After a season of caregiving that has lasted from 2008 until 2 months ago, I find myself in a strange new world. For a long time a part of every single day has involved phone calls, doctor visits, trips between cities, being in someone else’s home sometimes as much as my own and always having the needs of someone else weighing on my mind with almost every decision I made.
Now there is a strange silence and loneliness in my heart. Dreams have been put on hold for so long that I seem to have forgotten how to dream or even had enough courage to dream. I sit at my kitchen table looking out the window at neglected flower beds. Wild blackberries have crept into the lawn. My hallway is full of boxes that were quickly packed when we sold my mother-in-law’s home. They sit waiting to be sorted. Sometimes I know these things have to be tended to but my emotions cause me to pause. I need to allow God to refresh my soul and spirit.
Perhaps one of you has experienced loss and you find yourself in this same place. Pain can be triggered by the smallest of things. A few months ago, I attended the funeral service of my precious aunt. Watching my cousins walk out of the service broke my heart. As adults we were all now orphans. Our heavenly Father is the only father we have to turn to for advice, comfort or a hug.
My hope keeps me going. I know this earth is just a temporary home; however, I miss loved ones and wait with expectancy to join them when God calls me home.
As I wait, I wonder what lies ahead. Am I ready to turn the page to a new chapter in my story? Do I have the courage to make plans and dream again? What excites me? What makes me happy? What talents do I need to develop? Can God use all of my experience to help someone else?
Challenges came so fast and furious that we feel as if the storm has blown over and we are now picking up the debris left behind. We survived. God became our storm shelter. He gave us strength and courage to make tough decisions. He held us when we felt too weak to hang on to Him. Now we look ahead.
I have begun writing again My garden is beckoning me to clean it up and replant. A new baby in my family is waiting to be snuggled. We can plan a trip without having backup support on standby. We sleep without bizarre calls in the middle of the night.
Yes, I do feel that I can dream again. How about you? Perhaps you are nearing the end of your season of caregiving. You are experiencing relief and grief. When you have watched a love one decline over a long period of time, these emotions go hand in hand. Never feel guilty for these feelings. They are normal. You have faithfully given your all and you are tired. Keep in mind that you will feel drained and dreams of hope for the future may take a while to return.
Allow yourself to rest and trust God to restore your soul at the right time.
Word for Today
Romans 5:1-5
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Prayer for Today
Hevenly Father,
We thank you for the hope we have as your children. Help us to allow you to build character in us as we suffer. Close our mouths when we grumble and complain. Forgive us when we take our eyes off of you and focus on our problems. Give us joy and restore our souls as we lean on your plan.
Amen
Song for Today
Walking Them Home 