“For there is no friend like a sister in calm or stormy weather; To cheer one on the tedious way, To fetch one if one goes astray, To lift one if one totters down, To strengthen whilst one stands.”
—Christina Rossetti
The only sisters I have in my life are friends who are close and dear and a sister-in-law. My mom had three and each are like second moms to me. They spoiled me and each contributed to my life in their own unique ways. I learned much from watching their interactions with each other. When my mom developed Alzheimer’s they stayed by her side.
In a previous post I talked about a bridge that must be built when a person transitions from home care to an assisted living or nursing home. One the the building blocks of that bridge is labeled communication.
Image with me for a few minutes that my mom and two of her sisters all had been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. (That could have happened since that often occurs in siblings) In this imaginary story the characters are real.
My brother, my cousins and I had a family meeting. We discussed ideas and options. We decided that since long term memories fade last, it be best to place them in an assisted living together. They would have each other when we were not able to visit and as their memories faded.
Our research led us to a wonderful facility with a lovely courtyard filled with flowers. Flowers were a common thing each of our mother’s loved. We placed our names on waiting list until we could move them in. We even made arrangements to bring them to the courtyard for a picnic lunch to see how they reacted.
Time passed and we moved all three in on the same day. We tried to inform the activities director about their interests, favorite things, family members, etc. Each seemed to like the idea of being together. We were told by staff that they loved the courtyard and usually visited together there each day that was pleasant enough outside to allow it.
One day I received a call. The voice on the other end of the call seemed distressed. Apparently, the daily outing had turned into chaos. First, my mother had grabbed a broom and began running around beating the ground. A few feet away from her lay her sister on the ground out cold. She had screamed and fainted. The other sister was in a corner shaking and crying hysterically. I jumped in my car and rushed over. In the parking lot I met two cousins who had received calls that sounded similar to mine. We walked in together to find calm mothers napping.
We asked to go to the courtyard to see if we could piece together what had caused the chaos. It took one of us seeing a mouse to figure out why my mother had grabbed a broom. We then began to look for frogs and worms. Sure enough we found both. Laughing now, we all walked in together feeling a little guilty. It had never occurred to any of us to let them know that my mom had an irrational fear of mice. One sister had an irrational fear of worms and the other of frogs; hence, chaos would be the typical result if they each encountered their fear at the same time.
That one simple piece of communication could have prepared the staff much better for such an occasion to arise. Thankfully, this is an imaginary story. Keep in mind though that fears can be magnified with dementia and this could have been a truly chaotic moment resulting in unnecessary medication of residents and possible resignation of inexperienced staff.
This concludes our imaginary story. I hope it has opened your eyes to how important communication is. Begin making a list now of important details that one should know about your loved one. Include a daily schedule and any routines that you have. This is beneficial for family and friends that step in to help or in emergency situations. Sometimes just a little shared information makes a huge difference.
Here is a little information that makes a huge difference. There may come a time that you become overwhelmed and must make a decision about accepting in home assistance or placing a loved one somewhere for care. It is alright to make that decision. I had to make it with both of my parents. The end result was they received excellent care and I was able to visit as often as I desired with no time restrictions. The visits were pleasant because I was their daughter and not the mean one making them do things they didn’t like. I came with surprises and treats such as fresh strawberries and their favorite meal. Our time together was spent talking and with me loving on them. It brought a little more balance into my life. I could see a grandchild’s soccer game or visit a friend.
Be blessed today. Know that God still loves you and will give you wisdom as you face tough decisions.
Word for Today
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
We thank you today for your perfect peace. When we struggle with decisions, you will give us wisdom. Help us when we struggle with these decisions because sometimes they are painful. In our human minds we cannot always comprehend that you are at work in all of our lives and you will guide us.
Help us to trust you when we can’t see the future and walk by faith alone.
Amen
Walking Them Home 