Photo by Nathan Anderson on Unsplash

When someone with Alzheimer’s attempts to communicate we must listen with all of our senses. They will slowly regress from struggling with the right word to not being able to speak in some cases. That is when we watch their facial expressions and actions. Most of the time they are trying so hard to communicate and we don’t understand them. This leads to frustration and possible anger.

In early stages, they can still communicate fairly well. They may struggle finding the right word or describe an item when they cannot find the word. They may lose their train of thought. They will repeat themselves. Give them time to find their words.

As the disease progresses the skills will dwindle and you will have to make an extra effort to have effective communication. They may understand more than you realize. Continue to talk to them. Slow your speech down. Keep sentence and instructions simple. They may withdraw but they still need you to talk to them. Always treat them with dignity and respect.

Understanding the stage of the disease makes it easier to communicate. For example, yesterday I volunteered for story time at a local assisted living facility. This is one I visit often. One of the ladies has quit talking but when I walk in she rushes toward me, takes my hand and smiles. She was a school teacher. I had an 11 year old with me yesterday. When I introduced the two, my friend’s eyes danced and she broke into a huge beautiful smile. The 11 year old’s mother asked her what grade she had taught. Her smile got bigger and she began to laugh as she kept pointing at the girl. Her answer was clear to all of us. She had taught children that age. My heart was full because I had never heard her laugh before.

There are resources to explain the stages and how to better communicate. One book that I find helpful is Learning to Speak Alzheimer’s by Joanne Koenig Coste. It is critical to watch behavior and seek the reason behind it. In the books she mentions learning to read their eyes. Emotions are expressed through the eyes. When we identify the emotion we can come alongside and validate it. If they seem frustrated, it is alright to sit beside them and say, “I know it is frustrating to not be able to tell me exactly what you want to with your words. I will try my best to understand”.

Parents learn to understand an infant’s needs by their cry. There is a hungry cry, an angry cry, etc. This is a skill mastered through patience, love and attentiveness. Someone with Alzheimer’s deserves that same patience, love and attentiveness. They feel helpless much like a new baby.

Creating a calm and safe environment makes communication easier. Limit distractions and noise pollution. Make sure you have adequate lighting and maintain eye contact. Keep the room at a comfortable temperature and toilet on a regular schedule. These sound like strange things ,to relate to communication, but they matter greatly.

There will be days that you simply cannot understand their words or behavior. This can be frustrating and heartbreaking. Tell them I really want to understand and I know you are frustrated. I am too. Then try to simple sit by them and hold their hand. Reassure them of how much you love them. If tears come, let them.

Song for Today (lighthearted after such a serious post)

Word for Today (back to serious)

May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, My rock and My redeemer. Psalm 19:14

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father,

We come today asking for your guidance as we communicate with the one we care for. As we search your Words and meditate on them give us wisdom and understanding. When we simply cannot understand give us compassion as we show love anyway. Help us to be patient and kind when tensions mount.

On the days that we dissolve into tears help us to remember that you see those tears and wrap your loving arms around us both.

Amen

Pure exhaustion after heroic deeds can lead to emotional overload. If you find yourself in this place then you are not the only one who has been here. On the day my mom passed away I was ready to collapse. I had been by her bedside for ten days and nights. This was a choice I made because it was where my heart lead me to be. I had survived on very little sleep and was trying to help my dad accept the fact that Mom was leaving us. Dad was living in an assisted living near me and we were having to plan to travel for the funeral service back in their home town.

As soon as Mom passed I had to comfort dad, make travel plans, notify family, do laundry and pack. I could barely function. A fear of not being able to make it through the next few days tormented me. My precious husband took my phone, walked me to our bed and I was asleep before he walked out of the room. After sleep, a meal and shower I was refreshed enough to keep going.

Many of you put in overtime as a caregiver. Some days are intense and challenging. You may become fearful of not being able to maintain the pace. You may fear the coming grief. You may fear life after caregiving.

There was a man in the Bible named Elijah who had performed mighty feats for God. He was so overcome with fear after one of these that he ran for his life. He even prayed to die. God sent an angel to nourish him and he went into a cave. While in the cave there was a mighty wind, an earthquake and a fire. Then finally he heard the still small voice of God. He was challenged and basically told by God that he still had things to do.

I survived and made it through the service and the passing of my dad. God refreshed me and reminded me that I still have things to do. God will refresh you and erase your fears just like He did mine and Elijah’s. Just trust and wait on the still small voice.

Word for Today

May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Our Most Loving Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the refreshing when we feel as if we have given our all. Hear our cry for a little hope, a little peace and a whole lot of love. When we are ready to throw in the towel, remind us through your still small voice that we still have things to do. Reassure our hearts that you are enough and we can face our fears.

Thank you for choosing to work through me as I follow after you.

Amen

Imagine riding in one of these colorful balloons. That is as far as it gets with me. The very thought of riding in a car that drives itself scares me. Frankly, I just am not that adventurous and like to know I have some control. My comfort zone has perimeters that I like to stay within. My husband accuses me of being a very rigid rule follower. I don’t enter through exit doors. Yes, I guess that makes me weird.

There are days that I stay so busy just doing the necessary that I don’t have any free time to write. Prayer time happens as I make jelly, can tomatoes, freeze berries and tend to animals. We currently have 2 dogs, 12 hens, one rooster and 11 rabbits. Moving to the farm is wonderful but it takes work. Today I knew I needed to carve out a few minutes to share my thoughts.

We have big dreams for our farm. Dreaming was put on hold when I was an active caregiver. Most of you find yourselves with your dreams being placed on hold or even shattered. This often leaves one feeling empty. As I reflected on this I thought about Joni Eareckson Tada and her incredible testimony. She allowed God to turn her shattered dreams into a beautiful ministry.

I am finding myself in a place of transformation. Making myself available to caregivers and offering encouragement and tips part of picking up my shattered dreams. I am making myself vulnerable and honest so that you know you can dream again as well.

It is so reassuring to know that when I feel empty God is the auto pilot determining my steps. If I keep taking each step day after day the empty feelings will fade and I will begin to notice the moments of joy that can occur in the ordinary and mundane tasks at hand. God will put a song in my heart and make the load lighter. The dreaming returns and I feel excitement.

My hope for you is that when life overwhelms you, you will look to God and say “take over”. God still has plans for you while you are a caregiver. He is shaping and molding you through the process. You are learning more about yourself and growing. Remember Joseph had a dream but God took him through a process and then fulfilled the dream.

Word for Today

My heart, O God, is steadfast; I will sing and make music with all my soul.

Psalm 108:1

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father, You are the God of all my days even the ones that don’t feel great. We are so thankful that when we struggle with our shattered dreams, you are lovingly holding us in your embrace. You remind us that this life has trouble but you are the one who stills our doubts and sorrow. Give us a song in our hearts as we think about the tender grace and mercy you show us.

Amen

Tender petals represent gentle touch.

Water drops represent tears of pain and joy.

Leaves represent outstretched arms that care.

Thorns represent the pain we feel.

Stems represent the strength required to support it all.

Today I want to share from my heart.  On the day that my mother received her diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease I knew it already, but hearing the words from the physician’s mouth seemed to drive it home.  As I walked to my car I was struggling. My phone had a message from my husband asking me to call him as soon as possible. That was highly unusual but I was hours away and heading to my parent’s home after the appointment.  So I called him.

HIs first words were, “Honey, I hate telling you this now but I am losing my job.  I have nine months with this company”. For a few brief moments it felt as if all of the air in the car was gone and I felt fear overcome me.  Then I cried out to God and knew everything was going to be alright.

There were moments that my faith grew faint such as the evening I had to admit my mom to the hospital due to a culmination of a horrible week for her.  We had moved her to an assisted living memory care unit. She developed a urinary tract infection and yeast infection within days of the move. This resulted in uncontrollable behavior.  I sat in the emergency room in the middle of the night fighting tears for her sake. They allowed me to stay with her until she was calm. I tucked her into bed, gave her a kiss and walked away with a broken heart.  I blamed myself for moving her.

When I walked back through the hospital to the emergency room entrance to leave, a nurse opened the door to let me through.  Instead of stepping aside she walked into the hallway and wrapped her arms around me. Then she began to pray. That was the beginning of God showering me with love on the long journey that lay ahead for my family.

Tears did flow many days when I poured my heart to God.  I always felt as if I was failing my parents, my husband, my children and grandchildren.  My emotions and physical strength were stretched to their limits. Often a card, word of encouragement or act of kindness would come reassuring me that everything was going to be alright.

I bid my parents a final goodbye as a stronger woman than I was before.  The trials had produced fruits of patience, compassion and gentleness and had transformed me to be more than I was before.

I promised God that He would receive all of the glory for seeing me through. This thing I know beyond any shadow of a doubt, He will see you through as well.  Give him your fear, anxiety, anger and pain. He stands with open arms waiting for you. He wants to make you stronger than you were before.

Word for Today
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28:7

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father, you are our strength. Today we ask for faith to believe and strength to continue as a loving caregiver. Grant us patience, tenderness and encouragement as we go about our daily tasks. When we need it, please send reminders that you are with us and care deeply for us.

We thank you that you hold our broken hearts on the rough days and put joy in them on the good days. When we feel the most fragile you are where we can open ourselves up and be honest in a safe place. Continue to hold us in that safe place throughout our journey.

We will give you the glory. Amen

Photo by Jason Briscoe on Unsplash

My kitchen looked a lot like this yesterday. I am freezing and canning vegetables for the fall and winter. The summer squash is abundant and tomatoes are beginning to ripen. Of course, we are enjoying them fresh but I like knowing some of these lovely foods will be prepped and ready for soups and meals later. It takes effort and time now, but it will be so convenient this fall and winter to have them on hand.

I choose to grow and preserve food so that I know where it came from and that it is not packed full of chemicals. When I prep my food I dehydrate, freeze and can. I learned the hard way that freezing food as my only method can result in a loss of everything should a power outage occur. With sadness I tossed the spoiled food that I hard worked so hard to put away.

As we face changes in life it is so important to plan ahead. Realizing our circumstances can change, caregivers always need to plan ahead. There will be changes in the future. The areas of change include mental, emotional, financial and physical.

It is very critical to have multiple plans in place for different scenarios. You need these plans before a crisis arises. Planning requires gathering lots of information. This may involve meeting with physicians, social workers, ministers, neighbors and family members. Their input can help you make plans.

When it comes to caring for a loved one, you want them to have the best quality of life possible. Planning ahead gives you more than one choice. You can prayerfully seek God’s guidance and seek advise from others.

All of the hype about preppers makes them look foolish sometimes; however, a caregiver can never be over prepared for the coming changes. The biggest change to prepare for is the one of deciding what happens if you can no longer be the caregiver. This post is not meant to scare you. It is meant to encourage you to think ahead. With plans in place you will be free to relax and enjoy the moment you are in.

I always tried to have plans A,B and C when I was a caregiver for my parents. These were revisited and adjusted as their needs changed. Fear was replaced with peace when crisis hit. I once heard someone say that you should never make decisions when your decision maker is broken. When emotions run high, your decision maker is often broken. Make the decisions now while you can think clearly and hear God clearly as He offers guidance.

Word for Today

A person’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand their own way. Proverbs 20:24

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Our Heavenly Father, you alone know everything our future holds. Your word tells us that our thoughts are not your thoughts. Guide us as we make plans for the future for our loved one. This is an emotional time and we need to know you are the strength of our life and that you make a way in the darkness. We will follow you holding the hand of the one you have asked to stand by until they meet you face to face. Help us to make decisions that will honor and respect our loved one. Give us your peace that you are in this with us.

Amen

Photo by Rod Long on Unsplash

My caregiving journey with my parents began after my own children were young adults and out of our home. Many of you are juggling your busy home with active children and caring for aging parents. There is a balancing act going on that must leave you feeling like you are juggling balls, spinning plates and riding a unicycle at the same time. When you get out of balance the balls bounce and the plates shatter leaving you with a sense of failure.

While I can’t say that I know how you feel, I can bring a smile to your face with my balancing act. We have an almost 16 year old Westie in our home. She is partially blind, deaf and incontinent. Some days she circles for long periods of time trying to figure out how to lay down. Other days she walks herself into a corner and stands with no idea of how to get out. Our hearts ache for her but she still eats well and seems to be in no pain.

Our newest addition to the farm is a rambunctious 4 month old German Shepherd. His favorite thing to do after chasing balls is to herd our Westie. As I write this he is running laps around my family room.

Watching one struggle with the simple acts of living while the other overflows with energy and excitement probably describes your home life. There are times that conflict results when the two age groups collide. Then there are the priceless times to treasure when they compliment each other and connect in beautiful moments.

You seldom have time to do anything except feed, clothe, bath, referee and clean. The parents time with you will be brief and the children will mature. Life will get better. While you are in the situation of being sandwiched between the two, take a deep breath and know you can make it through. Call a friend who cares and ask them to remind you of this when you get frustrated and have tied a knot in the end of the rope and are just holding on.

Even as I continue to write my house has gone silent. I checked to see and to my amazement both the old dog and the pup are asleep. Hope you get some quiet time for yourself today as well.

Word for Today

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear Heavenly Father, you are the shelter we run to when we are overwhelmed with the demands of life. We thank you that you provide peace even in the midst of storms. You gave us emotions and sometimes ours include sadness, joy, fear, excitement and more. Just as our demands require balance so do our emotions. We are so grateful that you are a safe place to pour our hearts out. After pouring our hearts out we are able to just sit in your warm embrace and rest. Thank you for being our refuge.

Amen

Yumm!  Sweet sensations  are flooding my taste buds as I suck on fresh honeycomb.  It is so good that I can almost forget how hot the beekeepers jacket, veiled hat and thick gloves were a few minutes ago in the blazing  sun. It is so good I can almost forget the sound of angry bees popping against my veil while harvesting the honey frames.

Those little bee girls can sure turn angry when they feel threatened and have to defend their honey.  Their happy steady hum begins to change into an angry roar. You feel them popping your protective veil and will feel their sting if you remove it.

Keep that in mind when being a caregiver of a person who feels threatened.  They are losing control of their life. They feel robbed of independence, dignity and being a person of value. They sting with their words and actions out of anxiety and fear. You can’t hold this against them.  We might sting too if we were in their position.

One morning I received a call from a woman staying with my mom.  Mom was angry because my father had left for a while. She was yelling and beating the phone against the wall when I first talked to her.  I calmed her by telling her I knew she must be lonely with my dad gone. I reassured her that I would call him and have him return home right away.  She settled enough to talk calmly before I hung up. I learned to validate her feelings by experience. In the past I had tried to explain where he had gone but it only made her more fearful and angry.

With honeybees a little smoke brings calm.  With people a little love and patience brings calm.  Never forget that the one you care for has many sweet rewards to offer.  These include smiles, hugs, laughter and love. You might have to endure the stings sometimes but it is so worth it.

Word for Today

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Proverbs 16:24

Songs for Today (Paul Simon borrowed from The Swan Silvertones)

Prayer for Today

Our Loving Heavenly Father we come to you knowing there will be days of troubled waters and emotions will run high. Please calm us with your peace so that we can calm those we care for. Lead us together to find the sweet rewards of joy and peace. Teach us to validate feelings and listen with our hearts just as you listen to us when we pour out our fears and frustrations to you. You listen and then hold us close until we feel your calm. Help us to listen and hold others close as well.

Amen

We live in a world that bombards us with expectations. When we are not depressed about the past failures we are worrying about the future. Perhaps those living with Alzheimer’s have a gift we need to examine closely. They cannot remember the past and no longer have the ability to speculate about the future. This leaves them with living in the moment. We can learn to live in the moment with God and with others. This takes turning off the distractions and focusing on what matters the most.

Jesus himself pointed out to Martha when she complained about having to carry the whole work load, that Mary who chose to sit at His feet had chosen the better way. As caregivers we carry the whole load sometimes. The stress and demands zap most of our physical, emotional and spirituals resources. The precious moments we can grab to refuel at the feet of Jesus are vital.

When we carve out those few moments to connect with God we are better equipped to connect with those we care for. God can inspire us with ideas to touch on the emotional memories in those who seem to have forgotten details and events.

One evening when my mother was moaning and distressed I prayed for a way to calm her. I remembered the story she told about me carrying around the book Henny Penny and wanted someone to read it all the time. I googled the story of Henny Penny and began reading it to her. Within seconds a calm settled over her. The tension in her face relaxed and all was peaceful. I continued to read children’s stories for 2 hours that evening. I know that the feelings of love she had as she held me when I was a child were replaying in her mind that evening. We were both living in the moment. During those two hours the rest of the world was forgotten and we were bathed in an incredible peace.

On the drive home I praised God for that connection and for guiding me with the idea.

Take time to live in the moment with God and with others.

Word for Today

 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
    and he brought them out of their distress.
He stilled the storm to a whisper;
    the waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm,
    and he guided them to their desired haven.

Psalm 107:28-30

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Our most loving heavenly Father,

We come to set time apart for you today. Forgive us for letting the expectations of others dictate the use of our time and energy. Help us to learn to sit at your feet as Mary did. It is only in these times that we can hear you more clearly. We need to turn our media off and be in the moment with you. As we enter that time guide us and lead us as we care for others. Show us how to make meaningful connections. They may not remember it with their minds but the stirred emotions remain in their hearts. That is what matters. As we make heart connection with you enable us to carry that to others.

Amen

Several years ago as my husband and I browsed through an antique store we noticed a treasure, a small wooden rocking horse.

We were disappointed to see it had been broken and repaired but my husband decided to take his usual approach and ask for a discount. He talked them down to a greatly reduced price and we were eager to place it on our hearth for decor. When our youngest grandchild saw it she climbed right on and began to ride. Surprisingly, she was small enough to turn our decor into a toy. When her older sister took a turn it broke. She tearfully began to apologize. We assured her it had already been broken and could be repaired with a little wood glue.

She and my hubby disappeared for a while and returned with smiles to announce it was restored. God sees our tears when we feel broken but He assures us He can fix it.

My heart is stirred this morning for those of you who desire to be in church service but find the stress of getting everyone ready is just too much. My first reminder to you is that God loves you deeply. The next is you are a minister each and every day to the ones you love, so feelings of guilt are not allowed. God sees. He knows. He understands. Because He knew we would live in an broken world where pain and sorrow would burden us down, He sent His son.

God takes our brokenness and teaches us to depend on Him.

His strength replaces our weakness.

His hope replaces our fear.

His healing replaces our pain.

When we are broken like a piece of shattered pottery, God can pick up the pieces and place us back onto the potter’s wheel. He gently turns and shapes us into a more beautiful and sturdy vessel than we were before. He makes us stronger. Fills us with hope and offers us salvation through His son. We are better than before.

Photo by SwapnIl Dwivedi on Unsplash

Word for Today

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”

Lamentations 3:22-24

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear heavenly Father, please meet me in my place of brokenness when I feel battered by the storms of life. Teach me to turn my shattered dreams over to you. Take my pain. Take my sorrow. Help me to let go of the past and rest in you with my future. For the moment meet me where I am. Increase my faith to believe that you are shaping and molding me into something more beautiful than I was before.

Amen

I saw this sign while buying my sweet husband an orange freeze yesterday afternoon. Summer has arrived here and it is time for ice cream. Any caregiver knows that any person with Alzheimers loves sweets.

One afternoon my mother had grown agitated. She could usually be distracted by an outing for her favorite treat, a frosty.  She readily agreed to going out. Mom promptly lost control of her cup and her frosty rolled under the table. Putting aside what others might think of a 50 something year old woman climbing under the table to retrieve a prized frosty, I did just that.   Then I heard giggles. I looked up to see Mom hanging over the table making faces and waving at me. I dissolved into playful laughter as well. I told her we needed to throw her frosty away and I would get her a new one. Her response only brought more laughter.  She said,” I will just eat yours “ as she took mine and smiled like a naughty child.

Learning how to redirect is a very critical skill in caregiving for a person with Alzheimer’s disease. Their reality must become your reality.  They are unable to change so you make adjustments. Knowing reason and logic do not work, I chose to redirect with the outing. Once under the table, I chose to enter her childlike state of mind and have fun. That day ice cream was happiness for both of us.

Redirecting is leading someone to different responses.  They need to feel safe and secure. They need to be able to trust you. They follow you more easily when you lead gently.  

Behavior issues are caused by something.  Observe carefully and watch for things setting the behavior off.  Removing clothing may indicate they need to use the restroom. Agitation may be a result of over stimulation.  Anger can come from frustration because they can’t remember where the door is. Watch for signs of pain or discomfort. When you can pinpoint where they are emotionally and physically you can more effectively redirect.

Let’s look at a few scenarios and possible redirection options.

• Your mom has asked you what time it is every 5 minutes for over an hour.
• Your dad walked out of the restroom without his pants.
• Your aunt insists there are 3 cats dancing on the table.
• Grandpa threw his glass of water at you for no reason.

Even though tempted, do not yell at mom or be embarrassed by dad.  Forget telling Aunt Jane that you have no cats in the house. Throwing water back at Grandpa might be fun but you would only have a bigger mess to clean.

Instead, remain calm.  Watch your voice inflections and facial expressions and try this approach.   

• Suggest to mom that it is time for her favorite snack..
• Guide dad back to the restroom and help him get dressed,
• Tell Aunt Jane that you wished you had those dance moves and break into a silly dance.
• Keep in mind that Grandpa is anxious.  Approach him calmly. Take his hand and ask if he would like listen to his favorite music with you.

Redirection saves your sanity and comforts and settles the one you are caring for.  It can even help to avoid medications for behavior or delay the need for it. I learned first hand that all of the medications are trial and error. Your loved one will lose skills due to the medications. If they become necessary due to extreme behavior changes do not feel guilty. Try to make adjustments whenever possible. God will give you ideas.

Word for Today

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1: 5

Song for Today

Perfect Wisdom of Our God

Prayer for Today

Our Heavenly Father, we thank you for your wisdom. Today we ask that you calm us so that we may gently guide with love and compassion. Give us wisdom as we navigate behavior changes and even personality changes. We ask that you bring peace to us and and to those we care for. Give us moments of joy along the way. We praise you for this.

Amen