This blog will always be dedicated to bring hope to caregivers; however, the current crisis over coronavirus has caused me to shift the focus to offering hope in trying times. I listened this week as people who have been forced to isolate in their homes have held virtual meetings. They spoke of frustration, loss of patience with children and fear of the uncertainties. They spoke of returning to normal again. After listening to this over and over, I decided to speak out. In one meeting I interrupted to remind them that this is what caregivers face every day. My hope is that by inviting people who simply need hope to this blog, they will catch a vision of stepping up to help caregivers when their lives return to normal. A caregiver knows that their life simply must adjust to a new normal every single day.

So for the dear caregivers out there, I will continue to be here for you. For those looking for hope, I am glad you have joined us. Feel free to read through prior posts if you want to learn a little more about care giving and the challenges caregivers face. Tips and stories are shared as well as scriptures, songs and prayers.

The world defines hope as a desire or dream. We have become so accustomed to hope being dreams of better jobs, a new car, friends, vacations, etc. These things are not bad in themselves. We must nor forget that life is so much deeper than those dreams.

For Christians hope goes so far beyond what the human mind can desire or dream of. It even goes beyond human life. God clearly tells us that each of us has an appointed time to die. As I sat by each of my parents when they transitioned from earth to heaven, I realized their hope in Christ was realized. They had no more pain, tears and suffering to endure. While I felt the pain and shed tears I also held to my hope that this was just a temporary goodbye.

We are seeing many deaths across the world at this time. People are not being given the privilege of sitting by their loved one’s side in some cases. We can find comfort in knowing that God has not forsaken them and they are not alone. Our hope in Christ reassures us that this life on earth is not our eternal life. We may see illness, suffering, heartache and disappointment but these are not forever. We just have to persevere with an unwavering faith and let the hope we have shine brightly to those needing hope!

By linking our hearts in prayer, sending words of encouragement over the phone and online, donating to food drives and standing firm in our faith, we can make it through these challenges we now face. Carving out a few minutes to just listen to God can inspire wisdom and direction on how to spark hope in someone else.

My prayers are with the families with loved ones in nursing homes, assisted living facilities and hospitals. I pray for you, your loved one and the heroes on the front lines fighting to keep them safe.

Please feel free to share comments and stories. Some may be passed along as we unite together in hope!

Word for Today

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Our hope is in you! We hold onto you as the world around us is shaken. We stand believing that you are our healer, provider, comforter and safe haven from the storms of life.

Amen

You may have read the title of today’s post and sighed. You could write your own book about the struggles in this area. Social isolation can lead to heart disease, depression, cognitive decline and other serious health issues. As a person who cares for another you need to be healthy. My normal advice would be to get out and have visitors as often as possible. Presently, that is simply not possible.

With the current scare of the coronavirus many will be staying home more than usual. The idea of more social isolation has caused me to focus on what might break up the lonely feelings. For the first time in their lives many young people are facing what you live in each and every day. If any good can come from this, I hope that eyes are opened to just how difficult it is for in home caregivers to make sacrifices year round.

To all of my readers I stress that the most important thing is to remember that God is in control. We need to remember where to place our hope. Something we can all do is pray.

Below are a few of the ideas I came up with to fill time and stay safe.

Ask children and grandchildren to share videos online.

Watch fun videos and avoid the news. Checking updates is ok but you do not want to live in fear.

Limit visitors but do not refuse offers to buy groceries and medication so you can stay in and safe.

Take walks in the backyard.

Listen to uplifting music.

Play games, even if they can’t follow the rules.

For all of my dear friends working in the nursing homes, assisted livings and hospitals, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I love each of you. Be strong and keep your faith. You and home caregivers are on the front lines of this battle to protect those at high risk.

Thank you for showing up each and every day!

Word for Today

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

We come to you today with heavy hearts. The coronavirus is sweeping through the world interrupting life as we have known it. As persons who has been caring for another person daily, we have already made changes that those around us are just now experiencing.

Help us to be strong and steadfast as the world around us becomes frantic and fearful. We have seen your faithfulness in our lives already. We understand isolation and medical crisis better than most. Let us be examples of standing in hope and faith when things spin out of control.

We ask that you bring peace and comfort to those around us. We thank you for being the refuge we need from the storms of life.

Amen

Our Shoals Walk to End Alzheimer’s committee had fun with friends at Color for a Cause.

Chameleons come in a wide range of colors and some of the species can change their color. Scientists think mood, temperature and social communication may be why they change their color. Too bad the one we care for doesn’t change colors to alert us of their mood for the day. That would make our job so much easily.

I can imagine this chart.

Blue ……………. calm and peaceful.

Green……………Oscar the grouch day (Be Warned)

Yellow…………..cheerful

Red………………..angry and aggressive

Black……………..sad and weepy

Gray……………….lonely

Life isn’t that easy. Changes come faster than the chameleon can react sometimes. We have to learn to read the changes whenever possible. Logging an unusual behavior and making notes about the setting, time of day, physical activity and other observations may reveal a pattern. When it seems to repeat itself we know to look for further clues as to what caused the change in mood and behavior.

One of my children would become quite irritable and grouchy when she went too long without eating. We finally realized that when her blood sugar dropped, you better find food fast or face her outburst. They now call this behavior hangry. (hungry with anger).

We would leave home with a loving adorable child and watch her transform into a wild lioness on the prowl to pounce on anyone in her sight. This meant feed me now!

Once you learn to read the clues you can make adjustments. Sometimes the adjustments are easy. Stop and go to the bathroom now. Turn the heat up. Close the blinds if the sun is in their eyes. At other times, you may have to guess until you find how to address what they see as a problem.

Communication is not just words and actions but how we say it and do it. Watch their face for tension, grimaces, smiles, etc. These clue us in on stress, pain or contentment. As the dementia progresses the communication will become more compromised and any skills at reading facial expressions will become critical. The clues you have learned to read can be much like watching for the chameleon to change color.

Be encouraged that God gives us insight and abilities that we just have to learn to use. It just takes time and patience. You can do it. Just show up each day with your eyes and hearts wide open.

Word for Today

“being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, ” Colossians 1:11

Song for Today

Throw back to when my children were very young! The truth applies to us adults all too well.

Prayer for Today

Our Heavenly Father,

Taking care of oneself is sometimes challenging. Having someone depending on me for their daily living can be intimidating. Forgive me for when I allow stress to cause me to rush through and mess things up. It is difficult to adjust to the slower pace that I now have to live in because that is what the one I care for needs.

Help me to watch for the signs of fear, hunger, pain, loneliness and other emotions that need to be addressed. I need discernment and wisdom each and every day. Give me more patience so I can show compassion. Give each of us peace as we navigate new ways of communication.

We will praise you as peace begins to settle over our hearts and minds.

Amen

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Time is something I seem to have little of to myself. Help me to not be selfish and to include you in those moments. I know you will honor the time set apart when I return to being a caregiver.

Give me courage, patience, wisdom and compassion today. Help me to remember that if some things are left undone, that is ok.

I thank you for always remembering our situation and being with us in it.

Amen

Will this happen to me? These five simple words pack a direct punch that can wreck havoc in our lives if we allow it to. Many caregivers of family members with Alzheimer’s disease are haunted by this question. It sits in the background all of the time. When we forget something or misplace something it surfaces. It can move to the front of the mind and become a filter that we view all of life through. It blurs our vision, overwhelms our emotions, dims our hope and can become a heavy weight we drag around.

To be extremely honest with you, I have that question arise as well. I have chosen to rule the question rather than allow it to rule me. This has to be chosen on a regular basis. The more I choose to live my life without fear, the less the question arises. When I was still active as a family caregiver, I needed all of the strength and fortitude I could muster. Now that I am no longer in that role I am trying to use that same effort to encourage those who are caregivers, educate people, fight for finding a cure through events such as the Walk to End Alzheimer’s and the Longest Day and hold on to my faith in God that ultimately He is in control.

This does not make me a great person. It makes me an ordinary person who does not want to walk in fear. I know the reality is that I may one day be diagnosed with this terrible disease unless a cure is found. I choose to live my life as if it will not happen. I choose to eat right, keep my mind active and recently joined the YMCA to become more physically active. I choose to accept that each of us will one day die either from an exhausted body, an accident, or an illness. I choose to accept that this world is not my forever home. I choose to love those who will accept my love and to share the love of God with all who will receive it.

The choices I have made help me keep that ugly question from controlling me. You must make your own choices. I encourage you to do just that. This will bring peace and allow you to be the best caregiver possible. You can’t carry the weight around and accomplish all you must do. You have to choose hope and keep moving forward. You will stumble under the emotional overload if you don’t face the fear induced by the question. If you need to seek out counsel or ask for help, do it now.

If this struck a chord with you today, you are probably in the company of many. Caregivers are real life heroes without a costume or movie made in their honor. Their superpowers are skills developed with hands on experience and they don’t always get it right. They do pick themselves up when they fall and keep on going.

You are amazing. You are strong. You do not have to walk in fear. You can walk in hope!

I walk in hope because I trust that God will never leave me or forget me. Even if I do face this disease, He will be with me through it all.

Word for Today

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Song for Today

Prayer for Today,

Dear God,

Your love is everlasting and gives us hope. Your love is greater than our fears. We come to you as mere humans. Sometimes we allow the life on this earth to overshadow what you have planned for our eternity. Remind us of this on the days that we are overwhelmed. Whisper words of hope and comfort to our hearts and settle our minds with your peace.

We ask that You catch our tears when they fall. Hold us when we hurt. Send encouragement through people who cross our paths.

Thank you for always being a constant in our lives in ever changing situations.

Amen

How can we create an interest in life for those who withdraw due to confusion? I have found that funny stories and interaction with children works well. Often I will encourage persons in group activities to due silly movements during a story or song. I read them poems and jokes about silly things. One day a young girl read them a story she wrote about the perfect grandma. I had encouraged to be as silly as she wished. They all listened intently with huge smiles.

I shared earlier about teaching my granddaughters a song to sing with my mom. The song was about a caveman named Alley Oop. That in itself is silly enough. Here is a little of the song

here’s a man in the funny papers we all know (Alley Oop, oop, oop-oop)
He lived ‘way back a long time ago (Alley Oop, oop, oop-oop)
He don’t eat nothin’ but a bear cat stew (Alley Oop, oop, oop-oop)
Well this cat’s name is-a Alley Oop (Alley Oop, oop, oop-oop)… 

Mom’s eyes lit up and she would yell OOP OOP OOP. My granddaughter would double over laughing and mom would do it again. I am sure the workers wondered what was going on. I knew what was going on. My mom who had quit talking almost altogether was having a wonderful time. It gave me a glimpse of a woman who always controlled her emotions having a fabulous time being silly!

Music, humor and art allow them to be stimulated again. Be creative in making them happy. Just today I read about a woman who hired a comic to visit her mom on a regular basis. This was a brilliant idea. A comic is used to being heckled. A person with Alzheimer’s can dish out heckling with great skill sometimes. It keeps us on our toes to react and try something else. This woman had been watching how it worked for months. One day she heard singing and turned the corner to see her mom and the comic singing and dancing around the room. I am sure her heart was filled with as much joy as mine was when my mom and granddaughter had their fun day.

The point of this is that a renewed interest in life brings joy to the caregiver as well as the one being cared for. Watch the I Love Lucy show. Wear clown noses. Dance in the rain. Paint with Jello Pudding and then lick your fingers. Let your inner child join them as they regress by enjoying simple things.

Word for the Day

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Today we come to you with thanksgiving for times of happiness and joy. We need to feel these emotions when our loads are so very heavy.

You are the creator and we know you can give us create ideas to keep our loved ones interested in life and able to enjoy life.

Amen

My best friend taught me something years ago. It is important when I am uptight about things to stop and ask myself, “Five years from now will this matter?”. That simple question helps me to put things into perspective. Rocking a grandchild to sleep and then holding them even after they are asleep really is more important than putting them down and washing the laundry. Grandchildren grow too big to do this in five years. There will be laundry to do always.

Devoting yourself to being the best caregiver possible will matter five years from now. Whether the one you care for is still here in five years or if you are no longer in the situation, you will be a very different person. You will be able to look back and cherish the good moments shared. You will be able to move on as a stronger person. You will be able to go to sleep at night knowing you gave your best and not toss and turn struggling with regrets.

There will be long days that leave you battle scarred. It will not always be easy. The tough days provide you opportunities to develop patience, offer forgiveness, walk by faith and express love at a greater capacity than you thought possible.

There will never be an awards show to recognize your outstanding devotion and service. There is not a salary high enough to compensate you for the long hours. Most of your sacrifice will only be seen by the one you care for. I believe deep in my heart that even those who had bad relationships in the past can still find love is given and received between the caregiver and the one that are caring for. The hidden gems may be found in a hand squeeze, a smile or even peaceful silence. If you look hard enough you will find them.

Taking time to reflect will reassure you that the choices you are making now do matter and will still matter in five years. Fashions change, music styles change, social agenda changes and technology changes. Live in the moment with the person you can for. They are changing each day. You can never get them back but you can always catch up to the other things changing around you.

Always remember when asking the question above, that each choice we make matters to God who never changes. In looking for a song to feature today, I took a trip to my days of serving in youth ministry. It reminds me that when we serve as caregivers we are God’s hands and feet. We serve Him when we make the choices to love no matter what the cost.

Word for Today

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. I Peter 4:10

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Our Loving Heavenly Father,

I come to you knowing you see every day. You see the times I get it right and when I really mess up. My desire is to be the best caregiver I can be. Forgive me as I get angry and help me forgive when my loved one gets angry with me. Be patient with me even when I lose my patience. The only way I can do this is with your help.

I choose to love and serve with these hands and this heart you have given me. I choose to serve as if I am serving you. Any accolades I receive, help me to lay them at your feet so You alone receive the glory.

Amen

Through the years I have observed a beautiful setting where paths have crossed that filled me with joy and terrible heartache at the same time. My children and nephew enjoyed the moments when their great grandmother was playful and giggling. My first observation of this was when I walked in to find my son trying to make the bed while she was throwing the sheets in the air and laughing. He had a puzzled look but laughed with her. As time passed they matured and loved visiting her. They were growing up and understood that she had Alzheimer’s disease so they made adjustments such as eating ice cream twice when she forgot they had eaten a bowl of ice cream. Her favorite card game was rook. They patiently played and allowed her to win when she forgot the color of the trump suit and changed it to whatever she played each hand.

Some days I would drive from my daughter’s home where I had just cut up food for a little one to my parents home where I cut up my mother’s food for her. While one was potty training the other was beginning to wear depends. The paths crossed as one grew up and the other faded away. The heaviness of seeing my mom like this was lifted by the joy of the little ones around me.

Every caregiver watches this crossing of paths. A child becomes the one protecting and nurturing the parent. As a spouse, you will get tiny glimpses into what your husband or wife was like as a child. For most of my adult life I always knew that just talking to my dad on the phone made things seem better, even if I never told him what difficulties I might be facing. Just hearing his voice gave me comfort and strength. The last years that Dad was with me, I faced a complete reversal of this. I was his comfort and strength. He depended on me always answering the phone when he called. My cell phone had a specific ringtone assigned to him. I almost always took his call because I knew he would have taken mine in the past.

When the paths cross embrace the love and memories. Look for the best. Take the one you love by the hand and assure them you will walk the path with them to the best of your abilities. You will guide them when they are confused. You will be a light when the path gets dark. You will hold them up when they stumble.

In order to lead you must be strong. The role of caregiving can drain your strength. There is a source of refilling and renewing. It was provided by a loving heavenly Father. He sees every struggle. He feels every heartache. He collects your tears. He loves you enough to send Jesus, his only son, to die for you. He intercedes on your behalf. Allow this to be your strength.

Word for Today

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. Psalm 119:105

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Sometimes the path twists and turns leaving me uncertain of where it is going. I am responsible for helping someone else along this path as well. Give me confidence in you when I feel overwhelmed. Give me peace when changes occur. Allow me to experience your peace and presence and then help me connect with the one I care for in a way that offers them the same peace. I have the ability to trust you and I know their soul can still feel you as well.

As we link arms on this path be our light to guide us. For this we give you praise.

Amen

Do you see a beautiful happy little person or a mess to clean up? So many times we are busy and only see the mess.

As a caregiver it is so vital that we see the person in front of us rather than the disease that they have. This helps us to look for the beauty that remains. When we become exhausted and frustrated this can be a challenge. Walk away when you need to and remind yourself that the person you once knew is still the same person. They just struggle allowing that person to shine through as they once did.

Today I would like to suggest some ideas to help them express their real self and perhaps recapture things they once loved. It may take some trial and effort but the reward of seeing joy and smiles on their faces is so worth the effort.

Think about what they were passionate about when they could express themselves. If they enjoyed fishing, hang the gone fishing sign and get outdoors if they are able to go. If they are not able, sit down and watch a fishing show or something on you tube about fishing. When they respond, hit the pause button and let them talk about their own fishing experiences. If they were an avid knitter, visit the store and look at yarns. Purchase some and let them just hold it if they can no longer knit.

My dad was an avid Alabama football fan. When I had to relocate him to another state to an assisted living near me I purchased a large Alabama wreath for his door. It provided a talking point for aides and other residents to interact with him about. I even put up a Christmas tree the first game of the season. Each time they won a game he got a new Bama related ornament. This resulted in banter with the employees and residents every week during football season. Of course we watched every game with him bringing his favorite meal and snacks to enjoy.

It my take a little thinking outside of the box to make adjustments, but it is very possible to find ways for them to still enjoy the things they have always enjoyed. Just slow down and let them experience and process at their own pace. Be in the moment with them as a person. Do not let the change in how they process rob them of experiences.

Seeing the person first and the disease second can be difficult. They may look like the child covered in paint when you get through with an art project, a baking session, or gardening adventure. Don’t see the mess. See the contentment on their faces.

It helps when you can access the time of their life that they seem to be living in. In the end stage of Alzheimer’s disease you may have to really dig. My own mother responded positively to the voices of children. Her great grandchildren learned songs from her early years and would sit on her bed and sing to her. This usually resulted in laughter from all of them. She would join in with the few words she could get out and then laugh with them.

Look for the things that brighten the day for both of you. Enjoy them as the person you know and love. Make the most of the beauty and overlook the mess.

When you can’t see past the disease, God will give you wisdom on how to. He gave me ideas when my own creativity was drained. He will be faithful to do the same for you.

Word for Today

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2

Song for Today

Prayer for Today

Heavenly Father,

We come to you today desiring to see the person we care for like you do. Every struggle we have along the way matters to you. You love us enough to guide us along the way. We ask that you open our eyes to truly see beyond this terrible disease and see the person with a heart of love. Show us how to remain connected.

Give us patience and kindness when we grow frustrated. Give us peace when confusion blocks our ability to communicate. Grant our desires to give and receive love each and every day.

Amen