Discussion happens. Who will do it? How will they do it? When should they do it? No one wants to take away the car keys. Everyone wants people to be safe. Sometimes our wants have a conflict of interest. The responsibility of taking the keys is passed around like a hot potato until someone gets the courage to take action.
Who will do it? The brave one or the one caught with the hot potato! Seriously, that is different with each family and their dynamics. It is not easy. You may turn to a local police officer, minister, family friend, or physician for assistance.
How will we do it? That is a great question. Sometimes our solution may not work.
One family simply removed a few car parts. The father had worked on his own cars all of his life. Those long term memories kicked right in and he reassembled it and kept on driving. Another son took the truck keys. His dad had another set. He took those. He then took the battery from his truck while he napped. A couple of days later he visited his dad and the truck was gone. In a bit, his dad pulled in. He told his son, “someone stole my battery and I had to get someone to take me to get another one”. His dad obviously had a third set of keys as well.
My dad had a doctor tell him he could no longer drive. A friend’s mother hit her house, scared herself and handed over the keys on her own.
Whoever does it should appeal to their loved one’s own sense of responsibility. Take action while you can still have a conversation. Respect their feelings. They are scared. They are losing their independence. They may be angry or sad. They could even be relieved. Listen with compassion but remain firm.
When should I do it?
There are legal responsibilities once a person is diagnosed with dementia. A person with Alzheimer’s will lose the ability to drive safely. It will change as the disease progresses. Their response times are slower. Their spacial conception may change. They may get lost. Watch for signs of confusion, a lack of alertness and memory loss. When these become evident and you fear for the safety of them and others, it is time.
I share the stories below to let you know taking action and timing the action is not always easy.
Just last night an elderly man with dementia spent the night on a bed made in the police station by caring officers who were called to a gas station. He had driven from another state and was lost and confused. They bought him food and sheltered him until his family could drive there to take him home.
Concerned friends and neighbors who witnessed my dad pull out in front of traffic and run stop signs called me. There were always new dings in his van that he could not explain. I feared for his safety as well as the people on the roadways with him. Taking his car keys meant having to provide transportation for him. It meant taking some of his independence from him. It meant the man who patiently taught me to drive could no longer drive safely. My heart struggled but I knew it was time to take action.
You also have other help when taking action. Carrie Underwood sang a song about it. As you listen to the song I selected today, remember that God will help you get through these tough decisions.
Word for Today
Honor your father and mother and love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 19:19
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
We come to you today with hearts of compassion and concern for the ones we care for. We always want to show honor and respect. We also want to protect. Help us to do this with wisdom. Give us the words to say and prepare all of our hearts to make wise decisions and to take action when it is necessary. Give us courage, strength and grace. Go before us making our loved one willing accept our actions.
We thank you for being in control when we feel as if things are spinning out of our control.
Amen
Walking Them Home 