Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease has a long steady stream of losses. You experience anticipatory grief. This is the emotional response you feel before a significant loss occurs. It involves sadness and anxiety.You survive this journey by mourning each loss as it occurs. Find a place to be alone and let the tears fall. Accept that the best place to be emotionally stable is when you learn to live in the moment. Let go of the losses and try not to look at what you are about to lose. Cherish what you still have and try to be there with your loved one.

Your mind will be invaded by many thoughts that distract you from living in the moment. You may find yourself anticipating how holidays will change. You think about what life will be like after your loved one is gone. These are realities that you can face when they happen.

You will feel guilty for mourning while they are still alive. Do not go there. Your grief is real and you need to allow yourself to process it. Find a safe place to mourn the little losses along the way.

I had a music list that I listened to and cried on the toughest days. Then I would pray and ask God to comfort me so that I could continue on as a caregiver. I am sharing my list below. I encourage you to compile your own.

Kari Jobe

I am Not Alone

Be Still

Steady my Heart

Cating Crowns

Scars in Heaven

Praise You in This Storm

Just Be Held

Anticipatory grief  can come in stages.

Realization occurs when you come to terms with the fact that a loved one has a terminal disease. Shock waves of sadness hit you. These shock waves will knock you over. Eventually, you will find solid ground. You may deny the truth for a while. Then one day you accept it.

Reflection is a time of looking back. You may have unresolved issues that bother you. You regret things you have said or done. You wish you could repair these, but it is now too late. You can speak the words “I am sorry” and hope they hear you. Forgive any wrongs so that your heart has room to love.

You may journal your great memories to cherish forever. Find joy in these memories and use them to share stories with your loved one. It may trigger happiness in them.

Preparation thoughts enter your mind. You think about care plans. You anticipate planning a funeral. You look at finances. You think about your final conversations and plan how to say goodbye.

Emotional swings surround you. Anger, guilt, love, numbness, dread and pain overwhelm you as you process the grief. Working through these emotions while trying to remain strong for your loved one can be exhausting.

Facing the future without your loved one is difficult. Your life will go on and you will have to make adjustments.

The things listed above do not occur in this order. You will bounce between them all with anticipatory grief. You will be affected mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually in the grief process. Be kind to yourself and seek help from family, friends, ministers and professionals if you need to.

Grieving along the whole journey of caregiving allows you to find strength to go on. You will still grieve over the final loss. You will have established a framework for coping.

Word for Today

Psalm 29:11

The Lord gives strength to his people;
    the Lord blesses his people with peace.

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Saying goodbye to my loved one is so difficult. I need your peace and comfort. I need people to hold my hand and offer support. I need You to be my strength.

Amen