There are times that I question why I still write this blog and lead a support group. My personal season as a caregiver began in 2008 and ended in December 2023. It would be so easy to walk away and simply enjoy life. I could joyfully refocus and volunteer in an area where I did not see suffering, discouragement and pain.
Every time I have the above thoughts, God reminds me to be led by His spirit and minister to people who are walking the path that I just got off of. Someone was there to answer my questions and reassure me while I was a caregiver. One day I attended a funeral for a friend’s father-in-law. She was exhausted in every way. I hugged her and she cried. Then she pulled away and said “You are in my prayers. My journey has ended and you are just beginning. I am here if you need a friend to talk to that gets what you are experiencing”.
Those words play in my mind and stir my heart. They reverberate and drive me on.
I am climbing up onto my soapbox now. That is quite a climb when you are five foot tall. Now I am picking up a microphone to say what you are too timid and tired to say.
Every caregiver needs someone who will listen. Please listen and do not consider me a whiner. My life is hard right now. I cannot attend our water exercise classes. I am treading waves of heartache and emotions that exhaust me.
We can’t meet you for dinner this week. It is too difficult to go into busy places. Our social schedule involves doctor appointments.
If you want to truly help out. Just do it! I simply do not have time to describe our life and schedule. Call and tell me you are bringing dinner on Tuesday or mowing my lawn on Saturday. Use common sense and think of something practical to do that I need done!
Hugs are a welcome gift on any day. I haven’t forgotten you, so please do not forget me.
I am climbing down now. The soapbox emboldens me to say the things I thought as a caregiver, but would never say out loud to anyone.
A soapbox is not needed to say these words.
You are incredible. Your sacrifices are worth it. No one could possibly know how you feel unless they too have walked the caregiver path. I listen to your stories and pray for you. It hurts my heart to look at your text that states you will not be able to attend the support group because you cannot afford the sitter.
I want to have the funds to provide that for you. Where are the gofundme pages for caregivers who have given up jobs to take care of a parent?
As my husband and I saw the lottery news, I thought of how I could provide respite care and meals for you. I didn’t play the lottery, but I still dream of being able to do this for caregivers. Praying for God to show me the way to make this happen.
I end today by sharing some ideas for dealing with sundowning. The definition of sundowning is lengthy. This is something I will go into deeper in another post. A simple explanation is that weird behaviors occur in late afternoon and early evening. Many of you have experienced the restlessness and anxiety that occurs. Your loved one is pacing around and around. They may even show some aggression.
To help reduce this behavior, get outside during the day when you can. One of the caregivers I know shared with me that her mother’s behavior has worsened after the return to daylight savings time. That is something that does not surprise me. All of us have to adjust when this happens. Our circadian rhythm gets a little off beat.
In the morning she has been opening all of the blinds in the house. She turns all of the lights on in the home just before dusk and then closes the blinds so her mom doesn’t notice the transition from day to night.
Here are a few more suggestions.
- Playing soft music and using lavender essential oils may help someone remain calm.
- Consider making dinner ahead of time while they are peaceful and then just reheat at dinner time.
- Limit naps during the day
- Offer a favorite snack just before their usual sundowning time
Hopefully, these may work for you.
Have a blessed Easter weekend. I no longer have little children around, but I think my baby blue eggs will be boiled and enjoyed by the adults in my life. As I washed them yesterday, I thought about how cool it is having colorful eggs provided by my hens who color them without dye.
Rejoice in the hope we have because Christ is no longer in the grave!
Word for Today
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
I boldly praise you for the gift of your son and my salvation. I ask that you draw hearts to your truth. You are our hope and strength each and every day. Let us feel your presence in an amazing way.
Amen
Walking Them Home 