I am a little delayed, but the promised post about how to locate a facility when planning ahead is finally here. Everyone knows that common sense is required in these decisions. Keep in mind that no place is perfect. However, there are many places that truly care about their residents. You can use your senses to evaluate these. Put your eyes, ears, nose, and feet to work. Take a scouting trip to facilities near you.
When you arrive, stay in your car. Pray for God to open your eyes and ears to what you need to see. Emotions will tear at your heart and this is not an easy task. Cry if you need to. I shed many buckets of tears in my own research process. This is a decision that requires focus. When you are ready, exit the car and walk in.
The first thing to observe should be person centered care. Of course health and safety are top priority. That does not mean that person centered care cannot be applied. Person centered care means a resident has a name, a personality and special needs that are addressed. You can feel if this is the emphasis when you visit. A visit, by the way, is not simply a scheduled tour. It can mean you either visit someone you know who lives there or buy a small bouquet of flowers and visit anyone there. This allows you to use your senses as you make observations. If covid prevents this, then schedule a tour.
Go in with eyes and ears open. Do employees acknowledge residents by name and interact when they encounter a resident in the hall? What do you smell? Keeping in mind that incontinence is common. You may smell something in a room or two, but the entire place should not smell.
Have a meal with the residents if it is offered. Is the food something you could bear eating everyday? Light seasoning is to be expected due to dietary needs. Look around and observe. Are residents who need assistance being taken care of?
Walk the halls slowly. Are rooms neat? Is the place clean? While using your feet, use your ears. Are employees mumbling and complaining? Are they cheerful?
Find a chair in a common area and become a wallflower. Soak in the atmosphere. What do you feel? What does your spiritual self experience? God will guide your steps if you allow Him to.
Write notes as soon as you get into the car. Places tend to run together after visiting several. The marketing person may promise you the world. It is their job. Your careful attention should focus on what your own senses and spirit picked up on. Quality of care is more critical than the beauty of the facility.
Discuss your findings with a trusted friend or family member. Take them along for another visit to the facilities you feel the best about. You may never have to make a choice to use a facility, but it is not a decision you want to make in a crisis situation. Planning ahead takes some of the pressure off later.
Keep in mind there are in home sitters and services. Hospice is available in some situations. Respite care can be tried on a trial basis. Assisted living with a memory care unit is a choice before skilled nursing care is required. Some facility have levels of care that change as your needs change. Read about these before making your first visits.
In my own journey we had my dad as a caregiver for my mom and added in home care when he needed extra help. My brother and I came when we were needed for weeks at a time. Our next step was assisted living with memory care and then skilled care nursing for my mom. My dad eventually had to move to an assisted living next to mom’s skilled care facility. Dad spent his final months in a skilled care assisted living.
I have no regrets for the choices we made. In the end, I had so much more freedom and time to just visit my parents and love on them. I was their loving child again. I wasn’t the nurse giving shots and medications. I wasn’t the therapist making them exercise. I wasn’t the person cooking, cleaning and doing the laundry. For years I was accused of stealing their freedom, controlling their lives and being bossy. They knew in their hearts I was doing all I could to give them the best life possible, they were just fearful of losing their independence.
They worked hard all of their lives. They loved family and travel. Their dreams of enjoying both of these during their retirement years was cut short by Alzheimer’s. There have been so many days that I long to sit on the porch and enjoy hummingbirds with my mom or cheer on the Crimson Tide football team with my dad. I treasure the last trip we took with my parents. Dad insisted that they wanted to go to the Smokey Mountains. Mom was already very confused. I found a quiet isolated cabin and we cooked our meals in. Mom watched wild turkeys in the lawn with the wonder of a young child. We loaded the car and drove through Cades Cove. It began to snow. Mom smiled the whole time. The dreams of traveling with them were cut short for us as well.
You will have tough choices ahead. You will make them and second guess yourself. In the end, do it all with love and commit to making good memories for yourself to cherish later.
Word for Today
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:2
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
In a changing world with changing circumstances, I need you more than ever. I humbly ask you to order my steps day by day. Give me wisdom as I make tough decisions. I will give you the glory.
Amen
Song for Today
Walking Them Home 