Have you ever said, ” I don’t want to be a burden to anyone.” ? I hear this over and over from spouses who are caregivers. Some of you may come from a time when no one voiced their feelings to the world over social media. Your children and grandchildren look at things differently. They share their feelings frequently. All you have to do is view social media sites like facebook, instagram or tiktok and you will see that they do not mind telling others when they are lonely, afraid, mad and happy.
Since your children and grandchildren are free to express themselves, you should be free to express yourself as well. After they have been forced to stay at home and are being locked away from their social life, they can identify a little more with what your life is like. When this pandemic is over you need to tell your grandchildren this. “I am lonely and miss my friends too, but Grandpa can’t be left alone”. Boldly tell your children “I really could use a little more help”. They just might hear you louder and clearer than they ever have.
Help is a two way street. One must ask for help and one must offer help. Perhaps they have waiting on you to ask, but did not want to make you feel inadequate. Maybe you have been a little too independent and stubborn. Perhaps there are valuable lessons we can all learn about asking for and giving help.
Let’s look at a few examples in the bible. We will see unlikely women who offered their help and then saw God transform their lives such as Rahab and Ruth. One was a harlot who helped two spies escape. This set off a series of events that led to her being in the lineage of Christ. God’s bigger plan wins over our smaller plan. Ruth is another example. She was told to leave by Naomi. Ruth saw beyond Naomi’s pleas and loved her through the pain by staying at her side. This set off the series of events that led to her being in the lineage of Christ. Again, God had a better plan. There seems to be a pattern here. God has a plan for you as well. Maybe the ones allowed to help you will grow in God.
Some unlikely men were tapped on the shoulder by God and used in mighty ways. Gideon was actually hiding and fearful when God chose to use him. Perhaps there are Gideons in your life that God can mold into a leader when they answer the call to serve. Jonah knew what he was supposed to do, but was stubborn. A few days in the belly of a whale broke that stubborn streak. Pray for the one who knows they should help but refuse to. God has a way of getting their attention.
God had a way of getting Moses attention as well. Moses was doing everything he could do but was overwhelmed. After a talk with his father- in- law, he accepted the assistance of Aaron and Hur. Are you feeling overwhelmed? Pray for God to send an Aaron or Hur, but be willing to accept their assistance when they arrive.
If you are a child caring for a parent or parents, you know the exhaustion of bearing the load. If you are bearing it alone and there are siblings, speak up. Identify the areas they can assist you with and divide the load. Each family is different and the family dynamics are different. Find a moderator that can help you sort the responsibilities out. Now is not a time to rehash old differences or rivalries. It is the time to forgive and work together.
Life is not fair. Accept this and ask God to help you do your part. No family is perfect and there will still be disagreements. Someone will end up doing more of the work. The bossy sister may still be bossy. The spoiled favorite child might still be spoiled. If we look closely enough we may just find that the bossy one has organizational skills and the boldness to be the advocate for your parent. The spoiled favorite might be able to get mom or dad to cooperate on tough days. God gave each of us unique gifts and talents. He has a plan to use each of us. We just have to trust Him, allow Him to mold us and we will see the best come out of each of us through serving.
If you need help, ask God first and then make your need known. By refusing to ask, we may be limiting the growth in others and ourselves. Extend a hand to receive help. Extend a hand to offer help. We all need each other.
Word for Today
God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. Hebrews 6:10
Songs for Today
Never forget that God is in Control. We need each other but most of all we need God.
Prayer for Today
Our Dear Heavenly Father,
We come together as your children knowing you are in control. If our current situation changes and many of us return to what we have come to know as familiar and normal, help us to remember how it feels to be lonely so that we can help caregivers whose lives face a new normal each day. Help us to take the coping skills we are learning and combine them with the emotions that run deep to step up showing compassionate empathy as never before.
You see our hearts if we are caregivers. You know we are simply too busy to even ask for help. When we have asked, that was never a response. Help us to fight bitterness and give us the courage to ask again. Give us hope that even now you are nudging friends and family members to step up to the plate and offer support.
We stand believing you hear our hearts cry and praise you for answers that are on their way.
Amen
Walking Them Home 