I have a confession to make. Most of the time, I do not enjoy shopping. My mom was the opposite. She loved shopping. This lady had clothes, jewelry and purses for every occasion. She always looked well put together. One of the signs of dementia I noticed first was how she was dressing.
This will become a serious issue when you must shop for someone with dementia. A recent blog post about bras jogged my memory about my great bra shopping event with my mom. When I look back, it was funny. One the day of the event, it was not.
I purposely chose a store in the local mall that had large dressing rooms. Finding a great fitting bra can be an adventure. Finding a great fitting bra for someone else can be exhausting. I looked at the size in my mom’s bras at home. Armed with this knowledge, we headed to the store. Locating the lingerie department was easy. Navigating mom through the aisles of clothing to get there was not so easy. Imagine walking a three year old through hangers showcasing princess costumes. They want to try them all on!
Upon arrival at the lingerie, I selected about 12 brands and styes that might work. No one needs to leave someone with dementia alone in a dressing room to get other selections. Mom would have only been more anxious and distracted by a sales person assisting us. Each bra I put on her was dismissed with excuses. She simply wanted one just like the one she wore into the store. This style had been discontinued. After hearing excuse after excuse why each bra would not work, I was tired and my patience was wearing thin. I stated, “Mom, we are not leaving this store until we find a new bra for you”. She looked in the mirror and replied, “This one works”.
Before she could change her mind, I got her dressed and quickly found 4 exactly like the one she agreed to and headed to the checkout register. I was practically dancing around because I had to go to the restroom. We checked out and I directed her toward the restroom. She balked. She needed to shop, not go to the restroom. I pleaded with her to come with me. She walked toward a rack of clothing. Desperation was setting in and the last thing I needed was an angry outburst. I mouthed to our cashier, “Please watch my mom and keep her in this store while I go to the restroom”. A quick nod of her head sent me hurrying off. I walked in and silently prayed for God to keep her safe for the few minutes I was away.
Fortunately, I was able to take my mom shopping for new bras. Can you imagine my dad standing in the lingerie section trying them on over her clothing? What if you are a son and the caregiver? Recruit a female relative if you can.
While at the mall, we headed to another store she frequented. I spotted “buy one get one” tops for me. After making my selection, I asked mom to come with me to the dressing room. She told me to go by myself because she was still looking. That’s when I had to become needy. I explained to mom that I didn’t have a friend to tell me how I looked in the tops. I really needed her opinion. She fell for it and came with me. I decided on two tops. Mom then informed me that she like them very much and wanted two just like mine. So off we went to find her tops. I am so thankful they had her size.
Grocery shopping is even more fun. My dad insisted that mom really wanted to go with me. He handed me his debit card and told me to use it. I pushed the cart gathering what we truly needed while mom chose ice cream, cookies and candy. I could limit my children and even grandchildren to a few select items. I chose to let mom buy what she wanted. I paid for the “real” food and assisted her to pay with their card for her goodies.
I left off some of our most entertaining shopping adventures. Those were funny, embarrassing and interesting. I share those with just the family. You will have your own stories that your family will cherish as time passes.
Advice for shopping for clothing:
When the disease progresses, transition their clothing. Pull on tops and bottoms make life easier. Choose basic items that are easily matched. When incontinence becomes as issue, look for clothing that launders easily. You will have a lot of laundry and no time to iron.
They may love one shirt and only want to wear it. Buy another one and switch them while they are sleeping if you have to.
At home, let them wear what they want. One caregiver complained that his wife insisted on wearing three sweaters to bed. We told him that was not a battle to fight. He let her and said she shed them quickly once she felt too warm.
Limit choices they have to make. Show your husband a red shirt and a blue shirt. Then his choice is easier than showing him a closet full to choose from.
I discovered some beautiful scarfs for my mother-in-law, These allow her to save her dignity in the dining room without staining her clothing.
I hope my story and suggestions will be beneficial to you.
Word for Today
Do Not Worry
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Matthew 6:25
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
Thank you for caring about even the little things. Something as simple as finding clothing can cause tension. Help us to remember you cloth us with the fruit of the spirit which include love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. When we get frustrated, help us to turn to you seeking these gifts to help us as caregivers. Remind us that when we fail, you forgive and strengthen us for the task ahead.
Amen
Walking Them Home 