Transitions

Musicians understanding the importance of transitions. These allow the music and melody to flow freely without feeling disconnected. Eyeglass makers offer transition lenses. These adjust when you step from a room into bright sunlight to protect your eyes from harsh glares.

Caregivers will face harsh and unexpected changes sometimes. The most difficult decisions are forced by these changes. Can I still be the sole caregiver? Is it time to hire in home care? Are we ready for assisted living, memory care, skilled nursing care or hospice? How do I even decide?

Take a deep breath if this hit you where you are. Everything will work out. You will survive the transitions. I did. It hurt. I struggled. I prayed. I trusted God to order my steps.

Today, I will share a little of the transitioning my family went through and then offer some things to consider as you go through transitions. Grab a box of tissues if you cry easily. You would even see water spots from my tears if this was a letter written on paper.

I lived six hours away when my mom was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease. My brother and I would visit often. We cleaned, prepared meals for dad to heat up, took mom shopping for clothing, did lawn work and just enjoyed time with them. Dad began to have his hands full so we hired someone to clean. Then we finally hired in home care.

I found myself taking over all medical appointments and spending more and more time with them. Mom began to wander and to get angry when my dad was out of her sight. Dad put on her makeup for her, cooked their meals and gave her wonderful care. He could not make the changes that were necessary to keep her calm. He would correct her and argue. He insisted she still wanted to go out to eat when it was confusing for her. When we reached the point that I was spending more time there than at my home, I realized Dad was overwhelmed. We could not just sell our home and change my husband’s job quick enough to be there all the time. Dad refused to move to us. My only choice then was to place Mom in an assisted living with memory care.

I bought a bedspread to match hers at home. I took some of her favorite things. Then when it was time to move her, I was overcome with sorrow for our whole family. Mom had been the true heart of her home. She loved nothing more than sharing it with family. With very heavy hearts my dad, brother and I drove away. I held my tears until late that night after Dad was asleep and then I poured my heart out to God for peace for both of my parents.

The next transition came after Mom had an UTI infection. She became very angry and aggressive. The senior unit at a hospital was our first move. Unfortunately, over medication resulted in a transition to a skilled nursing care facility.

Then my Dad slowly began to change. After a knee replacement, numerous falls and fender benders we knew he did not need to be living alone. I was staying with him up to 9 weeks at a time. On my commute back home after each visit, I was truly too exhausted to be driving in heavy traffic.

Dad fell again and was on the floor for 24 hours. With this hospital admission I knew he would not be returning to his home. I had already placed he and my mom on waiting list at an assisted living and skilled nursing facility near me. Dad came because he really had no choice and Mom never even realized we moved her.

Mom passed away about 5 weeks after this move. Dad made one more transition. We placed our home on the market, received permission for my husband to work from home and moved Dad to a special care assisted living in his hometown. We visited every weekend as we prepared for our move. Dad passed away before we could even move. He had fallen again, so I packed clothes and stayed with him during his last weeks.

Hospice workers were amazing during the final days with both of my parents.

As you just read, I managed to use in home care, assisted memory care, skilled nursing facilities, regular assisted living and hospice. The experiences were varied at each stay. Doing my research ahead of time resulted in them receiving care that allowed me to sleep better at night.

This was lengthy, but I wanted you to know I do feel your pain and confusion about what you should do when facing transitions. My first word of advice is to do your research. Begin to develop a plan before the transition comes. Then pray for guidance.

Start a journal or photo album that tell your loved ones life story. Include past jobs, names of children and grandchildren, list of hobbies, favorite foods, etc. This will assist any caregiver in getting acquainted with your loved one. For example, I hung a huge Alabama Crimson Tide wreath on my dad’s door. We watched every game with him. The last football season we shared began with putting up a Christmas tree. Each game they won resulted in a new Alabama ornament being hung on his tree. The resident assistance would look for it and talk to dad about the game. He loved the attention.

Later this week I will post on things to look for when you make visits to tour facilities. If you are reading this and have questions, please leave a comment and an email address and I will respond. The comments are private.

Word for Today

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 4:4-7

Prayer for Today

Dear God,

Help me today to trust that you have a plan. Give me faith to trust your plan. Give me comfort as the plan unfolds.

I choose to rejoice in you through it all.

Amen

Song for Today