Dear Friend,
This is my Christmas card and letter to you. You have had a difficult year. The last thing you need is more difficulties to navigate. As the person who lives with someone who changes daily, you understand their needs, emotions and abilities better than anyone. The family members who drop in occasionally or call to get information only have glimpses into what life is actually like.
They will have expectations of following traditions, gathering as a large group, and having fun. You are considered the Grinch who overprotects and ruins the party. My suggestion is that you send a Christmas letter to your family members. Tell them about changes that have occurred. Make them aware that someone with Alzheimer’s can easily be overstimulated by loud noises, bright lights and everyone talking at once. Suggest that having them in a large gathering can really upset them. They just cannot process the activity around them that used to bring them pleasure.
Assure them of how much you love them and you would love visits by a few at a time. Encourage them to prepare children and teens for the change. They may want to bring quiet toys for younger children. Most people with Alzheimer’s love to see children. Make them aware of the best time of the day for the visit.
One year my mom had declined rapidly. I knew that family members would surround she and my dad so I returned to my home in another state to celebrate with my own children and grandchildren. Frantic phone calls came in all day long. Older grandchildren had left crying. My mom’s sisters were convinced she was dying. My dad had panicked due to their reactions. It was chaos. Thankfully I had a home health care nurse calling as well. She assured me that mom was just like she had been when I left them two days ago.
Exhausted from driving, I had to return to mom and dad the next day to settle everyone down. Partly, it was my fault. I should have tried harder to convey to them how much was changing. I feared being accused of exaggerating mom’s conditions or of trying to make them feel guilty. Keep in mind that the focus should always be on what is the best for the one you care for. If you must bear the burden of being the bad guy, remember God will help you bear the load.
Here are a few gift suggestions to make to extended family.
Stuffed animals or dolls are appropriate gifts at later stages of the disease.
Clothing gifts should be easy to put on and take off as well as comfortable.
Seek puzzles or picture books as well at the later stage.
Perhaps a bird feeder would be nice for them to watch from inside.
Arnica oil (weleda massage oil) is a lovely gift. You can massage stiff joints and provide human touch that is enjoyed.
Lavender and citrus essential oils with a diffuser would be nice as well. The lavender helps with calming and the citrus is great for mornings and helping them wake up.
A scrapbook of their life.
Sweets (unless they are diabetic)
Stocking with an orange, apple and candy cane
Drive to see Christmas lights
I hope this has inspired you with some ideas of your own.You may still be told “You are a mean one Mr. Grinch”. You and I know “You are the amazing one”!
May God richly bless you and bring joy to your home this Christmas season.
Word for Today (I do not have memory issues. Someone needs to hear this again today.)
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John16:33
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
Please give me wisdom and favor as I speak to my family about celebrating this year. Help me to focus on your gift to us and the reason we do celebrate. Help me to see caring for another as an honor.
Amen
Song for Today
Walking Them Home 