Last evening I was reminded of a story about a man who visited his wife every morning at 9:00 am for breakfast at her assisted living. A friend asked him why he still did this since she no longer remembered him. His response was, “I still know her”.
This is a beautiful example of remaining connected with a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease. You can still share meals and enjoy just being together. My father faithfully visited my mother every day that it was possible. When he had a knee replacement surgery and was in a rehab center, his motivation to get out was to be able to visit my mom. I rolled his wheelchair into her room and stepped back to watch them for a few minutes. Even though mom couldn’t respond as she would in the past, it was like watching a young couple in love. Tears slid down my face as I watched them.
Some people may not be able to understand the daily visits. Others may even need a slight reprieve after years of caregiving. Know that whatever you decide is right for you. It is your decision made from concern and after much thought. There is a lot of guilt attached to simply having to move someone from their home. Don’t hold onto that guilt. Work through it and move on to making the most of the time you do spend together.
Look for things you both enjoy whether that be watching a movie. reading to them, listening to favorite music. working puzzles or taking a walk. You can share stories from the past without them having to acknowledge remembering them.
I actually admire the generation that goes before me. They have relationships that have endured great times and tough times. Life was lived without a mask of social media to hide behind. Face to face interactions occurred between family and friends. Tears rolled down our faces when we hurt. Tears rolled down our faces when we laughed heartily. No emojis were needed.
In real life relationships we create a savings account of emotions. As we invest in each other, we create large accounts of love that withdrawals can be made from. This allows us to provide the care that is so critical. Sometimes the relationship has been a rough one and the account of love is running low to begin with. These are the times that we must rely on God’s vast amount of love to flow through us and enable us to still show compassion and kindness.
There will be a time when they know longer remember you but you still know them. They still need you and to be reminded that you love them. Friends and family may not understand. That’s alright. You keep visiting and keep remembering.
Don’t let their silence or lack of interest keep you away. Don’t allow emotional pain to keep you away. Don’t allow pressing matters to override taking time for them. A young chaplain was leaving a nursing home late one evening when he heard someone gently sobbing. He turned back to find a woman gently crying. He took her hand and asked her what was wrong. She struggled to find and express the right word. He waited by her side. Then she stammered, “lonely”. He pulled up a chair and held her hand until she fell asleep. It changed his approach to visits forever. Let it change yours as well.
Word for Today
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8
Song for Today
Prayer for Today
Dear God,
We come to you humbled today. Forgive us for always having an agenda of selfishness. Help us to have eyes open to the lonely and broken. When others cannot remember us, it is our responsibility to remember them.
Jesus told us that when we did things to the least of the people, we did it to him. Help to love as He loved.
Amen
Walking Them Home 