Sometimes stress can get really heavy when you are a caregiver!
We can learn to see the humor in things. You never laugh at a person. You laugh with them or at a later time with friends or family who understand the difficulties you face.
When you are awakened in the middle of the night and asked “What are you doing?”. It doesn’t seem funny. Your fuzziness clears as your dad wants to know if you had decided to take a nap too. He is very cheerful and explains that he took a nap, showered and was headed to the dining room for dinner. I told him to go open his blinds and look outside. He replied,”oh my it is so dark”. I then told him his clock might say 3:30, but it is actually in the morning, not the afternoon. I then told him to go back to sleep for a bit. He informed me that he was wide awake.
I hung up the phone and called the nurse station at his assisted living facility and requested sometime pay dad a visit and encourage him to try to go back to sleep. I then complained to my husband and tried to go back to sleep myself. After a few more hours of sleep I could smile about the whole thing.
My dad had become urniary incontinent. He had always been a sharp dresser and cared about how he looked. I struggled with how to handle this situation while allowing him to keep his dignity. One Sunday he went to the bathroom and returned to the service. He was wet and he smelled. I tried my best to get him to the car, but dad was very talkative and an extreme people person. I know that smelled him.
My husband asked to handle the situation. He took my dad aside and commented that dad had always looked nice. He mentioned that perhaps dad didn’t make it to the restroom fast enough sometimes. He suggested that if dad would wear depends he might be able to hide this from everyone. People would not know and dad might not smell of urine. Dad agreed. They bought depends.
The next week I got a call that surprised me. All of my apprehesion about talking to dad was for naught. Dad had walked into my aunt’s home and proudly announced that he was wearing depends and they were wonderful. A sigh of relief crossed my face. After hanging up the phone I had a good laugh.
The next story actually involves a phone call. I got a call. The id let me know it was from my dad’s phone. He immediately let me know that his phone was not working. I asked him whose phone he called me from. He told me it was his phone. I asked what the problem was only to be told “I told you my phone is not working”. I realized this conversation reminded me of the following:
Costello: What’s the guy’s name on first base?
Abbott: No. What is on second.
Costello: I’m not asking you who’s on second.
Abbott: Who’s on first.
Costello: I don’t know.
Abbott: He’s on third, we’re not talking about him.
I laughed to myself and assured dad that I would come over right after lunch to check his phone. He was happy and so was I.
How do you not act surprised when a woman would get mad at her husband and throw a glasse of water at him? A friend discovered her dad had used her yeti cup to relieve himself while waiting for her in the car. What do you do when you find your clothes folded and placed in the kitchen pantry? You laugh or you cry. Choosing laughter is better.
Sometimes you cause others to laugh as they watch you deal with behaviors. Sometimes you laugh watching them deal with behaviors. I remember sitting in a hospital room with someone who ate an entire bowl of chocolate ice cream with the nurse handing them pills to swallow between bites. Satisfied that the medication was administered, the nurse turned her back. I watched as the woman promptly spit all six tablets out. After realizing she had mastered the art of cheeking pills, I then wondered how many times she had done this. My humorous thoughts about her talent dissapated as the horror of how much missing her medications had excellerated her behavior problems, falls and mental decline.
Remember it is okay to laugh as long as the person you are caring for is laughing with you. When my no nonsense mom peeked until the table giggling and waving at me I had to laugh. Her frostie had been dropped and I had climbed under the table in front of everyone to recover it. Just as I started to climb out quietly, she began to act like one of my young grandchildren. So much for sneaking out quietly and hoping no one had seen me. Hopefully, some one dealing with a parent with dementia learned humor is a great coping skill that day.
When you are out in public and your parent’s pants fall to their ankles, simply smile and pull them up. When someone with dementia reachs over and takes your ice cream, let them have it. Laugh at the calories you just skipped.
Humor is in fact a tremendously helpful coping skill. If you find something funny, don’t feel guilty.
I mean no offense to anyone but maybe God laughed as he created a platypus, an ostrich or a giraffe. As our creator, he has given us creativity. Use it to make life easier when you can.
Word for Today
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
Thank you for giving me creative ideas as I navigate caregiving. Help me to choose to laugh and enjoy life when I can. Guide me as to when laughter is appropriate and when I need to be sensitive.
Amen
Walking Them Home 