Photo by Nathan Anderson on Unsplash
When someone with Alzheimer’s attempts to communicate we must listen with all of our senses. They will slowly regress from struggling with the right word to not being able to speak in some cases. That is when we watch their facial expressions and actions. Most of the time they are trying so hard to communicate and we don’t understand them. This leads to frustration and possible anger.
In early stages, they can still communicate fairly well. They may struggle finding the right word or describe an item when they cannot find the word. They may lose their train of thought. They will repeat themselves. Give them time to find their words.
As the disease progresses the skills will dwindle and you will have to make an extra effort to have effective communication. They may understand more than you realize. Continue to talk to them. Slow your speech down. Keep sentence and instructions simple. They may withdraw but they still need you to talk to them. Always treat them with dignity and respect.
Understanding the stage of the disease makes it easier to communicate. For example, yesterday I volunteered for story time at a local assisted living facility. This is one I visit often. One of the ladies has quit talking but when I walk in she rushes toward me, takes my hand and smiles. She was a school teacher. I had an 11 year old with me yesterday. When I introduced the two, my friend’s eyes danced and she broke into a huge beautiful smile. The 11 year old’s mother asked her what grade she had taught. Her smile got bigger and she began to laugh as she kept pointing at the girl. Her answer was clear to all of us. She had taught children that age. My heart was full because I had never heard her laugh before.
There are resources to explain the stages and how to better communicate. One book that I find helpful is Learning to Speak Alzheimer’s by Joanne Koenig Coste. It is critical to watch behavior and seek the reason behind it. In the books she mentions learning to read their eyes. Emotions are expressed through the eyes. When we identify the emotion we can come alongside and validate it. If they seem frustrated, it is alright to sit beside them and say, “I know it is frustrating to not be able to tell me exactly what you want to with your words. I will try my best to understand”.
Parents learn to understand an infant’s needs by their cry. There is a hungry cry, an angry cry, etc. This is a skill mastered through patience, love and attentiveness. Someone with Alzheimer’s deserves that same patience, love and attentiveness. They feel helpless much like a new baby.
Creating a calm and safe environment makes communication easier. Limit distractions and noise pollution. Make sure you have adequate lighting and maintain eye contact. Keep the room at a comfortable temperature and toilet on a regular schedule. These sound like strange things ,to relate to communication, but they matter greatly.
There will be days that you simply cannot understand their words or behavior. This can be frustrating and heartbreaking. Tell them I really want to understand and I know you are frustrated. I am too. Then try to simple sit by them and hold their hand. Reassure them of how much you love them. If tears come, let them.
Song for Today (lighthearted after such a serious post)
Word for Today (back to serious)
May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, My rock and My redeemer. Psalm 19:14
Prayer for Today
Dear Heavenly Father,
We come today asking for your guidance as we communicate with the one we care for. As we search your Words and meditate on them give us wisdom and understanding. When we simply cannot understand give us compassion as we show love anyway. Help us to be patient and kind when tensions mount.
On the days that we dissolve into tears help us to remember that you see those tears and wrap your loving arms around us both.
Amen
Walking Them Home 