A person with Alzheimer’s may have excellent hearing when tested but has difficulty in processing what they hear. Confusion and anxiety occur when they try to respond or communicate in response to what they are hearing. There are things we can do tho help them. Keeping a calm and quiet environment helps. Pausing in conversation and allowing them time to respond can cut down on their frustration when they are trying to talk.
Today we are going to talk about the pauses that are necessary for both the caregiver and the person with Alzheimer’s. In a musical score you will find pause marks. One is known as the fermata. When a musician sees a fermata over a note they know to watch their director carefully. The director will hold or extend the note longer than normal. A fermata over a rest indicates the director will extend the rest or pause. We can apply this to conversation with someone with Alzheimer’s. You will have to extend the pause so they can catch up. Professional speakers already use this. They pause in their presentation for dramatic effect or to allow you to process what they have just said.
When you give directions to someone with Alzheimer’s you must keep them simple. Have you ever sent a young child upstairs to get their shoes, socks and soccer uniform? They might start upstairs, stop to pick up the cat and see a book they had lost. They pick the book up, find a cozy spot on the stair landing and disappear into the imaginary world of their book. This is where a dramatic pause is needed. Take a deep breath and remind your child to look for their uniform. Then remind them to get shoes and socks too. Lastly, remind yourself that they will be mature and responsible one day. While waiting for that day, feel free to use their full name. Every kid knows that is when mom means business.
Living with an adult whose attention span is compromised is even more difficult. You must respect the adult and show patience while knowing it will never get better. Take a dramatic pause and remind yourself to keep instructions simple while speaking calmly and slowly.
As a caregiver life will move to a different rhythm than we are used to. There will be uses for fermata marks on our life’s musical score. Sometimes, the one you are caring for will need a note to be held a little longer. They are enjoying a moment and just want to stay in place a little longer. Don’t rush. Live in the moment with them. At other times it feels like an emotional roller coaster. A fermata pause of extended rest is critical. Place yourself and the one you love in time out. Back off and let things calm down before resuming an activity. Let the silence speak loudly.
Keep in mind that you are the director and they trust you with the fermata marks. You must read their actions, facial expressions and words. You will know when to slow down and stay in the moment or when to cease all words and activity. They may hear your words but they respond to how the words are said. The tone of your voice can offer reassurance. If you have ever heard the words “no, I’m fine” spoken crisply and coldly, then you knew they really mean “I am upset with you”. The words are important but how you say them is more important.
Caregiving is demanding. You will need fermata marks to extend your rest most days. Trust God to direct these times in your life. Don’t be afraid to silence the demands long enough to allow God to refresh you. The word Selah is a Hebrew word found 71 times in the book of psalms. Some think it may mean a break in the song. Could it be that God is directing your life and He is well aware of when you need an extended rest to simply be refreshed? The refreshing can come in unexpected moments. Samuel was laying down when God called out to him. He learned to reply, “speak Lord, your servant listens”.
I took a femata pause this week. Sitting on my porch with my eyes closed, I heard rain trickling down the rain chain. I heard the beating of a hummingbird’s wings as it passed. I heard a bobwhite calling out. I joined in. My grandfather taught me the art of “calling up the bobwhite”. I repeated the call and waited for it’s call. I could hear the bird getting closer to the house. Sometimes I think God calls out and we don’t call back to draw him closer. He is patient and draws closer to us. He then waits until we respond.
God can be the director of your life. You can trust Him to speak and refresh. I have had ideas on caring for my parents that were given to me by God. Sometimes knowing the voice of Jesus made life richer. As I learned to listen I became a better caregiver. My parents could hear and feel the difference in my words and actions. My prayer is that this will happen for you.
Word for Today
My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. John 10:27
Song for Today
Prayer for Today,
God,
I come to you today ready to listen to your voice. I need you directing my life. Show me when to speak and when to listen. Help me to pause and reflect on your words. Help me to process what you are asking of me.
Help me to show compassion and care in how I communicate. Calm and reassure me so that I can calm and reassure others.
Thank you for waiting on me when I don’t call out to you.
Amen
Walking Them Home 