time a grandchild was being potty trained. With the grandchild, it was exciting. First steps toward independence were being taken. We would assist as they mastered their new skill. Cheering them on was fun as we saw their excitement. Assisting a parent or spouse brought sadness as their independence was being stolen away. You tried to preserve their dignity. You went shopping for depends with a sadness inside.

Sitting by my mom’s side and spooning yogurt into her mouth was done with vast amounts of love. We had now truly reversed roles. My heart was filled with gratitude for the woman who had tended to my needs for so many years. The memories I had were not always wonderful, but thanking God for the great ones and forgiving for the few ones that were not so good allowed me to heal. A healed heart and a grateful heart hold so much more to be poured out. God sewed the gaping hole together so I could pour love more freely.

I was at my dad’s side when he grew confused. He had oxygen tubing in and was irritated by it. I reached to adjust the tube after he removed it. He grabbed both of my wrists and cursed. I calmly reassured him that I would take it off for a while and then exited the room. My heart was breaking because I had never experienced that behavior or heard those words come from his mouth before. A protective relative followed me out. She was quite angry at my dad. Tearfully, I told her this was not my dad. This was a man whose cognitive decline were acting and speaking. God had allowed me to keep loving my dad as if this event had never happened. God had reenforced the stitched seams as the event unfolded.

A day will come when someone looks you in the eye and doesn’t know who you are anymore. That is when it feels like your heart rips in half. It hurts intensely as the hard truth sinks in. You may have to retreat to a quiet place for God to heal your heart and then recover slowly. Day by day you will feel strengthened as you pray and rest in God’s peace. His Intensive Care Unit is outstanding. When you exit and are ready to face the task at hand, you will have a grateful heart filled with overflowing love once more.

Day by day God will hold your heart in his hands.

Word for Today

Colossians 3:16

Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father,

You amaze me with your healing and forgiveness. Teach me to forgive when others misunderstand or reject my love. I am guilty of wanting to quit loving as deeply as you ask of me when I am hurting. Tenderly hold me and restore me so that I can pour love out to those who are depending on me to meet their needs. I want to serve with a heart of gratitude.

Amen