Hiding the Stress and Pain

Some of us carry pain and stress inside. Others see a smiling face and admire our strength, especially those in our church. They know our trust and strength are in God alone. We do have peace, but even those who have faith and strength hurt.

Yesterday I saw a woman hugging and smiling as she entered the sanctuary. When I asked how she was, I saw a tiny hole in the “everything is ok” mask. A few questions coming from a fellow caregiver opened that hole and I saw weariness, tiredness and pain.

God began to remind me of the many times someone had not only prayed for me but actually put their arms around me and gave me a safe place to let the raw emotions escape as tears. I approached her and did just that. She sobbed as I prayed.

I know her faith in God is solid. I know she has a beautiful heart and spirit. I walked in her shoes not too long ago. I walked by faith as she does. I tried not to complain and assured others I was ok. That is all very true for me and my friend. We can be strong Christians and still feel things intensely. We feel guilty for not being all we can be to our family when caregiving takes so much of our time. We need to rest and have little time for it.

Do yourself a favor and confide to a close friend that you need prayer and to just be held for a few minutes.

“When you receive or give a (consensual!) hug, your brain releases a flood of mood-boosting neurotransmitters and hormones, including endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin”. neuroscientist Dave Rabin, MD, PhD.

Isolation and loneliness are common when you are a caregiver. That hug may be just what you need!

Men need hugs as much as women. We all hurt and need comfort at times.

Caregivers get caregivers. We all face similar problems. Some see this as expressing their love. Some see this as a burden. Some feel stuck with the job that no one else wants to do. We all have our reasons for being a caregiver. We all understand the heaviness of our job. That commonality allows us to share our stories and encourage each other.

As supportive as my husband was, he didn’t truly get the load I had been carrying until he was providing care for his own parents. I had to show grace and not hold it against family who had not walked in my shoes yet.

Friends of caregivers don’t wait until others ask for a safe place to talk and really be heard. Watch for signs of weariness or anger and offer to listen or give them a break. Helping provide care will open your eyes to how much is involved day by day in your caregiving friend’s life.

Caregivers don’t attempt to bottle up your emotions. Find a trusted friend, family member or support group where you are heard and understood. Take that mask off and shed a tear or laugh. God is the place we lay our burdens down. Friends can help us do this. Go find a place to shout if you need to. I have been known to do this in my car traveling home after caregiving.

Word for Today

Matthew 11: 28-30

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Song for Today ( My husband sent me this link when I had just left my mom’s side. I had to pull over and cry. Little did I know my mom would be in heaven less than 2 weeks later. 2 days from now will be 10 years since I said goodbye. Miss her all the time.)

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Forgive me for the times I try to do this job of caregiving all by myself. I thank you for sending Jesus to assist me when I am weary and burdened. I thank you for people in my life that came by my side to encourage me.

Open my eyes to other caregivers that need someone to hug them and pray for them.

Amen

Excited to See Love in Action

Recently, I spoke to my own church about how they could become more dementia friendly. This included information on how to come along side families and meet their needs as well as learning how to communicate and relate with the person who has dementia.

This type of training allows people to visit someone with dementia in their home without being afraid of the unknownand feeling uncomrtable. Isolation is not good for the person with dementia or the caregiver. They need to have people in their lives to comfort and encourage them. They need friends who can step in and offer respite care. Offering to stay with the one with dementia requires taking time to understand where they are in their journey and adjust to meet them where they are. True love is stepping up to the plate even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Do not ask a caregiver ,”What can I do for you?”. Use your observation skills. Does the lawn need mowing? Do light bulbs need changing? Think of practical things that they may need assistance with. Bring a meal over. Offer to change their car oil. Plant flowers in the flowerbeds.

We can all find a way to help.

The second part was about how we can meet their needs when they attend a church service. It takes a huge effort for the caregiver to actually get someone with dementia ready to go anywhere. Often there are clothing changes due to accidents. You only cause behavior issues if you rush to get ready. Confusion and crowds play into the equation as well. Both people will arrive tired.

Can someone who has served as an usher still serve with mild cognitive decline? Can this person still sing in the choir? Can this person still teach a Sunday School class? The answer to each of these questions is yes! They may need an assistant, but they can still find a purpose as long as possible.

Yesterday I watched an elderly gentleman follow a group onto the stage for a music special. He was seated and given a paper to follow along and he sang. I was moved to tears because I am pretty sure he had mild dementia.

If someone is on a walker, offer to visit with them at the door while the caregiver brings the car to the door. When friends come over to speak to the caregiver after service engage the person with dementia while their spouse shares a few moments with friends. If you notice a caregiver step out to go to the restroom, move over and sit with their loved one so they do not get afraid.

We can be the love that enters someone’s loneliness.

Word for Today

Luke 10:27

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Heavenly Father,

Show me how to love as you love. Open my eyes to the needs around me and give me the compasssion to meet those needs.

Amen

Every Day Heroes

It was an honor to spend the day with every day heroes last week. I work with a group that hosts an annual symposium for Alzheimer’s and Related Disorders caregivers. This group includes amazing home caregivers and workers in the field who come to earn continuing education units. This photo was taken during a presentation on music therapy.

My assigned task at registration and check in is with the actual home caregivers. This is where I make new friends and hug old ones. Some walk in looking exhausted and needing a break from caregiving. Others walk in as couples and it is evident that one is the other’s caregiver. Siblings come in together to learn and support each other.

Our goal is for all to learn new information and leave encouraged. Our amazing volunteers and sponsors make homemade cinnamon rolls, provide lunch, set-up and break down, donate beautiful floral centerpieces and love on those who attend. Each vendor provides great door prizes for the caregivers.

A knowledgable caregiver is a better caregiver. I call them every day heroes because they give their all each and every day. My heart breaks when they are overwhelmed with little support. Many have given up income to be a caregiver. Many sacrifice finances to hire help. All are on duty 24 hours a day.

When these heroes complain, they almost always tear up and apologize. Guilt of not doing better weighs heavy on their shoulders. Many have expressed at the support group I lead that they feel ill equipped as a caregiver. They truly want to be amazing at what they do. One was battling with cancer while being a caregiver. Another walked in and announced she had suffered a mild heart attack. The group has bonded through sharing their stories and encouraging each other.

Are you one of these heroes I love so much? Do you have a support group to build you up and encourage you? I encourage you to seek one out. Perhaps your church would sponsor a day for caregivers.

If I could be with you I would share a cup of coffee or hot tea and then send you off for a nap while I became the caregiver for a couple of hours. Since I can’t be everywhere for everyone I pray that God will send a friend or family member to do this for you.

Word for Today

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Lead me as I lead those around me. They now need me more than ever before. Show me how to connect with them so that they feel my love as well as yours. Thank you for the wisdom and grace you have given me as I serve as a caregiver to someone I hold dear.

Amen

The Perfect Caregiver

“Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.” ― Vince Lombardi

There is no perfect caregiver. We all will miss the target. As Vince Lombardi stated we can chase perfection and catch excellence. If someone or something has the quality of excellence, they are extremely good in some way. If you are chasing perfection, you are discovering what your strengths and weaknesses are. Caregiving demands are high and varied. The tasks can change daily.

I think a perfect caregiver is someone who is striving to learn all they can about Alzheimer’s and preparing for changes that are inevitable. You make adjustments as circumstances and behaviors change. You find a balance of letting go of dreams and accepting the new future you face.

You acknowledge that God is the only perfect one. You will learn to rely on him to carry you when your load is too heavy for you to bear. I witnessed a man this week as he struggled to help his wife through some difficult days. The stress I expected to see was replaced with tear filled eyes and trembling hands. This man has a soft heart and the new situation he is in has taken quite a toll. Those are the days that break my heart as well. It was taking every bit of courage, patience, unselfishness and kindness he could find to survive. He was using all he had within him to show excellence as a caregiver.

My hope is that he has friends that will wrap their arms around him, pray for him and help him with practical things so he can rest. Caregivers want to get it all right. There are some things you can’t fix or get it right. Tiredness and frustration can make you hangry! I know that is usually used to describe an angry person who is very hungry. A hangry caregiver gets grumpy and irriatable. They are hungry for many things!

the normal they used to have
friendship and fellowship with others
assistance with chores
compassion from family members
meals someone else prepared
peaceful sleep
time to enjoy a hobby
hope that life will become easier

People can help with most of this list. Neighbors may offer assistance. Other family members may offer to provide care. Not eveything on this list will be met by people. These unmet needs have to be turned over to God.

Personally I remember times that I had to stuff pain, resentment, anger and grief aside to function. Imagine a large box that was packed to the brim. Then I would have to tearfully dump that box at the feet of Jesus. He would wipe away my anger. Comfort my pain and strengthen me to pick myself up and keep going refreshed and renewed. This cycle repeated itself often. I came to realize I could never be a perfect caregiver. I could catch excellence and be a better one.

You too can provide excellent care. Perfection is never going to happen. Look at your failures as learning experiences and improve or adjust your methods. You will find yourself growing in confidence as the journey continues. Be bold and be strong!

Word for Today

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Thank you for always having a plan even when I don’t understaand it. Give me the ability to trust you to carry the load when I can’t. Give me answers when I don’t know what to do. I choose to trust you and not myself.

Amen

I’ve Got That JOY JOY JOY down in my heart!

Enjoyment can be defined as the process of taking pleasure. I have pondered this a bit while being a young mother, a wife, a caregiver and then an older person who is no longer needed as a caregiver. During the stages of life, I have taken pleasure in many things. The circumstances around me have forced me to find new ways to find enjoyment.

If you are in a season of caregiving, you may have days you longed for something to enjoy. Maybe you have had to give up golf, tennis, travel or other activities. This is when you have to find new things to do together that both of you enjoy. Perhaps watching videos about travel is something you can enjoy. We do this because our budget as retirees limits us on travel plans. We have learned to enjoy and explore local places. Take a drive this fall and enjoy the color and cooler air. An apple orchard is always great for an apple cider. If you and the one you care for are mobile, rake leaves. Make sure to snap pics to record your memories.

My mom loved working crossword puzzles. We went to simpler puzzles with larger pieces when she could no longer work her old ones. Sitting there was not enjoyable at first. Seeing how content she was made just being with her enjoyable. When volunteering at a memory care unit, I found just watching the beautiful faces light up when we played games made it very enjoyable for me. It reminded me of watching a child learn to read. The sparkle in their eyes warms your heart.

You will make sacrifices during the entire time you are a caregiver. Keep looking and you will find ways to find joy in new things. After my mom passed away, my dad was lonely. He had given up a lot and was showing signs of cognitive decline. He found great enjoyment watching Alabama Girl’s softball and Alabama football. To be with dad, I would drive over and settle in to watch softball games and tournaments. Eventually, I got interested in the games as well.

The true source of my joy is God.

Romans 15:13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Some days were extremely difficult as a caregiver and losing my parents. My husband and I did what we could for our parents. There is a scripture that I believe is true for my life.

“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Ephesians 6:2-4

We are now in a new season as some of you are. You honored the ones in your life who needed you. Now it is time to rediscover things on this earth that you can enjoy.

I am enjoying the farm life. We just added sheep and these beautiful livestock guardian dogs to our animals. We now schedule our days around feeding animals, gathering eggs, and grinding wheat to bake bread. It is quite a change from living in a metro area for over twenty years.

It is a wonderful change. As a child I longed to live in a subdivision like my friends did. Now,I am very content with the sounds of nature such as waking up to the rooster crowing and birds singing, growing our own food, and breathing in fresh air. It has plenty of adventure as well. In the last week I have been shocked by a hot wired fence, searched for a lost ewe who fell into a hole and herded sheep to a new area of the pasture. I had joked that as youth pastors we had herded teens. Sheep had to be easier… not true!

I share today to reassure you that new sources of joy can be found.

Helpful hint for October:

Halloween can be very nerve wracking for someone with dementia. Do not make the mistake of thinking someone loves children so they will love Halloween. The disturbance of the constant doorbell ringing will be startling. Seeing masked and costumed people can be frightening. Try to make plans for a quiet and sheltered evening.

I once advised a woman that taking her mother to a party at Chuck E Cheese for her great grandchildren was not a good idea. She ignored me and did it anyway. Her mother was frantic when they returned her to her assisted living facility. She even tried to jump out of a moving car. The poor woman was way too over stimulated and terrified by the characters and noise. Please realize that a person with dementia cannot process loud and active situations like you do.

Word for Today

Psalm 16:11

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I thank you that you can give me contentment in whatever situation I find myself in. Sometimes it is a struggle as you know. I want to find my joy in you and trust you to open my eyes to the things you have given me to enjoy. Forgive me when I long for things I have had to sacrifice to be a caregiver.

I will praise you because the joy of the Lord is my strength.

Amen

Amazing Caregivers

It is a joy to be able to interact with amazing caregivers. They can be young, old and in betweeen. Their time is given freely or they may be paid. The amount of pay is usually not why the job is accepted. It is accepted because they have beauitful caring hearts.

When I ask a man I know how things are going, he almost always responds with a smile. He loves his wife dearly. As the conversation lasts a little longer. He admits that today his wife knew him but on many days she doesn’t. Her lastest thing is to move and hide things so he is always searching for misplaced items.

This morning I spoke with a paid cargiver. She said that during the night the woman she takes care of awoke and cried out because her room was on fire. The caregiver looked around and realized the glowing face of a clock had set off the panic. She turned the clock and reassured her. The lady then asked her to please lay down by her side. With a smile she did just that and the other one fell fast asleep.

I am a part of an organization that has a board consisting of several people who are employed as nurses, social workers, and nursing home administrators. Often I overhear how they have bought food for a family, picked up prescriptions for someone, allowed a visit to turn into much more as they changed a person and helped bath them while there. This world is full of people that know how to love and show love to families that need them.

If you are reading this and feeling like a forgotten person who is overloaded, I get it. Too many times you must bear way more than a light load. You are amazing as well. This job is never easy. There are few rewards other than knowing you are doing your best under trying circumstances. Please know that God is with you. He can give you wisdom, courage and strength to continue to be amazing. He amazes us and enables us to amaze our loved with with compassion and tenderness on the most demanding days.

My applause goes to you amazing caregiver!

Word for Today

Galatians 6:4

Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Shape me and mold me into a better person. Give me compassion and shower my soul with love that you pour into me so I can pass it on to those you have placed in my care.

Amen

Welcome to Our World

I read a news article today about what happened to our brains after living through the recent pandemic. Studies have been conducted about this and results are being presented. I just have to share a quote from the study with you.

“But we believe the cumulative stressors of the pandemic — such as prolonged isolation, disrupted routines, reduced physical and cognitive activity, and economic uncertainty — likely contributed to the observed brain changes,” Mohammadi-Nejad

We all know what it is like to experience all of the above for many years at a time as caregivers. How have we even survived? We have shown excellence in beating the odds and have God with us. We must be better equipped than most. ( Not judging…just observing).

Yes, this may sound snarky and uncaring toward those who struggle. I am venting and letting off steam for all of us who have learned to keep going when things are extremely difficult. Life can be very challenging and sometimes the ones who whine the loudest get all of the attention. Most caregivers I know are too busy to whine. We are equipped because we keep striving and learning. We fall on our knees when we are overcome and feel helpless.

Seriously, we do live in a world where isolation, stress, interrupted schedules and chaos can be the normal for many years as the person we care for is losing ground and we live in a state of flux where flexibility is critical. Please know that you are doing incredible things in a challenging situation. I would not wish this burden on anyone. Truly it is the heaviest one I have ever tried to survive. It was only when I chose to see caregiving as an act of love that I could see the positive side. It was only when I admitted that I didn’t have all of the answers that God became my guide in everything.

Our pandemic is known as Alzheimer’s disease. We have no vaccines. We sometimes feel abandoned because people fear the unknown. We do have others caregivers living in our situations. We are not alone! We have God and we have each other.

Word for Today

Ephesians 4:2

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Hello God,

It is me again just taking time to acknowledge you. When life is hard and I continue to press on, give me strength and people to stand with me. I thank you for allowing me to view caregiving as an act of love. You are my counselor, provider and comforter. You are the hope I stand on.

Amen

Inviting Help to the Caregiving Party

Communication has changed drastically and we still have not developed the skills to use it with effectiveness.

When I was younger we had a home phone that was on a party live. Due to limited resources in rural areas , Bell South provide service that connected several homes. Each family was assigned a certain ring. If anyone on the party line was talking, it prevented anyone else from using the line. Then any neighbors on your party line could ease their phone off the hook and ease drop. Gossip spread fast.

Prior to having our own line, my high school sweetheart, who later became my husband, would call and call only to get a busy signal for hours sometimes. When he finally was able to reach me, he would often detect someone picking up and listening. He would usually make weird remarks until they hung up. As I stated earlier, you have so many of avenues of communication now that my party line sounds like an extinct dinosaur. I gladly adjusted to new technology and appreciate the convenience.

This week I recieved a text with an evite attached. A cousin had sent it and asked me to send it to others for her. My phone then started getting texts with questions about the event. My thoughts were, “Hmm, I sent the evite as asked, but obviously no one paid close attention as they scanned one of their large number of text that day.” Had they carefully read the evite they would see I was just the messenger and not the host that could answer their questions.

People have so much communication flowing today that they often miss important details. Can you imagine how full the skies would be if everyone used a carrier pigeon for every text, call, facetime sessions and emails? Oh, I forgot to include instagram, tiktok and others.

Effective communication takes thought. Way too often, we fire off a quick text that gets taken the wrong way. The most effective communication is looking into someone’s eyes and watching their facial expressions. Men can be read easier if you know what to look for. A smile accompanied by tightened jaw muscles betrays their true feelings. Caregivers learn to calm themselves before talking to someone with dementia. We should practice this same hesitation and take time to phrase requests for help in a way that will be recieved correctly.

Caregivers find it neccessary to send invitations to join their caregiving party when overwhelmed. This invitation might be ignored. It might offend someone. It might lack the appeal to tempt some to accept. What would you even say? Let’s give it a try.

Dear Family Who Are Too Busy Too Care,

I am drowning over here. The dishes are piled in the sink. Laundry sits in baskets waiting to be done. The grass needs mowing. Mom has hidden my keys and her glasses today. She has 2 doctor appointments next week. We are nearly out of groceries and I am exhausted.

Would you like to drop by some day to help?

Wrong approach! Do not expect help from this invitation. This approach will not work. Expect criticism on your ability to handle things. Expect judgment about your complaining and whining. When communicating with family and friends, remember you will have to take a deep breath and carefully choose your words. Don’t just hint that you need help. When hints aren’t effective you will end up frustrated. Stating that you need help can make you feel guilty. It is hard to admit that you are struggling. It is hard for family to not get defensive because they feel guilty for not helping more.

After praying for wisdom and seeking God to prepare hearts, attempt an honest conversation with the person you are asking to help. Tell them your concerns and ask for possible solutions. Try something like this.

“Jane, mom has a cadiology appointment next Tuesday at 2 pm. My car needs an oil change and I really would like to get my hair cut. Could you please take mom for me? Even better, I will take mom and let you come for a visit on Friday from 1-4. She would love singing with you and I could schedule a haircut, get the oil changed and bring dinner home for all of us to enjoy. Which might work best for you?

It is alright to share that you are exhausted. Explaining the changes in behavior you are dealing with and a lack of sleep due to your loved one roaming at night might help your family have a clearer understanding of how difficult caregiving is.

Communication is vital for families who have someone with dementia. Find time to meet together. The quote below sums up effective communication.

“You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won’t mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever…. connections are made with the heart, not the tongue.”
― C. JoyBell C.

Take a break. Make a list of things you need help with. Decide who can help you. Carefully word your request and doing it over a cup of coffee may help. Choose your timing.

I know you are the one overloaded and should not have to make the request. I have been in your shoes. Don’t hold a grudge against others for not just seeing your need and offering their assistance without the ask. Everyone is wired differently.

Be blessed and pray for God to order the steps of others to come your way. Your most important communication will always be with God.

Word for Today

Moses had been given the task of being a leader over a nation of many. You have been given the task of leading someone on the path of Alzheimer’s and God’s words spoken to Mose can be applied to you.

Exodus 4:12 “Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father,

Here I am again feeling frustrated and exhausted. Forgive me for getting angry and hurt when family and friends abandon me in the task of caregiving. Teach me how to ask for their help. Prepare their hearts to hear my request. Let my communication be spoken with love and not sound like whining and complaining.

Amen

What Happens Now?

Graduating from being a caregiver is much like graduating from high school. The vast difference is you are wiser and well seasoned with life experiences.

When you graduate from high school you leave the close knit group of friends filled with hopes and dreams. A whole new world awaits for you to explore. You are excited and a bit afraid of stepping away from the familiar.

A caregiver has usually had their adventures of youth and is in the midst of following their dreams for the golden years.

Then unexpectedly your world shrank and your dreams were shattered by a disease called Alzheimer’s. Friends slowly faded away and your focus became narrrower and narrower. You found yourself in a new role of supporting someone who once was strong. One long day followed another as both of you adjusted. Sometimes you gave up hobbies and activities. Sometimes happiness was replaced with doubt, loneliness, heartache and confusion. Many days you answered the same question over and over.

You eventually made adjustments. You discovered your strengths you didn’t even know you had. You poured love out knowing the person you loved could feel it, but didn’t have much left to express their love to you. A smile or twinkle in their eye was enough on the rare days this occurred.

I know men and women who gave of themselves for years to their spouses. I am one of those children who had to become the caregiver of my parents even when they no longer recognized me as their child. Then the day comes that you say goodbye. Tears flow and hearts break. The life we have known ends and we are left picking up the pieces of our heart and trying to move on. Clothes and possessions have to be collected and dealt with. Small things trigger the waterfall of emotions. For me, I was cleaning out of my parents house . A guest room had a small bowl of potporri. As I poured it into a trash bag the scent of mulberry overwhelmed me. Mom’s favorite scent hit me hard. My husband came looking for me and held me as I sat down and cried. There is a season of readjusting.

Instead of being a senior in school you are a senior in life. You are dumbfounded in trying to process who am I now and where do I go from here. Finding your new role is not always easy. Take your time and pray about your next steps. Explore nature. Reconnect with friends. Try a new hobby.

Perhaps, a wiser and more mature you still has lots to offer to the younger generation. I thank you for the tremendous and valient effort you put into being a caregiver. You are worthy of being recognized as a hero. Only God knows your heart and only God can heal your pain. You will hear the words “well done my good and faithful servant” one day. While waiting, accept my virtual hug.

We will always remember the years of caregiving and the friends we made along the way. Much like climbers on Mount Everest, we struggled, we became stronger and have earned a rest.

Word for Today

Isaiah 49:13

Shout for joy, you heavens; rejoice, you earth; burst into song, you mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

I thank you for the strength, compassion, and tender mercy you poured into my life during the caregiving years. Day by day you gave me the determination to be the best caregiver I could. You comforted me when the days were hard.

Today I ask that you give me opportunites to encourage caregivers around me. Remind them that they are loved and not alone.

Amen

Rest Relax Refresh

In theory these words are awesome. In reality as a caregiver they sound impossible.

I can relate. When I was a long distance caregiver for my mom, there were times that I longed for relaxation and fun. I had just returned from a couple of weeks with my parents. My grandchildren were in the backyard pool splashing and laughing. I longed to join them; however, exhaustion won over and I found myself on the front porch swing with tears flowing. Guilt prevented me from simply telling them that Grandma was not up for their visit and just wanted a good nap. After a few minutes of alone time, I dried the tears. I forced a smile and jumped into the pool with them.

I don’t consider those moments a pity party. I consider them honesty. I desperately needed a few moments of solitude before joining the real party going on at the pool. My little girls had a way of refreshing me with their silly and carefree play. Tension eased and I think their high energy restored mine a bit. I know their hugs refreshed my heart and soul.

We require rest. We have to find ways to relax and then refresh.

Financial and time constraints may prevent spa trips and reading a favorite book. Here are a few simple things all caregivers can do for themselves and with the one they are caring for.

Sniff an orange. Enjoy the citrusy aroma.

Take a walk.

Listen to music

Pet a furry friend

Learning to enjoy simple things rather than longing for bigger things is key to making the days easier to bear. Take a few deep breaths. Remind yourself that God has given you the ability to survive caregiving.

Word for Today

I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint. Jeremiah 31:25

Song for Today

Dear God,

Sometimes I forget that the rest I need and the refreshing I long for can truly only come from you. Forgive me for trying to push on without turning to you. I come today to simply say I need you each and every day. When I am not able to go on, you carry me and then gently set me down renewed and ready to care for others. With a grateful heart I can go on. Thank you for your faithfulness that is new every day.

Amen